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Author Topic:   Are computer geeks passive guys?

Posts: 5
From: Bakersfield, CA USA
Registered: Mar 2002

posted March 24, 2002 15:45     Click Here to See the Profile for nemesis     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi, all,
I've known this computer geek for a long time. We used to hang out but not any more after I letted him know my feelings. (Like what most of you said that he's probably scared.)I wonder if computer geeks are passive guys. It seems to me that he's not really interested in anything except computers. Often, I have to be the one who talks first. Otherwise, there won't be any conversation. It looks to me that he can just say anything he wants to others, though. However, 99% of those people are guys. I'm tired of me asking a question and he answers one. However, I'm attracted to him. Does that mean he's not even interested in talking with me if I have to be the one who makes conversation all the time?

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Maximum Newbie

Posts: 17
From: Cleveland, United Kingdom
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 25, 2002 05:46     Click Here to See the Profile for Drazgal   Click Here to Email Drazgal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well obviously I can only speak in general here, not knowing the guy and all but usually most people like that (well myself and the few I've known) spend so much time with computers and on computers because they can't hurt you. They do as you tell them, are always there when you need them and won't stab you in the back, suffice to say, people have not. Thats why many of use don't see past our computers, been there, got hurt, don't want to go back. One major problem is actually communicating with others, has he been friends with these guys for a long time? Maybe he feels comfortable with these people because he knows that they wont hurt him etc. Just because he doesn't talk much might not mean he doesn't like you, it might just mean he doesn't know how to say what he wats to you, or is afriad that he will mess up if he opens his mouth. I don't like giving advice because it often goes wrong, but maybe show this guy that you arn't put off and you won't go away and you are his friend atleast, and maybe he can learn to trust you.

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Super Geek

Posts: 162
From: Fort Collins
Registered: Oct 2001

posted March 25, 2002 09:54     Click Here to See the Profile for Ti     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well.. I guess.. they might be.. but whatever you want really.

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The Pope of Perl
Geek Apprentice

Posts: 42
From: Terra
Registered: Feb 2002

posted March 25, 2002 11:13     Click Here to See the Profile for The Pope of Perl   Click Here to Email The Pope of Perl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't bother the poor guy! Can't you see he's trying to do very difficult work? It's not easy porting the Apache source into BrainF*ck manually! You're only making it harder on this already unstable programmer. You know how he can't stand it when people are always looking over his shoulder and interrupting him when he's only trying to to his duty! Some people really have a lot of nerve...

He's back, and this time it's personal!

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Geek Apprentice

Posts: 41
From: Southwestern Connecticut
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 25, 2002 16:24     Click Here to See the Profile for dragon34     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've been in a similar situation with someone like that who it didn't work out with, and I've also dated the quiet guy who didn't want to start a conversation... (for a year and a half a few years ago) Problem with quiet guys who wait for you to start the conversation: PRESSURE (I also tend to be quiet so me being clueless, with him as my first boyfriend, didn't realize that if we had phone "conversations" that were basically the equivalent of sitting and staring at eachother through the phone that stuff just wouldn't work out...(however judging by recent events I still haven't learned my lesson completely..)) it gets very stressful to be the one who has to do all the talking and think of all the ideas of things to do.

Are you sure you want to get into that sort of situation? If you're tired of it already... its not going to get better unless he makes an effort, and you can't change him.

I agree with Drazgal that he's probably been hurt and doesn't want to be put in that position again, It's hard to trust people when you expect them to hurt you. As much as it may suck, I'd say ask him for brutal honesty. This serves two purposes. If it is that he is scared and afraid of being hurt he can tell you and maybe when he says it he will realize how silly it sounds and that just because someone else hurt him doesn' t mean you are going to; and if he is being wierd because he is uncomfortable/not interested in taking your relationship past the point of friendship, then at least you will know and it will be easier to get over him without the "what if" hanging over your head.
If he won't even answer you if you ask him what's going on, he's not worth your time. Move on. (ok, 3 purposes ) good luck nemesis....

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Super Geek

Posts: 168
From: Fairfax Station, VA, USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted March 25, 2002 20:59     Click Here to See the Profile for Geordie   Click Here to Email Geordie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The Geek Handbook : User Guide and Documentation for the Geek in Your Life

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Super Geek

Posts: 114
From: Idaho
Registered: Jan 2002

posted March 29, 2002 00:11     Click Here to See the Profile for FatGnome   Click Here to Email FatGnome     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well I can tell you it sounds like you are describing me. *I will now speek for myself so don't go doing something stuipid with my ideas.* Well I would talk to girls more except that I don't want to frighten them off. Ok well I will talk to them at great length if they talk first but I can not innitiat the conversation and especialy with girls that I like. So if you like him just show him some attention and go ahead and initiate the conversations he will be flattered that a girl talked to him. Or at leaste I would be. I do know a couple of girls and can talk to them freely but it is only because they talked first and we got to know each other. I don't get scared of guys because I don't have to worry about scaring them off.

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Newbie Larva

Posts: 3
From: charleston, WV USA
Registered: Apr 2002

posted April 07, 2002 08:36     Click Here to See the Profile for madamecommodore   Click Here to Email madamecommodore     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
scaring people off is the worst, yet somehow they ask what your hobbies are and the minutes you get to anything about computers or comics they begin to back away...

or some people are just totally fine with never having any personal communication with anyone. i had a super comic-anime geek boyfriend and he didn't really want a girlfried, just another action figure, but one that could talk and say things like "i love ultraman too!" or "you're my best friend ricky!" or "oi oi! let's destruction some ravers! all their nastyness ravity are belong to us!" brrrr...

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Super Geek

Posts: 137
From: Westchester County, New York
Registered: May 2001

posted April 07, 2002 18:35     Click Here to See the Profile for dragonman97   Click Here to Email dragonman97     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I can say that geeks like myself are frequently passive, but once I know someone, I don't have problems talking with them - at great lengths sometimes. While I might shy from asking a girl out, or expressing her feelings, if she did it, I guarantee I wouldn't run. I'd probably fall viciously in love with her. So I doubt that he would turn you away unless he was having some problems / hurt in the past.

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