There's this oblong ball (referred to for some reason as the "pigskin" even though regulations stipulate that it be made from leather) that doesn't throw well unless you curve your arm just so. It starts out at one end of a 100-yard long field. Team A kicks the ball in the direction of Team B's "end zone" (ie, the end of the field that has their name painted on it). Team B (now the "offensive" team) then catches the ball and proceeds to move the ball into the end zone of Team A. This process repeats until:

- Team B fails to move the ball at least 10 yards within 4 consecutive attempts; these attempts are referred to as "downs" and will lead to such updates as "2nd and 5," which means they are on their second of four attempts and must move the ball at least 5 more yards. The count resets itself the instant the ball has moved at least 10 yards.

- Team B gets the ball across Team A's end zone. This is called a Touchdown (see below).

- Team A intercepts the ball, at which point they become the "offensive" team. (At any given moment, the other team is called the "defensive" team.)

Moving the ball across the opposing team's end zone is called a Touchdown, and is worth 6 points. After scoring a Touchdown, the offensive team can attempt a Point After Touchdown by kicking the ball between the large inverted H formed by the goal post. Thus a Touchdown is potentially worth 7 points.

When a team has finished it's Point After Touchdown attempt, the other team then becomes the offensive team and tries to rush the ball across the now-defensive team's end zone.

The offensive team also has the option to attempt a field goal any time they're within 30 yards of the defensive team's end zone. This is essentially identical to the Point After Touchdown attempt, except it's only worth 3 points and includes no Point After attempt.

The game is divided into 4 quarters of 15 minutes each, though the clock frequently stops for reasons not at all apparent to me. Each 15 minute quarter thus takes roughly 40-55 minutes. There's also usually entertainment known as a "halftime show" between the second and third quarters. This takes many forms but usually involves a marching band and bouncing coeds in tight sweaters and miniskirts. The origins of this bizarre ritual remain a mystery.

Woohoo!

Evilbunny, a team may attempt a field goal on any one of the plays when they are in possession of the ball, not just within 30 yards of the other team's end zone. However, there are limits to how far a person can accurately kick a ball. As you might guess, strategy as well as human limitations dictate when to attempt a field goal.

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Originally posted by Evilbunny:
WOW! I think I will take that bit of literature and memorize it. It is imperative to my life!
Thanks!

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Why?

It has been imperative to my coworkers lives occasionally that they *stop* talking about it.

Played with round leather ball. Actually these days, not made of leather.
11 men on each team, 10 field players and 1 goalkeeper.
Object of the game: Get the round ball into the opponents goal.

Players not allowed to touch the ball with their hands or arms, except for the goalkeeper, and even only within his area, 15m box around the central point of his goal.

Each goal is worth one point (except in certain cup matches when away goals scored will count double in event of a tie).

Played in two-halfs of 45 minutes, no stoppages for commercials during play. Extra time may be added on for stoppages of play, such as injuries, during regular time.

Other rules exist, such as offside rule etc.

Most popular game in the world.

Example: the Rams start with the ball on their own 20-yard line. On first down they run the ball forward for 4 yards. It's now "2nd and 6" with the ball on the 24-yard line. On second down the passer throws an incomplete pass, which gains no yards and the play is wasted. It's now "3rd and 6." On third down they again pass, this time with a catch that gains a further 3 yards. It's now "4th and 3" on the 27-yard line. Now if the Rams can't get those last three yards for the first down in the next play, the Patriots will get the ball where is lies at the end of the fourth-down play, and so not too far away from the endzone. Therefore the Rams (in most situations) will decide to take their fourth-down play and punt the ball to the Patriots, who get the ball but are now at their own (say) 24-yard line (nice punt).

There are also a number of penalties that can be called by the officials (of which there are seven on the field). Penalties can be called against offensive or defensive players, and generally add yards to be gained for the first down (if it's an offensive penalty) or subtract yards to be gained for the first down (if a defensive penalty).

