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Author Topic: Total Environmental Catastrophe In the Colonel's Back Yard!
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted May 21, 2008 20:05      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Somebody call the regional heads of Green Peace and PETA and tell them to quit playing cards!

The Colonel's carbon footprint has grown from Tinker Bell to King Kong. And the really bad part is his carbon consumption doesn't get a single MPG.

Well boo freakin' hoo my vapid vegan comrades!

Because there it is in the back yard, right next to where the Pizza Oven is going, 450 gleaming pounds of American-designed, Chinese-fabricated grade 304 stainless steel, putting out over 97,000 BTUs of propane-gobbling heat output. Yes, I'm talking BRITISH thermal units, because, hell, if they were AMERICAN Thermal units we would only count 6 or 7 of them, wouldn't we? Still that's enough heat to warm an entire third-world village for a year.

And, why should I care? The last time I had a ticket to a third-world country the natives tried to kill me and hang my butt in a tiger cage!

So let the third world go cold as far as I'm concerned. I'm an American! I have sentient beings to roast! Searing hot sensations! I'm talking the marvels of the Maillard effect here, pilgrims.

This grill wasn't bought to warm over tofu burgers and zuchinni strips. No sir-ee Bob and Bobbee!

In fact, speakin' of my last extra-continental visit, I have my eye on the next door neighbor's Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig! Hanoi Jane is thinkin' of showing for that barbecue, just to show she's ready to make up with America! You can stick that in your McRibs, my McAmerican friends.

So pick up some tripplebock down at the local brew pub and bring on over your favorite cut of de-vine bo-vine!

We're ready to fire up the Barbie, as well as her friends Skipper, Tutti, Stacie, Francie and Jazzie. Ken and Derek ain't invited -- last I heard those boys took off for a weekend tryst with their buddy GI Joe.

Yee-hah!

That's the news frrom Glacier Melt!

Where I'm sitting on the shores of the world's largest body of fresh water in the whole freakin' world. And you're not.

Too bad, because there's one heckuva party going on here this summer.

CP

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Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
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Icon 1 posted May 22, 2008 01:12      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Colonel Panic:
Yes, I'm talking BRITISH thermal units, because, hell, if they were AMERICAN Thermal units we would only count 6 or 7 of them, wouldn't we?

I'm sure American Thermal Units would be smaller than the British unit (like your puny gallons), so you could boast of having so many more.

/me does a quick mental calculation...

Hmm, that barbie could deliver about 300 litres of boiling water per hour, not too shabby. Ever thought of converting it into a still? I have a cousin who could teach you how to make real whisky, without an 'e'.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted May 22, 2008 08:40      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
___________________ CP Don't you remember that Tim Allen on Tool Time, explained BTU as Binford thermal Unit, while redoing the basement.

That grill is 1 & 1/2 times as big as the furnace in our house and that to is too big.

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Grummash

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Icon 1 posted May 22, 2008 12:45      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Colonel Panic:
...putting out over 97,000 BTUs of propane-gobbling heat output

I think our central heating boiler, which heats the house and provides all running hot water, probably manages about 60 to 70,000 BTUs.

Which reminds me of an ancient proverb, suggesting that our ancestors were well aware of mens tendency to 'over-compensate'...

"Man who has massive barbeque only has tiny sausage..."

Make of that what you will. [Wink]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

Posts: 2335 | From: Lancashire,UK | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted May 23, 2008 07:38      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yea, my house furnace is 50k BTUs.

That said, I look forward to an address to bring my raw steaks to so I can place them on said barbeque for 9-10 seconds to sear the outside, and warm the inside.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
HalfVast

Member # 3187

Icon 1 posted May 23, 2008 07:46      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
That said, I look forward to an address to bring my raw steaks to so I can place them on said barbeque for 9-10 seconds to sear the outside, and warm the inside.
I would think while you're up on the Ambassador Bridge you can just look west/southwest and drive towards the thermal plume.
Posts: 795 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted May 23, 2008 08:30      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
______________________ CP did you fail fifth grade geography because I believe that Lake Superior, Lake Huron and Georgian Bay are bigger than Lake Michigan. Oh yeah, right those are international waters while Lake Michigan only abuts Wisconsin, Illinois, and Indiana. Did you know that the water craft rules are different on Lake Michigan than Lake Huron?

