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July 27, 2008

Presenting the Steve Jobs Opening Line Generator!

You may have read Joe Nocera's article from yesterday's New York Times, in which, (on page 2), he reveals that Steve Jobs called him on the telephone, and hit him with the opening line: "This is Steve Jobs. You think I'm an arrogant [expletive] who thinks he's above the law, and I think you're a slime bucket who gets most of his facts wrong."

You gotta admit, that's a great opener.

Well, we thought so too, and then we thought to ourselves, wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to come up with such an original opening line if the need arise? Well, since most of us aren't that creative in the opening salvo department, we thought we'd use Steve's as a template, and build an easy to use pop-up menu opening line generator. Behold! (Note: please use with caution.)

You think I'm an who thinks he's , and I think you're a who

Posted by Snaggy at July 27, 2008 02:13 PM


I can't believe how amusing this is. Or maybe how easily amused I am. Either way, nice work.

Posted by: fs at July 27, 2008 03:38 PM

Okay, I gotta leave or I will spend all night doing this. Brilliant!

Posted by: dizzle at July 27, 2008 05:04 PM

Heh, this is great.

"You think I'm a facist elitist who thinks he's hot shit, and I think you're a feeble-minded blogger who could win the Nobel Prize for Excrement."


Posted by: Sebastian Lewis at July 28, 2008 12:19 AM

Now just tell me this wouldn't make a bitchin' free iPhone app. Think Apple would publish it?

Posted by: Sum Jung Gai at July 28, 2008 12:41 AM

those arent expetives

Posted by: rt at July 28, 2008 01:13 AM

Make it randomly generating the most insanely great opening line please!

Posted by: Muce at July 28, 2008 01:33 AM

pompous tyrant the only person that matters, and belligerant dumbass is driving with his lights off.

Posted by: CB at July 28, 2008 02:10 AM

this is steve jobs. you think I am a CEO with a sense of humour and I think you are a slimeball who is about to get his ass sued for plagiarism.

only joking.


fake steve

Posted by: Anonymous at July 28, 2008 03:18 AM

Ok, I'm still crying, this is hilarious!

Posted by: Steven at July 28, 2008 03:43 AM

Great work guys!

Maybe would be a nice idea to put a "publish" button so you could add your Opening Line line :D

Posted by: Kristy M. at July 28, 2008 04:19 AM

wowaweewa this is awesome

Posted by: fs at July 28, 2008 05:29 AM

"You think I'm an insanely great snot who thinks he's hot shit, and I think you're a mouldy doormat who is driving with his lights off!"

While it is funny, I doubt Steve would call some random reporter about anything as personal as his medical records. It's likely the call is pure fiction to make the reporter seem important (I know something you don't know!)...

Posted by: Iroquois Plissken at July 28, 2008 08:56 AM

I want this as a Facebook app which would automatically update my status

Posted by: Steve at July 28, 2008 09:26 AM

You need to a/an those articles, though.

Posted by: JP at July 28, 2008 10:33 AM

I think y'all are sarcastic geek-wads who think you're "creative", and I think you're brilliant (multiple expletives) who've got too much time on your hands.


Posted by: Reggie at July 28, 2008 12:13 PM

Hey! It also works for a Bush to Gore opening line!

"You think I'm an imperialist dictator who thinks he's king of the world, and I think you're a friendless blockhead who farts out the wrong end."

(...of course, after composing this "great" opening line, Bush would still get half the words wrong!)

Posted by: RH at July 28, 2008 04:35 PM

randomize it please!!!

Posted by: Roger at August 1, 2008 01:54 PM