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Author Topic:   This is so high school....
Xanthine
Highlie

Posts: 577
From: the lab
Registered: Mar 2001

posted April 21, 2002 19:27     Click Here to See the Profile for Xanthine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
and probably a waste of band width too, but I'm in a quandary. Here goes:

I like a guy. I've liked him for about as long as I've known him, but it's goten more intense since he came back from his semester off. When we met the first time I was in a relationship. When he came back this winter I was single and had been single since July. At the time I was still not interested in a relationship with anyone. Mr. Right could hand me his phone number and I would've handed it back with a sorry "not interested". Since then, and in no small part because of him, I've taken some steps towards healing and changed my mind about being in a relationship. Not sure if I'm ready for anything serious, but I'm definitly willing to go up to bat again. Just some semi-relevant background material.

Now, as for the guy. One, he's cute. Two, he's funny. Three, he's sorta geeky, but oddly enough that's not what attracts me (this is very very odd since geekiness turns me on). Four, and this is the big one, I have reason to believe he likes me back. So what's the problem? Well remember how I said that when he came back at the beginning of the semester I wasn't interested in being in any sort of relationship at all? I think I gave him some "you have no chance, give up right now boy because any offer you make will be rejected" signals. Part of this was because I was (and to a lesser extent still) embittered over my break-up. Yeah, kinda weird that even after a summer and fall I should still be smarting over something like that but the relationship was 22 months long and then the guy had some issues letting go. But that's another story and not what I'm posting about. The big question is, how do I let him know he still has a chance? Have I blown it completely? I'm trying very hard not to fall into that whole emotional maelstorm a full-blown crush entails but obviously it's a losing battle.

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Take by surprise and the world gives up resistance.
- Tennesee Williams

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snupy
Super Geek

Posts: 152
From: Chicago
Registered: Mar 2002

posted April 21, 2002 19:37     Click Here to See the Profile for snupy   Click Here to Email snupy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
...and always will be a losing battle. No matter how hard you may try, you will never be able to turn off your feelings-so just embrace them. Life is too short. Why don't you just talk to him openly and honestly about it? Tell him where your head was, and more importantly, where it is now.

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"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"-Moulin Rouge

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macman
Neat Newbie

Posts: 14
From: a galaxy far, far away
Registered: Nov 2001

posted April 22, 2002 07:11     Click Here to See the Profile for macman     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I say that you should go for it and tell him how you feel. As someone who'se never met a person that would reciprocate my fellings toward them, it's always strange to me when two people who do like each other meet but don't want to get involved. Granted, I've never really "been there," but I still believe that if you think that there's a chance, you should go for it. There's too much loneliness in this world for people not to give love a try. Don't waste a chance at happiness just because you think that there's a chance that you'll get hurt. Nothing worthwhile in life is ever gained without taking a chance.

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Paranoia is having all the facts.

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dragonman97
Super Geek

Posts: 204
From: Westchester County, New York
Registered: May 2001

posted April 22, 2002 08:07     Click Here to See the Profile for dragonman97   Click Here to Email dragonman97     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not that I've quite found myself in this situation, but I'd recommend going for it. It has got to be worth trying. You've obviously seen my pitiful predicament, since I see you posted in my thread yesterday. You don't want to end up like me - take initiative, and do something!

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LotharOfTheHillPeople
Geek Larva

Posts: 21
From: Washington, DC US
Registered: May 2001

posted April 22, 2002 08:21     Click Here to See the Profile for LotharOfTheHillPeople   Click Here to Email LotharOfTheHillPeople     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cry HAVOK, and let slip the dogs o' love......

Aye, joining the bandwagon here, but you'll never know how special a person can be to you if ye don't give them a try. I'm sure if he is as cool and froody as he sounds, he will take it as slow as you wish.

