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Author Topic: GUYS! How to tell if a 30 year old geek likes you
girlygirl
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Icon 9 posted February 08, 2006 20:57      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've totally fallen for this 30 year old geek at work (office relationships are bad I know but I'm crazy about him). I've recently hinted to him that I've left my boyfriend of 7 years (we weren't working out).

The thing is I don't think this guy has EVER had a girlfriend. He's sweet and nice to talk to and EVERYBODY we know thinks we are meant to be together, but between us no one has admitted our fondness for each other. I kinda would like to know for sure (or at least 99%) that he is interested in me.

Despite our chemistry, he treats me like I don't even exist when we are around other people. He only pays attention to me when we go for lunch alone. I can't figure it out. I feel his gaze when we talk, and he has playfully touched me on the arm, but that's it. Is he as shy as I think he is, or is he just not interested in me that way?

My friends say he's shy and reverts back to his gr. 3 playground self around me, and that's why it's so obvious that he DOES like me. But I don't know and can't believe that a 30 year old would act like he was 9. Is this really possible? And if so what do I do to make the first move without having to tell him straight out that I'm interested and without scaring the shit out of this shy, geeky guy?

Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
maia
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 21:22      Profile for maia     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
Is this really possible? And if so what do I do to make the first move without having to tell him straight out that I'm interested and without scaring the shit out of this shy, geeky guy?

Yes, it is possible, in fact, probable. Lots of geeks lose their cool around someone they are attracted to. He may go out of his way not to pay attention to you just so no one notices how into you he really is. Chances are he's just scared of asking you out and risking rejection. If you ask him out, he will be pleasantly surprised that he doesn't have to worry about working up the courage to ask you out. Just go for it.

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Nothing is too petty to be thoroughly discussed.

Posts: 316 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 21:58      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
The thing is I don't think this guy has EVER had a girlfriend. He's sweet and nice to talk to and EVERYBODY we know thinks we are meant to be together, but between us no one has admitted our fondness for each other. I kinda would like to know for sure (or at least 99%) that he is interested in me.

Despite our chemistry, he treats me like I don't even exist when we are around other people. He only pays attention to me when we go for lunch alone. I can't figure it out. I feel his gaze when we talk, and he has playfully touched me on the arm, but that's it. Is he as shy as I think he is, or is he just not interested in me that way?

OK, having been a shy geeky guy, it's entirely possible that he's going through the same process in reverse. He wants to be 99% sure that you're interested in him before making any move. And if he is interested, he may be trying to cover that up around other people in case they find out and make fun of him or whatever.

Of course, he may not be interested, either, it's hard to tell. Unfortunately, the only way to find out is make a move. It doesn't sound like he's the sort of guy that will ruin a good friendship even if he turns you down, though, so what have you got to lose?

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6 weeks to go!

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toobe

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 22:01      Profile for toobe   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Speaking as a 25 year old geek who reverts to a grade three version of myself whenever someone I'm attracted to is around...I'd say yes, it's entirely possible. In fact, it kind of sounds like he digs you. He's acting the exact same way around you that I (tragically) find myself acting around The Girl.

Ask him out. Gently. See what happens.

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Studies show reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.

Posts: 175 | From: Victoria, BC | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 22:09      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by toobe:

Ask him out. Gently. See what happens.

Gently?

/me puts away fuzzy handcuffs, leather riding crop, and edible panties

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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toobe

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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 22:29      Profile for toobe   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by toobe:

Ask him out. Gently. See what happens.

Gently?

/me puts away fuzzy handcuffs, leather riding crop, and edible panties

Ok, well, depending on the geek, that might work too. If I remember correctly, you are married. Dammit... [Big Grin]

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Studies show reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted February 08, 2006 23:42      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Peebs isn't just married, she also just had her first bady. Mr.Peebs might just find an intresting place for that riding crop if you don't wantch it... He posts here time-to-time, I forget his nick.

As for the thread starter, stay a while and check the archives. This question has been seen arround these boards before. The general answer is to invest in a "clue-by-four" because most geeks are oblivious to anything short of "Gaddamit! Haven't you noticed, that I've been hitting on you all night?" Which, incidently, was how my first relationship started. I've since become a bit more aware of who's flirting and who's just being friendly; and, with time, this guy will, too.

Hears my not so humble opinon on the matter... Carpe Geekium, "Seize the Geek". Not to be confused with Carpe Deim, A Karp a Day.

- If he doesn't like you, what have you lost by asking him out? Nothing.
Else, if he does like you, you gain a date and possibly a relationship.
Else if you don't ask, you'll always have that lingering doubt "What if...?" Which, to be completly honest, would be worse than a simple rejection. After a rejection, you move on. After not saying anything, you always have to wonder -- and while your crushing, you may be missing prime oppertunities at relationships.

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My Site

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littlefish
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Icon 1 posted February 09, 2006 05:34      Profile for littlefish   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Hears my not so humble opinon on the matter... Carpe Geekium, "Seize the Geek". Not to be confused with Carpe Deim, A Karp a Day.
I thought it meant "fish of the gods". Oh well... [Wink]
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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 09, 2006 06:27      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You want to know if a 30 year old geek likes you? hm. Does he let you hold his walker for him? Does his colostomy bag begin to fill out of nervousness when you're around?

... ok, I guess 30 isn't that old.

I'm so mean.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted February 09, 2006 09:14      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
Peebs isn't just married, she also just had her first bady. Mr.Peebs might just find an intresting place for that riding crop if you don't wantch it... He posts here time-to-time, I forget his nick.

