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Author Topic: GUYS! How to tell if a 30 year old geek likes you
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 12, 2006 20:44      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by nerdwithnofriends:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Um...YES...he's into you.

Have fun, relax, just enjoy the ride.

Wouldn't the guy be the one "enjoying the ride?" [evil]
Well, actually... If he's sitting on the couch and she's straddling his legs... [Roll Eyes]
the Reverse Cowgirl is better.
Hehe... I didn't say which way she was facing! [Wink]

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted March 13, 2006 09:42      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by nerdwithnofriends:
the Reverse Cowgirl is better.

Being strung up from the ceiling and...err, there are minors on this forum, aren't there?

Just take my word for it when I say that it's better.

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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted March 13, 2006 16:23      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by nerdwithnofriends:
the Reverse Cowgirl is better.

Being strung up from the ceiling and...err, there are minors on this forum, aren't there?

Just take my word for it when I say that it's better.

Aw, how cute. Sounds like this guy's dream date [Razz]
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
girlygirl
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Icon 1 posted March 13, 2006 18:40      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
=) Looks like this forum is getting a lil riske.

We went out after work today again (2nd time), but Mr. Geek had a major head cold and felt like crap so I decided to put him out of his misery and let him go home. We hung out for a little bit at first--just got something to eat and talked. I feel SO at ease with him outside of work and I think he feels the same. He keeps pointing out subtley how we have a lot in common. I'm starting to feel more confident now that he's attracted to me, but I still haven't had "the talk". He told me that he'll make it up to me when he's feeling better (I hope he comes through!).

We're going ahead with our trip to Europe so far, but all my friends say that before we go we should get our feelings into the open to avoid disappointment. How I see it is the trip will give us a chance to get to know each other away from the pressures and prying eyes of those around us. What do you guys think about this? Talk before we go or just take it as it comes? =) Thanks in advance for all the advice! [Cool]

Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted March 13, 2006 19:39      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
At the very least, you need to talk about sleeping arrangements before going. If you want to see him left speechless and possibly with his eyes bugging out a little, ask as innocently as possible if you get to sleep with him or if you should bring along enough money to pay for your own room.

Okay, maybe it shouldn't be phrased quite that way. It is something you should discuss, though, and figure out what's going to be most comfortable for each of you during the trip if you're really going to go.

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted March 14, 2006 09:46      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
Aw, how cute. Sounds like this guy's dream date

Nope, he likes 'em pudgier. [Razz]
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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted March 14, 2006 10:23      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
Aw, how cute. Sounds like this guy's dream date

Nope, he likes 'em pudgier. [Razz]
You and the cap'n make it happen [Wink]
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 14, 2006 10:35      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
Aw, how cute. Sounds like this guy's dream date

Nope, he likes 'em pudgier. [Razz]
You and the cap'n make it happen [Wink]
Oddly enough, there's an entire fetish subculture out there devoted to making people pudgier: Weight Room at Dimensions Magazine

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted March 14, 2006 11:50      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
=) Looks like this forum is getting a lil riske.

risqué
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
girlygirl
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Icon 1 posted March 14, 2006 17:57      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
=) Looks like this forum is getting a lil riske.

risqué
oops. I knew I spelled it wrong, but I had a momentary lapse and couldn't remember how it was spelled!
Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
skylar
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Icon 1 posted March 15, 2006 03:46      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi girlygirl,

Thanks for the e-mail. I'd be happy to give you advice. I'm doing it here rather than by e-mail so that people can disagree with me and give you a balanced view, because I have quite a biased perspective.

As you rightly pointed out, I was in a fairly similar situation quite recently. Everyone on this board was encouraging me to ask out a guy I liked, and all of my RL friends were saying the same thing, with lots of, "Oh, he obviously likes you!" type comments.

