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Author Topic:   Bringing her out of her shell...
GameMaster
Highlie

Posts: 700
From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 15, 2002 20:14     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have my eyes on a girl, and I think she likes me too... I always thought she was cute, but since she almost NEVER speaks, I never really knew enough about her to develop feelings. Well, recently, I've been getting to know her, through a few small casual conversations. She is really shy, and barely speaks to anyone (well, except her other serian friends). I know that one of her friends seems to be trying to set her up with a guy... But she didn't seem intrested in him (in fact barely looked away from the monitor). I stayed late to help her and another person in her class get a C++ program up and running. Me and a friend of mine where there helping her, after the other person from her class left. As my friend and I were leaving, she offered me a ride home (to repay me for the help, andsince we live near eachother) and (after asking my friend (who knows about my crush) if he minded me leaving him like that (away from her - actually walking him out)) I acepted. After we got to my place, we talked for a bit in her car, out side of my house. It was nothing monumental, but it was more of her than I've seen in the years that I've known her.

I want to make a move and tell her about my crush, and I like do it in a rather romantic way... But I don't want to scare her away, and I don't want to kill the possibility of a friendship. It is complicated by a few stray varibles as well. So, I guess my real questions are:

1.) What is a romantic, but not intimidating way of asking someone out?

2.) How do I draw a shy geekette out of her shell?

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neotatsu
Uber Geek

Posts: 965
From: A place my soul no longer resides
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 15, 2002 20:44     Click Here to See the Profile for neotatsu   Click Here to Email neotatsu     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have no clue whatsover, I'm sorry to say...*sigh* ah, so many memories suddenly flood to my mind, I feel four emotions all at once, and all contradictory in most situations...love, anger, sorrow, and joy....oddly..but anywho, good luck gamemaster, I wish you well...you could try the 'just do it' approach...I don't know, the girl I'm in love with I didn't have the nerve to tell, she told me first, and I was so happy I actually passed out (though the SPECIFICS on the circumstances of why I actually passed out are quite odd...) anywho, ciao, and good luck sensei *bows*

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snupy
Uber Geek

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From: Chicago
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 15, 2002 21:18     Click Here to See the Profile for snupy   Click Here to Email snupy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmm...since I haven't been shy since I was about 6, I can't answer that one, but as for the first question-ask her what she likes to do in her free time, and then ask if you could join her in one of the activities? Or if there's something she's always wanted to do, offer to take her there? That would work for me.

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GameMaster
Highlie

Posts: 700
From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 15, 2002 21:50     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you Neo, for posting. The problem this time isn't my nerves though... It's hers. She barely talks to anyone except her other female serbian friends. I am lucky enough to be on a very short list, but I don't want to ruin it by scaring her off.

Thanks snupy, for the thoughts on the matter... I was looking for something a bit more showy, than "Hey, what do you do in spare time?" But I guess I shouldn't go making any sudden scare her away moves. I open the door to get out, but then we talked a little it more, and I almost let slip "Sorry to leave the door open (drainnig you batteries), but I like to see your beautiful eyeeee----- I gotta go...." but I realized such a move, while being cute, might be a bit much. Since I will probablly, again, be helping her tomarrow or next monday, I have a little time to put something together to say... I am thinking about letting some R&J slip... particularly II,ii "Her eyes discourses, I will answer it I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks...." But since I memorized it in the 4th grade, it wouldn't be all that original.

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Fimbrethil
Geek-in-Training

Posts: 34
From: Olympic Peninsula of Washington
Registered: Jul 2002

posted July 15, 2002 21:51     Click Here to See the Profile for Fimbrethil     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
1.) What is a romantic, but not intimidating way of asking someone out?

2.) How do I draw a shy geekette out of her shell?


Don't worry about being romantic. Just be yourself. A guy in one of my classes heard me talking to a classmate about a movie she saw. I'd mentioned I wanted to see it. Two days later he said he wanted to go see it, but didn't have anyone to go with, so I said I'd love to.

Tell her something that you like to do and mention you'd like some company. Ask if she'd be interested in joining you.

I've only ever been asked out that one time and been turned down every single time I've asked someone out, so that's the only advice I can give you. I never spoke to anyone, but one nice guy had the courage to ask me to see a movie with him and it worked. Good luck.

