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The Joke Bank! Virus jokes
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Author | Topic: Virus jokes |
matt Neat Newbie Posts: 13 |
posted June 21, 2002 11:47
New Computer Virus List OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits. MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt! GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.) TERRY RANDALL VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message. TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. NIKE VIRUS: Just does it. SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks. JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus. CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT. LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense". CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it. ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. >> IP: Logged |
ilovemydualg4 Alpha Geek Posts: 325 |
posted June 21, 2002 18:58
oh man, that's great! ------------------ IP: Logged |
SpikeSpiegel Super Geek Posts: 171 |
posted June 22, 2002 04:39
yea those were good ------------------ IP: Logged |
Evilbunny Uber Geek Posts: 801 |
posted June 26, 2002 15:01
Those were KICK ASS~! ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Ha, ha, ha!!! IP: Logged |
ASM65816 Super Geek Posts: 111 |
posted June 26, 2002 23:55
More "Scary" Virus Stuff !
------------------ IP: Logged |
littlefish Geek Posts: 95 |
posted June 27, 2002 05:31
Reminds me of an email that I found in my inbox, about a year ago, for mac users who were feeling left out. Basically the message went along the lines of: This is a mac virus that is an opt-in phenomenon. Tired of windows users having all the fun? Send this message to everyone in your address book, then delete your hard drive. Have a nice day! IP: Logged |
ilovemydualg4 Alpha Geek Posts: 325 |
posted June 30, 2002 04:59
quote: i got one just like that from a newsgroup, it was written in poor english too ------------------ IP: Logged |
littlefish Geek Posts: 95 |
posted July 01, 2002 02:50
quote: I hope you are not criticising my english. I got an A in my exams (7 years ago...) IP: Logged |
SpikeSpiegel Super Geek Posts: 171 |
posted July 01, 2002 06:41
quote: i think dualg is criticizing your english..... eh i run windows and its virus free.. you mac addicts arent all powerful ------------------ Oversoul! IP: Logged |
Oz, the Wizard of Geek Posts: 66 |
posted July 01, 2002 13:30
Those were great! ALASKA VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than the Texas Virus. -Oz ------------------ IP: Logged |
FatGnome Super Geek Posts: 245 |
posted July 01, 2002 14:23
Heh heh The Clinton Virus: Denies everything about itself and then asks for a definition of the word Virus. IP: Logged |
+Andrew Super Geek Posts: 242 |
posted July 01, 2002 18:06
quote: What, specifically, is wrong with the post to which you're referring? IP: Logged |
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