Well, he didn't. He sussed I was interested in him, and confronted me about it, and said, "I don't want to lead you on in any way... I really like you... as a friend." He said that it was 'just his way' to be touchy feely and flirty. I kept seeing all sorts of signs that I wildly misinterpreted, thinking they were romantic overtures, when he was just being friendly.

The reason I recount this tale of woe is because I think that, in your situation, it would be dangerous to assume that this guy probably likes you. In other words, try not to get your hopes up. Approach this trip to Europe as if it is a trip being taken by two friends... then, if anything happens, see it as an added bonus.

That's not to say don't keep trying. Keep flirting, and, when you feel the time is right, tell him how you are feeling. As others have pointed out, you have nothing to lose, and it would be worse if you didn't. Just don't lose your head and feel as if it will be the end of the world if things don't work out as you'd like. To relate this to my own experiences... the guy I liked is now one of my closest friends. We see each other all the time, and I adore him. It's really hard a lot of the time, but it gets a little easier each day, and I'm glad to have him in my life in any capacity at all.

Good luck... I hope it works out for you [Smile] .

--------------------
"arm, aber geeky"

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted March 15, 2006 11:42      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Oddly enough, there's an entire fetish subculture out there devoted to making people pudgier: Weight Room at Dimensions Magazine

Yeah, feeders. *shudder* Go to enough ManRay nights and you'll have seen everything.
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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted March 15, 2006 12:58      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Oddly enough, there's an entire fetish subculture out there devoted to making people pudgier: Weight Room at Dimensions Magazine

Yeah, feeders. *shudder* Go to enough ManRay nights and you'll have seen everything.
When I originally clicked on that link, the image that came up in that little blurb actually made me grimace.

That was gross.

I have to learn to stop instinctively clicking on the pretty blue text. :S

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted March 15, 2006 17:31      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, I honestly don't see why people find pictures like that attractive/arousing. But then again, I have no idea why my boyfriend is attracted to/aroused by me. I'm thinking guys' tastes in women are as varied as there are women, thank God!

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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girlygirl
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Icon 1 posted March 15, 2006 18:53      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
Hi girlygirl,

Thanks for the e-mail. I'd be happy to give you advice. I'm doing it here rather than by e-mail so that people can disagree with me and give you a balanced view, because I have quite a biased perspective.
Good luck... I hope it works out for you [Smile] .

Thanks for the advice Skylar. I feel I'm in pretty much the EXACT situation as you are. As "shy" as people say this guy is (esp. since he's a 30 year old virgin), he's also in a way quite flirtatious, and that means he's very hard to read. IMO it's dangerous territory to assume something so early.

I'm looking to just enjoy the trip for now and just enjoy it for what it is =) a trip between to friends. I would like more, but life doesn't always go the way we want it to right?

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Geordie

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Icon 1 posted March 15, 2006 20:37      Profile for Geordie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
IMO it's dangerous territory to assume something so early.

Ask and you don't have to assume.
quote:
I would like more, but life doesn't always go the way we want it to right?
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
- Anais Nin

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
- St. Augustine

There's as much risk in doing nothing as in doing something.
- Trammell Crow

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter Drucker

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

--------------------
Geordie

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Mochan
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Icon 1 posted April 04, 2006 13:30      Profile for Mochan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow, this guy sounds almost exactly like me. It's such that I can probably tell you exactly what he is thinking.

Acts nonchalant when in the presence of others but tries to get along with you during lunch?
He's the kind of guy that is not fond of having fun with many people. He may be outwardly sociable but he just has typical social skills. But he does not derive much pleasure from being with crowds; instead all his fun he does on his own playing video games or hacking away at his PC or what not. That's why he's not comfortable being with you (and having fun with you) in public. He'd rather do so in private.