The best way to draw anyone out of their shell is to be yourself, ask lots of questions, make good eye contact, and don't be judgemental. My only natural talent in relationships is being the kind of person people feel they can open up to. There's no trick to it. I just listen to what they have to say. I ask alot of questions. Sometimes I have lists of questions all ready hours before I see the person. Asking questions is the hardest part. Once you get that down you're all set.

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spungo
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posted July 16, 2002 00:48     Click Here to See the Profile for spungo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had my eyes on a girl once... she didn't appreciate it very much... sure did hurt putting them back in.

------------------
"Great! I got a trig mid-term tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido, the killer pimp!"

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snupy
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From: Chicago
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posted July 16, 2002 04:09     Click Here to See the Profile for snupy   Click Here to Email snupy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
I had my eyes on a girl once... she didn't appreciate it very much... sure did hurt putting them back in.


Actually, taking them out is the painful part-putting them back in's nothin.

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perfectstormy
Geek

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From: New Hampshire
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 16, 2002 04:43     Click Here to See the Profile for perfectstormy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
bringing her out of her shell...

aw shucks!

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quantumfluff
Uber Geek

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From: under the mouse pad
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posted July 16, 2002 05:43     Click Here to See the Profile for quantumfluff   Click Here to Email quantumfluff     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bringing her out of her shell...

I find the long thin forks work best for most shells, but bivalves require thumb pressure along the back while inserting a thin blade along the edge.

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OSxMan
Geek Larva

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From: Big Monte, CA, USA
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posted July 16, 2002 06:25     Click Here to See the Profile for OSxMan   Click Here to Email OSxMan     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well if you think that she will get scared away make plans to go see a movie with some buddies and then mention it when you are helping her program. Then ask if she wants to go along to.

------------------
Welcome to Darwin!
[localhost:~] osxman%

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maxomai
Alpha Geek

Posts: 265
From: Portland, OR
Registered: May 2001

posted July 16, 2002 09:15     Click Here to See the Profile for maxomai   Click Here to Email maxomai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First of all, congratulations. Having a geek girl fall for you is a wonderful thing.

quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:

1.) What is a romantic, but not intimidating way of asking someone out?

2.) How do I draw a shy geekette out of her shell?


1) Don't do romantic just yet. That might be a little too much for this state of the game. Just ask her out, to a movie. "Hey, would you be interested in seeing Powerpuff Girls next Thursday?" (Always ask four or five days ahead of time).

2) Try flirting. It's really hard to do at first, but it does a wonderful job of bringing someone out of their shell. Again, a lighter touch at first is better.

3) You mentioned that she's "Serian," and I'm assuming you mean "Syrian." Middle-Eastern-American families (and other Immigrant families), at least for the first couple of generations, tend to be REALLY conservative. This applies to adults as well as to children. If my estimate is correct (and I admit I'm making a lot of guesses here), you're going to have to take a VERY delicate approach. Flashy romantic overtures will probably backfire badly, unless you're first or second generation Middle-Eastern-American yourself.

Hope this helps.

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
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posted July 16, 2002 12:05     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No , sorry, my b sticks.. she's serbian. Sorry, I didn't catch that one... I have to pound that keyboard to get a "b" or "B".

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maxomai
Alpha Geek

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From: Portland, OR
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posted July 16, 2002 14:22     Click Here to See the Profile for maxomai   Click Here to Email maxomai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
No , sorry, my b sticks.. she's serbian. Sorry, I didn't catch that one... I have to pound that keyboard to get a "b" or "B".

Oh. Serbian chicks tend to be cooler about things like dating. But I still wouldn't recommend any dramatic romantic moves, at least at first. Save those for a month into things when you're a little more sure she'll respond well to them.

Again, hope this helps.

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 16, 2002 20:19     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Update. I just got home from the lab, or rathater from her car a little while ago. No nothing physical happened. I saw eyond the shell, and now understand why she is so shy. We have a lot in common, and i want to understand her better.

She waved me over, I was working on another program for the class we are in, she had one little prolm with her program, that I am sure she could have fixed without calling me over. She then started to add comments (a bad the CS majors at UWM have is to comment AFTER writting the code... ecause they don't want to lose points (not because they think the comments are needed). I started working beside her. My friend was helping another girl who I think likes him, but he keeps telling me differently... Any way, when he was done helping her, he stopped y to see if I wanted to catch the buss with him, like we always used to do... I said, I have a few more lines to write first (I didn't plan on finnishing it tonight, and a good thing too, as I didn't write a line after that)... Well, we talked untill we both had to leave. Then on the way out, she asked if I wanted a ride again, and I accepted (not because I particularly need a ride, but because I wanted to talk to her). Well, for several hours we sat and talked in her car (I would have invited her in, but the place is a mess.... Thinking about it, I should have told her that). Well, I am saddened to her what has happened to her in her short life, but I am happy that she feels comfortable enough with me to talk to me about it.

