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Author Topic: To e-mail, or not to e-mail
MacManKrisK

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Icon 5 posted August 24, 2008 10:20      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I realize I can't tell a short version of this story, but I will try to condense where I can.

Friday, August 15h was the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, a Catholic Holy Day of Obligation (tm). I was leading the music for the 7:00PM Mass and it was one of those "if you feel like showing up to help, please do" kind of things. With me were two people from my normal, Saturday evening music group, Lynne and Olie. Also, a flautist, Maryanne, from the 5:00PM Sunday group showed up to help.

I'd never met Maryanne before, but we seemed to hit it off really well. The thing is, I was so stuck in "playing for Mass, big important holy day" mode that I was just flirting with her naturally... not thinking about it. I was SO focused on what I was doing musically that my brain hadn't received the message that I was attracted to her. My brain's not being in the way left my instinct to it's own devices and I was being smooth, calm, cool, and collected about the whole thing. Moreover it was obvious that she was interested in me too.

Skipping many details (that could take PAGES) and going right to the issue at hand:

as we're walking out of church together I say, "It's a nice night out, would sure be a nice night for some miniature golf," and I'm still running on this autopilot mode when I add, "of course it's boring going by yourself."

She replies with, "Oh, I'd love to, but I can't really afford it."

It was at this very moment that I came crashing back into my brain. All I wanted to say was, "Oh, no problem, I can pay," but my brain was too busy with it's own dialog, "So what does that mean? Does that mean she wants to go but can't afford it? Or does that mean she doesn't want to go and is being nice? And if I pay then it's a date, isn't it? I don't want it to be a /date/!"

What comes out of my mouth, while I'm fighting inside myself -- half of myself telling me to just offer to pay, the other half saying that I'm going too far too fast -- is, "Oh."

Maryanne talks about mini-golf courses in the area, mentions an indoor one that's really nice, and a few others. All I can say is, "Oh. Cool."

Needless to say we wound up not going mini-golfing. I have been kicking myself in the arse since for being such a dense, stupid retard.

Saturday after Mass, Lynne and I talked about it and she verified for me that, indeed, Maryanne was sending some very clear signs that she was interested.

Fast forward one week and my plan is to see her again at church by going to all the masses this week. I had it all planned out, but there was one possibility that I didn't count on, namely, she wasn't at any of them. [Frown]

So now here I am, and my options are so very limited now.

Option 1: Wait... more... for another 2 or 3 weeks until there's a 5:00PM Mass again (they don't have them in the summer) and show up to help with the choir so I can see her then. This puts me at a whole MONTH since we last saw each other and makes me miserable with the idea that she'll forget about me in that time, assuming she hasn't already.

Option 2: Send her an e-mail. This has some complications. I *have* her e-mail address, but the only reason I have it is because we were both sent the same message from the church's music director. Essentially I'm plucking the address out of the To: field. This feels weird to me.

Option 3: Forget about her and move on. Probably the most common thing guys do in this situation, but I can't stop fucking thinking about her. Did I mention she's majoring in education, and minoring in music?

I really should send her an e-mail, I think, but I don't know what I'd say, or how I'd say it, or what premise I could use to send it.

Any help would be appreciated.

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 11:49      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How about something honest?

"Hi, this is <insert whatever fake name you've been suing>.

Remember when we talked about playing putt-putt? I have been kicking myself in the arse since then for being such a dense, stupid retard and not asking you out.

Would you like to go?"

Seriously... if she likes you, you can just ask and she'll say yes. No need to agonize over it.

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 12:27      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Option 2 all the way! It would be shady if you were a DB admin who found her e-mail address in a system that isn't at all public. Nabbing her e-mail address from a distribution list is pretty much fair game - the 'lazy' and 'innocent' way to do this would be to reply to the message, only copying her on it. Lots of everyday users do this, because they're too damn lazy to click 'compose.' As such, it's so common that it would probably look completely normal.

Not doing anything is just silly, and destined to FAIL hard. (After all, she might meet someone else between now and then.)

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 12:39      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
MacMan, way to go!!!

Looks promising so far. What Steen and Dman said. Be honest!!!
From a girls perspective, I think she is interested, she could have blown you off another way if she wasn't. I think she was waiting for you to say "my treat". Ummm, don't really know what you were thinking there.

You gotta take a chance, man. In my life I have realized the worst thing they can say is "no" [Eek!]

Now go get em' tiger!!!

--------------------
"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 13:23      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
Remember when we talked about playing putt-putt? I have been kicking myself in the arse since then for being such a dense, stupid retard and not asking you out.

Would you like to go?"

What he said. Do it now.

The worst case scenario is that your current state of "not-dating-Maryanne" will continue unchanged, in which case you will be no worse off.

The only other possibility is that your current state of "not-dating-Maryanne" will take a quantum flip into "dating-Maryanne" and if it does..... boy! will you be glad you took some advice. [Big Grin]

--------------------
...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 13:45      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Next time you see her.

"Hey, what are you doing <insert whatever night you want>? Care to join me for a game of mini golf?"

And if she says something about being broke

"No problem, my treat."

