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Author Topic:   Virus jokes
matt
Neat Newbie

Posts: 13
From: Wales
Registered: Jun 2002

posted June 21, 2002 11:47     Click Here to See the Profile for matt   Click Here to Email matt     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
New Computer Virus List

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

TERRY RANDALL VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.

TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.

SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. >>

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ilovemydualg4
Alpha Geek

Posts: 325
From: *GASP* THE 3RD DIMMENSION
Registered: Mar 2002

posted June 21, 2002 18:58     Click Here to See the Profile for ilovemydualg4   Click Here to Email ilovemydualg4     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh man, that's great!

------------------
my geek code
Hazards: "There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty, miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed."

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SpikeSpiegel
Super Geek

Posts: 171
From: LIberty City
Registered: Jun 2002

posted June 22, 2002 04:39     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel   Click Here to Email SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yea those were good

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VIVA! el wInDoZe!

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Evilbunny
Uber Geek

Posts: 801
From: A Calculus book near you...
Registered: Nov 2001

posted June 26, 2002 15:01     Click Here to See the Profile for Evilbunny   Click Here to Email Evilbunny     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Those were KICK ASS~!
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Ha, ha, ha!!!

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ASM65816
Super Geek

Posts: 111
From:
Registered: Mar 2001

posted June 26, 2002 23:55     Click Here to See the Profile for ASM65816   Click Here to Email ASM65816     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
More "Scary" Virus Stuff !


http://members.aol.com/asm65816/virus.html

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Once a proud programmer of Apple II's, he now spends his days and nights in cheap dives fraternizing with exotic dancers....

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littlefish
Geek

Posts: 95
From: Edinburgh, UK
Registered: Nov 2001

posted June 27, 2002 05:31     Click Here to See the Profile for littlefish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Reminds me of an email that I found in my inbox, about a year ago, for mac users who were feeling left out.

Basically the message went along the lines of:

This is a mac virus that is an opt-in phenomenon. Tired of windows users having all the fun? Send this message to everyone in your address book, then delete your hard drive. Have a nice day!

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ilovemydualg4
Alpha Geek

Posts: 325
From: *GASP* THE 3RD DIMMENSION
Registered: Mar 2002

posted June 30, 2002 04:59     Click Here to See the Profile for ilovemydualg4   Click Here to Email ilovemydualg4     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by littlefish:
Reminds me of an email that I found in my inbox, about a year ago, for mac users who were feeling left out.

Basically the message went along the lines of:

This is a mac virus that is an opt-in phenomenon. Tired of windows users having all the fun? Send this message to everyone in your address book, then delete your hard drive. Have a nice day!


i got one just like that from a newsgroup, it was written in poor english too

------------------
my geek code
Hazards: "There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty, miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed."

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littlefish
Geek

Posts: 95
From: Edinburgh, UK
Registered: Nov 2001

posted July 01, 2002 02:50     Click Here to See the Profile for littlefish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
i got one just like that from a newsgroup, it was written in poor english too

I hope you are not criticising my english. I got an A in my exams (7 years ago...)

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SpikeSpiegel
Super Geek

Posts: 171
From: LIberty City
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 01, 2002 06:41     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel   Click Here to Email SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by littlefish:
I hope you are not criticising my english. I got an A in my exams (7 years ago...)

i think dualg is criticizing your english.....

eh i run windows and its virus free.. you mac addicts arent all powerful

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Amidameru! Hyoi Gattai!..

Oversoul!

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Oz, the Wizard of
Geek

Posts: 66
From: The Emerald City
Registered: Jun 2002

posted July 01, 2002 13:30     Click Here to See the Profile for Oz, the Wizard of   Click Here to Email Oz, the Wizard of     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Those were great!
ALASKA VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than the Texas Virus.

-Oz

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"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

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FatGnome
Super Geek

Posts: 245
From: Idaho
Registered: Jan 2002

posted July 01, 2002 14:23     Click Here to See the Profile for FatGnome   Click Here to Email FatGnome     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Heh heh

The Clinton Virus: Denies everything about itself and then asks for a definition of the word Virus.

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+Andrew
Super Geek

Posts: 242
From: Boston, MA, USA
Registered: Aug 2001

posted July 01, 2002 18:06     Click Here to See the Profile for +Andrew   Click Here to Email +Andrew     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ilovemydualg4:
i got one just like that from a newsgroup, it was written in poor english too


What, specifically, is wrong with the post to which you're referring?

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