I am thinking I will ask her if I can thank her for the rides by taking her to lunch some time. What dose the Geek Consortium think?

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skylar
Assimilated

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posted July 17, 2002 14:16     Click Here to See the Profile for skylar   Click Here to Email skylar     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That seems like a good idea. It would probably be best not to ask her out on a date just yet, but sort of build up to it with a casual lunch.

Btw, if you are still looking for something romantic to do when you do ask her out, then I recommend using some information that she's given you (e.g. telling you that she likes a certain band, or artist or something) and buying her a small gift; nothing intimidating, but just something to show that you listen and care. Then attach a little note to it with, maybe, that quote from R&J written on it... not too subtle and not too blatant.

Hope that helps some

sky

------------------
Holy sweet goddamn! You left your cello in the basement...

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
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posted July 17, 2002 16:59     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I went in early to tell a frined about it... She typically doesn't get there that early, anyway she told me that she wasn't going to be in class Friday, and asked if I would give her a copy of my notes (which is really easy ecause they are taken on my laptop). She really seems to like me, but I thik I might e sending mixed signals, because of not inviting her in, and (my friend was in another lab, so I spent the morning run ack and forth - rooms right next to each other. He was having trouble with nested classes (their next assignment), and she was just finnishing up the comments on the last program (for her C++ class)).

I cought her looking at me, with her head resting on her hands (on her cheeks) and her elbows together on the table with a silly half-smile.... I just had to smile, and blush. I would have been sitting next to her in class, but everyone always sits in the same place each time and my friend and I sit a the closest to the Lecturer... And I thought it might e to forward if I changed where me and my friend sit (besides then she'd see the exchanges between me and Ayo and realize what geeks we are... and those exchanges could no longer contain anything about my crush on her). I digress from this silly auysis to return to the notes....

I was thinking, I'd run the notes through a spell check (whif I should do for this post, but oh well. And I'd include a note thanking her for the two rides home, and that I'd like to thank her for them by taking her to lunch or something; saying I am sorry I didn't invite her in and explaining the house is/was a mess; and giving her my home number in case she needs on the spot help with programing and/or someone to talk to about life in general.... Thoughts?

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neotatsu
Uber Geek

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From: A place my soul no longer resides
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posted July 17, 2002 22:16     Click Here to See the Profile for neotatsu   Click Here to Email neotatsu     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sounds quiggy-fine to me....bold even..go for it, and I recommend doing it without a second thought while doing so...for me a second thought in the middle of a 'bold' action leads to hesitation, and usually I stop and go the long way around, bah, well, anywho the point is, I say GO FOR IT! the only thing that could really go wrong is she'd say no to lunch...but, nothing ventured, nothing gained eh? ciao and good luck GM

------------------
"is anyone elses chair vibrating??"

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 17, 2002 22:22     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
She let's you use her words? Quiggy none the less...

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Twinkle Toes
Highlie

Posts: 720
From: a place that no longer holds my soul...
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 17, 2002 23:17     Click Here to See the Profile for Twinkle Toes   Click Here to Email Twinkle Toes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
HEY THERE! I never gave YOU permission to use them, GM...

Oki, heehee, you're allowed - aside from Scotters, you're practically my favorite here ! YAY!!

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I love you, Bees... and you know it!

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GameMaster
Highlie

Posts: 700
From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 18, 2002 08:20     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Realli always thouhgt "frankie" was your favorite (aside from Neo, of course), but in any case thank you...

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maxomai
Alpha Geek

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From: Portland, OR
Registered: May 2001

posted July 18, 2002 09:19     Click Here to See the Profile for maxomai   Click Here to Email maxomai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dude, you're doing fine!

Just take it a step at a time. Keep talking. Keep flirting, just a little bit.

But I definitely think you should ask her out to see powerpuff girls.

I'm glad she's opening up to you. Are you opening up to her?

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 18, 2002 09:42     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dude, you're doing fine!
Thans for the support. I think I am doing really well, but I don't know what is too forward, and what she is expecting. I guess I'll just keep playing it by ear.

