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Author Topic: loosing hope
boo
Highlie
Member # 5991

Icon 1 posted May 15, 2007 17:59      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
And some guys wonder why women aren't interested ..
Posts: 775 | From: us of a | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted May 15, 2007 18:21      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Poor fucking bastard.

I know exactly how you feel.

In fact, I feel suicidal just about any time Garlic Guy or Sxepto post something about Jesus. Before I ever read these fellow's posts I thought heaven was a good place. Now, when I read them I have to re-read Revelations and renew my faith in the Anti-Christ.

Now on to YOU. Counseling is fine. Sounds like you need it. So get it. But here's some real advice to give you some hope.

First.

The Colonel never got laid until after he turned 21. Yes, he killed people for Uncle Sam, but no, he did not get laid.

Sure, the Colonel dated, but he had to be asked. And it wasn't fun. He had a lot of ideas about true love, respecting women, and other bullshit back then. But he grew out of it.

So what is fun?

#1 and never forget it: do something for yourself. Do something you enjoy, and have to work hard to be good at. Do something that rewards you for being you, and rewards you even more because you have to have to bust your balls to get it.

This is important for a number of reasons. It gives your mind something to think about other than killing yourself. It gives you a reason to get up tomorrow and delay suicide another day (and as long as you're putting off suicide every day, then you're OK). And finally it gives you somebody who is cheering for you -- and that is you. The first person who has to cheer for you is you. If you won't do it for you, why the fuck should anybody else? Hmmmm?

There is another reason for this, and it is reallly important.

Once you have something that is important to you, some miserable waste of two X chromosomes will want to take it from you. That's women. They want to be on top of your world with the North Pole stuck up their butts -- and if you have something going on, then they want it. Only thing is what you really want is not some miserable waste of two X chromosomes, but an absolutely excellent combination of the precisely correct collection of genetic material assembled into the perfect pairing of two X chromosomes. And that my friend is exceptionally rare, but worth waiting for.

So what do you do in the mean time?

Like I mentioned above, learn to cheer for yourself over things that do mean something to you. But also, find female frrieeends.
The cuter the better, and promise yourself not to try to fuck them. Be friends.

When a cute chick says, "Let's be friends." Then take her up on it. Listen to her, let her cry on her shoulder, make dinner for her. Don't try to fuck her, just be her friend. Cute chicks have a gazillion guys after them for sex -- but if you make the ground rules "no sex" then you'll be different and they'll respect you for that.

Most important, once you feel the friendship, learn to say, "No." Particularly, "No, I have that thing I really enjoy doing going on them and can't make it." If you can say that to a cute female friend, you can say that to a miserable waste of two chromosomes. And what happens after that is the exceptionally rare, good double Xs will have to work at getting to know you.

The other thing about having cute frrriieeeeends who are members of the opposite sex, is that they have more cute friends. Pretty soon everybody in town is wondering why you were seen at a hot night club with three babes, and you acted like it was nothing. Of course to you it was just hanging with frriieeends, which it was. But nobody else knows that.

But, that won't keep a lot of people from thinking you're a great guy who just so happens to have a 35-foot anaconda hidden in his trousers.

Eventually you will find the right gal.

Until then, promise me to wake up tomorrow, try something different, see if you enjoy it -- and when you find something you enjoy, promise me that you'll do it again the next day, only with more feeling, and more sweat, and more commitment.

Promise me to keep doing that for the next sixty years or so, and let me know what happens.

OK?

Colonel Panic

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Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Just_Jess_B

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Icon 11 posted May 15, 2007 18:45      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As astonished as I am to say this, Colonel Panic is completely, totally, and utterly right on this one.

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
WinterSolstice

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Icon 1 posted May 15, 2007 18:48      Profile for WinterSolstice     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause]

That is one of the best posts I have seen in ages. Nice one, CP.

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An operating system should be like a light switch... simple, effective, easy to use, and designed for everyone.

Posts: 1192 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted May 15, 2007 18:50            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's easy for some people to jeer and shrug off people who feel this way, but it doesn't mean that the afflicted soul feels the way you do.

