homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums

Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » News, Reviews, Views!   » Our stupid lives   » a friend criticizes me as sharply as possible

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: a friend criticizes me as sharply as possible
Maximum Newbie
Member # 12035

Icon 5 posted November 03, 2007 06:42      Profile for Eric-Ofcourse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hello everyone.

I just wanted to ask some advice about having a friend that is jealous of you. Perhaps some people have been in this situation before, so it would be good to know their thoughts on it.

My friend is unemployed, and he spends all day on his computer reading Wikipedia and learning about wildlife and German soccer history. He also is a kind of scorched romantic, so he is always talking about women and this woman and that woman and "philosophizing about love" is one of his hobbies: he is very lonely. Add to this that six months ago he moved away from Cologne, to a new city, where he knows no one and has no job– he lives in total isolation and has literally gone six weeks or more without having a real conversation that wasn't on the phone. Since he moved I've been exchanging emails with him, and he's only visited me once but we had a great time. At bottom, he's a good guy. But I also know that his life is deeply unsatisfying for him and he is disappointed with everything– although to my mind he makes no great effort to change things. My life by contrast is going well and I have a pretty good career or at least my studies show promise.

But recently he critized me in a tone that I couldnt believe for posting the picture that is in my profile on Geekculture, because I also made that my picture on our Student website. The criticism was so harsh, so condescending, and I find, so unwarranted, that it really took me off guard. When I reacted with disbelief, he just kept on saying things that got even worse.

The picture I post on an internet forum is not very important to me, and to get so much disrespect for it is really amazing. Thats my view. "You look like an idiot," "You have posted so many pictures where you look stupid", "You look like a person with an IQ under 60", "Just ask someone else before you post a picture". I told him, all kidding aside, and all brusque manly palaver aside, this really hurts my feelings!

I find sometimes he likes to play the role of "hardened man who has to speak harsh truth", and although I used to respect this, I am starting to wonder if it dovetails with "dissatisfied guy who wants to disillusion you and takes pleasure in revealing the harshness of life to someone whose life is pleasant."

Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm really growing tired of being cuffed for every demonstration of playfulness and enthusiasm by some Chuck-Norris-imitating guy who thinks he alone knows how hard life is. His criticism of me, I am convinced, really contains an element of jealousy, otherwise it wouldnt be so sharp. Either that or his social skills have just left him because of the years of complete isolation. He is also 8 years older than me (so hes 31). We've been friends for one year now.

I would appreciate any advice, or if you were in a similar situation, tell me about it.

(I edited out an overabstracted theoretical reformulation of the above question. )

Posts: 12 | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged
Member # 5114

Member Rated:
Icon 1 posted November 03, 2007 09:04      Profile for stevenback7   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My advice is to give this guy a piece of his own medicine. Tell him how you see his life and the direction it is going and how what you are doing to him now is what he did to you.

I give this advice only because he is someone who sounds like he isn't in your every day life and someone who you can live without if needed. If he was in your every day life the advice would be different.

Either he is going to be pissed and arrogant about the situation and you lose a friend who apparently doesn't deserve you. Or he will be a friend and appologize and you will be better friends in the long run.

Comic Book Guy: There is no emoticon for what i'm feeling.

Posts: 1199 | From: Canada eh? | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Uber Geek
Member # 3773

Icon 1 posted November 03, 2007 09:39      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think a comment to the effect of "Look who's talking" would do a lot of good.

"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

Posts: 948 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted November 03, 2007 09:44      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'd be blunt and tell him that, while you like having him as a friend, you feel his criticism of you is inaccurate and too harsh and it would be better if he kept it to himself.

Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 748

Member Rated:
Icon 1 posted November 03, 2007 10:07      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Or you could just tell him "better look like an idiot than be one" - and depending on his reply, you may have to add "if the hat fits, wear it."

But in my view, he's just a case of "misery loves company." Whatever happens, don't let him drag you down.

In any case, the only problem I see with your photo is that it's too big; you may want to size it down. The guy portrayed looks just fine.

Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

Posts: 2289 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Maximum Newbie
Member # 12035

Icon 1 posted November 03, 2007 11:33      Profile for Eric-Ofcourse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Guys, thanks for giving me your thoughts on this. You seem to all be similarly minded on this problem of mine, and I agree.

I'm not going to bring up his own problems, because that will just make him feel insulted and I've tried in earnest to suggest solutions for 6+ months. There is no going down that road anymore for me.

I'm probably going to reestablish contact but just keep it at arm's length for a while. As long as he doesn't criticize me so harshly, we should get along OK.

thanks guys, good advice! [thumbsup]

Posts: 12 | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged

Member # 780

Member Rated:
Icon 1 posted November 03, 2007 17:39      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I second Stereo's comments about image size. Other than that, I certainly never thought "wow, he looks dumb." Besides, you're wearing glasses (and not stupid looking ones!), so you're alright in my book. [Razz]

This would be one that's best to shrug off, and just reduce or end contact...

There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

Posts: 9334 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Fido Dido
Newbie Larva
Member # 12188

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted November 04, 2007 09:31      Profile for Fido Dido     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It doesn't sound like your friend has any valuable insight into attracting women. Try not to worry about how another male feels about your appearance, that is unless you are gay.

* Fido is for Fido.
* Fido is against no one.
* Fido is youth.
* Fido has no age.
* Fido sees everything.
* Fido judges nothing.
* Fido is innocent.
* Fido is powerful.
* Fido comes from the past.
* Fido is the future.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Time  
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0

homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam