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Author Topic: Observation
Member # 9896

Icon 4 posted December 13, 2007 11:28      Profile for hal9000   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok so I needed to vent and I figure I would do it here, kind of like farting while walking in a crowd down a street, no one cares but the guy directly behind you. [crazy]

ok so this buddy of mine is going thru a divorce, and its taking awhile and its getting expensive. but somewhere along the line he found this woman and is now madly in love with her. Well since things are not moving fast enough for her she dumped him. heís heartbroken. So he talked to me.

What I found interesting about how he described her, and his feelings for her, they were very strong. yet from what I can tell he didnít tell her very much about how he felt.
She said some very hurtful things to him yet he just continued to peruse her because he saw her for the "beautiful flower she is" [Roll Eyes] anyways over the last week or so she tells him to get out and I want to have nothing romantic to do with you ever again.

So he bails for a week, and returns to her they chat, so as he is leaving and she asks him if he found anyone else?!
Heís stupefied, and says no I was hoping to win your heart back or something like that and leaves in tears. (wuss)

So I give him my take on this and I say...
it appears you have be had, she maybe hot, and she maybe "all that".... but itís her mistake, she dumped you. There are 23 other women out there just like her..... and you have to find her.

Youíre in love with a concept, a set of breasts and nice butt. There are many other women out there just like her that could be better than her.

Well anyways, he gets pissed. so now I feel like crap for making him mad.

I called him today and apologized for hurting his feelings. heís over that, but attests for being in love with her still.

so my questions to you folks

Should he bail get a hottie, get laid, and forget her.

Should he chase her down plead with her for forgiveness and hope she takes him back.

P.E.B.K.A.C. if you can fix this, you can fix anything.

Posts: 183 | From: VA under a bridge living in a van. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Member # 5114

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Icon 1 posted December 13, 2007 11:51      Profile for stevenback7   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My advice: forget about her, either she isn't very smart of just dosn't want the guy.

Like you said, your friend needs to realize that for every "perfect" girl out there, there is at least a dozen more who look exactly the same to him. The difference between the "perfect" girl and the one for him, is his "perfect" girl should be someone who thinks of him as the "perfect" guy. A view this girl obviously dosn't have.

forget about her and find someone else.

Comic Book Guy: There is no emoticon for what i'm feeling.

Posts: 1199 | From: Canada eh? | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 13, 2007 12:49      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There is not a single good answer for you hal.

The problem comes down to him. If he is really hooked on her or the concept of her, a piece of tail isn't going to change it. Really he needs to get to the 'fuck it' point do whatever he needs to do to get over it, and then he will be back on the road to finding what he needs.

My advise.

Bottle of rotgut.
Seedy bar.
Woman of questionable morals.

Repeat ad nauseum until he feels better or dies of alcohol poisoning.

Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2465 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
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Icon 1 posted December 13, 2007 14:09      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It doesn't matter what he should do. He's going to do what he's going to do. People who think they're in love are funny like that.

All you can do is tell him that you think going after her is a mistake and that you'll still be his friend even if he chooses to make that mistake.

Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged

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Icon 1 posted December 13, 2007 16:13      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've heard that people trying to cope with a divorce can tend to jump into bad relationships (I know my dad did). Perhaps he just needs to take some time off from relationships in general, until he's really had some time to come to terms with the divorce.

Steen's probably right, though. It doesn't sound like reason has much of a role in his thought processes at this point, so advice isn't likely to convince him of much.

Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 13, 2007 16:36      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
hal9000 _______________Sxeptomaniac's sig file would be good advice for your friend if he would read and heed. Also get him a copy of "The Velveteen Rabbit", I know its a kids book but some grownups need to read kids books.

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5850 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged

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Icon 1 posted December 13, 2007 17:09      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
When shit happens in your love life "rational thought" goes out of the window...

You know what makes sense, we can all postulate what may be a sensible course for your friend to follow... but what will acutally happen is he will carry on regardless - "when a man loves a woman" as Mr Sledge so aptly had it!

Been there, done that... when he himself realises he is banging his head on the brick wall he may decide it is sensible to stop.

Until then the best friend you can be is is just be his friend... don't encourage him, but don't keep banging on about how he should give it up either - and btw you WILL get /really/ sick of hearing him go on about it... just try to focus on other stuff - in my case I finally woke up one day and said to myself (and a particularly good friend who had stood by me through the thick and thin of a relationship breakdown) "FSCK this... I can't live like this, time to grab myself by the bootlaces, get back in the saddle, stop being full of self pity and regret and just get on with tackling my life"

Only time can do this (to paraphrase a popular UK beer advert)

Good luck and try not to get too annoyed about what will be your friend's apparent lack of sense at times.

"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1937 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Member # 9896

Icon 10 posted December 13, 2007 20:20      Profile for hal9000   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Everyone Thank you for all of your wisdom... since I am right in the thick of this, itís hard to be objective.
heís a really good guy, and for some reason just keeps getting screwed.
I am honored to call him a friend, I actually witnessed him giving his jacket to a gal because he figured she couldnít afford one and she was cold.

I told him he will have to make the decision on his own. however if it was me, take a vacation from women and max out a credit card and fly to the islands for Xmas and have a blast.

Funny enough as I am typing all of this he calls back and says, I am taking the next 4 weeks off, I am going to the Bahamas and Virgin Islands in 5 days can I drive him to Dulles.
I am heading out to CVS to buy him a case of condoms and 64 oz of KY.

Thank you all again, I would be honored to call you friends.
Merry Xmas


P.E.B.K.A.C. if you can fix this, you can fix anything.

Posts: 183 | From: VA under a bridge living in a van. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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Icon 1 posted December 14, 2007 05:58      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
hey hal

You might also want to suggest to him that he get the divorce done and finished and over first. Then fall in love/pursue a relationship.

The woman could be a saint and still not want to deal with the death of a marriage.(not that she is, just sayin')

Speaking from personal experience balancing being loving and supportive vs personal survival and mental health can be very verydifficult.

tell him to deal with the baggage first, then the rest of his life after.

Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged

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