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Author Topic: Ich habe ein Problem mit einem Madchen
nerdwithnofriends
Uber Geek
Member # 3773

Icon 1 posted March 06, 2006 21:51      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So there's this girl... and we are starting to get close... I can feel it.

There are three problems with this:

1: said girl is not very physical, and I am (in a romantic way). I don't rush sex, but i believe that it comes with a relationship after a while. She is not that way, but has indicated that she is very weak-willed when it comes to being persuaded to 'do things'. I would feel bad if I convinced her to do something she started out not wanting to do.

2: One way or the other, I'm going out of state for college. And I won't be taking a relationship with me.

3: She makes me feel self conscious. By this, i mean that she is constantly saying 'nwnf, you are so much smarter than me'. This makes me feel bad, because, to a certain extent, it's true. I know that sounds conceited. I really do. But you can't ignore the truth, and thats it.


I'm stuck here, I really am. Any input- even the flaming kind- will be appreciated. Being the soul-less asshole that I am, I can turn crushes on and off at will, so if need be, i can kill this infatuation.

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

Posts: 948 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted March 06, 2006 22:00      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How about giving the old honesty schtick a try? Tell her up front that you like her and and would like to date her, but that you're going to go off to college. If she knows it's a temporary relationship, she's not so likely to allow herself to be talked into things she doesn't want to do and she might just enjoy the temporary relationship too.

In the worst case, she might get a bit upset and break up with you, but at least you did the honorable thing by being honest with her about it and you won't have hurt her.

(okay, the worst case is actually that she turns out to be an insanely possessive axe murderer... but it'll be the most exciting five minutes of your life)

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
SpazGirl
Assimilated
Member # 4915

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2006 06:28      Profile for SpazGirl   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I would have to agree with Steen on this one. Just be honest with her. A funny thing I noticed, I think that this time "I can be coaxed into doing things" has nothing to do with coaxing. If you are going to college and don't want to take a relationship with you, then don't. I'm going to rant a bit at the sex angle on this one. Yes it does come with a relationship but not until both parties are ready. Another thing is that kind of intamacy should only come in a committed relationship. If you are going to basically "bang and run", I would tell you just to leave this one alone.

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Things, and things.

Posts: 465 | From: Ypsilanti, MI | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Mac D
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 2926

Icon 1 posted March 07, 2006 06:57      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by SpazGirl:
If you are going to basically "bang and run", I would tell you just to leave this one alone.

After being married I would say that the "Bang and Run" relationship is a lot less of a headache and far less hassel. But thats my situation.

I think more backround information is needed on your prior relationships. Every relationship you have is going to affect any you will have. Somone once told me that a girlfriend should be like buying a car. You have to know your needs and wants. And don't settle for someone on only one or two of thoes quilities. Don't sacrifice lets say somone smart just for a nice rear end. But then again if you ask Scott Adams comunication is the worst thing for a relationship.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

Posts: 1449 | From: Where I am is very relative to my location at that time. | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
quantumfluff
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 450

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2006 19:12      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Carpe Diem. The only real regrets are lost opportunities.
Posts: 2902 | From: 5 to 15 meters above sea level | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2006 13:22      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
1.) If you want to know if she really is comfortable with something your doing -- ask. I also agree about the idea about being in a commited relationship.

2.) a. Then, why get into a new one?
b. Why not take one with you?

3.) So, you both think your smarter... Is she more talented at something? My guess is that the answer is 'yes'...

My answer is... Be up front. Talk about what the choices really are.

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My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Elvermere
Geek
Member # 2456

Member Rated:
2
Icon 3 posted March 08, 2006 18:24      Profile for Elvermere     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmmmm, I'll have to agree with the other posters and say that discussing it honestly is definitely the way to go.

I'll throw another couple of things into the mix though, probably things to think about and/or discuss.

Now I know social functions do not cross county boundaries very well (so forgive me if this is not done), but how about keeping the relationship to a purely friendship? I know that deep philosophical movie (sic), "When Harry Met Sally", states "A man and a women can never be friends, the sex always gets in the way". But you have already stated that you can keep the sex think under control, so do that.

This way you have someone you care about, can have some fun with and yet not get caught up in "dating" or a "relationship".

It's just a suggestion, but it worked for me throughout Uni. In fact I had more female friends than male friends because I never "came on" or applied pressure to them.

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Duct Tape is like the force.
It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Posts: 113 | From: Perth, West AU | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
Demosthenes
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 530

Icon 1 posted March 09, 2006 09:04      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
1.) If you want to know if she really is comfortable with something your doing -- ask. I also agree about the idea about being in a commited relationship.

In the immortal words of Morrissey, "Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to...so, if there’s something you’d like to try, ask me, I won’t say no, how could I?"

For a self-proclaimed celibate, that sounds pretty kinky to me.

Posts: 1349 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged


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