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Author Topic: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Mel
Alpha Geek
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Icon 1 posted January 24, 2008 10:18      Profile for Mel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think my friend's baby has FAS. I know she drank and smoked weed while pregnant, and her baby's face shows signs of the syndrome. Should I say something to her about it? I don't know if this is a situation where I should mind my own business or if I should bring it up and offer her help. What would you guys do???
Posts: 309 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted January 24, 2008 10:33      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If your friend has been taking her baby to a doctor, she probably already knows. If she hasn't, you might want to nudge her in that direction. She certainly needs help though - it's incredibly irresponsible to drink while pregnant and this might be a sign of a drinking problem. The thing is, you can't help someone who doesn't want it. You're in a bit of a bind, I'm afraid.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted January 24, 2008 10:44      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
_________________________ Xanthine has it right in that if someone doesn't want help, you cannot help them. That said if you become aware of your friend driveing DUI then you have to step up and call Childrens Protective Services. You may not be able to save your friend but you can save the baby.

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5848 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Aditu
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Icon 1 posted January 25, 2008 16:04      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's a tricky thing. You don't want to alienate your friend as then you really can't help. However she's going to need to clean up in order to take care of a child with special needs. Do you know anyone in her family that you could talk to?
Posts: 1355 | From: Osten Ard | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Mel
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Icon 1 posted January 25, 2008 20:56      Profile for Mel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for the responses. I think I'll bring it up with another girl friend who also knows a little bit about FAS (we're both teachers). I just think someone should say something as she is thinking about having another baby. She doesn't drive, so that isn't an issue. But I know my friends think something is up, as I made a comment once about my friends baby looking a little different and we all had a good giggle about The Seinfeld episode where they're shocked by the ugly baby. But now that his features are developing, he's showing clear signs of the syndrome. If my friends and I do decide to confront her, how does one tell someone that there is suspicion that the baby has a mental disability?
Posts: 309 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted January 25, 2008 22:58      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A mental disability is one thing. A mental disability that is essentially deliberately caused by the mother is quite another.

It may be awkward, but I like to think that if I was in your position I'd bring it up- tactfully. Personally, I have little tolerance for women who give their kids FAS, especially in an era where nobody is forcing you to have a child. She pretty much just dicked her kid for life, if he truly has fetal alcohol syndrome. If that turns out not to be the case, then no harm, no foul; your friend should feel grateful that she has someone concerned and knowledgeable enough to see these things.

If it is the case, well, your friend is clearly not responsible enough to be reproducing. You should make sure she knows that.

I forget what movie it is, but it features Keanu Reeves and he makes a comment along the lines of "In this country, you need a license to drive, or buy a gun, or even catch a fish; but any asshole can be a dad." Obviously, it goes both ways.

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted January 26, 2008 00:53      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I repeat. If your friend has been taking her baby to a doctor, she either already knows or she will soon. Doctors do not let the funny-looking thing slide. If she's not saying anything to you, she is either in denial or ashamed or some combination of the two. She did this to her child. I can't imagine what it must be like to face up to something like that.

If she has not been taking her baby in, urge her to do so. But be warned: parents get very touchy when outsiders butt in on their methods. Your friend has already proven herself to be selfishly irresponsible. Keep that in mind.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted January 27, 2008 14:22      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If you had a notion to speak to her, it should have been while she was pregnant.

Now what can it do? A physician will see it.

The drunk driving, or heavy drinking around the child should be reported.

CP

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Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged


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