Asking you to buy a winter jacket?
Hehehe this is funny. If you're a pretty girl and especially if you dress nice or clothes look good on you (and you probably are, which is why he's got the hots for you) he's asking you out shopping to buy clothes for him as an excuse to go on a date with you. His perception is that women are good with fashion, and that it is safe and natural to ask a woman to help out with fashion issues. It's a safe way to ask someone out since it is low-risk, and rejection doesn't mean much in this case since it's only about a jacket. That he had to ask you afterwards if it was a date makes me 100% sure this is the scenario.

Immature act of saying he's obligated to have lunch with his "wife?"
Now that he "got a foot in the door" with you he's so happy he needs to share it with the co-workers in some way. This might sound a bit bad but basically he's showing you off like a kid would show off his new toy to his friends. Not that he considers you a "toy" -- no no... far from it: right now you are probably the most important thing in his life and at this point in his life that isn't just a "toy". It's the woman of his dreams. For him, progress like this is incredible, and is cause for celebration and what better way to celebrate than to tell your friends?


As for you sending confusing mixed signals, YES that's exactly what you're doing but let me tell you when you said "I enjoy your company" that just blew a hole in his head and had him quaking in joy. Here's a tip: your guy is probably happy, nay eager to take whatever hints or confirmations that you are interested in him. It doesn't matter how big or how small, he'll be happy with it, but he'll be much happier to get a really big hint. (and yes, showing up naked with a beer will be about as big as it gets!)

Girl, he's head over heels for you, let me assure of that.

As for "staying patient" it's up to you whehter you want to make the move already or not. I can pretty much assure you this guy *wants* to take it to the next level already, but being the geek he is, is just having trouble doing so. He's also thinking, "bah it's been 30 years what's another week or two" so he's in no rush. He's afraid if he rushes he might ruin something nice.

In fact, I can pretty much assure you if you invite him over "for coffee" in your room or something you'll be laid the very next morning.

This is the kind of guy who, when he sees a woman and develops that crush, thinks that she is already the perfect match for him. Doesn't matter that he's barely spoken with her or doesn't know her birthday or personality or whatever, from whatever little he's knows about you, he already thinks you're his soulmate. I haven't met the guy but from your posts I'm pretty sure what I said is spot on.

Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
Mochan
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Icon 1 posted April 04, 2006 17:20      Profile for Mochan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skylar:
Hi girlygirl,
Well, he didn't. He sussed I was interested in him, and confronted me about it, and said, "I don't want to lead you on in any way... I really like you... as a friend." He said that it was 'just his way' to be touchy feely and flirty. I kept seeing all sorts of signs that I wildly misinterpreted, thinking they were romantic overtures, when he was just being friendly.

I have a friend right now, a really nice girl -- and I have to say I am very attracted to her -- who is also the flirty touchy feely type. Now at first when she started doing the touchy feely flirty thing I almost went bonkers but after a few days and some "probing" I calmed down and realized just that: she was the touch flirty feely type. That she has had a boyfriend for several years and that she is touchy flirty feely with quite a few other men makes about 99.9% sure that she is not exactly interested me as BF material but just as a friend whoms he wants to touchy and flirt and feel.

Which is not exactly a bad proposition, but yes I'm not going anywhere here in terms of a romantic relationship.

It's hard to tell without knowing the person in question but I think it should be simple enough for you to determine whether the guy is the touchy-flirty-feely type and is just being really friendly with you or the withdrawn-shy-puppy type who is really doing his best to reach out to you.

Based on what girlygirl said I am far more inclined to believe that the guy in question is the latter. Of course, the problem here is if girlygirl is filtering the reality of him through her biased perceptions and reporting us facts that she would like to believe -- I know I do this a lot and it's gotten me into trouble more than a few times, and I am sure from your tale of woe that you've done this a few times as well!

Again, without actually personally knowing the people in question it's hard to really tell what the case is but I have a good feeling for girlygirl's predicament. I mean, friends are friends but how many "just friends" invite you out on a trip for two to Europe (unless you actually live in Europe)?

