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Author
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Topic: Oh, it gets better!
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814
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posted May 28, 2005 21:28
As many of you may recall, I had some issues with the psycho ex gf of late last year. She's been gone, and a thing of the past for some time now. Basically, nothing more than a mistake from the past.
The only good thing that came of her existence is she brought me to Ottawa where I meant my current sweetheart.
Well, some fun shit happened today, too!
I was out doing my groceries with my girlfriend, and when we went from one aisle to the next, I noticed Jess, and her sister coming my way. I just said to Amanda, "There's Jess right in front of us." and sneered. As I walked down the aisle, Jess' sister screamed, "asshole!" at me from the end of the aisle.. (I was about 30 feet away.)
So, I have friends in the irc channel she hangs out in, and today, she went online, and this is what she said about us:
code:
17:53 <+Glittah> ok ok ok sascha.
17:53 <+Glittah> i can now define homely.
17:54 <+Glittah> the nasty thing my ex left me for
17:54 <+Glittah> SHE WORE A CAPE TO THE GROCERY STORE
17:54 <+Glittah> the oh my god. theres ugly, homely,. nasty but none are strong enuf for that thing.
17:54 <+Glittah> she was like 600 pounds
17:54 <+Glittah> and her hair was so oily that it stuck to her face!
17:54 <+Glittah> my sister and i drove by her after out the window going "ewwwwwww"
17:55 <+Glittah> she had on brown and yellow clothes, bell bottoms and a cape.
17:55 <+Glittah> and coke bottom glasses.
17:55 <+Glittah> and she had a face like a hawk. scruched up eyes and stuff.
17:55 <+Glittah> and he told me she was gorgeous and a "tiger in bed"
17:55 <+Glittah> like come on, im no prize myself....but im at least 60 times hotter than that thing
17:56 <+Glittah> LOL
17:56 <+Glittah> i have not laughed as hard as i did when i saw her in so long.
17:56 <+Glittah> hes back up to 300 pounds AT LEAST
17:56 <+Glittah> he had on jeans he wore at his biggest weight.
17:57 <+Glittah> he laughed at me when i told him he was too fat to tie his own shoelaces....its true tho!
17:58 <+Glittah> you think im lying
17:59 <+Glittah> he couldnt bend down his fat roll was in the way
17:59 <+Glittah> he'd grunt and groan the way i do at the gym just to tie his shoe!
18:00 <+Glittah> oh god and you know the jeans fat guys wear that have the back pockets like 10 miles away from each other?
18:00 <+Glittah> ren, he refused to brush his teeth on weekends.
18:00 <+Glittah> he wouldnt shower, deoderize, nothing.
18:00 <+Glittah> and he bitched at me cuz i wouldnt fuck him or kiss him.
18:00 <+Glittah> i didnt think i could do better
18:00 <+Glittah> I DESERVE A KING DAMMIT.
18:00 <+Glittah> :D
18:00 <+Glittah> oh god i'd wash the sheets every sunday cuz they'd smell like his B.O
18:01 <+Glittah> then theres his nails which i had to bed him to cut
18:01 <+Glittah> beg not bed
18:01 <+Glittah> lol
18:01 <+Glittah> and can i tell you how adorable i looked?
18:02 <+Glittah> something told me today to do my makeup nicely.
18:02 <+Glittah> my nice new red hair, nice makeup.
18:02 <+Glittah> HA HA IN YO FACE FATTY
18:02 <+Glittah> i must have been bad to him if he left me for a cape wearing grease monkey.
18:03 <+Glittah> lol
18:03 <+Glittah> oooohhhh man.
18:03 <+Glittah> her teeth were all yellow and gross
18:03 <+Glittah> im gagging.
18:04 <+Glittah> lol i stopped and just stared totally awestruck then hid and heard my sister go right up to his face and go "you fucking asshole" then he ran
18:04 <+Glittah> my sister was like "ppl were staring, i think they thought i had tourets syndrome"
18:04 <+Glittah> LOL
18:04 <+Glittah> we were PISSING ourselves laughing after. we had to run to the bathroom
18:05 <+Glittah> my sisters bf just left her for some homely thing too. so shes fed up
18:07 <+Glittah> im ready for an absoutly AMAZING boyfriend now. enuf of this ugly fat guy bullshit.
18:07 <+Glittah> lol
18:08 <+Glittah> i now have STANDARDS. compared to a year ago, i look fucking amazing now.
18:08 <+Glittah> except for the whole i have no eyebrows thing.
18:12 <+Glittah> i wish my chest pains would stop./
18:13 <+Glittah> :|
18:14 <+Glittah> lol yes. and this happened at 10 am
18:14 <+Glittah> im riding on adrenaline. i've been packing like crazy for two days
Apparently my girlfriend wears a cape! That's *so* awesome. I'm not sure where she hides it when we're home though, because I can't locate it.
My girlfriend has coke bottle glasses, too! The prescription I believe is about +.5.
Greasy hair. My gf washes her hair every single day, and on most days, twice, because she showers in the morning, and has a bath to relax at night.
Face like a hawk? You've all seen a pic of my girlfriend. I'll let you be the judge of that.
