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Author Topic: Can cute boys be geeks?
cleverwebname
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 12:01      Profile for cleverwebname     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have noticed that a major part of males identifying themselves as geeks comes with stigma or assumption of being unattractive or undesirable to girls. Does this come from simple complexes from high school or from a lack of sociosexual prowess and success? Both? Other? Apparently, appearance is a major factor in said identity. Looking like, uh, one of those sexy celebrities from mainstream movies (rather than like Comic Book Guy) may exclude one from being classified as a geek (and the consequent assumption of intelligence). Please enlighten me - I play D&D with a really hot guy and wonder if I have a shot if he does not consider himself hot enough to ask a girl out (I certainly don't have to guts to do so!). Oh, I suppose I must end this with a disclaimer of "no offense, I am not stereotyping or making unjust generalizations."
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spungo
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 12:10      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Err -- can't you roll a die to find out if you should ask him out? [Wink]

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 13:03      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't know what age range grad students are in the States, but you look between 18 and maybe 23 years old, and I will guess that the guy is of a similar age.

If he is around 20 yrs old and still playing D&D, there are two possibilities:

1) he is a geek, and so will never ask you out. Therefore you should ask him out if you want to get anywhere.

2) he is not a geek, he hates D&D and is just joining in with the D&D to be near you. If this is the case then he is clearly too shy to do anything about how he feels and therefore you should ask him out if you want to get anywhere.

Problem solved. Good luck [Big Grin]

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 13:27      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Grummash hit the nail on the head! You will need to make the first move. I did, and me and my geek have been blissfully happy ever since.

As for geeks being sexy...He is the sexiest man I know [Big Grin]

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 13:50      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
cleverwebname wrote:
Looking like, uh, one of those sexy celebrities from mainstream movies (rather than like Comic Book Guy) may exclude one from being classified as a geek (and the consequent assumption of intelligence).

Never judge a book by its cover

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 14:16      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Dunno how well-kown Wolfmother are in furrin' lands, so non-aussies might not get this

Cleverwebname: I just checked your photo. If he hasn't asked you out yet, it's because he's
a) gay.
b) blind
c) a typical shy geek.

There's nothing much you can do about the first 2, but if it's (c) you'll have to make the first move. Try turning up to the next game session naked, with beer.

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macmcseboy

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 14:32      Profile for macmcseboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The DC on the roll is 19. Good luck, there are no bonuses.

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HalfVast

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 16:19      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Have you tried throwing a rock at him?
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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2009 16:45      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
And if all else fails, do ya like NYer Perl-hacking sysadmins....? [Wink]

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deathweaver
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2009 10:44      Profile for deathweaver     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The problem with your question is simple: just because you find someone unattractive doesn't mean the other people find him unattractive. Case in point, I don't consider myself to be a good looking guy, but I've been told by women that I am. However, if he's playing DnD and he's actually into it for fun, there's a damn good chance that he doesn't consider himself to be attractive, and not likely to make a move. The reasons for his thoughts as to his own attractiveness will be his own. A question posed to him about that might be a very good way into a longer conversation.
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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2009 11:55      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
deathweaver wrote:
if he's playing DnD and he's actually into it for fun, there's a damn good chance that he doesn't consider himself to be attractive

Because we all know that only people with low self esteem play Dungeons and Dragons.

Are you trying to be insulting to the original poster or are you just that stupid?

[shake head]

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2009 12:12      Profile for SpazGirl   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If you want to take a chance on dating, one of you has to ask, and from personal experience with my own D&D loving geek, you may have to be the one to do it. He's probably just shy, and be patient with him if he does seem a little awkward at first he probably just needs time to get used to the situation.

I would also like to point out that yes, geeky/nerdy boys can be incredibly good looking, I'm dating one of them.

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deathweaver
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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2009 12:20      Profile for deathweaver     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GrumpySteen:

Because we all know that only people with low self esteem play Dungeons and Dragons.

Are you trying to be insulting to the original poster or are you just that stupid?

[shake head]

I'm not trying to be either. One needs to learn to look at all sides of the situation. Here's an attractive guy, enjoys playing D&D, and has an attractive woman in the group. Why wouldn't he ask her out? Maybe he's the stereotypical geek, with a lack of social skills. Maybe he doesn't feel as tho he's attractive enough to date a woman like that. Maybe there's a completely different set of thoughts in his head. None of us here are him, and last I checked, my mind reading skills are pretty piss poor. I'm not trying to be insulting at all, I'm attempting to offer insight to the male perspective.

I know I'm not the only guy in the world to fear asking a woman out because I didn't feel as though I'm attractive enough to date said woman. I also know that in my younger years, my social skills were abysmal, I always stayed within a small group of friends. A D&D group provides that kind of comfort, and within that world, another develops that stretches out beyond your own limited imagination. I spent many a night with my RPG buddies rolling dice and slaying imaginary beasts.

