20> Yoda: "Big these ears are, and breathe through them I can.
Now, the nasty must we do!"

19> Princess Leia: "You're my BROTHER? Well, actually, that
kinda turns me on."

18> Anakin: "MAN, Amidala, you've got a nice pair of tauntauns!"

17> Shmi Skywalker: "So, you had to be a Jedi. You couldn't have
maybe been a doctor?"

16> Jedi Master Letterman: "Amidala, Barbarella. Barbarella,
Amidala."

15> Luke: "C'mon, Uncle Owen, we've already GOT a protocol 'droid.
*PLEASE* can I get the sex 'droid?!?"

14> Obi-Wan: "Congratulations, Jar Jar. Jedi University has
chosen you to be the subject of their next biology lab."

13> Yoda: "Strong is The Force in this one... and large are the
hooters on THIS one!"

12> Mace Windu: "And womp rat might taste like pumpkin pie, but
I'll never know, 'cause I'll never eat the dirty mother*&!%#."

11> Yoda: "My 'English for Dummies' book! Missing it is.
Seen it, have you?"

10> Anakin: "Dooku, you're gettin' a Dell!"

9> Amidala: "That 'show me your light saber' trick was cute when
you were 8, Anakin. Now put your pants back on."

8> Jar Jar Binks: "Doctor saysa meesa gotsa cancer. Meesa only
livesa another month."

7> Anakin: "Not tonight, Amidala -- I'm too tired. Just take my
light saber and put it on 'vibrate'."

6> Yoda: "Full of asthma, he is. Much noisy breathing in his
future, I sense."

5> Darth Gates: "Our Jedi clones are almost ready, too. May I
introduce: Windu 95, Windu 98, Windu 2000 and Windu XP."

4> Jar Jar Binks: "Lawzy, Miz Amidala -- Meesa don't know nothin'
'bout birthin' no Jedi."

3> Yoda: "Dude, was I talking weird again last night? I always
talk like that when I'm wasted."

2> Jabba the Hutt: "...and a Diet Coke to drink."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Line
We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie...

1> Darth Vader: "Hello, AOL tech support? You have failed me
for the last time..."

======================================

The Runners Up & Honorable Mention submissions
----------------------------------------------
Runners up were almost good enough to make the main list,
but got edged out by other submissions. Honorable mentions
were good enough to still deserve some recognition.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Lines We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie
RUNNERS UP list -- I've Got a Bad Feeling About This
------------------------------------------------------------------

C-3P0: "My, R2, that exposition was interminable, wasn't it? And
the dialogue certainly could use a re-write or two!"
(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)

C-3PO: "I can't believe he did that without even offering some
lubricant."
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Chanting stadium crowd: "Darth Steinbrenner sucks!!"
(Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC)

Chewbacca: "Anyone seen my friggin' flea collar?!?"
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)

Jabba the Hutt: "I eat a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch,
and an entire Ewok colony for dinner!"
(Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA)

Jar Jar Binks "This depiction is patently racist. Get me Johnnie
Cochran-ben-Kenobi."
(Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC)

Leia: "Han, don't make the jump to lightspeed so quickly! I'm
just getting warmed up here!"
(David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO)

Luke: "But Master Yoda, I'm giving it all the Force I can! I
canna fight any faster!"
(Peg Warner, Exeter, NH)

Luke: "I wonder why it says 'glory' over the hole in this little
'droid?"
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Mace Windu: "Who's the Jedi Council Member that's a sex machine to
all the female Tusken Raiders?"
(Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX)

Mace Windu: "Yoda, it's 'bout time to get medieval on those Sith
asses."
(Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI)

Yoda: "Hungry, my stomach is. ME WANT COOKIE! Er, sorry guys, I
just got off a long shoot on Sesame Street."
(Larry Baum, Hong Kong)

Yoda: "Jedi Priest, am I! Fear not my light saber, young Anakin."
(Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Yoda: "Luke, go get the butter."
(Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC)

------------------------------------------------------------------
Lines We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Far, Far Away from Funny
------------------------------------------------------------------

Anakin: "Call me 'my young Padawan' one more time, and you'll end
up with my light saber shoved up where the twin suns of Tatooine
don't shine."
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Anakin: "I'll have the roast Ewok, please"
(Ross Brown, Seattle, WA)

C-3PO: "Barkeep! Another round of 10W-40 for my li'l pal and me."
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)

C-3PO: "Sir, if you won't be needing me for awhile, I'm going to
go oil my joints, if you know what I mean."
(Ross Brown, Seattle, WA)

Darth Maul: "Hey, Macarena!"
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)

Darth Vader: "Abuse the force, Luke."
(Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada)

Darth Vader: "Do you feel lucky today, Luke? Well... do you?"
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Darth Vader: "Guess what? I'm that Rumsfeld guy's father, too.
Couldn't you tell?"
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)

Han Solo: "Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?!?"
(Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX)

Lando Calrissian: "Welcome to Cloud City, home of the hottest
girl-on-girl action in this galaxy."
(Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN)

Luke: "My father, eh? Are you willing to submit to a paternity
test?"
(Peg Warner, Exeter, NH)

Luke: "My sister! [*SLAP!*] My lover! [*SLAP!*] My sister!
[*SLAP!*] My lover!"
(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)

Luke: "Sister or not, I gotta get some more of that!"
(Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL)

Padme Amidala: "A threesome? Hell, yes!"
(Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT)

Senator Amidala: "This desert's so hot. Here, let me take off my
top."
(Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN)

Storm Trooper: "Does this battle armor make my ass look big?"
(Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH)

Yoda: "Fries must you skip, if weight you want lost."
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)

Yoda: "Truth, want you? Handle it you cannot!"
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)
--

Now *there's* an obscure reference (I'm assuming you're referring to the old Calgon commercials -- if not, it's an even more oscure reference).