I remember that the church I grew up in, had a rule that you couldn't "go steady" until you were 16. I was horrified -- 16 seemed a lifetime away. It seems silly now, but I was girl-crazy long, long before that. Around the time that I was 16 and developing my big Hangman package for the school (because I wanted to, and it kept me occupied in a way that I needed) I couldn't keep a certain girl out of the comments of the code!

I guess I'm not surprised to learn that one of my uncles would be very depressed whenever he wasn't in a relationship -- as if his very happiness depended on dating someone. It didn't make for a hopeless situation as he's been married for a long time and has four kids, all grown up now. As far as I'm aware, the marriage is still a happy one.

There are people who can't give a toss if they're seeing someone or not, and those for whom it's pretty painful to not even get to hold someone (forget sex!) and have a special person in their life. I've never felt that I'd kill myself simply over being single, but I imagine it would make my life a heck of a lot more palatable to be able to share the good things with someone at last.

Pointing out that 20 is young is a flawed approach, as we all perceive time differently, and the years can take a very long time to drift by. An acquaintance at university tried to encourage me by saying that he didn't have a girlfriend until he was 21 (he was a few years older than me I think). I'm now 26 ... No change. I've passed the 25 milestone (think GPF) and now, 30 awaits.)

The idea that it's so easy to find someone is another absurd argument as it assumes too much about who you'd be happy with. I've missed and wasted many opportunities over the years but I've come to realise that they were, in fact, all dead ends after all, as none of them were suitably nerdy. I don't feel that I've ever met a suitable potential girlfriend in my entire life, in person or even online. There are really that few nerdy women, that few. (The GC member I'm still hung up over now, is certainly decent and smart enough, but I'm just not good enough for her.)

One friend of mine is very picky about who he would date, and was single for some years after breaking up with his ex. But in his case, it's no big deal as he's happy to be single. But not everyone is.

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mistersaxon
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Icon 1 posted May 16, 2007 15:39      Profile for mistersaxon     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by eng_geek:
so im 20, never had a gf, or date or anything..

Hmm - it's over-rated, frankly, and if you went to Uni to meet girls you messed up big time. Looking back, my 3 years doing astrophysics were really crappy and most of my life at that point was filled with self-important supercilious wankers who didn't give a flying toss about anyone but themselves (so I suppose I fitted right in!). Still, I learned about cosmology and geophysics, astronomy and the proper way to do experiments and handle errors and those are the things that have really lasted.

The best people I met were the ones whom I got on with because we shared an interest and those were mostly blokes because there weren't many nice single girls in the motorcycle club, the rifle and pistol club or the physics society. Oh yes, I learned how to handle guns safely as well, and discovered that I'm a really good shot. I didn't learn much in the bike club that you can write down but it was fun anyway.

In fact, both of the girls on my physics course (of almost 100 people) looked like blokes (it's harsh but true - I could show you the class photos) and I know one guy switched to Theology because that was 90% girls. Poor sod ended up having to learn ancient Greek, Latin and Aramaic - all to get his end away.

Now, once I started work I met no end of nice girls, most of whom became friends because I had to talk to them day in and day out, usually on the phone, so they only found out what I looked like once they already knew me(!). I met my wife through a party I was invited to by a friend at work and that's been the best thing ever for the last 19 years.

So, head down, arse up and get on with the work. Don't expect to find love or even real friendship at University. Enjoy the drinking and the gigs. Join clubs you want to join and go because you enjoy what you do there. Get a motorcycle because even when you're lonely and sad a good long ride on a motorbike will make you feel better. And finally, get a job - a proper one (and not in an engineering shop!).

Good luck!

--------------------
Rich.

Posts: 64 | From: Thame, UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted May 16, 2007 20:19      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
By the time I reached 20, I wish I'd never had a boyfriend ever. I was a miserable alcoholic who had failed out of college twice, and had been used and abused a lot more than I'd like to recall.

So, while I understand you're depressed that you didn't get any, at least you err on the side of waiting for the one you can really care about instead of wading through a jaded nightmare of frat parties and houses of people you've never met before searching for someone whose life was as broken as your own so you could feel anything but self-loathing and despair.

Hate to say it, but I bet you're not noticing the girl who longs to be held by you because you long to be loved by someone else. That was me for this one boy for seven years, from 11 years old until 18. He died the weekend before I turned 26 of a brain tumor, one he had had for 10 years.

