homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » News, Reviews, Views!   » Our stupid lives   » Never rope a deer!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Never rope a deer!
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1659

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted November 21, 2008 17:07      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
__________________ Since it is Deer Season here in Michigan I thought I would share this with everybody. A farmer friend that migrated to Michigan from N. Dakota knew the author


Never rope a deer!





I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out....a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when...

I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal --like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

All these events are true so help me God..
Sincerely, Bill

Now TheMoMans take on this about Sixty miles away is a wild game rehabitation farm some of these deer can not be let back into the woods as they have become tame and must be fed. So here is the rub the not tame and not so wild deer have found that people will feed them at the game ranch. They even sell over priced grain to feed the deer. So TheMoMan and the Mrs. are there enjoying Gods Creatures when an outside deer comes up to see if he can get fed, it is obvious that he is a he because of his nice rack. Well somebodies junior holds out a paper sack of grain to the stag. now the stag not seeing any danger in the offer sticks his snoot into the paper sack and starts to eat. Near the bottom when the deer breaths in the sack sucks shut on his head. His eyes flare and he tries harder to get a breath, panic sets in and he is jumping about,people are running to get out of the way. Now the stag is really flailing about and finally falls down, it is now that TheMoMan feels it may be safe to approach the deer. However because the deer has now started to breath shallow that the bag falls off, he makes a giant inhale and lies there awhile and takes another, then bolts to his feet. Stares at us with great dislike and turns and runs to the woods.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5836 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
garlicguy

Member # 3166

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted November 22, 2008 10:41      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TheMoMan:
...it is obvious that he is a he because of his nice rack.

Dude! You been in the woods too long!


[Big Grin]
gg

--------------------
I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1659

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted November 23, 2008 11:11      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
_______________ garlicguy __ Yeah think?

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5836 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1659

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted November 24, 2008 08:40      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
____________________ garlicguy __ I thought you needed to be brought up to speed.

Rural Michigan Rules


1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.í No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Get out of the way!


4. To us they are cattle. Think of them as live steaks. They smell funny
to you, but they smell like money to us. Get over it.


5. We're not impressed that you have a $60,000 car. We have $150,000
corn pickers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in rural Michigan waves at you. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming
in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it
up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish
after catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the 15th of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats
(includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper,
hot sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We donít care what you folks in
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring Ďcokeí into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College & High School Football is as important here as the Bears or
the Bulls, & a dang site more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when
they come home for the holidays.

18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and
Marines. Plus we have the Michigan Militia! So donít mess with us. If you
do, you will get whipped by the best.

19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers. Refer back to #1.

20. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you
got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper
from the grocery stores. This ainít Alaska! Worst case, you may have to
live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you
out the next day.

21. I-94 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.


A true Michigander will send this on.

PS: I have a twenty Five Horse power Snowblower, and if that does not do the job, I call Jeff from down the road with his One Hundred and fifty Horse rig,

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5836 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1429

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted November 25, 2008 03:55      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
1. Funniest thing I've read in a long time

2. That's why we buy beef from the grocery store, instead of venison.

--------------------
I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!

Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
CoyoteSD39
Geek Larva
Member # 10138

Icon 1 posted November 25, 2008 06:16      Profile for CoyoteSD39     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
MoMan....

You could change some of the geographical references in that list, and it would describe the county I live in to a T!!! [Applause]

All the businesses in this area will be closed for Opening Day, and I'm not referring to baseball.

--------------------
Ack. Hairball.

Posts: 29 | From: In the Heart of the Seven Mountains | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1659

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted November 26, 2008 14:56      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
______________________ CoyoteSD39 __ Ah yes that time of year when all of Michigans Citydiots come up into the wilds to hunt and kill our deer. For you see we have seven or eight that stay out in the back ten (acres), this spring we had a Doe drop a pair of fawns in the field North of ours. To us they are part of living here. Most of the locals Bow hunt when the Citydiots are not here. I seem to get them with my truck it has hit four in eight years. Even the dog doesnot chase them anymore.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5836 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time  
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

© 2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam