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Author Topic: Engagement Rings
csk

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Icon 1 posted March 02, 2006 17:27      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
And we did moderately well on many things, including paying $0 for photographers since they're friends, and paying only $175 for the DJ because he's a friend, and finding a limo company that wasn't a complete and utter rip off.

I'd be wary of the "using a friend to take photographs" idea unless they are really good. There is a large difference in quality and experience between a pro photographer and an amateur. And I'm saying that as a reasonably competent amateur (but no way would I ever attempt a wedding, at least not at this stage of my development). Of course, it depends how important the photo thing is to you, but it's the one thing you're likely to be showing other people years down the track, whereas just about everything else is over after the day.

Also, on the open bar issue, if you choose a reception place that doesn't allow alcohol on the premises (in our case a theological college where we met), you have a perfect excuse for having a dry wedding!

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted March 02, 2006 18:17      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
And we did moderately well on many things, including paying $0 for photographers since they're friends, and paying only $175 for the DJ because he's a friend, and finding a limo company that wasn't a complete and utter rip off.

I'd be wary of the "using a friend to take photographs" idea unless they are really good. There is a large difference in quality and experience between a pro photographer and an amateur. And I'm saying that as a reasonably competent amateur (but no way would I ever attempt a wedding, at least not at this stage of my development). Of course, it depends how important the photo thing is to you, but it's the one thing you're likely to be showing other people years down the track, whereas just about everything else is over after the day.
Actually, it's 3 different friends. One who is in photography school, and the other two, who I have seen the pictures of and they are far better than any profressional photographer I have ever seen in my life.

quote:
Also, on the open bar issue, if you choose a reception place that doesn't allow alcohol on the premises (in our case a theological college where we met), you have a perfect excuse for having a dry wedding!
We got a place where you have to buy your own drinks -- we weren't paying for other people's booze when we don't drink at all ourselves.
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fs

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Icon 1 posted March 02, 2006 20:10      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Congratulations Rhonnie. I'm glad it's going so well with Jon!

I'd second Xanthine's suggestion about getting an engineered stone. Plus, there's some serious geek factor involved in that too. And, being always practical me, there is some really good advice in the "avoid titanium" crowd unless you get a ring that already has a notch in it. The way most titanium rings that I've seen hold stones, it's pressure between 2 edges of the band. I would think in an emergency, they'd be able to pry it wider to get it off. (Any metalworkers/EMTs want to chime in on that?)

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 02, 2006 20:19      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I actually stumbled across http://www.antiquejewelrymall.com the other day. I LOVE those rings. I found some beautiful filigreed white gold settings with sapphires for under $500! [Big Grin] I can't decide, though, if I want a sapphire or an aquamarine. I've never really considered aquamarines, but in the antique settings, they look really classy.

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Elvermere
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Icon 1 posted March 02, 2006 22:18      Profile for Elvermere     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm intrigued about the engagement/wedding thing. I have been married for 5 years, was engaged for 2 but was dating my now wife for 6. Yes, this may be a little long by some reckoning but we always saw marriage as a formality, rather than something to aspire to. I mean, we moved in together just after we got engaged, but had discussed where we wanted to live and even baby names before that.

Marriage is important, but only in a societal way. If you are committed to each other than marriage is just one thing on a tick list of things to do, rather than a shackle that holds two people together.

We have some friends who had been together for 10+ years and they always said that the only reason to get married is to have kids. And that is exactly what they did.

So take as long as you like and while it is an important and lovely day, it is only one other day in the rest of your life together.

And now for some further comments:

RINGS
I went shopping with my wife for her engagement ring. It was gold with a solitaire diamond. Her ring had the solitaire in a rub setting (set into a container) rather than the more traditional "claw" setting. This way you are less likely to have the stone pop out.

