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Author Topic: Too much too soon?
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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2008 09:30      Profile for bassgoonist     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I feel like ranting some place where total strangers will (pretend [Razz] ) to care for some reason...I'm new here so go easy.

So, my ex and I had a more or less mutual break up in early November. We had been dating for almost 2 years, and we were living together. (We had just moved in together about 5 months before we broke up). Things were fairly serious and I had even mentioned the possibility of getting married, but it all just kinda fell apart. She had done some things early on in our relationship to make me not trust her very much. She just kept to herself a problem she had with grades which forced her to stay home (200 miles away) for a semester. I had been telling her how much I was looking forward to her coming back, and she never mentioned there was a possibility she wouldn't be, until she was certain. She could've told me 3 months prior that there was a chance...but she didn't. In retrospect, things were never quite the same after that...

Anyway, we grew apart this summer and especially since school started in August. We officially broke up early in November, but we were very much detached long before that.

About a week after we broke up I started talking to someone I met on a dating site. We really hit it off. We were hanging out every weekend, going to movies, she'd make me dinner etc. Last week we got fairly...intimate, and I was really starting to fall for her. We went out for New Year's, had a great time, but nothing 'intimate'. She sent me home after the show we went to, but left me with a very nice kiss and an invitation to come back after she'd had a good night's sleep...

So I come back and we have a 'talk'. She's "not feeling it". So, I say "alright" and leave. I'm pretty upset about this still, but it is for the best I know. She's not falling for me...and I'm falling for her, so it only makes sense to just end it now I guess. I did tell her I loved her after just 4 weeks...but I was a little drunk, and we just chalked it up to drunken silliness...

So anyway, we only dated for 7 weeks, and I feel ready to move on already...I dunno if I'm just afraid of being alone or what, but I've already started talking to another girl on this dating site...

I'm afraid I'm developing a bit of an unhealthy dependency on having someone...

But this has been a rough year for me I guess, in May my roommate and good friend got married, got a job and moved 250 miles away. He has been my friend for 7 years, and he lived with me for 2 years. Then my gf breaks up with me...so I feel like there's hardly anyone left...

I was going to stay in my apartment and live alone, but I decided to move in to the more dorm-like apartments and have 3 roommates, perhaps that will alleviate my "loneliness". (I don't feel, like depressed really, but I do like having people to hang out with...)

Anyway (wow that was long winded), what do you think? Should I seriously consider taking a few week breather from trying to find a date or just keep pushing forth?

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged
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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2008 11:24      Profile for PapaSmurph   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just give up on getting a girlfriend and start playing world of warcraft!

[Big Grin]

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged
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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2008 11:26      Profile for PapaSmurph   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sorry about that. I just couldn't resist.

Seriously, take a break. You really don't need that much stress in your life. Find something constructive to focus on for a few months, then try again. If someone falls from the sky into your lap, so be it.

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged
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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2008 14:07      Profile for stevenback7   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, take a step back.

In a couple weeks/ months you will be feeling a lot better and ready to find someone new.

Comic Book Guy: There is no emoticon for what i'm feeling.

Posts: 1199 | From: Canada eh? | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged

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Icon 1 posted January 03, 2008 14:43      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I would agree with the above two. If you're starting to ask yourself if you need a break, that's probably the case.

Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
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Icon 1 posted January 04, 2008 11:35      Profile for geekgoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I personally think that you should stay single awhile (not that the opinion of some random girl on the internet should matter to you...LOL)

Could you put yourself back on the market and date a bunch of completely unremarkable nobody's who it probably won't work out with? Absolutely! But what would be the sense in it? It wouldn't be worth all of the effort and discomfort just to have a warm body around so you don't have to feel 'alone.' And your morale would probably be low because it didn't work out with those girls either...

I think the dorm situation sounds great. Living alone while you're depressed isn't going to help you get over feeling lonely. Spend some time with like-minded individuals, doing things that you enjoy and try to remember that you CAN be happy without having a significant other in the picture.

My only other advice is to definitely NOT drop the 'l-bomb' too soon, drunk or not. I can tell you (as a 23 year old girl) that if a guy told me that he loved me only 4 weeks into the relationship that it would send me running for the hills. Girls like knowing that a guy REALLY REALLY likes them, but there's something about the l-word that implies strings and commitments and emotions that a lot of us are very uncomfortable with in the early stages of a relationship.

When you start dating again, take it slow, date casually for awhile...

That's just my 2 cents worth.

[Big Grin]

Posts: 79 | From: The Abyss | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged

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