So, in essence, romance is for books and fairy tales, love is what you make of it, and certain people on GC need to stop stalking certain others because it creeps me out -- and I am sure I am not alone in that sentiment, especially the stalkee! And yes, it is stalking, so knock it the Hell off, mourn the loss of the relationship-what-could-have-been, and move on with your life already.

20 is young, okay? Sit on the edge of 40, where young people with they'd lived in the 80s (No. You didn't want to be raised in the 80s, okay? The 80s sucked. The music was awful, the hair sucked, and the whole "Me" generation culture was in full swing. We were constantly worried the USSR would bomb us tomorrow, had 50s sexual mores, and did I mention REALLY bad hair?), and understand that you have a lot of life-changing decisions.

That said, 20 is also a time of intense emotion and idealism. It's a good time to join Greenpeace or PETA or Amnesty International or Peace Corps or some other tree-hugging group which will get your sensitive butt in bed with a woman who appreciates your intense need to save the whales/chinchillas/prisoners of conscience/poor peoples of the world. You might fall in love, too, and end up buying a VW vanagon like the MacMan and drive all over selling tie-dye tee shirts with Rainbow Eternity, your Neo-Pagan Goddess-worshipping girlfriend who practices tantric magic on you.

The only thing in your way? Is you. That's what I learned from 20 to 40.

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted May 16, 2007 22:17      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
When I was 20 I was borderline suicidal because I needed OUT of a relationship, not into one. Once I got out, I very deliberately stayed out of relationships for almost two full years. At first I was just bitter, and then I was scared. Not girlfriend material, in any event. When I decided was healed and scarred over enough, I re-entered the dating pool and haven't been single for more than a few months in the past four years. However, while I'm very happy with my current relationship, I sometimes miss the complete and utter freedom of my time as a singleton. Seriously. You can make any plans you want. You can dream any dream you want. You can go and do whatever you want because there is NO ONE ELSE you have to take into account. This freedom is hard to appreciate unless you don't have it anymore, but trust me, it's there. Is a relationship a fair trade? If it's a good one, yes, the trade is absolutely fair. If it's a bad one, I refer you to my opening sentence.

Your personal happiness and self-esteem are huge and unfair burdens to place on someone, and that's exactly what you're doing if you think a relationship will fix all your problems. Listen to what CP says. Enjoy yourself for yourself and by yourself, and the rest will fall into place.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 06:03      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Your personal happiness and self-esteem are huge and unfair burdens to place on someone, and that's exactly what you're doing if you think a relationship will fix all your problems. Listen to what CP says. Enjoy yourself for yourself and by yourself, and the rest will fall into place.

A hit, a very palpable hit. This is a major relationship lesson which a lot of people don't learn until really late. You don't have to "love yourself", but you have to accept your imperfections and understand that the person you're with controls the world up to the edge of his/her skin, same as you do in your own (and no one come up with the whole wireless controller thing, you all know what I mean! [Wink] ).

and I want to repeat this one quoted line from Xanthine because it's unerringly true. I found WS after my life had fallen apart and I had to rebuild it:

quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Enjoy yourself for yourself and by yourself, and the rest will fall into place.



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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
TSG
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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 07:15      Profile for TSG     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:

Your personal happiness and self-esteem are huge and unfair burdens to place on someone, and that's exactly what you're doing if you think a relationship will fix all your problems.

Wise.

Also very true, whether people choose to believe it or not.

Also something that everyone needs a reminder of now and then.

--------------------
Great friendships can only exist between equals

Posts: 68 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged
MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 09:56      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Just_Jess_B:
...end up buying a VW vanagon like the MacMan...

It's a Microbus!! The Vanagon came out in 1980, my bus is a 1978! The Microbus is rounded to achieve some sort of a feel of aerodynamics, though there isn't any. The first Vanagons were air-cooled, like the Microbus. In '84 VW threw away the old, good-spirited, simple-to-fix, rear-wheel-drive, air-cooled design and made the new Vanagon based on a VW Rabbit drive train, including putting the engine in the front, making it water cooled, and making it front wheel drive. The '84-on Vanagons even have heat! *pukes*

Okay, now that I've said my peace about the degredation of Volkswagen from "The People's Car," loved by hippies, do-it-yourselfers, and other cost-minded, minimalistic folks for generations, into just another big, corporate, "how can we screw the end-user?" car company, I can move on to the topic at hand.

