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Author Topic:   FW: Lines you'd love to hear in a Star Wars movie

Posts: 1584
From: Canada
Registered: Jan 2000

posted June 03, 2002 09:47     Click Here to See the Profile for Snaggy   Click Here to Email Snaggy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The Top 20 Lines We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie

20> Yoda: "Big these ears are, and breathe through them I can.
Now, the nasty must we do!"

19> Princess Leia: "You're my BROTHER? Well, actually, that
kinda turns me on."

18> Anakin: "MAN, Amidala, you've got a nice pair of tauntauns!"

17> Shmi Skywalker: "So, you had to be a Jedi. You couldn't have
maybe been a doctor?"

16> Jedi Master Letterman: "Amidala, Barbarella. Barbarella,

15> Luke: "C'mon, Uncle Owen, we've already GOT a protocol 'droid.
*PLEASE* can I get the sex 'droid?!?"

14> Obi-Wan: "Congratulations, Jar Jar. Jedi University has
chosen you to be the subject of their next biology lab."

13> Yoda: "Strong is The Force in this one... and large are the
hooters on THIS one!"

12> Mace Windu: "And womp rat might taste like pumpkin pie, but
I'll never know, 'cause I'll never eat the dirty mother*&!%#."

11> Yoda: "My 'English for Dummies' book! Missing it is.
Seen it, have you?"

10> Anakin: "Dooku, you're gettin' a Dell!"

9> Amidala: "That 'show me your light saber' trick was cute when
you were 8, Anakin. Now put your pants back on."

8> Jar Jar Binks: "Doctor saysa meesa gotsa cancer. Meesa only
livesa another month."

7> Anakin: "Not tonight, Amidala -- I'm too tired. Just take my
light saber and put it on 'vibrate'."

6> Yoda: "Full of asthma, he is. Much noisy breathing in his
future, I sense."

5> Darth Gates: "Our Jedi clones are almost ready, too. May I
introduce: Windu 95, Windu 98, Windu 2000 and Windu XP."

4> Jar Jar Binks: "Lawzy, Miz Amidala -- Meesa don't know nothin'
'bout birthin' no Jedi."

3> Yoda: "Dude, was I talking weird again last night? I always
talk like that when I'm wasted."

2> Jabba the Hutt: "...and a Diet Coke to drink."

and's Number 1 Line
We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie...

1> Darth Vader: "Hello, AOL tech support? You have failed me
for the last time..."


The Runners Up & Honorable Mention submissions
Runners up were almost good enough to make the main list,
but got edged out by other submissions. Honorable mentions
were good enough to still deserve some recognition.

Lines We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie
RUNNERS UP list -- I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

C-3P0: "My, R2, that exposition was interminable, wasn't it? And
the dialogue certainly could use a re-write or two!"
(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)

C-3PO: "I can't believe he did that without even offering some
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Chanting stadium crowd: "Darth Steinbrenner sucks!!"
(Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC)

Chewbacca: "Anyone seen my friggin' flea collar?!?"
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)

Jabba the Hutt: "I eat a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch,
and an entire Ewok colony for dinner!"
(Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA)

Jar Jar Binks "This depiction is patently racist. Get me Johnnie
(Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC)

Leia: "Han, don't make the jump to lightspeed so quickly! I'm
just getting warmed up here!"
(David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO)

Luke: "But Master Yoda, I'm giving it all the Force I can! I
canna fight any faster!"
(Peg Warner, Exeter, NH)

Luke: "I wonder why it says 'glory' over the hole in this little
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Mace Windu: "Who's the Jedi Council Member that's a sex machine to
all the female Tusken Raiders?"
(Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX)

Mace Windu: "Yoda, it's 'bout time to get medieval on those Sith
(Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI)

Yoda: "Hungry, my stomach is. ME WANT COOKIE! Er, sorry guys, I
just got off a long shoot on Sesame Street."
(Larry Baum, Hong Kong)

Yoda: "Jedi Priest, am I! Fear not my light saber, young Anakin."
(Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Yoda: "Luke, go get the butter."
(Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC)

Lines We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Far, Far Away from Funny

Anakin: "Call me 'my young Padawan' one more time, and you'll end
up with my light saber shoved up where the twin suns of Tatooine
don't shine."
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Anakin: "I'll have the roast Ewok, please"
(Ross Brown, Seattle, WA)

C-3PO: "Barkeep! Another round of 10W-40 for my li'l pal and me."
(Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA)

C-3PO: "Sir, if you won't be needing me for awhile, I'm going to
go oil my joints, if you know what I mean."
(Ross Brown, Seattle, WA)

