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 To date or not to date - a friend (Page 1)
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek  Posts: 326 |
posted April 11, 2002 08:29
   
...that is the question. [My apologies to the great bard.] Whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of her smoking Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them To die, to sleep; no more, and by a sleep we end the heartache of the current lonliness, and the thousand natural shockes that flesh is heir to To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream of her beauty and loveliness, ay there's the rub. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil.... Yeah, I like Hamlet. Anyway, I am writing this because of things contained in the above brutalization of Shakespeare - I am looking to ask out at least to the upcoming Spring Formal. While it seems un-geeky to want to go to a social even, I want to go to get out there and do something, and because some of my friends who will be graduating next month will likely be there. I am not going stag - that is a bad scene if you are the (sometimes) shy geek that I am. It is next Friday night, and I am single right now, so I would like to find someone to go with. I am thinking about asking out a friend of mine who I have recently become acquainted with. I have qualms about the fact that she smokes somewhat (something which I really dislike, and does not-so-great things to my health, and I'm just getting over a sinus infection), and is one to get drunk, which I don't do myself (call me a stick in the mud, I don't care), but I still think she's my best bet. She looks pretty good, and is smart, a CS major, Math minor, and gets some of my sense of humor. So while I don't know if I could stand to pursue a relationship, I do want a date to this, and I don't think she's got a boyfriend. So my question (given my inability to conjure up words around beautiful women), is how do I approach her, and what can I say, without stuttering out "You make my knees buckle - want to go to the Spring Formal with me?" I'm also giving her some tech support this afternoon for her laptop - it figures that the other day, her telling me "You have to come to my room to see my laptop," was not just a way of showing me the nice new laptop she got, but a request to get it working on the network, which I wa unable to get working last night. But we do get along pretty well, I just wish she was in class with me right now, I guess she's sleeping in. IP: Logged |
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EngrBohn Uber Geek 
Posts: 809 |
posted April 11, 2002 08:54
I say ask her. Put it to her almost the way you describe it here -- you're not asking her for a relationship, you just want to go to the formal, and you thought it'd be fun if she went with you. If she has a boyfriend, then no face is lost (and if she has an out-of-town boyfriend/fiance, then it also gives her the opportunity to accept). And because you're pitching it as "let's go have fun as friends", then you may not make her too nervous about the suddenness of it. And if you have fun but no spark, then no big deal, you're still friends. If there is a spark, who knows...? How to bring up the subject. That's a little difficult, and I'm a few years out-of-practice Good luck. edit -- above all, be a gentleman. Not sure about paying for her ticket; I'd definitely suggest you try to buy her ticket, as it'd be the polite thing to do since you're asking her out, but if she insists on paying for her ticket, you may not want to argue. If she's paying for her own ticket, then it may help to reassure her that you're not trying to start a relationship (if she's not interested in a relationship). But still pay for dinner, hold the door for her, etc. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 11, 2002 10:30
Well, of course I'd be a gentleman - that happens to be in my very nature. The desktop is an interesting approach, and yesterday she told me her password (since no one here knows who she is - no harm), which was the famous 3 words, ILY. I have done the asking friend to an occasion thing before, but somehow I'm still hesitant to put it purely as friends... Heck, the last time I did that, I asked this girl, who had a boyfried, who I knew, and I said, "What about nnn?," and she said, "I don't care what he says." That made my day. ...and if there is a spark, then I have to deal with some of the negatives that I mentioned above. But in 1.5 hours, I will see if I can find something creative to say, after I've hopefully fixed her machine - otherwise I'll put it off to next week, being the procrastinator that I am. Then again, I have her number, and know where she lives IP: Logged |
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annie Alpha Geek Posts: 294 |
posted April 11, 2002 11:25
quote: If you do that you'll probably not end up doing it at all or doing it in the last minute and find out that she already has plans for that evening. You might be better off just getting it over with. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 11, 2002 13:23
Thanks, Annie, I'm on my way over to her room right now with the laptop, and I'm going to try. P.S. It's nice to see you around here again - I guess your husband's recent frequenting here got you back in IP: Logged |
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GameMaster Assimilated 
Posts: 392 |
posted April 11, 2002 14:33
