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The Joke Bank! How To Tell If You're a Canadian
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Author | Topic: How To Tell If You're a Canadian |
Snaggy Moderator Posts: 1532 |
posted April 14, 2002 20:34
How To Tell If You're a Canadian: You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK" IP: Logged |
spungo Assimilated Posts: 394 |
posted April 15, 2002 07:49
Good one! btw - what actually is a hoser? (Or is that too rude a word?) ------------------ IP: Logged |
dragonman97 Alpha Geek Posts: 278 |
posted April 15, 2002 08:44
Wow, that is enlightening. I've been meaning to ask - is there a word of mouth in Canada about GC, or have hordes of Canadians just managed to discover the site in their own country. I pose this question, as the Internet is an international place, and people from anywhere can go anywhere - I find it interesting that there still happen to be a pretty good number of Canadians on this site (not to say that there shouldn't be). I must say that discussions here do make Canada seem like a really cool place to live, perhaps I will have to take a holiday up north sometime. I could conveniently visit my relatives in Syracuse first, and visit my friends in Oswego en route. I have always been intrigued by Canada in some ways, and I happen to like cool weather. Also, the Royal Canadian Mint makes some really nice coins. IP: Logged |
spungo Assimilated Posts: 394 |
posted April 15, 2002 08:49
quote: Ha ha - I had wondered the very same thing. I guess we're just generally sophisticated people. (I don't think it's merely word-of-mouth as I don't live there anymore.) ------------------ IP: Logged |
snupy Super Geek Posts: 233 |
posted April 15, 2002 20:13
Midwesterners call it "pop" also. I wonder what the geographic breakdown of that word is-I know when I lived in Colorado, they thought it was odd. IP: Logged |
SuperJ_O_T_Fan Newbie Larva Posts: 2 |
posted April 15, 2002 23:55
quote: Oh, you seem to have forgotten a few, Snaggs... 10. You have a huge inferiority complex based on your States- envy that compels you to think up cornball lists in an effort to convince Americans that Canada isn't merely a possesion of America. 9. There is a portrait of a living queen of another country on your money. 8. You find your quasi- socialistic, liberal immigration policies are backfiring on you as you are squeezed out of jobs, social services and a relatively low-crime existence. 7. Your ineffectual government pretends to be pacifistic and nuetral in policy, but kowtows immediately to whatever the US tells you to do. 6. You practically invented professional hockey, but you can't even get into the Stanley cup finals anymore. 5. Nobody really cares about you, your country or what you think. 4. You pretend to be civil and liberal and have a disdain for firarms, but you have no choice since civil liberties are practically non- existant. Your government can censor you, disarm you and ta you at will and you go along like sheep. 3. You criticize America for it's "gun culture", but your still relatively lilly- white, homogenious culture is hardly any comparison to the extremely diverse, eclectic and complex societal and historical strata in the States. 2. You can barely list three extremly lame performers as your national treasures, yet you can't even remember that "captain Kirks''" name is William Shatner. And, the NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL IF YOU'RE CANADIAN... You're actually proud that you know what a "togue" is. IP: Logged |
magebard Geek-in-Training Posts: 31 |
posted April 16, 2002 04:01
Snaggy: A touque is a typo, but a tuque is a necessity. dragonman97: Canada is definitely a cool place to live, maybe even outright cold. SuperJ_O_T_Fan: a few series filmed in canada - Stargate SG-1, X-Files, Outer Limits, Andromeda a few canadians - lorne green, michael j. fox, jim carrey, john candy, martin short, james doohan, nicole de boer, michael shanks, teryl rothery, lexa doig, gordon michael wolvett, lisa ryder, brent stait, laura bertram, pamela anderson trivia - joe shuster and frank shuster (cousins, both canadian) created superman, so I guess superman is canadian too... the man of steel, eh? (... trying to picture superman wearing a tuque ...) IP: Logged |
pakratt Maximum Newbie Posts: 15 |
posted April 16, 2002 04:08