Another example: the Patriots now have the ball on their 24-yard line. On first down, one of the Patriots' players moves illegally before the play begins. That's a "false start" that costs the Patriots 5 yards. The ball moves to their 19-yard line, and it remains first down; it's "1st and 15." On the next play, the Patriots throw a pass, which isn't caught. Unfortunately one of the Rams' defenders interfered with the Patriot trying to catch the ball, which results in the pass not being caught. That's a defensive penalty called "pass interference" and is pretty serious: the Patriots will gain 15 yards and a first down (regardless of how much distance they still needed to get it).

There are loads of penalties that can be called, and an official will make known that he has noticed a penalty by throwing a weighted yellow cloth (called a "flag") on the ground in the region of the penalty. Then the officials that were in the area will confer and the head official (the referee) will announce what the penalty was, who committed it, and what will happen to the ball because of it. This is one reason why the game can take so long to play. Add into the mix the recent development of "instant replay," where the referee will look at TV replays of the action to decide what actually happened (during the game, mind you), and an important game like the Super Bowl can take a while -- they want to make sure they make the right calls. (Instant replay is the source of vociferous debate, pro and con, but that's a subject fit for another forum).

There's a fair bit in football to geek out about. Strategizing picks on Draft Day is probably the highest attainment of that particular art. But don't try to master such minutiae at the start! Regardless, there won't be any more football until late summer (unless you count the Pro Bowl, played this weekend, which is the NFL's All-Star Game [yawn]).

BTW, baseball is also a good sport to geek out about, since it records reams and reams of statistics. Baseball stats geeks are called "sabermetricians" after their organization, the Society for American Baseball Research. Stephen Jay Gould is their patron saint. That too is a subject fit for another forum....

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feldspar.
"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

My command of the Japanese language was not very good and their English didn't include a lot of sports terminology, so instead of trying to explain the game, I just let them know when our team was defense or offense, so we could do the correct cheer for the situation.

Football (the kind most Americans like):

Theres a square thing with a picture.
Theres cold cylinders with liquid.
Theres round concave containers with square cubes within made of processed dairy food.
Theres twisted items which are made of a bread type substance, baked and salted.

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Originally posted by Rednivek:

Theres a square thing with a picture.
Theres cold cylinders with liquid.
Theres round concave containers with square cubes within made of processed dairy food.
Theres twisted items which are made of a bread type substance, baked and salted.

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Originally posted by Swiss Mercenary:
Football (the real game, not the US version of Rugby).

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Well, Evilbunny did ask 'who knows how to play football here' which I take to mean the US

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Other rules exist, such as offside rule etc.

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...Which Swiss Mercenary will now eloquently explain:

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Originally posted by nekomatic:
...Which Swiss Mercenary will now eloquently explain:

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WOW! I think I will take that bit of literature and memorize it. It is imperative to my life!

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Mine too. My head is spinning from that oh-so-simple explanation.

Geez, all you need to know is this: there are two teams. The field is 100 yards long. There are goalposts, shaped kinda like the letter 'H' at each end of the field.

Each team tries to get the football through or over the other team's goalposts. If they run it through the goal it's a touchdown, worth 6 points. Then they get a chance to kick it over the bar in the H for another point.

They can also kick it over the bar without scoring a touchdown; that's a field goal, worth 3 points.

That's basically it, though you'd like it better if you knew about downs. If you want that part of it, let me know.

Regards

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

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When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

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Oh.My.God. That reminds me of Abbot and Costello's classic take on baseball, Who's on First. That makes perfect sense too, as long as you realize that Who is the first baseman's last name!

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Originally posted by Tau Zero:
Among my prized possessions is the Abbott and Costello baseball team, with their names printed below each cartoon-player at their defensive positions, printed on a T-shirt.

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Geez, and I thought I had something good because I have a tape of A&C doing the routine. Where'd ya get the shirt? I'd love to have one.

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Originally posted by TechnoGram:
Where'd ya get the shirt? I'd love to have one.

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