The point is simple, none of us are him, and the easiest way to get more communication from him is within that small group. An honest look at how he plays the game can offer great insights to his own personality. But the OP has to start somewhere, and from the way she worded the original post, she seems a bit shy herself, so using the game to develop would be a perfectly natural start. Not everyone has the moxy to jump right into a relationship.

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cleverwebname
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Icon 2 posted February 17, 2009 16:20      Profile for cleverwebname     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for the dating advice! And thanks so much for the compliments!

But I'm really most interested in how the self-identification of geekdom is affected by personal appearance and vice versa. Would recognition of one's physical attractiveness disqualify one for, eh, membership into the reputedly socially-awkward subculture? Eh, cognitive dissonance as well?

I remember a guy in college whom the entire campus was in lust with. But despite the math major and trying to pick up girls with a line about being part elf, no one considered him a geek, based a lot because he looked like Brad Pitt. He self-identified with being geeky, but no one really took him seriously and just thought he was trying to make people think he was smart - he didn't appear the part and so presumably must have been less intelligent than the others in the math dept. (An aside, he did get with a lot of girls, and boys.)

Oh, and my D&D guy is breathtaking, in his full bespectacled glory! I still don't have the chutzpah to ask him out though.

More disclaimers for the sake of diplomacy and etiquette: I am not in any way saying that geeks are inherently unattractive or whatever, just that I are curious if perception of physical appearance alters one's identity as an intelligent person with specific interests.

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted February 17, 2009 23:12      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by cleverwebname:
But I'm really most interested in how the self-identification of geekdom is affected by personal appearance and vice versa.

Put some fresh sawdust down, fill up my water dispenser and put some seeds in my dish...all of a sudden I'm feeling like a Guinea Pig [ohwell]

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deathweaver
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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2009 07:20      Profile for deathweaver     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by cleverwebname:
But I'm really most interested in how the self-identification of geekdom is affected by personal appearance and vice versa. Would recognition of one's physical attractiveness disqualify one for, eh, membership into the reputedly socially-awkward subculture? Eh, cognitive dissonance as well?

Most people view the stereotypical geek as being unattractive. Many conjure images of overweight guys with beards, pocket protectors, and thick glasses. I'm getting to be an old man tho, so the perceptions may have changed over the years.

I tend to think that geek culture has gone past the superficial nature of outward appearances. Any one can be a geek, regardless of how they actually look. I've met a number of very attractive women that are complete computer geeks, able to tear into an OS better than some of the guys I work with, and I'm in IT. They usually also carry the ability to look past outward appearances as well. So I'm going to have to say no, physical attractiveness isn't a deterrent to being a geek.

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2009 14:05      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grummash:
quote:
Originally posted by cleverwebname:
But I'm really most interested in how the self-identification of geekdom is affected by personal appearance and vice versa.

Put some fresh sawdust down, fill up my water dispenser and put some seeds in my dish...all of a sudden I'm feeling like a Guinea Pig [ohwell]
Paper by-product makes a better bedding for guinea pigs. Wood shavings irritate their eyes.

God, I hope we're not going to turn into someone's thesis here...

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2009 14:07      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You're all acting as though normal people don't use words like "sociosexual" in everyday conversation.
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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted February 18, 2009 21:18      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GrumpySteen:
You're all acting as though normal people don't use words like "sociosexual" in everyday conversation.

I mean...really...I sat next to some "Grey's Anatomy" wannabe women in a cafe today - that was disturbing to say the least. (All the more so when they tilted towards "Legally Blond" wannabes, and then invoked Godwin's Law.)

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Icon 1 posted February 19, 2009 05:39      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Had to do a double take there, Dman.

I confused Godwins Law and rule 34. That would have been a far more *interesting* conversation.

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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted February 19, 2009 07:52      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
__________________ cleverwebname __ So as the Old Fart at this forum, I thought I would muddy the waters some. When does a Boy stop being a boy and is considered a Man? This has been bothering me for some time as I often have Childish thoughts, Do we ever really grow up? cleverwebname you may have to hit him upside of the running lights to get his attention, as young males often do not have a clue as to what is going on in a young ladies mind. Then I often do not know what the MrsMoman is thinking. Ask for what you want, the worst that may happen is hurt feelings or really getting what you asked for.

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Icon 1 posted February 19, 2009 08:03      Profile for Sprocket   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
YES!!!!!!

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 19, 2009 12:15      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Cleverwebname, if you're trying to win the heart of that special geek, maybe you could try one of these (slightly nsfw)

Of course, it wouldn't be a long term relationship, you'd have to die on the first date. [Wink]

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Icon 1 posted February 19, 2009 17:43      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
it wouldn't be a long term relationship, you'd have to die on the first date. [Wink]

What?! oh... 'cause it's red!

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get rich and you still die"


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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted February 19, 2009 18:20      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Don't be ridiculous. That's clearly a TNG era communicator and red shirts survived in that series.

</dork>

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