well, i'd have to say that that was rather harsh, SuperJ_O_T. i'm not canadian nor have i ever been there and i've known so few canadians that i can count them on one hand (that i know of, canadians have a knack at pretending to be american. however, i'd have to say that canadians, in my view, are pretty nice neighbors. every one i've known has been polite and nice and i'd much rather have one of them as a neighbor than someone like you. perhaps the canadian government and stuff is different than ours (i'm assuming you are also american from your pro-american tone) but that's no reason to bash it. every government does stupid things, ours has done more than its share. however, even if you've had some bad canadian experiences (which probably isn't the case) you can't generalize to the whole country. otherwise everyone who reads your post would think that all americans are assholes. IP: Logged |
pakratt Maximum Newbie Posts: 15 |
posted April 16, 2002 04:11
actually, this reminds me of an episode of "this american life." it's a great show, check it out. http://www.thislife.org/pages/archive97.html#65 this episode is called "Who's Canadian." if you're not familiar with the show you should definitely listen, always has an interesting take on stuff. IP: Logged |
crazyarlo Maximum Newbie Posts: 18 |
posted April 16, 2002 06:07
WOW! SuperJ_O_T_Fan is what we refer to as a rare "Canada Hater". You gotta really dig hard to find things to hate about Canada, but there he is, ranting about "liberal immigration policies" and "quasi-socialism". YIKES!! Do I smell PAT BUCHANAN??? lol Hey, I have known many Canadians in my time, and they are fine people. And, because of Second City TV, my whole family (here in Ohio) wears a touque in the winter!! Take off to the great white north!! Rock on Canadians!!!!! IP: Logged |
Swiss Mercenary BlabberMouth, the Next Generation. Posts: 1507 |
posted April 16, 2002 09:11
Naah SuperJ_O_T_Fan is what we call a troll, which is why I ignored the post when I read it this morning (for me). Ignore the trolls and they will go back to hiding under the bridge. IP: Logged |
ginkgo Newbie Posts: 7 |
posted April 16, 2002 10:28
Quite a few of these could also apply to Brits - for example we also eat chocolate (some of us in vast quantities) not candy, know that that "zee" is really "zed", and drink pop not soda. In addition (and to distinguish ourselves from the Canadians) we also: walk on the pavement (driving is reserved for roads, normally); know that a trunk is part of an elephant not part of a car; can tell the difference between our fanny and our arse (sorry, "ass"); and (to pick just one) that the correct spelling of "sulfur" (sp) is in fact "sulphur". America and Britain: truly, two countries separated by a common language. IP: Logged |
Bregalad Super Geek Posts: 232 |
posted April 16, 2002 12:31
[QUOTE]Originally posted by SuperJ_O_T_Fan: 10. You have a huge inferiority complex based on your States- envy that compels you to think up cornball lists in an effort to convince Americans that Canada isn't merely a possesion of America. States envy? Don't make me laugh. Tell me why Americans stick Canadian flags on their stuff when they travel anywhere outside their own country? Aren't you proud of where you come from? 9. There is a portrait of a living queen of another country on your money. Canada is a constitutional monarchy. Queen Elizabeth II is the queen of Canada and I much prefer her on my money to depicting politicians of the past. It's bad enough that four of them are on our paper money. 6. You practically invented professional hockey, but you can't even get into the Stanley cup finals anymore. The largest group of professional hockey players is still Canadian despite having only about 5% of the population of the hockey playing world. I'd call that overwhelming success. 5. Nobody really cares about you, your country or what you think. Then why did you get so worked up over a silly list that's been going around the internet for years? 3. You criticize America for it's "gun culture", but your still relatively lilly- white, homogenious culture is hardly any comparison to the extremely diverse, eclectic and complex societal and historical strata in the States. How then do you explain the fact that 80% of the school children in this city are non-white? Your country only has a large population of African Americans because you imported their ancestors as slaves. As for homogenious, the USA isn't called the "melting pot" for nothing. Believe it or not (obviously not) there are some Canadians who understand that guns aren't inherently evil and that recent amendments to already strict gun control laws were made with very little intelligent thought. 2. You can barely list three extremly lame performers as your national treasures, yet you can't even remember that "captain Kirks''" name is William Shatner. Wow, that one dumb list sure got under your skin! You're actually proud that you know what a "togue" is. That's toque according to most sources, but the town of La Tuque is named after the hat so even within Canada there are variations in spelling. The thing I'm most proud of is that I'm not like you, SuperJ_O_T_Fan. IP: Logged |
Stereo Super Geek Posts: 153 |