Just take it a step at a time. Keep talking. Keep flirting, just a little bit.
I plan to keep talking and flirting... I haven't been doing much flirting, because I don't want to come on too strong... But I am positive she knows.

But I definitely think you should ask her out to see powerpuff girls.
I don't like the powerpuff girls, and I don't think she would either. I am looking for something with a bit more finess than a cartoon... If I go with a movie it has to be something that doesn't portay any war, or extream violence, is more mature than a cartoon and would be romantic on some level... In other words... a chick flick

I'm glad she's opening up to you. Are you opening up to her?
With everything that she told me, I felt obligated to tell her things about my self that related to what she was saying. But when I was talking about myself I felt like I was monopolizing the conversation, in anycase... I just learned she's in the lab, and have trouble with her program, I'm going to see if I can help .... ...My friends isn't compiling yet either.

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maxomai
Alpha Geek

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From: Portland, OR
Registered: May 2001

posted July 18, 2002 11:38     Click Here to See the Profile for maxomai   Click Here to Email maxomai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
Dude, you're doing fine!
Thans for the support. I think I am doing really well, but I don't know what is too forward, and what she is expecting. I guess I'll just keep playing it by ear.

That's the only way you can do it. Just don't lay it on thick and you should be ok. If she knows you're interested, and gets occasional, very light-handed reminders, that should be enough.

quote:

But I definitely think you should ask her out to see powerpuff girls.
I don't like the powerpuff girls, and I don't think she would either. I am looking for something with a bit more finess than a cartoon... If I go with a movie it has to be something that doesn't portay any war, or extream violence, is more mature than a cartoon and would be romantic on some level... In other words... a chick flick[b]

Ah. This is obviously where we disagree. I hate chick flicks. I [b]despise chick flicks. They're just as ugly a Hollywood formula as the ultra-violent war flicks of the 1980s. Just like all those godawful films trying to reproduce "First Blood" or "Apocalypse Now," there are all these horrible movies trying to reproduce "Pretty Woman" or "Fried Green Tomatoes."

Anyway, if you think this will work, go for it, although a comedy without the heavy-handed romance would probably work a little better. Just a thought.

quote:

I'm glad she's opening up to you. Are you opening up to her?
With everything that she told me, I felt obligated to tell her things about my self that related to what she was saying. But when I was talking about myself I felt like I was monopolizing the conversation, in anycase... I just learned she's in the lab, and have trouble with her program, I'm going to see if I can help .... ...My friends isn't compiling yet either.[/B]

Good luck, and don't let the memory leaks bite.

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
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posted July 18, 2002 14:20     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Memory leaks.... I would never leave a memory leak... Who do think I am Microsoft?

The big thing is she has seen her fair share of war and violence. I want something that has real romatic untuones but that shoutld take over the whole movie. I was thinking more of a walk along the river in the theater district and watch a play or symphony concert... But I no longer have the same pull to get cheap/free tickets, even if it weren't off season.

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snupy
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posted July 18, 2002 19:32     Click Here to See the Profile for snupy   Click Here to Email snupy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why do "chick flicks" get such a bad rap???? If we weren't so mushy and romantic, it would be like dating another guy, wouldn't it???

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"I didn't know all of them."

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Twinkle Toes
Highlie

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posted July 18, 2002 22:36     Click Here to See the Profile for Twinkle Toes   Click Here to Email Twinkle Toes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No it wouldn't! I've never seen the whole of a chick flick in me whole LIFE, and I dun plan on it! And I'm not like dating another guy! I'm not the romantic type. I'm not the mushy type. I mainly watch horrors, and there's nothin' wrong with pleasing a guy... among other ways .

I also personally think that chick flicks are crappy and for girls who are childish and [somewhat] obsessed with men.

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I love you, Bees... and you know it!

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
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posted July 18, 2002 22:46     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There is a difference between a good romantic movie and the typical new release chick-flick.... Seems that most of the new chick flicks are mde from just a few recipies:

PUGs. Where the boy who is [sports star/class president] is [bet/paid] to [take out/make popular] the [odd girl/nerd girl/girl with family problems] he starts to fall for her, then the girl finds out about the [bet/pay], ends with them making up [just before/at/just after] [school dance/important party/graduation] where the bad guy is [knock down by the hero/humiliated by the girl] and of course she learns to always wear her hair down and take off her glasses. DAMN IT... Leave their hair and glasses alone!

