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Author Topic: So ready to just give up
bookchicky
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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 18:50      Profile for bookchicky     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I started dating again in January after a three year relationship ended. Things are not going well. Since then I have dated one guy a month - all geeks - and each and every experience has been more horrifying than the last. So far, it goes something like this:

January - a computer programmer - and I went out on a date where he complained to me all night that women just weren't attracted to him. As soon as we were finished, he practically sprinted away so he could go home and knit. Never talked to me again.

February was a systems administrator who 'forgot' to tell me he was married.

March was an electrical engineer so hung up on his ex-girlfriend that he left me in a restaurant in the middle of dinner to go pick her up when her car broke down. I paid for dinner AND a cab home.

April was another systems administrator who seemed promising until he drunk-dialed me twice in three days. THEN he got in a car accident while on his cell phone with me while yelling at me for being 'judgmental' about his drunk driving.

May - mechanical engineer - was promising until he removed a layer of clothing and revealed a hygiene deficiency so profound that I can't speak of it without becoming nauseated. I ran for my life and never looked back. This was last Friday night.

I'm a quasi-geek, given more to bouts of marathon crafting and PC RPGs than to mathematics and science. I know enough about computers to build my own and serve as office tech support, but not enough to program them. What in the hell is wrong with me that I'm attracting the lowest common denominator?

I'm so tired now, and so thoroughly depressed. PLEASE, someone give me some words of encouragement. Tell me that there are still single, clean, thoughtful men out there.

Posts: 4 | From: Wilmington, DE | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 19:36      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow, that sounds like a list of winners there. [Wink]

Don't worry there is a single, thoughful, clean man out there. His name is Roger. And he lives in South Dakota.


All joking aside. There are decent folks in the world. Good men and good women. But it is a big world and takes time.

So be patient. It gets better.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2463 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 19:51      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
eHarmony workt for me! [Big Grin]

No, seriously, I have a geeky friend in Newark, DE, who's your age and a really nice guy. I could introduce you if you'd like. He doesn't knit, has excellent hygiene, is fairly cute, and is looking for a quality woman to love. Send me a PM if you want more info.

(And yes, I really did meet my fiancé through eHarmony. [hearts] )

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
bookchicky
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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 20:14      Profile for bookchicky     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
eHarmony workt for me! [Big Grin]

And yes, I really did meet my fiancé through eHarmony. [hearts] )

Congratulations!

I took their test a while back. Apparently I'm insane, since I fell into that hopeless group they just couldn't help. Yay me! [Applause]

Posts: 4 | From: Wilmington, DE | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
fs

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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 20:17      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For a geekier bent, you might want to try okcupid.com too. I've heard of some people having some good results with it.

Or you could hang around here. I'm sure we must have a DC are geek or two, that's not so far from Wilmington, is it?

--------------------
I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 20:29      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by bookchicky:
I took their test a while back. Apparently I'm insane, since I fell into that hopeless group they just couldn't help. Yay me! [Applause]

It took me about 1.5 years of using eHarmony until Jonathan signed up, and then it took a few months until he set his matching parameters to include younger people (he's eight years older than I am) and that's when we were matched. The rest, they say, is history.

You're actually the third or fourth person I've met who hasn't been accepted by eHarmony. Did they tell you why?

Maybe I should start a site called eHarmonyRejects.com. I'd include matching capabilities as well as host forums. Now if only I actually knew how to build a Web site...

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the perennial favorite: http://delaware.craigslist.org/

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 20:30      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
HeheheheehheHOmyGOOOOOOG!
Lol I am SOOO sorry that those things happened to you, but they should be in a movie hehe.
Best of luck.

Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
supergoo

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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 21:06      Profile for supergoo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
bookchicky, I am sorry to hear about your dating mishaps, but there is just something funny about the way you describe dating one loser after another. It's like a tragicomedy. Have you considered writing trashy chick-novels? [Wink]

Single, clean, and thoughtful aren't too high of stanards, and I'm sure someone out there has those attributes! I just don't know any in Delaware.

My sincerest sympahties,
goo

--------------------
Y los sueños, sueños son.