RECEPTION
It must be different over here in AU, as it is traditional to supply all the alcohol at the reception. So that's what we did, got an all inclusive package for buffet meal and Beer/Wine/Softdrinks for about $70/head. Worked really well

We discussed having the big afternoon tea and small reception, however the costs were comparable after looking at venue hire, staff to serve tea and catering costs.

And this hasn't been brought up before but
FAMILIES
If you are considering marriage, now is the time to get honest. Discuss the worst possibilities that can come up with your families. Do they hate each other? Is one of your mothers a control freak and are they going to railroad the marriage prep? Are the parents going to threaten not to come? Is one of the fathers going to dismiss all of the hard work that has gone into the marriage prep?

Please, discuss this with your partner BEFORE announcing anything and work out some guidelines for dealing with it. It will save you a LOT of heartache!

You have already mentioned pre-engagement counselling (we did pre-marriage) and we found it really interesting (and scarily predictive). It is definitely worth doing.

Oh, and if you want to tell your parents something, tell them that you don't want to hear anything negative about the wedding afterwards. If they want to biatch, then they can do so while you are on your honeymoon, but it all stops after you come back!

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It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

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SilverBlade
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 03:22      Profile for SilverBlade   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Besides from "The One Ring" from LOTR on my left hand, I have a 14K gold ring on my right with two 2 carat sapphires, and 6 0.25 carat diamonds around it. I inherited it from my grandmother when she passed away.

I'd like to see my fiance try and beat that! [Razz]

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http://www.silver-blade.net

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Daniélín Aine
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 04:44      Profile for Daniélín Aine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by SilverBlade:
Besides from "The One Ring" from LOTR on my left hand, I have a 14K gold ring on my right with two 2 carat sapphires, and 6 0.25 carat diamonds around it. I inherited it from my grandmother when she passed away.

I'd like to see my fiance try and beat that! [Razz]

Sounds really pretty, SilverBlade. I love it when antique jewelery gets passed on and stays in the family. Especially when you know the story behind it because then you can pass it along to the next generation.

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"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abraham Lincoln

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angryjungman

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 05:28      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mine and Steph's wedding is fscking ridiculous. We're planning on about 200 guests. Between both our parents' contributions, we have about $60k to spend, and we're probably going to spend it all. I would have been perfectly happy to walk on down to the courthouse, sign the papers, and be done with it. We could have pocketed that money for something practical, say, a down payment on a house. Sorry. Got off on a bit of a rant there. Weddings can be very expensive if you try as hard as Steph and her mom.

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Meh.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 08:11      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Elvermere:

RECEPTION
It must be different over here in AU, as it is traditional to supply all the alcohol at the reception.

That is traditional here as well. Many people consider it tacky to have a cash bar at a wedding, either an open bar or none at all is proper etiquette. However, tradition has been less and less important to weddings recently. Unless you have very traditional families the only parts that are really necessary are the vows, something to eat afterward, and maybe a toast to the bride and groom.

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Daniélín Aine
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 09:20      Profile for Daniélín Aine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by angryjungman:
Between both our parents' contributions, we have about $60k to spend, and we're probably going to spend it all. I would have been perfectly happy to walk on down to the courthouse, sign the papers, and be done with it. We could have pocketed that money for something practical, say, a down payment on a house.

I agree with you completely. You can have a nice wedding without going into debt or robbing the bank. I would much rather have a house than a super expensive wedding. For some people though, they've had their wedding all planned out since they were little and it's supposed to be the most magical day of their life. I say give me the groom, a pretty dress, some close friends and a nice brunch/dinner afterwards. Oh! And a good photographer... because after all is said and done the pictures are all you end up with... Besides the spouse. [Big Grin]

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"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abraham Lincoln

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 09:55      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by Elvermere:

RECEPTION
It must be different over here in AU, as it is traditional to supply all the alcohol at the reception.