Skylar, I feel for you when you say it's hard and rather painful to have the object of your affection right in front of you, close to him but can't actually have him. It hurts. I do flirt with her but I try to keep myself from going overboard, I know I'm just setting myself up for a fall unless a miracle happens, and at this point in my life I have a hard time in believing in those. It's sad, isn't it: We're addicted to them like a drug and take whatever capacity of them being in our lives that we can, even if it'll never quite be what we want it to be.

quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
Thanks for the advice Skylar. I feel I'm in pretty much the EXACT situation as you are. As "shy" as people say this guy is (esp. since he's a 30 year old virgin), he's also in a way quite flirtatious, and that means he's very hard to read. IMO it's dangerous territory to assume something so early.
[/QB]

He may be hard to read, but try to see how he "flirts" with other women. This will be a good test: how do you know he is flirty? Beacuse you see him flirting with other women? This is what I would logically assume.

But you mentioned he doesn't flirt openly with you, and only steals touches with you when you two are alone. There seems to be a stark contrast here.

If that is the case then I think you're gold. If I misunderstood the facts, then maybe you need to probe a bit more. Like others have said, flirt! Flirting is free, fun, no-risk and most importantly, can encourage him to play his hand. So if you are in doubt, keep at the flirting and he will probably eventually breakdown and put on the real moves. When a woman flirts with me a lot repeatedly I tend to break down. =_=

Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
girlygirl
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Icon 14 posted April 05, 2006 21:59      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mochan:


This is the kind of guy who, when he sees a woman and develops that crush, thinks that she is already the perfect match for him. Doesn't matter that he's barely spoken with her or doesn't know her birthday or personality or whatever, from whatever little he's knows about you, he already thinks you're his soulmate. I haven't met the guy but from your posts I'm pretty sure what I said is spot on.

Mochan: your post couldn't be more bang on!!
Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
girlygirl
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Icon 1 posted April 05, 2006 22:12      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mochan:


This is the kind of guy who, when he sees a woman and develops that crush, thinks that she is already the perfect match for him. Doesn't matter that he's barely spoken with her or doesn't know her birthday or personality or whatever, from whatever little he's knows about you, he already thinks you're his soulmate. I haven't met the guy but from your posts I'm pretty sure what I said is spot on.

Mochan: your post couldn't be more bang on!! [/QUOTE]

oopsie. Pressed enter before I was done.

Anyway, coincidentally we had the big "talk" last nite before I read this post!

We have been getting more serious in the last little while since I've lasted posted (a series of non-dates, many long phone conversations, and intense flirting of course). I finally conjured up the guts to ask the poor guy what was going on exactly and got my answer.

Mr. 30 year old geek does like me! A lot! To my joy and relief he said he was going to ask me out eventually, but he wasn't sure when.

But here is when it get's more complicated again. He said he was holding back in a way because I had recently broke up w/ my ex of 7 years and this concerned him a lot (didn't want to be the rebound--we broke up a month ago although I reassured him I was over him which I feel I am).

I didn't tell him but many things precipitated my last breakup, and perhaps my attraction to this 30 year old geek made me realize there was something beyond my stale relationship that was no longer working out (I dumped the guy, but in the end it was quite mutual). I reassured the 30 year old geek that I feel his hesitance is warranted in a way, but that I feel deep down I'm ready to move on.

My question now is where do we go from here? We went out again after work and it was fine, but he seems in a way so clueless when it comes to dating that I feel more nervous than ever.

I want him to realize that it's ok to be a little more bold with me, but I don't want to have to tell him that.

And yes Mochan you were right about how he's more comfortable w/ his computer games, comics, and stuff like that than being in public, especially when we're around our coworkers. Someone liked his behaviour to gloating, and as bad as it sounds I feel that's what he does. He makes a show about it sometimes probably just to prove to everybody that we are together it seems, and I don't know what to make of that at all.

Anyway, we're off to Europe in 3 weeks, but I'm still so hesitant because I'm not feeling how much he truly wants this relationship to happen.

Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Mochan
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Icon 1 posted April 06, 2006 04:03      Profile for Mochan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:

But here is when it get's more complicated again. He said he was holding back in a way because I had recently broke up w/ my ex of 7 years and this concerned him a lot (didn't want to be the rebound--we broke up a month ago although I reassured him I was over him which I feel I am).

Oh yeah I forgot to comment about that. That's *exactly* how I would have gone about it -- he will want to give you space until you are sure you're over your ex because, again, he doesn't want to be the rebound, whether you are using him as such purposefully or not. He wants it to be a perfect relationship and is willing to wait to make sure all the conditions are right rather than to take things prematurely.

This guy will like to give you lots of space. LOTS of it. Worried about those wife beater boyfriends who boss you around and tell you what to do? This guy is going to be the complete opposite. Of course, that in itself could be bad -- for starters as you said, he *is* totally clueless about dating.

To a guy like this, dating is just an excuse to be with you. What's more important to him is actually just spending time with you, doesn't matter if it's at work, at home, at the movies, or what not. He just adores you. And he's not the type that will go looking at other women whether you're around or not, no matter how hot she is.

Do you feel the same way? If so then great, you guys could just loaf off at home with small talk and still be the happiest couple in the world. If not, then you may want to take the initiative in your dates and do things you like, he will then get the idea and work around that. Be careful though; if your idea of fun is too different from his and he ends up not enjoying himself at all, this could take a turn to the sour. If this happens then maybe you weren't meant for each other, but since your friends and co-workers say you are so good together, then you probably are more compatible than it seems.

Anyway, that brings us to the next point:

quote:
My question now is where do we go from here? We went out again after work and it was fine, but he seems in a way so clueless when it comes to dating that I feel more nervous than ever.
Whoa, looks like I have my work cut out for me again. Listen, from what I am hearing from your posts, he is almost the exact same type of person as I am. We pretty seem to have the same personality tendencies. I think I can help you figure out what makes him tick just by looking at myself. It may not be 100% on since I doubt somebody out there is exactly like me, but it should be close enough.

You are going to have to lead him a lot of the time. Since you are the one with "more experience" in the love game, he will want to depend on you and your knowledge a bit. He is probably the kind of guy that gets good at something, but only after practicing at it in private. Good at typing? He played some games where you need to type stuff and he got good at it just from that. Good at painting? It's a solitary art and you can spend hours in your studio brushing up your skills.

But dating? Oh no. That takes two to tango and he probably didn't get much practice, if any at all. So during his baby steps you are going to have to work him at how to do things. But do't worry: he will eventually get very good at it, and very good at pleasing you if that is what you so desire. My advice is to give him a lot of feedback about all the right things he is doing: and he will do them more and more. You could say he is like putty in your hands; I don't know if this notion appeals to you but you basically have the chance to raise your own husband here. [Wink]

Anyway this guy doesn't seem to be 100% exactly like me; if it were me and you already confessed to liking me and assured me that I was the apple of your eye, I'd be trying out a lot of bold things. He sounds more like the me from 4 years ago. I think I get the idea that girls like a little spice and excitement of uncertainty in their romances, I don't like to try stuff like this though when I am still uncertain because it's a high-risk kind of maneuver. And this guy probably doesn't like to take huge risks.

What I can advise? Try this: look for a book about flirting or dating or something. Make sure it has the advice that you want to give him: "Be a little more bold" etc. Without actually telling him so, give him this book as a present or something and if all goes well he will pick up on that sentiment from the text and try to apply it to your lovelife. It sounds like a pea-brained scheme but it might work. [Smile]

Make sure you read through the book (or it could also be a website but I think a book would work better, especially since you can give it as a gift) to make sure you agree with all the advice being given in it. It may take some work to find the right book but I think it will payoff in the long run.

quote:

Someone liked his behaviour to gloating, and as bad as it sounds I feel that's what he does. He makes a show about it sometimes probably just to prove to everybody that we are together it seems, and I don't know what to make of that at all.