Posts: 675 | From: Boston 'burbs | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 21:23      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes Virgina, there is a Santa Claus. You might want to try looking in some different places if all you've managed to dredge up are losers. The charater sketches you've provided are pretty funny though.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
magefile
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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 22:15      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've never done the web-dating thing (I'm in college - there's enough gals around without that ... although I am single, hmm), but isn't eHarmony the one that occasionally "can't find a match" for you if you specify that you're agnostic or atheist?
Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted May 09, 2006 22:22      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Magefile:

I'm not sure. I know Focus on the Family stopped promoting eHarmony because the service was becoming increasingly less Christian-only. In your personal profile there are options to choose your religion, some of which include Buddhist, Sikh (which struck me as odd; I don't know too many Sikhs, but I know plenty of Buddhists and Hindus), Muslim, and a bunch of others.

EDIT: Here's their list:

quote:
With which of the following religions, if any, do you affiliate yourself? / Please indicate what religion(s) your matches should be affiliated with: (check all that apply)

Christian

Jewish

Muslim

Hindu

Buddhist

Sikh

Shinto

Other

Spiritual, but not affiliated with a religious group

Neither religious nor spiritual

You also have the option to select for specific denominations--either for you or for your potential matches--if you'd like.
quote:
Christian
Protestant
Assemblies of God
Baptist
Charismatic
Churches of Christ
Congregational
Episcopal/Anglican
Evangelical Free
Lutheran
Mennonite
Methodist
Nazarene
Non-Denominational
Pentecostal
Presbyterian
7th Day Adventist
Roman Catholic
Eastern/Greek Orthodox
Quaker
Jehovah's Witness
Latter Day Saints
Messianic Jews
Prefer Not to Specify

quote:
Muslim
Sunni
Shi'a
Ahmadiyya
Prefer Not to Specify

Etc. I'll spare you more, but they're very thorough, that's for sure!

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 03:30      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
bookchicky_______________________Sounds like you have not quite meet your hansom prince, but you do seem to have been frog kissing. I suggest you leave the swamp and try dry ground. I met my wife at a local singles night event that is held monthly, check out the local singles dances. The one we went to pointed out on day one that they mail letters to address of record (drivers license). I guess that is to scare of the possers, any way you have to get back to frog kissing.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

Posts: 5835 | From: Just South of the Huron National Forest, in the water shed of the Rifle River | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Metasquares
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 06:17      Profile for Metasquares   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by bookchicky:
I took their test a while back. Apparently I'm insane, since I fell into that hopeless group they just couldn't help. Yay me! [Applause]

It took me about 1.5 years of using eHarmony until Jonathan signed up, and then it took a few months until he set his matching parameters to include younger people (he's eight years older than I am) and that's when we were matched. The rest, they say, is history.

You're actually the third or fourth person I've met who hasn't been accepted by eHarmony. Did they tell you why?

Maybe I should start a site called eHarmonyRejects.com. I'd include matching capabilities as well as host forums. Now if only I actually knew how to build a Web site...

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the perennial favorite: http://delaware.craigslist.org/

eHarmonyRejects.com is already registered [Smile]
Posts: 664 | From: Morganville, NJ | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 06:35      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Speaking of various religions.. in the 2003 Canadian census, approximately 20,000 Canadians listed their religion as 'jedi'.
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
bookchicky
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 07:05      Profile for bookchicky     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
You're actually the third or fourth person I've met who hasn't been accepted by eHarmony. Did they tell you why?

EDIT: Oh, and don't forget the perennial favorite: http://delaware.craigslist.org/

I once worked up the courage to respond to a craigslist ad that sounded nice and literate. The guy wrote back: "Good 2 c u. Wut r yr mesuremints?" So I gave him my old high school locker combination.

eHarmony never did tell me why. I indicated that I'm spiritual but not religious and would appreciate the same, agnostic, or atheist. I got the notice that states "Occasionally, there are individuals we cannot assist..."

This year's stories are the tip of the iceberg. The men I've met throughout my life have all been very intelligent and SEEMINGLY normal right from the outset. I met them all online, in computer labs, through friends, at work (but never coworkers). There was just something, some revelation about each of them that just broke the whole deal. I'm not talking about petty things, either; there are some things one just can't work around (poor hygiene, sexual orientation, compulsive lying, etc).