Anonymous love. The girl hates the guy [who hates her back/doesn't want her to he likes her/originally wants her best friend] through a series of [letters/e-mails/whatever] she starts to like the [wrong person/the person at the otehr computer/her ex] and [almost marries/sleeps with/almost sleeps with] the wrong person, then the acts are put with the person responsible and she is over joyed to learn that she loves the hero, and the story is brought to a great finally with a [kissing scene/walk in the park/marriage]. roll the credits.

Granted they are not ad plot ideas, but how many times can you see the same plot unfold. I personally would love to se a really romantic movie that isn't some formulaic recreation where the bad guy isn't insainly ovious, the girl doesn't have to change to meet anyones needs, the girl is the hero and/or the problems are more realistic.

-------------------

Back to the topic at hand... Is the letter in the notes a good idea? How about putting the notes on CD (not a big deal) with an auto-run that displays the letter? Well, we sorta have plans (nothing definite or finite or even more than a [her]"you'll be in here [lab] monday, right?" [me]"yeah, I will. ")...
<edit> (I stopped writting my post when I got e-mail TT had posted... So I submitted to see what she wrote, not I am picking up where I left off...)

Perhaps I can invite her in this time.... Felt like an idot that I didn't the last two times, but the house was a mess... I have a weekend to get it a bit cleaner (I hope we get here early enough for me to invite her in)... Two white cats, brown carpet, a stack of dishes that REALLY need to be done, and a stack of mail that is overflowwing the mail table, hmmm.. least the upstairs is well, upstairs...

Any other ideas for creative romantic (geeky) dates? Is fragging (Quake, you people with sick minds) a good dating activity? Perhaps I can reinstate my bridge and serenade her if it isn't too late... hmmmm... Perhaps I should suggest the other way home, along the lake... *sigh*
Thoughts?

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
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posted July 19, 2002 21:47     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Silly thing happened today, but it just reafirms my geekiness. She missed class (appearntly to meet her tutor - she said something to me about compny this weekend so I guess she moved her typical day to meet with him) Well, I did know that she had a tutor, so I saw a GUY helping her CODE and got really jelous, but didn't want anyone to know... On her way, she stopped to say something like "See you soon", or "see you monday" to me, I sorta did "yeah" (think Yeah, whatever)... anyway, after they left I looked at the door and growled a low growl, and my frined says "I think your being a bit silly... Growling at her tutor." Alright, long story short... I am REALLY GEEKY (geekier even than I thougt) and I have it BAAAAAAD.

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neotatsu
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posted July 20, 2002 00:34     Click Here to See the Profile for neotatsu   Click Here to Email neotatsu     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can't help but feel I've got it worse, in a few senses of the term

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TheAnnoyedCockroach
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posted July 20, 2002 09:44     Click Here to See the Profile for TheAnnoyedCockroach   Click Here to Email TheAnnoyedCockroach     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow, GM...

I reccomend you slap yourself silly to get into a more coherent state of mind. Otherwise you may end up attacking the mailman or something.

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Wait! It's a trick. Get an axe.

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
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posted July 20, 2002 16:57     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm smitten I'm not dangerous (or at least no more dangerous than I was anyother day of the year).... Besides, it has more to with the fact that I spent a long time with her in two days and just little moments the rest of the week. My friend bribed me with free caffine to come into the lab today, and me and my programming co-horts have been joking arround more than programming.

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GameMaster
Highlie

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From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 26, 2002 02:54     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Alright, it's been a while, and I thought you geeks might want to know what is going on... The guy who was helping her is not her tutor, but he was... He's just a friend (who too old for her), and a really cool guy. She is the nicest person I know. As it stands, we are talking regularly... I still don't know how she looks at me, if it is just as a friend or if she has feelings. I still have not made my move, but I am apparently flirting enough to make other people realize that I'm intrested... I still haven't made the move yet, because I am not quite sure what is too bold, and what is sweet and romantic.

The fact of the matter is that I have several ideas, but I don't have a clue at the same time... I am waiting for the perfect moment, but I don't want to lose her while I look for the right oppertunity. I didn't put the letter in notes, but I did burn a copy of all the notes for the class (as well as DJGPP, Metapad, GIMP and a few other GPLed toys).