Yes, this is what I thought. Don't think too badly about him for it: he's not exactly gloating. I mean, who the heck would be gloating about finally getting the moves on a girl, when everyone else around you did it 10-15 years ago? He's not gloating, he's just so excited and giddy and feels he has to share it a bit: and again since he tends to enjoy himself when alone rather than with other people, he is still a bit awkward at expressing his happiness it to others. You will have to make allowances for socially inept people like us.


Anyway, congratulations and I hope it works out. If you are uncertain about something feel free to ask me, I'll do my best but please understand that I am like your "30 year old virgin" and that I am totally inexperienced in these matters: it would be like the blind leading the blind. Take my advice but with a grain of salt, and if what I say doesn't seem to match what's going on, don't be afraid to disregard it since you should know better from your standpoint what is going on than I.


I do have a question: what would make you feel that he is truly "trying to make the relationship work?"

Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
Maggs
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2006 14:56      Profile for Maggs     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
Being strung up from the ceiling and...err, there are minors on this forum, aren't there?

Just take my word for it when I say that it's better.

Hey Wikipedia has a page for it OMG! They have everything [Applause]
Posts: 193 | From: NYC | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2006 15:19      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Quoth Mochan:
quote:

This guy will like to give you lots of space. LOTS of it. Worried about those wife beater boyfriends who boss you around and tell you what to do? This guy is going to be the complete opposite. Of course, that in itself could be bad -- for starters as you said, he *is* totally clueless about dating.

...which blends perfectly into this message:

Quoth girlygirl:
quote:

I want him to realize that it's ok to be a little more bold with me, but I don't want to have to tell him that.

Terribly sorry, but you're just going to have to do so. Otherwise, he's probably going to be worried that he's too forward or offending you.

And boy...the former has the potential to seriously fsck things up.

Open communication is essential. Leaving things unsaid, just because you want the other person to figure it out - it leaves both people with different impressions, and never the two shall meet.

I hope you have a good trip!

Also, welcome, Mochan! [Smile]

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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girlygirl
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2006 18:15      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
QUOTE]Terribly sorry, but you're just going to have to do so. Otherwise, he's probably going to be worried that he's too forward or offending you.

And boy...the former has the potential to seriously fsck things up.

Open communication is essential. Leaving things unsaid, just because you want the other person to figure it out - it leaves both people with different impressions, and never the two shall meet.

I hope you have a good trip!

[/QB][/QUOTE]

I think you are right about the communication part. If only I weren't so damn nervous! Everytime he makes an attempt (grabbing my hand, hugging me in a weird passive-aggressive manner--he usually does it quickly and briefly) I get all weirded out, but I really want him to do it. How do I tell him this without offending him? "So you want to hold my hand?". I never had to initiate any of this before and it just seems weird because he seems like he wants to do it but he does it in such a 10 year old way (which he himself admits). b

Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Mochan
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Icon 1 posted April 13, 2006 08:01      Profile for Mochan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey girlygirl, and hey there dragonman, thanks for the welcome.

As I mentioned in my PM, one thing I can suggest is to tell him "what he's doing right."

Next time he does his quick "passive-aggressive holding" and snatches it away quickly, what you want to do is quickly grab him or something before he lets go and hold on to him. That would work, I would think. Or when he is about to withdraw, like I said say, "No, don't let go" or something like that.

You want it, and I can assure you he wants to do it, too, it's just that he's still a little uncertain about how you want things (since you haven't told him -- as dragonman said open communication is essential). If he knows it's okay and that you want it, then he'll be happy, and that way you're both happy!

Again like I mentioned, you have to give allowance to people like us who are, uh, "socially-challenged." We don't pick up on body-language cues and stuff like that, so we can easily miss doing things you would want us to do.

Posts: 118 | From: Manila | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged


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