by Don Goldin and Akiva Leffert

Jeus, pronounced "Juice", is the undisputed head of the Geek gods and the god of caffeine. He tends to throw bottles of thunderJolt when angry.

Chronus is the father of Jeus; he is also the god of time, to whom the Geek people often pray to after they procrastinate. He most often responds by inspiring excuses, but a faithful and lucky Geek may receive divine deliverance from their tardiness.

Heradecimal is the goddess of numbers, codes, passwords, and RAM. She is jealous that the Geeks so often pray to Jeus before they seek her aid. She is also the goddess of marriage, but marriage is so rare among the Geeks that this is not well known even to the Geeks themselves.

Athena is the goddess of math and virgins; she has a large number of followers among the Geek people. She sprang from the head of Jeus while he was particularly buzzed, and thus she can perform calculations at such speed that she would be 99% likely to win any distributed competition. In the great Geek city of MIT, she is also worshipped as the goddess of clusters.

PoseAsDon is the god of the C and other programming languages.

Aires is the god of video games, Quake, and body odor. He is worshipped mainly by male Geeks and often despised by their girlfriends and wives.

Apollo is the god of databases, unix, electronica, chicken, and esoteric puns.

Hadbeens is the god of broken hardware, obsolete computers, and software crashes. The Geeks believe him to be the King of Hell.

Demeter is the goddess of physics, royalties, and scientific units.

Pursephone, the goddess of mothers, is both hated and loved by the Geeks. Half of the time, she is the Queen of Hell and is best avoided, but half of the time she brings advice, consolation, and extra cash in times of need.

Dionysus is the god of meaningless, drunken, orgiastic revelry and bulletin boards. He is loved by some but spurned by many, as such good times inevitably go up in flames.

Morpheus is a fictional character worshipped by many Geeks. They believe him to somehow be involved in dreams and awakening.

Halfassedus is the god Geek engineers worship when they work.

Aphrodite is the goddess of email viruses.

Phearmes is the god of broadband, shipping, and e-commerce. He is also a trickster worshipped by Geeks of Hacker descent.

Hostia is the goddess of home pages and hard drives.

Artemis is the goddess of nightlights and the keeper of the Deer Hunter trophies.

The Amuses are the daughters of Apollo and the goddesses of entertainment. Some Geeks mistake them for deities of inspiration, often resulting in disaster.

Hexacles is a demigod and the subject great legends, which will be greatly condensed in this text. He was originally given sixteen bits, but he only managed to complete twelve of them. The remaining four became the alpha channel, and thus he became the deity of RGBA.

The Morgons, known to the neighboring civilization of the Nerds as the Users, are hideous but stupid monsters, easily distracted by something as simple as a mirror.

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P.S. I know a lot of this post is a little recondite, but I think we (Akiva and I) managed to get at least one joke into each sentence. Feel free to reply in this topic with any questions.

P.P.S. "Recondite" means, according to the Meriam-Webster Dictionary of the English Language, "difficult or impossible for one of ordinary understanding or knowledge to comprehend."

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I'm egotistical and I'm
proud of it!

What about Errors, the son of Aphrodite and archer of system crashes? Okay, yes, that was bad. I'll go to sleep now. Just pretend that never happened...