Every time she tries to escape, she pulls you back in... Oyu could ask with out a "as frieds" or "as couple" label on it. After all What ever will hapen will hapen, what ever will be will be. But you may find this labeless thing a bit harder, because there are roles people take on in a date that is diffrent from friends going out and you'll have to invest your own roles. My suggestion would be to be as plain and simple as possible, without a spin in either direction. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 11, 2002 18:42
Well, unfortunately, she is not aware of this occasion, only of the Spring Jam (large outside concert) the next day. So she will not be around that day. I did not get a chance to get anything of a romantic spin on it, or even an asking out thing. But I am thinking of seeing if I can invite her to Starbuck's over lunch tomorrow, if she's around. I'll probably be studying with her on Sunday, maybe I can make something of that. Then again, I may continue my quest to find this girl I met a few months ago. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can recognize her anymore - I'm afraid she changed her hair style, and I may have seen her the other day, and I may not have known it. I am smitten with this girl, and it recently has come to my attention by a coworker of mine that this may be the same girl I became acquainted with last summer. I thought these happened to be two distinct girls named Jen, but perhaps I am wrong. If so, I may know her a teensy bit more, and someone else I work believes that this girl (the one I believe to be the 1st met Jen) is interested in me. But she may be the same one I met a few months ago at a student employee party, who I got along with well, but only know her first name and that I like her. I have never had a conversation with her except for a pitiful, in which I found out that she was going to the Winter Ball (I forgot to ask if she was going with anyone [slaps forehead]), and I said I'd look forward to seeing her there, and then I didn't go because of snow. I have only seen a glimpse of her a few times since, but not spoken to her. Now if I see her, I do not have any idea how to approach her in conversation, as I feel like a total stranger to her, and I'm not forward enough to approach a stranger and start up a conversation (unlike my married, but personable, coworker, who I honestly beleive is bugging people when he does this to people who are trying to do things). Oh well, I'm hopeless. [And there's this cute girl in my Discrete Structures class who I simply don't know at all - see above cowardly statement.] IP: Logged |
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annie Alpha Geek Posts: 294 |
posted April 11, 2002 23:49
quote: Try? How do you try to ask someone out? Procrastinator!
quote: Thanks. Actually it's not that. I've been around, "lurking", I just haven't really seen anything that's caught my eye and made me I want to invest time in replying. It also seems that a lot of the "older" (as in been here longer) regulars (other than Swiss) have disappeared lately. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 13, 2002 18:33
I'm curious - if anyone can make heads or tails of my previous post, does anyone have any ideas - how do I ask out and/or strike up conversation with someone I barely (or don't) know? IP: Logged |
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LifetimeTrekker Highlie 
Posts: 525 |
posted April 13, 2002 22:33
quote: What helps is to have an ice breaker. I often will find an action someone is performing--or not performing--to open hailing frequencies: Keep in mind that just because you signal an intent to communicate, they don't have to respond. Don't take it as a total rejection, try again after a short time and change your tactic/approach. If you don't take "no" for an answer, eventually you'll hear a "yes." IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 14, 2002 11:17
Perhaps, but how does one approach someone who is walking, or something with a low-discussion factor. More so, how do you actually introduce yourself to that person. I have difficulty just walking up to someone and saying, "So you're studying hard, hmm?" The aforementioned coworker has no difficulty with this, and as I said, I tend to think that is annoying to the person, but perhaps I am wrong. I know very little about her, and I don't even know if she is the same girl - if she is, she probably has a better idea of who I am, than I do of her - except for the fact that I am smitten with her. I will have to ask my coworker with help in the identification department - he might be able to pull off facial recognition far better than I. IP: Logged |
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bucketofsquids Geek
Posts: 96 |
posted April 14, 2002 18:06
i know this is a little out of left field, but sometimes it's alright just to walk up to a girl and say "hey, i've seen you around and i wanted to introduce myself." it's simple, sweet, and when pulled off right, can be decently effective. i work in an office in the mailroom at the moment and have experimented with this. with ladies i meet here, it seems to work. doesn't always result in a date or anything, but they tend to know me... just a thought, man. shyness is a bitch, but it's something you have to work at to overcome. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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macadddikt18 BlabberMouth, the Next Generation.     