I'm married, a mom, and don't actually use any of the above named paraphernalia. [Wink]

Seriously, girlygirl, just try asking him out for some coffee, or lunch or to a movie (or a comicon!) and see what he says. If you're not comfortable with the idea of a date date yet, ask him to go with you to something with a group of friends. That's nice and non-threatening and gives you a chance to get to know each other.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted February 09, 2006 10:23      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ask him to help you pick out a computer. Make him feel important when he does. Then of course get his screen name and every thing for his messangers. Then of course when you get the computer home delete random fines untill it won't work. Then ask him if he can fix it for you. Then repay him with dinner and some video games.

Fixing a computer, Eating and playing video games would be the perfect date..... Well for me at least.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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ChildeRoland
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Icon 1 posted February 09, 2006 12:37      Profile for ChildeRoland     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by maia:
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
Is this really possible? And if so what do I do to make the first move without having to tell him straight out that I'm interested and without scaring the shit out of this shy, geeky guy?

Yes, it is possible, in fact, probable. Lots of geeks lose their cool around someone they are attracted to. He may go out of his way not to pay attention to you just so no one notices how into you he really is. Chances are he's just scared of asking you out and risking rejection. If you ask him out, he will be pleasantly surprised that he doesn't have to worry about working up the courage to ask you out. Just go for it.
As a geek guy, I think you should listen to Maia

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=====================
Childe Roland

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girlygirl
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Icon 10 posted February 09, 2006 17:42      Profile for girlygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
Ask him to help you pick out a computer. Make him feel important when he does. Then of course get his screen name and every thing for his messangers. Then of course when you get the computer home delete random fines untill it won't work. Then ask him if he can fix it for you. Then repay him with dinner and some video games.

Fixing a computer, Eating and playing video games would be the perfect date..... Well for me at least.

lol. Knowing this guy I think this might actually work!!! Rejection on either my side or his side is bad b/c we have to see each other everyday at work!!
Posts: 52 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted February 09, 2006 18:14      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
You want to know if a 30 year old geek likes you? hm. Does he let you hold his walker for him? Does his colostomy bag begin to fill out of nervousness when you're around?

... ok, I guess 30 isn't that old.

I'm so mean.

Better watch it sonny. I just might pour some of my Metamucil in your Pepsi. Then hit you with my cane.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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bhartman35
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Icon 3 posted February 09, 2006 22:41      Profile for bhartman35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There's one other thing you need to take into consideration:

In some corporate climates, it's not okay for co-workers to have romantic relationships. That might be why he acts different when people are around. He might be trying to keep things discreet so that the two of you don't get in any sticky situations with your employer.

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chromatic
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Icon 3 posted February 10, 2006 10:21      Profile for chromatic   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
But I don't know and can't believe that a 30 year old would act like he was 9. Is this really possible?

Seems normal to me.

Asking him to do something outside of work is a good idea, but keep it low key and low risk. If it's just coffee (or the equivalent), it's not the end of the world if he says no. (If he says "I'm busy this weekend," you can say "Let me know when you're free then" and leave it at that.)

Risk a little... but not everything. Give him a chance to risk a little too. If it works, great. If not, you've learned something and you're a little sadder, but you're not ruined.

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 11:44      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
But I don't know and can't believe that a 30 year old would act like he was 9. Is this really possible?

Hon, men don't grow up. They just look older.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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bhartman35
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 12:03      Profile for bhartman35     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
But I don't know and can't believe that a 30 year old would act like he was 9.
I think you'll find that this happens to most of us males in the presence of those we are attracted to. Without going into too much detail, it has something to do with the blood rapidly leaving our brains... [Wink]
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Aditu
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 13:12      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I also say ask him out. I have done this a couple of times and it works out sometimes. Never seems to ruin a friendship with geeky guys if they don't like you romantically.
Posts: 1355 | From: Osten Ard | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 14:27      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
quote:
Originally posted by girlygirl:
But I don't know and can't believe that a 30 year old would act like he was 9. Is this really possible?

Hon, men don't grow up. They just look older.
Hah! Ain't that the truth! I'm still amazed at some of the stunts my guy has pulled in recent years. Chalk it up to "typical male," I guess.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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fs

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 17:49      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by toobe:

Ask him out. Gently. See what happens.

Gently?

/me puts away fuzzy handcuffs, leather riding crop, and edible panties

Woops... I thought the fuzzy handcuffs were gentle. [blush]

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I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 17:54      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by FireSnake:
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by toobe:

Ask him out. Gently. See what happens.

Gently?

/me puts away fuzzy handcuffs, leather riding crop, and edible panties

Woops... I thought the fuzzy handcuffs were gentle. [blush]
Nah. Not as gentle as silk scarves and his neck-ties! [Razz]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 17:57      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Rhonnie is getting into (light) bondage talk?! [Eek!]

Our little girl is all grown up. [Happytears] ( [Wink] )

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 18:01      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, I never said I was against blindfolds and silk scarves used gently and consensually!

I'm just revolted by the sub/dom culture. As someone who had a very controlling parent, any thought of a controlling sexual relationship makes me physically ill. [Frown]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2006 18:18      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by bhartman35:
quote:
But I don't know and can't believe that a 30 year old would act like he was 9.
I think you'll find that this happens to most of us males in the presence of those we are attracted to. Without going into too much detail, it has something to do with the blood rapidly leaving our brains... [Wink]
Funny...I never thought of that before - it certainly might give some credence to the idea of thinking with [...].

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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