posted April 16, 2002 17:34
Time for a Quebecker to voice about the touque/toque/tuque problem. Tuque is probably the word meant here. It is a knitten hat for winter. Toque can be a hat too, but usually made of fur (as in "toque de fourrure', think about the traditionnal russian hat or the "Davy Crockett" kind of hat), unless the Chef is wearing it. The word is also used for a hairdo: a bun (or chignon, as the French say). As for touque... never heard it used, but for the french "translation" of Peregrin's surname.My dictionary says that's a metal recipient for liquid, though. Well, I hope some people feel closer to being Canadian, now! IP: Logged |
SuperJ_O_T_Fan Newbie Larva Posts: 2 |
posted April 16, 2002 19:22
[QUOTE](various deletia) States envy? Don't make me laugh. Tell me why Americans stick Canadian flags on their stuff when they travel anywhere outside their own country? Aren't you proud of where you come from? Well, actually I am so proud in fact that I have no need to travel outside of my country- there's more than enough to keep me enthused right here in the 50 States. As for people affixing canadian flags when they travel abroad, I would surmise that that has to do with security given the hostilty and envy of so many lesser countries and be a matter of prudence, not pride. Let me put it this way, if you are financially well-to-do, do you go around flashing wads of cash in public? Would you not doing so mean that you were ashamed of your financial status? Not neccessarily- you get my point? I think you might Canada is a constitutional monarchy. Queen Elizabeth II is the queen of Canada and I much prefer her on my money to depicting politicians of the past. It's bad enough that four of them are on our paper money. Well, there's really not that much I can say about that- you say you're proud about some old hag and her in-bred descendants siphoning billions of dollars from the sweat of working people's tax dollars to support a lavish lifestyle only because she happened to have been born into some "regal" family? erm...hoaky- dokey. Ya got me on that one. The largest group of professional hockey players is still Canadian despite having only about 5% of the population of the hockey playing world. I'd call that overwhelming success. Oh, no doubt about it- Canada is right up there as far as native talent on the ice. But I'm from California and it even sticks in *my* craw when the likes of Colorado wins the cup. Then why did you get so worked up over a silly list that's been going around the internet for years? Exactly. A silly list that deserved a rebuttal right back at ya! How then do you explain the fact that 80% of the school children in this city are non-white? yep- give it time, my snow- bound friend, give it time. Watch in a couple of generations when these immigrants start to put the real squeeze on ya. You know, a liberal is merely a conservative who hasn't been mugged yet Your country only has a large population of African Americans because you imported their ancestors as slaves. Blacks are about 15% of the population. It only appears larger because of what you see on the mainstream media. As for homogenious, the USA isn't called the "melting pot" for nothing. Exactly- and it is precisely your myopic tee-vee driven view that propagates so much ill- will. America is not simply whites vs. blacks, haves vs. havenots, respectively. It is a highly complex structure of layers of ethnicity, diversity and institutions, not the least of which is our form of government. This is precisely why even to this day, despite all that seems so "wrong" with America, people risk their lives to come and live here. Our government, commonly mislabeled as a Democracy is actually no such thing, It is a Republic and has endured to become the oldest continual government in history- we have to be doing something right. As for those "politicians" on our money, well, for one thing, they were not all politicians; Ben Frankiln on the 100 dollar bill for one. But, more importantly, these were our Founding Fathers. Men who had the courage, selflessness and foresight to build a nation in defiance of King George and the crown and which has proven to be a durabl;e, if not exactly perfect, but remarkable nonetheless form of society. This courage and foresight was apparently lacking in you, our canadian brothers so many years ago when it camew time to choose sides. this, my friend, is why you still pay hmage to some old witch in an ermine robe and someday, to her quasi- retarded, flop eared bastard son. LOL. Believe it or not (obviously not) there are some Canadians who understand that guns aren't inherently evil and that recent amendments to already strict gun control laws were made with very little intelligent thought. They made amendments with "very little intelligent thought"?