Posts: 1727 |
posted April 14, 2002 18:45
i was going to say not to. then i got to thinking, and really, it seems like a wise choice, I would see where your friendship is at though. dating is risky to me. I can not see the benefit in it, over being friends though. That is just me. I would not waste a friend for a date. does not seem worth it to me. Nayt ------------------ IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 15, 2002 08:34
Nayt, you make a valid point. But honestly, I'm at a point where I have a number of lovely female friends. While I like this girl plenty, and she's smart, and a great person to have as a friend, I'm still somewhat lonely, and really would like to be dating someone, rather than just having a friend. I may not be successful at getting to the point of dating her, in which case I may stay friends - we'll be studying tonight (pics of last night available to Superfans, join today  ), and then I'll try for someone else. I have to find a way to avoid getting too deeply into the friends thing, where I don't want to give up the friendship.Thanks bucket.. I should try this. I am not always shy, but sometimes I definitely am, and part of the problem I have is my poor memory of names and faces. As such, I cannot always remember other people, whereas they strangely enough, remember me. She (the latter person) may likely have a minor recollection of who I am, so I'd feel stupid acting like we've never met, though we have, and my memory is poor. If 2 are really 1, then I am screwed if I started flirting with who I believed to be the second one, and less so with the first, to whom I was also attracted. This would probably show me to be a clueless, insensitive fool. But I hadn't seen her for a few months, and I really can't tell. A change of hair style and a few months time is sufficient to confuse me .
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Rednivek Super Geek 
Posts: 224 |
posted April 16, 2002 21:03
Quit playing Hamlet and just ask her out. Don't ask her to marry you, just ask her to some movie or something. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 19, 2002 12:29
quote: I would never ask that - scary, premature thought. I'm considering asking her to a movie sometime - the question is when - we're both quite busy with this being the last 2-3 weeks of class. I already more or less asked her to Starbuck's and to this dance thing. I say more or less, at least for the latter, because I didn't quite ask her out to the dance, but asked her if she knew about it and/or be around, and she wasn't going to be, so I dropped it. I asked her if she would join me for a cup of coffee at Starbuck's and she almost took it, but somehow it didnt't mesh in her schedule. I was studying with her the other day, and I think we were on good terms, and I may have boneheadly missed a good(night|bye) kiss as I left her room, as I was tense about the fact that she was about to light up. Since then, I haven't seen much of her. I thought I was going to see her Wednesday to study more (we are both a little behind on our programming assignments), and she didn't show. Yesterday she said that she had previously mentioned that she wouldn't be able to make it on Wednesday, and perhaps I missed that, but I don't think so - I'll check my IM logs. Hopefully I'll see her tomorrow at Quad Jam, my college's "big event." IP: Logged |
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rockwolf Geek Apprentice
Posts: 43 |
posted April 21, 2002 00:41
Green Eggs and Hamlet: I can not, will not kill the king, But I must my fathers death repay, A PLAY! A PLAY! to trick my uncle, To a duel with blade and poison this lead, - my apologies, but I had no choice. I'm sure upon my death, Shakespeare will be waiting for me with a cattle prod and a bullwhip. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 21, 2002 08:01
Nice work! You bring a humorous edge to this thread of pitifulness on my part. IP: Logged |
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Rednivek Super Geek
Posts: 224 |
posted April 21, 2002 09:54
Quit playing Hamlet and just ask her out. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 21, 2002 14:55
quote: Getting a little repetitive aren't we? It is still a good point, which you've significantly bashed into my head. IP: Logged |
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Xanthine Highlie
Posts: 708 |
posted April 21, 2002 19:34
Maybe a kick in the pants will help. Not that I should talk. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 22, 2002 07:58
quote: Depending on which side you mean, that will either be inspirational humor, or excessive pain. The latter would probably cause me to lose all motivation, that former would make me briefly resentful, but get me out of my swivel chair, and into the world of love. On another note, I pose a question for Nayt (following his above reply, and many comments in other threads): Have you been really burned by someone (figuratively, of course), or what? From your many posts, I make an approximation that you're not much younger than myself, yet seem completely uninterested in finding love. This surprises me. I have no further comment. IP: Logged |
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Xanthine Highlie