That is traditional here as well. Many people consider it tacky to have a cash bar at a wedding, either an open bar or none at all is proper etiquette. However, tradition has been less and less important to weddings recently. Unless you have very traditional families the only parts that are really necessary are the vows, something to eat afterward, and maybe a toast to the bride and groom.
*nods* But unless we want to go completely broke, the only option for us is a cash bar. We don't drink, so we're not particularly apt to providing free 'get drunk' booze to people at our wedding.

I mean, I don't think anyone we've invited would really do that, but you get my point...

Not only that, we're providing 2 bottles per table of wine.

quote:
Originally posted by Daniélín Aine:
I agree with you completely. You can have a nice wedding without going into debt or robbing the bank. I would much rather have a house than a super expensive wedding. For some people though, they've had their wedding all planned out since they were little and it's supposed to be the most magical day of their life. I say give me the groom, a pretty dress, some close friends and a nice brunch/dinner afterwards. Oh! And a good photographer... because after all is said and done the pictures are all you end up with... Besides the spouse. [Big Grin]

I sat down and did the math yesterday -- if I didn't have to pay for a wedding, I could have paid off all of my debts to $0. I'd be debt-free. Other than my car, of course. But.. sheesh.
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angryjungman

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 10:06      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Daniélín Aine:
For some people though, they've had their wedding all planned out since they were little and it's supposed to be the most magical day of their life.

Yeah, that's exactly the problem. It doesn't help that she's been a bridesmaid in about 8 of her friends' weddings, so she's been building up the ideas.

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Meh.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 10:07      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
]*nods* But unless we want to go completely broke, the only option for us is a cash bar. We don't drink, so we're not particularly apt to providing free 'get drunk' booze to people at our wedding. [/QB]

Yeah, we had a cash bar at my wedding too. I didn't want a bar at all. I actually didn't want any alcohol except for the champagne toast, but Mom thought differently and she was paying for it so we had one. (Of course, ours was a lunch reception so I didn't think people would really be expecting alcohol anyway.)

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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angryjungman

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 10:22      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
AFAIK, the open bar is included in the price per head at our reception hall. In general, I would expect there to be an open bar at any wedding I attended. I really think it's The Right Thing To Do (TM) [YMMV, IANAWP, etc., etc.]. Even if it was a breakfast wedding. It's always 5:00 somewhere, as they say. [Big Grin]

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Meh.

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dragon34
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 10:39      Profile for dragon34     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My engagement ring is silver, with a 1 carat rectangular bluish-purple spinel. All in all, the whole thing cost about 250 bucks. We went to a jeweler and we were eventually going to have something made http://goldcrafterscorner.com/, and what we ended up doing is modifying something they had in stock (much much cheaper then custom designing, and still allows you to put a personal touch on it). They had a silver band ring in stock that had two celtic triangle knots on either side of a patterned silver bar. It was the right size, but it was a mans ring. The jeweler shaved down the sides a little bit, and replaced the bar in the center with the stone. It's bezel set, which is nice because it doesn't catch on things or scratch anyone, but the bad part is it seems to catch water underneath the stone, so I have to take it off before bed, and every time I wash my hands or do dishes, or my finger gets itchy after a couple days. I never wanted a prong set, or a diamond because prong set things catch in my hair, and my mom almost lost her stone once when after 20-some years of banging it into stuff one of the prongs bent enough to let the stone fall out. My 2 year old brother found the diamond, we were just glad he didn't eat it! I don't think most people automatically recognize my ring as an engagement ring, but my mom sure did! (I wanted to see how long it would take her to notice) [Smile] Besides, diamonds are crazy-expensive and while pretty, aren't *that* much prettier then a much less expensive colored stone. Besides, does it really matter if random people on the street recognize it as an engagement ring?

We were together for 2 and a half years, and had been living together for over a year before we got engaged. We had also known eachother for 7 years at that point (8 now).