If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them.
<edit type="add">

quote:
Give another try to the very project that once failed -- you have luck with second tries. You'll easily win over the new love of your choice. An Aquarius will appreciate your sense of humor. Your dreams are especially intuitive.


My horeascope over at Netscape says this... I never believed in horescopes, and almost never read them. I just had a feeling, and decided to look while I was on the My Netscape page. What are the chances. For why this is so funny look at the thread started by audrie about dreams in the "Our stupid Lives" section.
</edit>
"Everyman is somehow my better, in that, I learn from him."

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maxomai
Alpha Geek

Posts: 265
From: Portland, OR
Registered: May 2001

posted July 26, 2002 09:42     Click Here to See the Profile for maxomai   Click Here to Email maxomai     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:

The fact of the matter is that I have several ideas, but I don't have a clue at the same time... I am waiting for the perfect moment, but I don't want to lose her while I look for the right oppertunity. I didn't put the letter in notes, but I did burn a copy of all the notes for the class (as well as DJGPP, Metapad, GIMP and a few other GPLed toys).

If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them.


Here's an idea.

Ask her out to a movie, something you think she'll like, for next Wednesday or Thursday. Ask her via email if you can't get a better way to do it. And (this is important) ask her today.

Let's look at the elements here. You're obviously attracted to this girl. She's also interested in another person, but that's not necessarily an insurmountable barrier. You were really pissed at this other guy, because he stood between you and the woman that you crave. (Not love, certainly not yet. Not simply lust after, although that's an obvious factor. Crave. Like you're starving and she's a turkey dinner. I dare you to tell me that I'm wrong on this point.) You want affection and you don't know how to get it. You want to make the move but you're afraid that she'll figure out what a thug you really are deep down inside.

The above solution fits all these elements. You make the move. You get the affection you want, although in very small doses. Because of the nature of the date (movie -- comedy -- during a weeknight -- asked her out via email), there's no "romantic" pressure on either of you. There is a high probability of a successful evening, and that opens the doors to other things.

I'm not gonna lie to you man, I think there's a good chance you're going to get LJBF'd on this. Take it in stride. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy her company. And, assuming this doesn't work out, build your confidence for the next gal to come along, who will, no doubt, also knock your socks off.

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TheAnnoyedCockroach
Uber Geek

Posts: 839
From: The Devil's Dance Floor
Registered: Feb 2002

posted July 26, 2002 15:21     Click Here to See the Profile for TheAnnoyedCockroach   Click Here to Email TheAnnoyedCockroach     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with max. There never is, nor will there be, a "perfect time" to ask. If you keep waiting, then she'll soon be gone.

Trust me on this one.

------------------
Wait! It's a trick. Get an axe.

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Jas
Super Geek

Posts: 196
From: Land of Blues Guitar
Registered: Jul 2002

posted July 26, 2002 17:24     Click Here to See the Profile for Jas   Click Here to Email Jas     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh i'm so lonely.

i am so unbearably attracted to quiet, shy women who dont blabble constantly...

------------------
I. Love. MUSIC!

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Steen
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation.

Posts: 1483
From: Maryville, TN, USA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted July 26, 2002 17:43     Click Here to See the Profile for Steen   Click Here to Email Steen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Jas wrote:
oh i'm so lonely.

i am so unbearably attracted to quiet, shy women who dont blabble constantly...

Take up necrophelia. You'll never have to worry about being told that she just wants to be friends.

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GameMaster
Highlie

Posts: 700
From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 27, 2002 13:53     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hmmmm... I see a LJBF ahead... I think. It turns out that a mutal friend (a really close friend of hers) asked her out a while ago (almost exsactly a year), and she turned him down (part of which is that she doesn't like him like that, the other part is how he told her (he had to get drunk to build up enough curage))... Anyway, she is unsettled by the fact that he likes her still (and is thinking of ending the friendship). I find it odd that she is telling me this, expescially when I was about to make my move. Looking at it, it could have meant one of three things:

1.) She has no idea that I like her, and wants to know my opinin
2.) She knows that I like her and wants me to tell her, with out getting smashed or being shy about it.
3.) She knows that I like her, and doesn't want me to ruin our budding frinedship with all that "relationship stuff".

To make things worse, my other crush, the one that I talked about in the carpe geekium thread, was flirting up a storm with me... I have spent all this time thinking about this other girl, who seems to giving me mixed signals while I have another chassing me..... Only in my life. thoughts?
please give thoughts!