Posts: 708 |
posted April 22, 2002 19:25
I meant kicking you in the backside of your pants. Not your front or the girl's pants (that'd be grounds for a beat down). Noothing like a good boot in the arse to get people going. Tell you what. If I kick you will you kick me? We seem to be in similar situations. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Bregalad Super Geek
Posts: 243 |
posted April 22, 2002 20:40
quote: You had better hope Zorro isn't reading this thread or you might get more "kick" than you were counting on IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 23, 2002 09:28
quote: Speaking figuratively, definitely Xanthine, I will give you a good kick, if you reciprocate. I say figuratively, because I would never hit a girl. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 23, 2002 10:00
Written in response to things on Xanthine's thread. I don't want the 'ick' that might follow a LBJF if it would occur, but I've got to find a way to take the chance. I'm probably going to pursue a different person, but first I have to find her (I know who she is, I just have to meet her). A colleague of mine tells me that he thinks she may like me - I don't know how credible this is, but awhile back, she had said (whilst I was helping her with computer stuff), "I know you love me," to which I (quickly and smoothly) replied, "But of course." I truly couldn't tell how she meant it, and I had to do some quick thinking to come up with that response, which I think would be fitting if she was joking, or was serious. Alas, I did not properly act on things after that, and I haven't seen her in a bit, thought I glimpsed her the other day (damn good looking, IMHO), but did not have the chance to talk to her. Unfortunately I have no idea how to approach her, since we don't have any classes together, and don't do too much in common, or so I would imagine. IP: Logged |
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ZorroTheFox BlabberMouth, the Next Generation.
Posts: 1598 |
posted April 23, 2002 16:46
quote:
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Rednivek Super Geek
Posts: 224 |
posted April 23, 2002 17:36
Quit playing Hamlet and just ask her out. IP: Logged |
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Xanthine Highlie
Posts: 708 |
posted April 23, 2002 18:37
quote: Now, just a quick boot to the bum. And dragonman, of course I meant it figuratively. Unless you want to drive upstate. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 24, 2002 17:38
Heh. I may do that sometime - mainly for other reasons (family and friends), but I can now see other perks to such a trip .
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 25, 2002 14:21
Okay, Xanthine, you're up now [kick!]. I've just asked her to the movies tomorrow - it's still up in the air whether she'll accept - she is not feeling well, and may go into the city to see her doctor - but she didn't flat out turn me down. No LBJF! We're going to study tomorrow afternoon, and she'll let me know then. And last night, I took her and her friend to the mall - she missed the bus by a minute, probably because I held her up a little whilst studying, and good ol' reliable me came to the rescue. I even brought them home afterwards - and I got a little shopping done that I was procrastinating about (a nice shirt for summer, and got Mother's Day shopping out of the way early this year). I had here offer me some advice on a watch, which I rather enjoyed in the store - I think I made the girl [working] there jealous, like she was my girlfriend. But I got a mixed vote from the two about the watch, so I'll hold off - I did seriously want a second opinion about it. Additionally, her friend is a year below me gradewise, and my age equal, and cute - so an interesting second chance. Of course I paid for parking, though I did first ask if she could validate my parking, since she works in a store there. Sidebar: Don't ask me why, but I seem to have a knack with 'student workers;' I think the girl in the watch store was rather friendly with me, like I had her in the palm of my hand. And at work, when I go to areas where there's a student working there, I will often find both of us flirting slightly at times. Perhaps it's my proper attire and professional attitude, perhaps they have been working too long alone, I don't know, but it's a nice feeling. [Boy I used a lot of hyphens in this post - I'll have to use equal signs next time to prevent a drought.] IP: Logged |
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Rednivek Super Geek
Posts: 224 |
posted April 25, 2002 19:50
If she says that she has to go see her doctor, then ask her about seeing Spiderman when she gets back. If she makes a lame excuse for that one, too, then ask someone else. IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted April 26, 2002 07:29
quote: Actually, she doesn't sound the greatest, so I think she may be believably coming down with something - I hope I don't catch it as well. But I'll risk it. IP: Logged |
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uilleann Alpha Geek Posts: 253 |
posted June 17, 2002 05:52