Ya, but it's still kind of funny that he referred to William Shatner only as Captain Kirk. I mean, why not T.J.Hooker?
LOL- I'll toast to that! IP: Logged |
SMasuch Newbie Posts: 9 |
posted April 16, 2002 20:40
SuperJ_O_T_Fan, this is a jokes board. I think that the 'complete nationalistic zealot' board might be more fitting for you. I'm Canadian, I enjoyed the list, and I didn't really like you pick it apart and twisting it around. IP: Logged |
MariRumpus Newbie Larva Posts: 4 |
posted April 18, 2002 05:28
quote: Just off the top of my head, here are few ways for How To Tell If You're From Michigan: You have ever used a snowblower on the roof. Most of these would also do for my current residence in Far Upstate NY, where we are closer to Montreal than to civilized America. ------------------ IP: Logged |
spungo Assimilated Posts: 394 |
posted April 18, 2002 05:52
I think the dubious association of 'gun culture' with ethnic diversity that a certain contributor to this thread has cited makes me think that this would be a good opportunity to close this discussion and therefore deny the said unsound individual his/her highly-desired oxygen of attention. I'd like to say it was fun while it lasted. ------------------ IP: Logged |
mackevin Geek Posts: 68 |
posted April 23, 2002 18:00
quote: What is "Homo Milk"? I need a link to "Labatt Blue commercials" mackevin IP: Logged |
MightyJoeSakic Super Geek Posts: 106 |
posted April 23, 2002 19:42
quote:
The search shall CONTINUE......... ~Thom ------------------ IP: Logged |
Bregalad Super Geek Posts: 232 |
posted April 25, 2002 17:07
quote: I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kidnap you and force you to live in Canada for the rest of your life IP: Logged |
Sir Aureus Mini-Geek Posts: 50 |
posted April 26, 2002 12:27
quote: erm, oldest continual government in history? sorry if i seem a bit obsessive. just trying to get the facts straight ------------------ IP: Logged |
buck Single Celled Newbie Posts: 1 |
posted May 14, 2002 23:25
Quote: Oh, no doubt about it- Canada is right up there as far as native talent on the ice. But I'm from California and it even sticks in *my* craw when the likes of Colorado wins the cup.
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Geek~in~training Newbie Larva Posts: 4 |
posted May 15, 2002 16:45
quote:
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LostInColorado Geek Posts: 75 |
posted May 15, 2002 17:34
quote: C'est une tuque tabernak! (Tranlation: It's a touque damn it!) ------------------ At first, follow the rules of the game. IP: Logged |
LifetimeTrekker Assimilated Posts: 413 |
posted May 15, 2002 19:36
Two things: One--William Shatner is Jewish. Try saying that in a group of REAL rednecks! Two--Everything I've learned so far about Canadian Culture has come from watching the last three seasons of The Royal Canadian Air Farce, online at www.royalcanadianairfarce.com. Highly recommended comedy show, heavy satire on Canadian politics that even I can follow enough to get a picture of how things almost work up north. (Bummer about John Morgan retiring, I hope he's staying well. I miss him! Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll hire Colin Mochrie to replace him!) IP: Logged |
younghart Newbie Posts: 6 |
posted May 23, 2002 08:18
Hey, I got another one! What about Clanship? It�s been the ruling socialisation of the masses for Ks of years! I usually don�t care about what nation people come from. But when I once came across the border of NY for visiting Toronto, I first of all loved the metric system! Kilometres got me again! And I usually feel much safer if not everyone is able to carry a gun. You can recognize the guys with guns by their stupid dressing behaviors (soldiers, cops, hunters) and take cover. Helps, IMHO ;-) IP: Logged |
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