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GameMaster
Highlie

Posts: 700
From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 27, 2002 15:02     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Let's look at the elements here.
Yes, let's....

You're obviously attracted to this girl. She's also interested in another person,
No, I didn't say that she was intrested in him... I was worried because I though he might be intrested in her. But as it turns out, neither of them have romantic feelings for eachother.

You were really pissed at this other guy, because he stood between you and the woman that you crave. (Not love, certainly not yet. Not simply lust after, although that's an obvious factor. Crave. Like you're starving and she's a turkey dinner. I dare you to tell me that I'm wrong on this point.)
Not pissed... Just frustrated and envious, because I felt like I should be there for her but she was with this other friend of hers. I like this girl, but it isn't a lusting (at least not physical) and it isn't love (yet)... Perhaps crave isn't the right word, either. The fact of the matter is that I am intested in knowing her (who she really is, not what she wants to show the world), it's not like that physical rush that you feel around someone who find really attractive (although quite a while ago I used find her that attractive, but I was vary much in love with someone else at the time). Now it is a want to understand and be with her and talk to her.

You want affection and you don't know how to get it.
Spesifically her affection... There is another girl that I was, and sorta still am, intrested in who does obviously like me. I questioned if I was only intrested in this girl because she was not an easy read, but it isn't that either. It bugs me that I can't say I like her because (blank)... Even thought I can list a long list of things that I like about her.


You want to make the move but you're afraid that she'll figure out what a thug you really are deep down inside.
I am not a thug anywhere inside. I cannot with intention, harm anyone. I am bound to a vary strict set of rules that forbid me to willingly do harm. I would rather hurt myself than to see the worst man alive suffer...

I'm not gonna lie to you man,
Good, cause I like to hear it straight.
I think there's a good chance you're going to get LJBF'd on this.[\b]
I know.... I think I am in the friend zone, and I don't think she is intrested in seeing anyone at the moment.

[b]Take it in stride.
I always do... well the few times I've been hurt... :P

Enjoy the moment. Enjoy her company.
I enjoy every moment I spend with her.... I hope she can say the same.

And, assuming this doesn't work out,
build your confidence for the next gal to come along,

Ummm... The next girl is already here, which is what is starting to nag at me... It feels like I am keeping one in the wings, but that isn't how or what happened. I do like both, and I made a decission to persue one, it just happens that the other is now REALLY flirting with me, and I am acting like I don't see it. I feel like I am doing something wrong but I know people would see differnt sides to this... That is one reason that I am posting this now...

who will, no doubt, also knock your socks off.
Ah. Yes, but who will knock my socks off?


I need advice...

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Steen
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation.

Posts: 1483
From: Maryville, TN, USA
Registered: Jan 2000

posted July 27, 2002 18:32     Click Here to See the Profile for Steen   Click Here to Email Steen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You have a girl you like flirting with you and another that you like who hasn't shown any definite signs of interest in anything more than friendship.

Passing by obvious opportunities to chase unlikely or impossible goals is almost always going to end in frustration and failure which will leave you kicking yourself for having missed what could have been.

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GameMaster
Highlie

Posts: 700
From: State of insanity
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 29, 2002 12:42     Click Here to See the Profile for GameMaster   Click Here to Email GameMaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It isn't quite that simple, though I wish it were...

Vijay is brainy as all heck, but I know absolutly nothing about her. She is cute, she's here on a student visa and she aced the class they use to weed people out of the pepartment.

Sanja is very good at writting advanced code in C++, but she is absolutly bueatiful, I've known her for a long time (although only in passing until all this started), sweet and kind. She was doing some things that I intreprted as flirting, and after staying late to help her she offered me a ride home. Well, through talking to her, everything seemed to be fairly good until she told me about her friend's failed attempt at picking her up.

In my persuite of Sanja, I had forgotten about Vijay, dispite the fact that there is chemistry there. The day before Sanja told me about her friend's attept at a pick up (a year earlier), I was standing outside of class (after the midterm) talking with a group of geeks and Vijay came out and began asking ME about hte test (dispite the fact that we all had just taken it, she looked at me instead into the entire group). The problem is that I like both, and have really strong feeling for Sanja, because of the time and talks that I have shared with her.

After class Sanja walked up and asked if I wanted a ride, with Vijay standing behind me... So, now it looks like I need to start nailing down what my intentions are, if any, for either of these girls before I get myself into a big problem.

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