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted May 23, 2008 19:48      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TheMoMan:
______________________ CP did you fail fifth grade geography because I believe that Lake Superior, Lake Huron and Georgian Bay are bigger than Lake Michigan. Oh yeah, right those are international waters while Lake Michigan only abuts Wisconsin, Illinois, and Indiana. Did you know that the water craft rules are different on Lake Michigan than Lake Huron?

Mo-Man,

I just figure all the Great Lakes are part of the same big pond, with Lake Michigan and Superior upstream of Detroit, Cleveland and Toronto.

CP

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Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted May 23, 2008 20:00      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
quote:
Originally posted by Colonel Panic:
...putting out over 97,000 BTUs of propane-gobbling heat output

"Man who has massive barbeque only has tiny sausage..."

Make of that what you will. [Wink]

Grum,

How did you know?

And it's not just one tiny wiener, but TWO!

That's not all, I may be posting -- guard the children's eyes now -- pictures of the tiny wieners in a soon to be published revealing expose' posting!
Stay tuned!


CP

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Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
quantumfluff
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Icon 1 posted May 24, 2008 15:28      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
97K BTU. Cool. What's the surface area/BTU
ratio? That is, can you get parts of it to
about 800 degrees for really flash searing a
steak - like 30 seconds on each side.

Posts: 2902 | From: 5 to 15 meters above sea level | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted May 24, 2008 21:31      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by quantumfluff:
97K BTU. Cool. What's the surface area/BTU
ratio? That is, can you get parts of it to
about 800 degrees for really flash searing a
steak - like 30 seconds on each side.

Q,

It gets really hot. One burner is a 22.5 K gas-ceramic infrared sear burner, which does its job well.

Last week is was cool here, 50s-60s F and it got to 450F in about six minutes. Once there I'm already finished searing, so I turn off the infrared and turn the straight gas burners down to the lowest setting and the temperature still rises. Turning one of the burners off and keeping the other on low, the temperature will drop a bit.

It also has a 15K infrared sear burner at the back for rotisserie. This arrangement allows the beast to turn in and out of the searing heat, while drippings drop onto a relatively cool surface and do not flare up.

I'm thinking the surface area is around 625 sq. in., give or take.

Other design features include a double-wall hood, which keeps heat in a bit, plus a baffle-style arrangement for the flue to help keep heat in. Even the end of the rotisserie spit is mounted on the inside of the hood, instead of mounted through the hood to help retain heat.

Airflow design is just enough to feed the gas flame (so no true smoking, though it does have a smoker box).

I've already learned no holding on to hood handle when turning meat while searing -- the rising heat scorched my arm.

I think sometime over the holiday me, Trixie and Bubbles are going to try ginger-garlic baby seal.

Gotta go, some chick and her dog just brought back the witch's broom and I gotta use the grill to scare 'em.

CP

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Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted May 25, 2008 18:47      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Two tiny weiners...

Ginger-garlic baby seal...

I think I'm gonna die. Right after I finish my rabbit food. [Razz]

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted May 27, 2008 17:16      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
___________________ Total Waist and Cholesterol Catastrophe, on the Hill-top. We have a smaller grill than the Colonel, However that did not stop us, Turkey fryer doing Corn on the Cob, On the Grill, Turkey, Garlic and Spices Sausages, Polish Sausages, Burgers with Onion, and some good old Kogels (Hot Dogs to Non Michiganders). Then Tater Salad, Macaroni Salad, Baked Beans, and Cucumber slices in Vinegar. My Belly is still distended. All of this was preceeded by running the quads all over the farm. then the meal was shook down by running the quads again.

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged


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