Darth Maul: "Hey, Macarena!"
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)

Darth Vader: "Abuse the force, Luke."
(Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada)

Darth Vader: "Do you feel lucky today, Luke? Well... do you?"
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Darth Vader: "Guess what? I'm that Rumsfeld guy's father, too.
Couldn't you tell?"
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)

Han Solo: "Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?!?"
(Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX)

Lando Calrissian: "Welcome to Cloud City, home of the hottest
girl-on-girl action in this galaxy."
(Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN)

Luke: "My father, eh? Are you willing to submit to a paternity
(Peg Warner, Exeter, NH)

Luke: "My sister! [*SLAP!*] My lover! [*SLAP!*] My sister!
[*SLAP!*] My lover!"
(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)

Luke: "Sister or not, I gotta get some more of that!"
(Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL)

Padme Amidala: "A threesome? Hell, yes!"
(Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT)

Senator Amidala: "This desert's so hot. Here, let me take off my
(Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN)

Storm Trooper: "Does this battle armor make my ass look big?"
(Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH)

Yoda: "Fries must you skip, if weight you want lost."
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)

Yoda: "Truth, want you? Handle it you cannot!"
(Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE)

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Super Geek

Posts: 197
From: LA LA land
Registered: Oct 2001

posted June 03, 2002 11:22     Click Here to See the Profile for Akira   Click Here to Email Akira     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I dunno...that last one on the unfunny list kinda worked for me.

I am Dyslexic of Borg.
Prepare to have your ass laminated.

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Posts: 745
From: A Calculus book near you...
Registered: Nov 2001

posted June 04, 2002 11:05     Click Here to See the Profile for Evilbunny   Click Here to Email Evilbunny     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I liked those. They were funny.


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BlabberMouth, the Next Generation.

Posts: 1714
From: In a world beyond your understanding
Registered: Jan 2002

posted June 04, 2002 12:22     Click Here to See the Profile for macadddikt18   Click Here to Email macadddikt18     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
they worked for me. quite funny they were. I think of my favorites was,"snakes, why did it have to be snakes". I just about lost it on that one.

Nayt: making interesting posts boring since Jan 02

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Super Geek

Posts: 213
From: Idaho
Registered: Jan 2002

posted June 04, 2002 14:40     Click Here to See the Profile for FatGnome   Click Here to Email FatGnome     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Duno I didn't lmao at any of them realy although I think if anyone asks Mace what he is he should say he is a Bad "A" Mother "Q$^^" I think it would be hilarious.

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Neat Newbie

Posts: 11
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2002

posted June 10, 2002 22:16     Click Here to See the Profile for Frost     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Shmi Skywalker: Qui Quon take my son a way.

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Uber Geek

Posts: 806
From: United States
Registered: Jul 2000

posted June 11, 2002 05:48     Click Here to See the Profile for EngrBohn   Click Here to Email EngrBohn     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
- Frost -
Shmi Skywalker: Qui Quon take my son a way.

Now *there's* an obscure reference (I'm assuming you're referring to the old Calgon commercials -- if not, it's an even more oscure reference).

Oooh! What does this button do!?

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Super Geek

Posts: 160
Registered: Mar 2002

posted June 11, 2002 15:59     Click Here to See the Profile for ilovemydualg4   Click Here to Email ilovemydualg4     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lol... these are great

Windows 95 (win-DOH-z), n. A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell
to a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor which was used in a PC built by a two bit company that couldn't stand one bit of competition.

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Alpha Geek

Posts: 287
From: Cyberspace, Delta Quadrant
Registered: Sep 1999

posted June 12, 2002 09:04     Click Here to See the Profile for Janeway   Click Here to Email Janeway     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I love the ones..."Snakes...Why'd it have to be snakes?"

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Neat Newbie

Posts: 11
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2002

posted June 12, 2002 19:50     Click Here to See the Profile for Frost     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Calgon it is
Anakin: Qui Quon take me a way!

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Tau Zero
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation.

Posts: 1712
Registered: Jan 2000

posted June 14, 2002 10:40     Click Here to See the Profile for Tau Zero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think the "interminable" and "roast Ewok" ones topped my list of personal favorites.  The rest are eminenly forgettable (what were those judges thinking?)

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Geek Apprentice

Posts: 43
From: Kingdom of Ehb, and/or Borleias
Registered: Jun 2002

posted June 15, 2002 12:34     Click Here to See the Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"This party is over"

its sad when the best actor you have is a 2 foot tall muppet

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