600lbs? My gf is *at least* 40lbs lighter than Jess, and Jess was trying to get below 200 when I was dating her. You do the math.
Apparently I wear fat man jeans and am at least 300lbs. Funny, since I've lost weight since dating Jess, and after dating Jess, had already lost almost 50. I'm actually approaching my healthy weight and haven't been in better shape in my life -- even at my worst, I didn't have any issue tying up my shoes, that's just.. fucking weird.
Ahh yes, and lets not forget her "going up to my face"? Screaming to the back of my head from a distance is hardly going to my face.
Oh man. Is this girl's life so empty and sad that she needs to lie on IRC about my happiness because she can't face the harsh reality that she's going to spend the rest of her life alone because she can't even come to grips with her own sad existence?
*sigh* I should have sued her and charged her with assault when I had the chance.
Note to self: girls in IRC are crazy.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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dragonman97
SuperFan!
Member # 780
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posted May 28, 2005 21:54
Dude, you lucky ______ - a cape?! HOT STUFF!!!!
Man, I wish I had a girlfriend who wore a cape...
Okay, so maybe I'm being a tad flip - mind you, I kind of know a girl who wears [~angel] wings routinely...*wow*. It might look a tad curious at a glance, but holy smokes...and...dang, I'd really like to get to know her a bit better sometime.
Anyway, back on topic - just ignore the stupid [insert charming word here]. Talking like that behind your back is wrong, but I think most rational people who know both of you will just ignore her, and probably think more of you for having been able to put up with her as long as you have. WINGS!!! *cough* Excuse me, I think I got distracted for a moment there. Right then - you might even consider just staying away from the channel to take a break from things, and give yourself plenty of space away from her. Sometimes, it's not bad to take a bit of a Net Holiday. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Oh, and I've forgotten about any pictures I may have seen, so I'll just do my best to trust your judgement that you're going out with someone who's not a 600 lb cape wearing greaseball. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif) But seriously dude, you may want to reconsider the cape part - hot stuff. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...
Posts: 9037 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814
Member Rated:
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posted May 29, 2005 05:50
Ha! You're like the 4th or 5th person who has said that, now. "A cape would be awesome!"
I don't hang out on the irc channel, a few of my friends who are in that channel thought it'd be pertintent to forward me her nonsense when she started going on about me.
*snicker*
I don't need time or space from her; she's been a thing of the past for a while now. A long while. This just came about because I ran into her at the grocery store. It doesn't bother me in the least. I realise she lives a sad existence and will be alone for a long time.
Her last bf before me just vanished from her life. No breakup, no call, no nothing. Just vanished.
.. now I understand why.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2097
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posted May 29, 2005 06:37
dnm. My question is if you weigh 300 lbs and she is packing about 600 on her. Why did you get such a small car?
Ahh the joys of jealous or just bitter ex's.
But does she have a cape? Or at least a Wonder Woman outfit? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest
Posts: 2418 | From: Somewhere between the gutter... and probably another gutter | Registered: Mar 2003
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814
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posted May 29, 2005 08:11
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
dnm. My question is if you weigh 300 lbs and she is packing about 600 on her. Why did you get such a small car?
I was wondering that myself... you'd think I'd have gotten a Lincoln or something. Maybe an SUV -- something that has shocks that can handle our combined weight of 900lbs.
The humour in it all is that Jess has at least 40lbs on my gf.
quote:
Ahh the joys of jealous or just bitter ex's.
But does she have a cape? Or at least a Wonder Woman outfit?
No, sadly. Although based on the many responses I've received, purchasing one just for humour's sake isn't out of the question anymore. This is turning into quite the humourous deal.
What's also funny about all this, is Jess still insists that I broke up with her for my current gf. There was actually some time in between those events, and my gf and I were just friends at the time, and the thought of going farther than that when I broke up with Jess hadn't crossed my mind -- I just realised that Amanda was being there for me and not ridiculing me for things she had no place to be ridiculing me for like Jess through all that nonsense.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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Mel
Alpha Geek
Member # 3553
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posted May 29, 2005 12:01
Hey, you're dating a super hero! Wicked!
She totally wants you back and wants to impress you. Tis why she wanted to look good for you. Look at you, Mr. Popular! Stud alert!
Posts: 309 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2005
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The Famous Druid
Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769
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posted May 29, 2005 14:29
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
Her last bf before me just vanished from her life. No breakup, no call, no nothing. Just vanished.
... and the body was never found ....
</sinister>
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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.
Posts: 10312 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002
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magefile
Highlie
Member # 2918
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posted May 30, 2005 09:14
So if she's got a Wonder Woman cape, does that make you Superman, or the Invisible Man?
/me dives into his underground bunker and gulps nervously
Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004
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Xanthine
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736
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posted May 30, 2005 09:45
Where'd she get the cape and how much did it cost? I want one...
A coworker of mine is a triathlete. For one of her recent races, she donne da cape and mask for the run part. She won the triathlon, and made some of the epople she passed on the way to the finish line very angry.