Our families are starting to wonder why we haven't even started planning the wedding yet. Big problem is we want to pay for it ourselves. If my dad was going to pay for it, I'd rather he put the money towards our house downpayment. Ideally, we are going to try to buy a house and have the party in the backyard. Unfortunately that means that *alot* of my family members will not be invited, which they will not understand. Most of them have lots of money, or at least act like they do and judging by the Bar/Bat Mitzvahs of their children their opinion would be "Why wouldn't you want to spend 10s of thousands of dollars on a wedding and invite everyone you know?" Umm.. I'm in debt already and how many people could I really have nice conversations with in a few hours.. seriously, I'll see you guys in a few months anyway. (Eloping is looking better and better)

Anyway, congratulations Rhonwhynn [Smile] (even if it might be a few months premature [Smile] And congratulations and good luck to the posters who are already planning their weddings. I'm actually kind of terrified about planning ours.

//crawls back into lurker hole

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 10:50      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragon34:
how many people could I really have nice conversations with in a few hours.. seriously,

At your own wedding you're usually too busy making goo-goo eyes at each other to have conversations with any of your guests anyway. [Wink]

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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magefile
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 12:44      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by dragon34:
how many people could I really have nice conversations with in a few hours.. seriously,

At your own wedding you're usually too busy making goo-goo eyes at each other to have conversations with any of your guests anyway. [Wink]
And wondering when it'll be over so you can get down to business, I'm sure
[Big Grin]

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 13:54      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Going back to my earlier post about keeping costs moderate....here's an idea:

We all know that whatever you think is the most expensive wedding ring in the world, someone else will have a more expensive one available for purchase! But what does the cash value matter?

The hopless romantic would suggest that even if you exchanged brass curtain rings during the wedding ceremony, no other ring will ever be more important or more valuable.

And you know something? I kinda agree [Big Grin]

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YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 14:39      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
Going back to my earlier post about keeping costs moderate....here's an idea:

We all know that whatever you think is the most expensive wedding ring in the world, someone else will have a more expensive one available for purchase! But what does the cash value matter?

The hopless romantic would suggest that even if you exchanged brass curtain rings during the wedding ceremony, no other ring will ever be more important or more valuable.

And you know something? I kinda agree [Big Grin]

Has anyone else when they were younger exchanged the paper bands that wrap around cigars? [Smile]
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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 14:45      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
We weren't allowed cigars when we were children [Big Grin]


...but we did make rings out of the shiny purple foil that wraps a certain brand of chocolates. [Smile]

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...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 15:14      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Here's a thought to keep down costs: Since I want an evening wedding, how about serving a light Victorian tea afterward? Christmas cookies, fruit & veggie trays, small sandwiches, tea and coffee... Could work. I'd have to specify in the invitations, though, that a light tea will be served after the ceremony so people don't come expecting to be fed a huge meal.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 15:45      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sounds divine. I'm invited, right? [Big Grin]

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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dragon34
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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 16:07      Profile for dragon34     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Here's a thought to keep down costs: Since I want an evening wedding, how about serving a light Victorian tea afterward? Christmas cookies, fruit & veggie trays, small sandwiches, tea and coffee... Could work. I'd have to specify in the invitations, though, that a light tea will be served after the ceremony so people don't come expecting to be fed a huge meal.

Sounds good to me. I always like the finger food hors d'ovoures and stuff better then the meals at weddings anyway. I usually want to wander around and talk to people, and that's hard when you have a sit down meal [Smile] A friend of mine had a christmas wedding, and her husband had picked out a bunch of small square layer cakes that were frosted to look like presents. It was the coolest wedding cake I've ever seen.
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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 16:07      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
Sounds divine. I'm invited, right? [Big Grin]

Of course!! (Although I kinda did forget to put your name on the guest list. [blush] Snaggy and Nitro are on there already. I'll make the change right now!)

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 03, 2006 16:09      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragon34:
A friend of mine had a christmas wedding, and her husband had picked out a bunch of small square layer cakes that were frosted to look like presents. It was the coolest wedding cake I've ever seen.

Oh!!! I LIKE that idea! Totally awesome. [Big Grin]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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