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Author Topic:   101 better not to say in bedroom
mackevin
Geek

Posts: 72
From: Düsseldorf, Deutschland
Registered: Nov 2001

posted July 22, 2002 11:08     Click Here to See the Profile for mackevin   Click Here to Email mackevin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my teeth...
27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance..
47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people..
50. You're almost as good as my ex!
51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
53. You look younger than you feel.
54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...
58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
64. I have a confession...
65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
69. You'll still vote for me, won't you?
70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you
tell me who you're fantasizing about...
74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
75. Does this count as a date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
77. Hic! I need another beer for this please.
78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
79. Q: You can cook, too right? A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
80. When would you like to meet my parents?
81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself?
82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
88. Sorry but I don't do toes!
89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".
93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too?
96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?

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SpikeSpiegel
Assimilated

Posts: 403
From: in the audience on Jerry Springer
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 22, 2002 11:43     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel   Click Here to Email SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
those are great.
number 69 is good for a few reasons

------------------
Real funny scotty! now beam down my clothes

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mackevin
Geek

Posts: 72
From: Düsseldorf, Deutschland
Registered: Nov 2001

posted July 22, 2002 11:53     Click Here to See the Profile for mackevin   Click Here to Email mackevin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SpikeSpiegel:
those are great.
number 69 is good for a few reasons

For a couple years I've been blaming it on a lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:

I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the
work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!!!

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SpikeSpiegel
Assimilated

Posts: 403
From: in the audience on Jerry Springer
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 22, 2002 14:02     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel   Click Here to Email SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
heh that i am.. i still have a few years of freedom before i have to start working and i plan to spend that time reading as many jokes as possible

------------------
Real funny scotty! now beam down my clothes

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neotatsu
Assimilated

Posts: 433
From: A place my soul no longer resides
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 22, 2002 16:37     Click Here to See the Profile for neotatsu   Click Here to Email neotatsu     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SpikeSpiegel:

------------------
Real funny scotty! now beam down my clothes


haah, I like that sig for a few reasons, hahaaha

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SpikeSpiegel
Assimilated

Posts: 403
From: in the audience on Jerry Springer
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 22, 2002 21:07     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel   Click Here to Email SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
everybody seems to

what are they?

------------------
Real funny scotty, now beam down my clothes!

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neotatsu
Assimilated

Posts: 433
From: A place my soul no longer resides
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 22, 2002 21:17     Click Here to See the Profile for neotatsu   Click Here to Email neotatsu     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well, for one it's just a funny sig all around, second my name is Scott, and while I don't like it when people call ME scotty, that seems to be the kind of prank I'd pull, heh

------------------
"so what are you going to do?"
"Oh, just take her out to dinner, then I'm going to take her back to my apartment and introduce her to my monkey"
"And to think, he's *not* being metaphoric"

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SpikeSpiegel
Assimilated

Posts: 403
From: in the audience on Jerry Springer
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 22, 2002 23:30     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel   Click Here to Email SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
do you also have a funny scottish accent

------------------
Real funny scotty, now beam down my clothes!

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