----------***start here for the real topic-at-hand***----------

The whole dating thing is not what it's cracked up to be. I used to fret over being 20, 21, 22 and never having had a girlfriend. I thought I'd never find someone to "complete me" or whatever. Let me tell you from the other side, being in a relationship isn't easy and it doesn't fix anything or make you more "complete" or anything like that. I understand that my telling you this doesn't change the feeling you have that you're missing out on something; the only person that can change that feeling is you. The only thing I can tell you, though, is that it will happen when it happens, and it'll likely happen when you least expect it, probably when you're busy doing something else.

Use your time now -- the time you have without the complications, pressures, and responsibilities of a girlfriend and a relationship to tend to -- to make yourself a better person. Figure out who YOU are, figure out who YOU want to be, and then work toward making those be the same thing. This will likely involve making changes in your life, and some of them *will* be scary to make; but the best part about *making* changes, is that when *you* make the changes *you* control the changes. In contrast, when you let *life* make the changes for you, those changes control you.

Doing the hard work (and believe me it is HARD work!) required to make who you are match who you want to be is A LOT easier if you're not tied into a relationship. Then -- after doing all that hard (but really necessary to your overall happiness) work -- when you do find someone who you feel compelled to share yourself with, you'll be in a much better position to do so.

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
eng_geek
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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 10:06      Profile for eng_geek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There are a lot of really good posts, and points of view i haven't even thought about.
Thanks to everybody that decided to post something constructive.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 10:38      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Barely on topic, except for a humorous use of a phrase:
http://www.researchchannel.org/securityvideo2007/displayevent.aspx?rid=11016

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 12:10      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MacManKrisK:
quote:
Originally posted by Just_Jess_B:
...end up buying a VW vanagon like the MacMan...

It's a Microbus!! The Vanagon came out in 1980, my bus is a 1978! The Microbus is rounded to achieve some sort of a feel of aerodynamics, though there isn't any. The first Vanagons were air-cooled, like the Microbus. In '84 VW threw away the old, good-spirited, simple-to-fix, rear-wheel-drive, air-cooled design and made the new Vanagon based on a VW Rabbit drive train, including putting the engine in the front, making it water cooled, and making it front wheel drive. The '84-on Vanagons even have heat! *pukes*

Okay, now that I've said my peace about the degredation of Volkswagen from "The People's Car," loved by hippies, do-it-yourselfers, and other cost-minded, minimalistic folks for generations, into just another big, corporate, "how can we screw the end-user?" car company, I can move on to the topic at hand.

I stand corrected. I apologize for calling your bus a vanagon, though it is considered a standard term for any VW bus. However, I will be more careful with terms in the future, as the vanagon is generally accepted as the word for it.

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
bassgoonist
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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 13:47      Profile for bassgoonist     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
loosing hope...roflles
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MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 14:11      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Just_Jess_B:
However, I will be more careful with terms in the future, as the vanagon is generally accepted as the word for it.

*sigh* No one gets my dry sarcasm! [cry baby]

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Just_Jess_B

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 14:23      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
lol,

Sorry MMKK -- tone doesn't translate into text too well, and people take offense so quickly that I find myself backtracking (or pressing forward to be more annoying [Wink] ).

The teasing jibe is now taken in the tone it was given, to which I say:

[Big Grin]

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Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 20:22      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Honestly, Jess, if we'd been talking in real-life, you probably wouldn't have gotten it either. I tend to have a VERY dry sense of humor and it makes it hard for most "normal" people to tell when I'm kidding. I'll let you in on a secret though... it's all in the facial expression...

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"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 20:57      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thing is...that post didn't read like it was in a dry tone. [Razz]
Seemed pretty lively. [Wink]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted May 17, 2007 23:09      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Just_Jess_B:
bus a vanagon, though it is considered a standard term for any VW bus.

Here in oz the accepted term is 'Kombi', from the German name 'Kombinationskraftwagen'. This generic term even gets used for non-VW vans of similar design, much to the annoyance of VW purists.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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