As much as I can't stand the stuff, I suppose I could write one heck of a chicklit novel just writing what I know. [Razz]

Posts: 4 | From: Wilmington, DE | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 12:46      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I met my husband through Match.com after a horrifying string of losers and frightening dates. I think there is hope for dating sites, you just have to give it time.
Posts: 931 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
SilverBlade
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 12:53      Profile for SilverBlade   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Tell you the truth bookchicky, I've been in a serious relationship with a geek and all I've found is that they only seem to be able to complain, overtly sarcastic and cynical. I like geeks and their intelligence, and I am in another relationship with another geek, though more of a math one than an IT geek. You just need to carefully sift through the "bad apples" to get a good one. I think your experience is just a serious of unfortunate events and I am really sorry you had to go through that. Perhaps you can begin a relationship as just friendship, that way you have more time to decide whether to just keep him as a friend, or whether he really is boyfriend material.

Good luck, and tell us how you are coming along!

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http://www.silver-blade.net

Posts: 303 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 13:12      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by bookchicky:
The guy wrote back: "Good 2 c u. Wut r yr mesuremints?"

I can't help but laugh my ass off at 'measuremints'. Sounds like a bad candy
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Mac D
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 13:38      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I met my ex-wife on Lavalife I was on it about 3 days.

Latley I have been NOT looking. But somhow once I stoped trying there is an endless supply of people that want to go on dates with me. I'm trying to enjoy being single. Last weekend alone I went on 3 dates (It was my birthday weekend and I got some "special" gifts I won't get into)

So maybe it would be a good choice to give up. Concentrate on you. Stop looking and let them find you. Kind of like when you loose something and you look every where for it. Once you stop looking you usually come accross it. Happened reacently with my Westerndigital 40Gb HD.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

Posts: 1449 | From: Where I am is very relative to my location at that time. | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 14:07      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I met my ex-wife on Lavalife I was on it about 3 days.

/me reads that again.


Umm. Since you met your ex-wife on the site. Is that a thumbsup or a thumbsdown? [Razz]

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2463 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Mac D
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 14:40      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I met my ex-wife on Lavalife I was on it about 3 days.

/me reads that again.


Umm. Since you met your ex-wife on the site. Is that a thumbsup or a thumbsdown? [Razz]

Since we have been seperated we have become best friends. Since we no longer have to worry about having to trust each other.

So I guess I found my best friend on there so it would be a thumbs up

--------------------
There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

Posts: 1449 | From: Where I am is very relative to my location at that time. | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 15:43      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
I'm trying to enjoy being single. Last weekend alone I went on 3 dates (It was my birthday weekend and I got some "special" gifts I won't get into)

bow chica chica bow bow..

quote:
So maybe it would be a good choice to give up. Concentrate on you. Stop looking and let them find you. Kind of like when you loose something and you look every where for it. Once you stop looking you usually come accross it. Happened reacently with my Westerndigital 40Gb HD.
lose, not loose. [Smile]
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 12 posted May 10, 2006 15:58            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What, you're not picturing him on his knees in the grass looking for his arrow?
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HalfVast

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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 16:12      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Mac D wrote:

Lately I have been NOT looking. But somehow once I stopped trying there is an endless supply of people that want to go on dates with me. I'm trying to enjoy being single. Last weekend alone I went on 3 dates

Hmmm... I've also been using the Not Looking method. I haven't had a date in 3 years now. (There may be an age factor in there. [Razz] )

Really bookchicky the only advice I can offer is keep your eyes open and continue to be yourself. I try the best I can to be who I am and not to compromise myself. (There is a difference between compromising yourself and accommodating others. The latter makes life interesting.)

Back to your topic line I have given up and I find I'm a much more relaxed person around the fairer sex. If you are unconcerned about how others see you I think your true self comes out and attracts persons who suit you. Sorry, nothing in the way of radical advice here.

Disclaimer: Major edit as I hit 'post' much too soon.

Posts: 795 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

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Icon 1 posted May 10, 2006 16:43      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh Uilleann you are such a wag... and beat me to the punchline to boot... [Smile]

[thumbsup]

--------------------
"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1936 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged


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