Well, dragonman, you mentioned this topic a while back, and I actually remember today to go look it up. So, just how did things turn out after all? Was that girl just making excuses, or really ill? Seeing as from IRC I know how things ultimately turned out, I'm just curious as to how it worked out for the cases given here. Nosiness =) - Uilleann IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted June 17, 2002 08:26
Alright, uilleann - you resurrected my thread. w00t!! (I know that sounds stupid and script-kiddie-esque, but it just burst out of me). Indeed, the plot has been discussed in IRC, and if I can find it, I will let my logs do the talking for me. Hmmm, so far, this eludes to it slightly: quote: Actually that wasn't necessarily true, we did go out to dinner once, and something else, but it didn't really amount to much. and of course: quote: and I'll even throw this in: quote: Original writing by me here shall hopefully ensue. IP: Logged |
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uilleann Alpha Geek Posts: 253 |
posted June 17, 2002 15:09
Cigarettes are a difficult one. There are at least four people on my course who I've spent time with who smoke. Two of which were just tag-alongs, one was more of an friend, and the fourth was his friend. The first tag-along is a cigar smoker, and he absolutely stank when I first met him, either the smell went away or I got accustomed to it; the other tag-along was really only smelly after coming back from having a smoke. The other two, and two of my workmates who smoke, actually don't smell, which is a relief. There are two other problems I have with smoking - inhaling the vile smoke (when I see a smoker walking past or in front of me, I breathe out as the smoke becomes visible, preventing it from entering my lungs), and why people smoke at all. The latter is itself varied. Given descriptions of what it's like the first time, I'm sure I'd realise the stupidity and stop even if I started. However, I do recall, as a child, going around pretending to be smoking because, at the time, I had picked up on the "cool" image of the habit, without knowing it was bad. So, why do people keep going? I'd normally just assume they're stupid, but even so, Luke (the smoker friend) started smoking at a very low point of his life (when it became a mess), so even someone as clever as him can get into a mess, and now he can't succeed in giving up. Thus, to be fair, I can't judge smokers that quickly, but even so, I'd still not feel overly keen on a smoker girlfriend. I also wonder why there are so many smokers around? When I'm stood waiting for the bus, they're everywhere - doesn't anybody realise how stupid it is? Or do they just take the risk anyhow? - Uilleann PS dragonman - I tried that Tiny Fullscreen Winamp visualiser earlier - not sure why its better, although it does look to run faster and with smoother graphics than AVS. Not that I can really sit and watch it on a work PC... ;-) IP: Logged |
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magebard Geek
Posts: 61 |
posted June 18, 2002 03:46
Friends and family who can't shake their nicotine addiction? Suggest the patch. It's healthier for you and more convenient for them. It won't cause yellow teeth, cigarette breath, lung cancer, but it *will* allow sitting in a non-smoking area all day without leaving for a smoke. My mother used to get up in the middle of the night and go outside (for our sake) at -40 celsius to smoke. She's been on the patch for like two years now. The trick is to go down till it gets uncomfortable and then *stay on the patch* instead of giving up and going back to smoking. The tobacco companies want you to give up on the patch. A question for biochem geeks here - what are the harmful effects of pure nicotine (eg none of those other poisons cigarettes spew forth)? IP: Logged |
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dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 326 |
posted June 18, 2002 06:25
And I just like this comment from uilleann from last night, so I thought I'd just throw this in: quote: I don't think my attempts at humility are crushed by posting someone else's good comment. IP: Logged |
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uilleann Alpha Geek Posts: 253 |
posted June 18, 2002 07:47
magebard: Two of them (Luke, and one tag-along) tried nicotine tablet-type-things, as part of their giving-up plan. I've not spoken to either tag-along for ages, so I don't know whether he succeeded in giving up. Luke tried (and had already tried before), but failed; attempts to give up upset his mind and made working too difficult, for one thing. Maybe I can see about this next time I see them (September) but until then, they'll be carginogenating more and more. - Uilleann IP: Logged |
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Steen SuperBlabberMouth!
Posts: 1239 |
posted June 18, 2002 13:12
uilleann wrote: Two of them (Luke, and one tag-along) tried nicotine tablet-type-things, as part of their giving-up plan. I've not spoken to either tag-along for ages, so I don't know whether he succeeded in giving up. Luke tried (and had already tried before), but failed; attempts to give up upset his mind and made working too difficult, for one thing. Perhaps if he had used these, the use of a patch would seem preferable to him. IP: Logged |
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