Posts: 7665 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001
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SilverBlade
Alpha Geek
Member # 3541
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posted May 30, 2005 20:05
Your girlfriend is nuts, and she obviously is very bothered by the fact that you are in a relationship again and she is not! Enjoy the feeling DNFM, she will be seething from the teeth for a while... if you pass her by, why not give your girlfriend a little smooch to finish it off? ![[devil wand]](graemlins/devilwand.gif)
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http://www.silver-blade.net
Posts: 303 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Feb 2005
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csk
Member # 1941
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posted May 30, 2005 20:09
quote:
Originally posted by SilverBlade:
Your girlfriend is nuts, and she obviously is very bothered by the fact that you are in a relationship again and she is not!
Umm, think you meant "ex-girlfriend" there, didn't you?
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6 weeks to go!
Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003
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maia
Alpha Geek
Member # 3778
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posted May 30, 2005 20:30
I have a cape. Or maybe it's a cloak. Anyway, it is black velvet, lined with a lovely deep green satin with a little pocket inside. I think it's an antique. I've had it since high school during my goth, punk, Renn Fair days. (Yes, quite ecclectic, I know. I'm much more boring now.) I never wear it anymore, but I might for Halloween, or if I get the urge to dress up for Renn Fair again some day, or maybe just wear it around the house.
Yeah, sounds like your ex is just jealous and has a bunch of issues she really needs to deal with and probably won't. Hopefully your new relationship will meet a much better fate.
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Nothing is too petty to be thoroughly discussed.
Posts: 316 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2005
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Rhonwyyn
Solid Gold SuperFan!
Member # 2854
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posted May 30, 2005 23:58
I have a black wool cape with gold trim and a black fringe. I'd really like one of the floor-length midnight blue satin-lined velvet capes, but that'd be really expensive to make. Velvet's not cheap.
Before y'all start romanticizing my cape, I need to tell you that I tried it on one day with khaki cargo capris, cream-colored tights and brown shoes. All I needed was a tri-cornered hat and from the back I would've looked the spittin' image of a Colonist! Definitely more Colonial than Victorian cape.
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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!
Posts: 3821 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Stereo
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 748
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posted May 31, 2005 04:22
Mine is floor-lenght with hood, black wool, water-green lined (polyester, unfortunaltely), but with a water-green string sewn at the edge and making a small owl design at the back. I made it before I read a Harry Potter novel for the first time (the small owl is the Athena's bird), but now, I hesitate to wear it for fear of being mistaken for a HP fan. (I have actually worn it only once; I don't have much occasions needing to wear a cape, but if I decide to take ballroom dancing courses, I might have more!)
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Eppur, si muove!
Galileo Galilei
Posts: 2286 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001
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The Famous Druid
Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769
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posted May 31, 2005 09:53
Pictures !
</WWCVD>
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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.
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supergoo
SuperFan!
Member # 2280
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posted May 31, 2005 09:56
dnm, I congratulate you for leaving jess for a much saner girlfriend who doesn't have to make up blatant lies to feel good about herself.
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Y los sueños, sueños son.
Posts: 675 | From: Boston 'burbs | Registered: Jul 2003
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drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814
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posted June 01, 2005 05:34
quote:
Originally posted by supergoo:
dnm, I congratulate you for leaving jess for a much saner girlfriend who doesn't have to make up blatant lies to feel good about herself.
I think moving on to a axe-wielding maniac might have been moderately safer, but thank you nonetheless.
Posts: 4892 | From: Kitchener, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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Orpheus
Highlie
Member # 2397
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posted June 01, 2005 14:53
quote:
Originally posted by maia:
I have a cape.
w00t! my girlfriend has a cape!
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my cats make me crazy
Posts: 554 | From: Galveston, TX | Registered: Oct 2003
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supaboy
SuperFan!
Member # 183
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posted June 02, 2005 06:06
quote:
Originally posted by Stereo:
(polyester, unfortunaltely)
What's wrong with polyester? It's a much nicer material than, say, polyoyster.
Posts: 1766 | From: Columbia, SC USA | Registered: Jan 2000
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HalfVast
Member # 3187
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posted June 02, 2005 07:03
Why would anyone be afraid of a girl in a cape.
possibly NSFW...
EDIT: At second glance it's just a long coat...
</bonehead>
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Silly railfan pics...
Posts: 789 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005
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Stereo
Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 748
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posted June 02, 2005 07:51
quote:
Originally posted by supaboy:
quote:
Originally posted by Stereo:
(polyester, unfortunaltely)
What's wrong with polyester? It's a much nicer material than, say, polyoyster.
What's wrong? It's not nice satin nor other gorgeous looking fabric!
Someday, I'll have to make one deep violet, in good-looking wool or other warm fabric (but I think velvet would be too hard to clean, and good velvet is quite heavy) with either gold or silver, satin or silk lining and assorted decorative accents. Now that would be a great cape. Although the new faux-fur are getting very good looking and easy to wear, making for another option... /me gets in creative dressmaker mode
P.S.: I wouldn't mind showing you my cape, but I'll have to get a picture of it first - next week, maybe. (I don't have a camera, so I'll have to ask my brother to bring his when he comes.)
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Eppur, si muove!
Galileo Galilei
Posts: 2286 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001
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