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bucketofsquids
Geek

Posts: 75
From: spring, tx, the moon
Registered: Mar 2002

posted April 22, 2002 08:58     Click Here to See the Profile for bucketofsquids     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i say cover yourself in balloons and hand him a pin! (lord, did i just say that?)

just talk to him. cuts through the static.

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i bet vladimir nabokov was never this cool!

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ajax_r
Geek-in-Training

Posts: 31
From:
Registered: Feb 2001

posted April 22, 2002 18:49     Click Here to See the Profile for ajax_r     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Xanthine says
"Four, and this is the big one, I have reason to believe he likes me back. "

Even if you sent him some signals a while ago that you weren't interested, it seems he might be projecting the "I still like you" aura. Since your post says this is the case, REMEMBER it. If he still likes you/is interested he's either a) a blockhead or b) persistent. Hopefully he's just persistent. :P I say give it a try. Ask him out on a *gasp!* date, or to a movie, or something!

However, you don't seem to be like a direct person, judging by the fact that you want to "let him know he still has a chance". So you want him to make a first move? Typical (I'm that way too!). I don't think you've blown it at all, just try and hang out with him more. If you already spend every waking hour of the day with him, what can I say? That's about as indirect as you can get.

Good luck!

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Xanthine
Highlie

Posts: 577
From: the lab
Registered: Mar 2001

posted April 22, 2002 19:21     Click Here to See the Profile for Xanthine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LotharOfTheHillPeople:
Cry HAVOK, and let slip the dogs o' love......

LOL. So true. Well they say that all's fair in love and war...

One part of the problem with the indirect approach I try to take is we're both insanely active people so we don't see each other much. We have oppurtunities to cross paths, though these are somewhat unpredicatable and we're usually in a rush. Which means I'll have to swallow my shyness. Or just sort of show up at the play he's stage managing and hope I magically run into him. Of course there's always the fear of rejection and the whole "maybe he just wants to be my friend and I'm getting the signals screwed up becasue I'm crushing on him" thing. Though when I think about it he did drop a hint once but I was too bitter to pick up on it.

Sigh. I know I have courage. It's probably under all the collapsed boxes under the bed. I'll look for it as soon as my homework is done.

------------------
Take by surprise and the world gives up resistance.
- Tennesee Williams

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magebard
Neat Newbie

Posts: 14
From: vancouver, bc, canada
Registered: Apr 2002

posted April 22, 2002 20:09     Click Here to See the Profile for magebard   Click Here to Email magebard     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Xanthine:
What is the risk in asking him? Looking like a fool? Perhaps you need to swallow your pride, not your shyness.
 
If he wants to be your friend, a moment of honest foolishness shouldn't get in the way. Not much to lose there, and at least then you could stop wondering.
 
If you don't ask, on the other hand, hoping for him to make a move will become more and more painful. Then when he finds someone you may end up wondering whether to blame her, him, or yourself. Believe me, I've been there.
 
So what will it be, your pride or your sanity? Good luck.

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Xanthine
Highlie

Posts: 577
From: the lab
Registered: Mar 2001

posted April 22, 2002 20:19     Click Here to See the Profile for Xanthine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by magebard:
Xanthine:
What is the risk in asking him? Looking like a fool?

I agree that my pride does cause me problems (in fact it almost killed me recently, but that's another story). However, what I'm more afraid of here is losing a friend. Ever notice how things weird out after the LJBF speech? That's what I don't want.

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Take by surprise and the world gives up resistance.
- Tennesee Williams

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dragonman97
Super Geek

Posts: 204
From: Westchester County, New York
Registered: May 2001

posted April 23, 2002 09:42     Click Here to See the Profile for dragonman97   Click Here to Email dragonman97     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I started to type a lengthy comment here, but realized it might be more appropriate in my thread here, since it touches on my pitiful life more.