Of course you better have enough to pay the way.

edit: Just noticed that it would be a while until you see her again. If you feel wierd about using that email address, do you know someone that can get you a number? Like a mutual friend?

Hi I got your number from so and so. I was wondering if you would like to get in the back of my VW and relive the Summer of Love?

No?

Well how about some mini golf?

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
snupy
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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 13:51      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Email her NOW!!! You have nothing to lose,

--------------------
"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 14:07      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
E-mailed, but nothing quite as direct as Steen. I'm just not the "direct" type. A short synopsis, paragraph by paragraph:

Hi, thanks for helping again friday. I can't believe you know music theory, I'm a theory geek.

I would love to play with you again, if you have a Saturday available come sit in with my group.

BTW, what was the name of that indoor mini-golf place you mentioned?


.... subtle, but hopefully effective. We shall see....

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 14:09      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What Steen said, word for word.

Oh, and we want pictures, lots of pictures.

[edit]
quote:
Originally posted by MacManKrisK:
.... subtle, but hopefully effective. We shall see....

'Subtle' never worked for me, I just dont get 'subtle'.
What success I've had in these things has always come from throwing caution to the wind and going for it.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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SpazGirl
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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 16:41      Profile for SpazGirl   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
May I insert the phrase "Suck it up and do it"?

If so "Suck it up and do it"!

--------------------
Things, and things.

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HalfVast

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 17:27      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kris you should be good with that email. Women will give a guy a second chance provided she's not a
totally vindictive wench. You're way ahead of the game since you actually noticed she was interested.
The person I'm currently getting to know had to throw a rock at me. Which shows women will give
a guy a chance even if he's slow on the uptake. [Wink]

Posts: 795 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2008 17:44      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You know, if you were to just go up to her and say, "I'm sorry, I'm a nervous dumb-ass. So let's try this again. Would you like to play mini-golf with me?"

If she's worth your while, she'll think you're cute and say yes. It's touching when a guy gets nervous over you.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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skylar
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 02:34      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Be sure to let us know what happens... I will join the chorus and say I think you did the right thing with the email. Good luck! [Applause]
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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 04:12      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
MacMan... Did you hear from her yet??? The suspense is killing me!!! Does the three day rule apply to email as well? Or is that just a phone thing? Stupid rule anyway [crazy]

--------------------
"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 05:55      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
She replied! Her e-mail was very short, in fact, here's the whole thing:
quote:
I am a Music Minor in Voice.
It is at Jackson and Zeeb by the bowling alley out here.

But, also, she sent me a friend request on Facebook. That seems like a good thing.

It's likely that she's now just as confused as I am. We shall see what happens... I plan to employ the direct approach from here on out. Weather or not I can actually get myself to *do* that is another thing...

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 09:43      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well there you go Mac Man!

I think Geeky Goddess would agree, the "bowling alley" mention is a good thing, too.

Cause you never know where bowling can lead.

CP

--------------------
Free! Free at last!

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 12:47      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
C.P.

We are talking about miniature golf here, buddy...Get your mind out of the gutter! [crazy]

MacMan,

Sounds promising, But I told you to be more direct, I think there may be some mixed signals [Eek!] Next time...Just do it!!!

--------------------
"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 13:51      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey!!!

It ain't the size of the putter that counts. It's whether or not you play under par...

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 14:20      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No man should be rewarded for finishing in the fewest number of strokes.

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 14:21      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You shouldn't??

Oh. [blush] [blush] [blush]

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 15:58      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
MMKK good luck, though I suspect that at some point you will have to summon up enough guts to tell her you like her and ask her out, and risk rejection.

Rejection isn't so bad, it's better than wasting your time and mind space on someone who isn't interested in you, and even if you are rejected you'll get some props for having that courage and being honest. If you spend too much time being subtle, you might have the opposite effect in that she'll know you like her, but be unimpressed that you can't come right out and say so.

So don't hang about too long, besides we are all impatient for the gossip! [Wink]

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 16:13      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, it sounds like she's only getting the "friend" vibe from you. You definitely need to be a bit less subtle.

What about replying to her email with an invitation to go mini-golfing?

--------------------
"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 18:49      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok, okay, okay!

Here's the rough draft of the next e-mail (ver. 2):
quote:
Hi Maryanne,

I realized that I might be sending some mixed signals. With that in mind: I'm wondering if you'd like to join me for a game of mini-golf sometime this week, my treat.

E-mail is cool, but you can call me if you want, my number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx.

Hope to hear from you.
--
Kris

So? Good? Too direct? Too over the top? Too pushy?

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 19:30      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's okay for the most part, but I wouldn't start off saying that I've made mistakes. I'd start with "I think I've been sending some confusing signals..." and go from there.

--------------------
Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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geekygoddess
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Icon 1 posted August 25, 2008 19:39      Profile for geekygoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mac, I agree with Steen on the mistake thing, don't mention that!

Now, you wanna grab her attention...if you can say something funny, something that will catch her eye, then your're golden!!! Just my .02 cents!!!

--------------------
"It is better to press ones shirt, than ones luck"- Confucius

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