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spungo
Alpha Geek

Posts: 333
From: Hell's toilet
Registered: Jan 2002

posted April 23, 2002 09:59     Click Here to See the Profile for spungo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Xanthine - he's not likely to actually get offended by you approaching him, is he? Or are you worried about awkwardness? I guess you just have to employ the time-honoured art of trying to ascertain what the other person's thinking without revealing too much of what you're thinking. This is never an easy thing to do - I'm afraid you're on your own there, Xanthine. But I'm pretty sure that if you pick two people who have a palpable attraction to each other, before too long they will deduce each other's state of mind - regardless of history.

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"What she asked of me at the end of the day - Caligula would have blushed."
- The Smiths

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magebard
Neat Newbie

Posts: 14
From: vancouver, bc, canada
Registered: Apr 2002

posted April 23, 2002 13:31     Click Here to See the Profile for magebard   Click Here to Email magebard     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Xanthine:
quote:
Ever notice how things weird out after the LJBF speech?

 
Nope. I've got Best Friend Syndrome, girls just don't seem to see me as anything BUT a friend. Maybe some of them are interested but afraid that things would weird out afterwards if it didn't work, but from my end it just looks like nobody's interested and I'm all lonely and... and... *sniff* *sob*

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dragonman97
Super Geek

Posts: 204
From: Westchester County, New York
Registered: May 2001

posted April 23, 2002 17:41     Click Here to See the Profile for dragonman97   Click Here to Email dragonman97     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by magebard:

Nope. I've got Best Friend Syndrome, girls just don't seem to see me as anything BUT a friend. Maybe some of them are interested but afraid that things would weird out afterwards if it didn't work, but from my end it just looks like nobody's interested and I'm all lonely and... and... *sniff* *sob*

Yeah, I'm familiar with that. If I could get all the women I know and am friends with together, and they walked with me, I'd have a formidable posse, and make throngs of men jealous. Unfortunately (or fotunately), they just think of me as a friend, and probably wouldn't fathom anything beyond that. And I'll spare Rednivek from mentioning the fact that I haven't necessarily asked some/any/all of them out.

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Xanthine
Highlie

Posts: 577
From: the lab
Registered: Mar 2001

posted April 23, 2002 18:35     Click Here to See the Profile for Xanthine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Unfortunately (or fotunately), they just think of me as a friend, and probably wouldn't fathom anything beyond that.

Don't count on it. There's probably a screw-up like me in the group. She's just got her feelings on a leash so you won't be able to guess.

As for my scenario, I need to track the guy down. Somebody, anybody, kick me. Hard.

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Take by surprise and the world gives up resistance.
- Tennesee Williams

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magebard
Neat Newbie

Posts: 14
From: vancouver, bc, canada
Registered: Apr 2002

posted April 23, 2002 19:35     Click Here to See the Profile for magebard   Click Here to Email magebard     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Xanthine:
I doubt that, in my case at least. They have this nasty habit of already having a boyfriend, or a big crush on some other guy, or of being pretty far from my age.
 
I think one thing worse than rejection is lost opportunities. If that guy was me, I'd want you to ask in a clear and direct manner. Offering some clear answers to choose from, something that adds up to relationship/friendship/get_lost, might help him answer frankly without fear of offending you.
 
Here's a stick, now shove it and go ask him already.

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dragonman97
Super Geek

Posts: 204
From: Westchester County, New York
Registered: May 2001

posted April 25, 2002 14:09     Click Here to See the Profile for dragonman97   Click Here to Email dragonman97     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Xanthine: [follow the wondrous GC link]
[Kick]!!

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Xanthine
Highlie

Posts: 577
From: the lab
Registered: Mar 2001

posted April 25, 2002 19:47     Click Here to See the Profile for Xanthine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oy.
Unfortunately this will have to wait until Monday or Tuesday at the earliest 'cuz I'm skipping town for the weekend. I'm begiing toi wish I wasn't going.
We spoke briefly this afternoon but he'd just gotten off work and I was (and still am) in the end stages of post-all-nighter syndrome.

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Take by surprise and the world gives up resistance.
- Tennesee Williams

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