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Author Topic: The Obvious, and the Oblivious
Egonis Similaris
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 4820

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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 09:45      Profile for Egonis Similaris   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's absolutely incredible how nobody I know, or meet has a clue about dating; no, I'm no different.

To offer something of a small aide to those who haven't found love, or haven't experienced love, I want to express my experiences for what they are worth, for some degree of comfort to those who are afraid to experience it, or who think they cannot experience it.

#! Begin Story

I was born a geek, believe me... some of my first memories are of disassembling calculators, or writing painfully simple code on a VIC20 at the age of 3 -- I was also born legally blind, and sat about 5 centimetres from the screen. You get the picture, I sure did.

This was in the 80's... man were geeks ever unpopular back then, if any of you think it's no different now, I would like to open a discussion on past experiences with you... it sucked!

But what I realized then, thank god, is that what people think doesn't really matter all that much, its the people you care about that matter, and your own self image that matters.

The same applies to dating, my self image was in shambles when I first became interested in girls, and had my first kiss at the ripe old age of 17. The trouble is, whether you are seeking a woman or a man, and are of either of those genders, what you feel or think of yourself directly impacts who is attracted to you.

If you think little of yourself, so will your partner. And so will they take advantage of you mentally.

I dated a number of girls from the age of 17 to the age of 21, and then it happened. I met this small-town girl at a coffee shop, because my brother called the wrong number on my cell phone, and started talking to some girl who just listened. She ended up meeting us for coffee, since she already knew his life story.

Her and I fell in love in 1 week, and two months later, while camping, she rolled over and asked me to marry her. I said yes.

I never saw it coming.

We were engaged for three years, getting our lives in order before formally tying the knot.

I have never seen heaven, but I think I know what it's like. It is the feeling of sheer freedom, I was complete, it felt just like that crap you hear in the movies and in bad romance novels. I couldn't believe the tales were true, it does exist!

She was soon diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 21. Such a debilitating disease to have at such a young age, she could barely walk. So suddenly.

I reached out to my friends, and one of them happened to be a nurse, she set me up for classes on massage therapy for RA Patients. It helped.

Right around the time of the I.T. Stock Crash, I lost my job at (censored employer) due to economic conditions.

I applied for work in the Canadian Forces as a programmer, but was discharged shortly after due to my eyesight -- rules are rules.

I immediately called my fiancee, in shambles, feeling so hopeless and lost. Her first response? "What the ... are you going to do for work now?", not even giving me the chance to get out my feelings.

The emotions stopped, my heart stopped, the world stood still. It felt like a full half hour of thought.. and then I blurted out "we're finished".

It amazes me how feelings can change, the simple fact that we could not cope in difficult times proved to me that this was not the one for me... and I moved on.

My advise to any of you looking for love, is don't give up, but don't look specifically for it. It happened to me when I least expected it, it was natural, and I don't regret a thing.

Every relationship since has been better and better, not because of who I date, but because I know exactly what I want: Personality, and someone who returns the same feelings to me.

If you love someone, and don't receive the same back, it isn't love! Love is two-fold. It must be, because the moment my fiancee cared just a little less about me because of my career, I followed suit in a big way.

Looks are meaningless, really... physical appearance can be taken away in a split second, personality can't.

For all the hurt I went through, I wouldn't change a thing, I learned and felt so much that I would never want to lose. Don't be depressed about my story, I'm not. It's just one of life's lessons.

I hope I reached someone with my story.

Now, any others to contribute?

Posts: 3 | From: Toronto Canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
garlicguy

Member # 3166

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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 10:02      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi, Eg. A couple of thoughts for you.

1)Are there more than two genders (male & female)? Your post seems to imply other possibilities. (Just messin' with ya dude, don't worry. [Big Grin] )

2)You were in emotional pain/stress when you called your fiance with your bad news. Perhaps she was in a similar state when she heard it. Most of us have a bad day every now and then, maybe that was hers. Your response to her questions seems a bit over the top from where I sit... FWIW, YMMV, etc.

Oh yeah. Nice picture in the profile. Maybe shrink it a bit for those of us with smaller monitors. Thanks.

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3752 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
Egonis Similaris
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 4820

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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 10:10      Profile for Egonis Similaris   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
Hi, Eg. A couple of thoughts for you.

1)Are there more than two genders (male & female)? Your post seems to imply other possibilities. (Just messin' with ya dude, don't worry. [Big Grin] )

2)You were in emotional pain/stress when you called your fiance with your bad news. Perhaps she was in a similar state when she heard it. Most of us have a bad day every now and then, maybe that was hers. Your response to her questions seems a bit over the top from where I sit... FWIW, YMMV, etc.

Oh yeah. Nice picture in the profile. Maybe shrink it a bit for those of us with smaller monitors. Thanks.

1. You're funny.. [Smile]

2. Actually, the extra parts of the story, which I now realize are probably important:

When I lost my job at (censored employer) she was supportive, for a week. And then became very anxious and concerned about my ability to provide.

When I joined the army, she didn't like the idea, because she didn't think I could handle it.

When I was discharged, her parents said in the background, that they don't want a 'Disabled Son in Law' although I am far from disabled, I have 20/20 vision with contacts... wtf?

She didn't stand up for me.

That's the other big thing. [Wink]

Posts: 3 | From: Toronto Canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
magefile
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 13:36      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Actually, both gender and sex (sex in the sense of male/female, gender in the sense of man/woman) are relatively fluid, with all sorts of inbetweens. Much like how we used to think you were gay or straight; now bi is an option, and people are even starting to recognize that those three options are overly specific.

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

Posts: 743 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 18:54      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magefile:
Much like how we used to think you were gay or straight; now bi is an option, and people are even starting to recognize that those three options are overly specific.

Yup it takes no account of those of us that like to combine class A drugs with floor polish and bestial necrophilia.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 19:29      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
Hi, Eg. A couple of thoughts for you.

1)Are there more than two genders (male & female)? Your post seems to imply other possibilities. (Just messin' with ya dude, don't worry. [Big Grin] )


Actually, yes. Sex refers t the whole X/Y chromosome thing, but gender is a social construct. Someone who is genetically male, but prefers to be recognized as female could be considered a different gender. IIRC from my anthropology class there are something like 8 different genders recognized in the world.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736

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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 21:53      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
quote:
Originally posted by magefile:
Much like how we used to think you were gay or straight; now bi is an option, and people are even starting to recognize that those three options are overly specific.

Yup it takes no account of those of us that like to combine class A drugs with floor polish and bestial necrophilia.
spungo, what are you doing with Calli's id?

quote:
Originally posted by Egonis Similaris
The trouble is, whether you are seeking a woman or a man, and are of either of those genders, what you feel or think of yourself directly impacts who is attracted to you.

If you think little of yourself, so will your partner. And so will they take advantage of you mentally.

True that. It's kind of hard to figure that one out though. :/

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

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Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 22:34      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
quote:
Originally posted by magefile:
Much like how we used to think you were gay or straight; now bi is an option, and people are even starting to recognize that those three options are overly specific.

Yup it takes no account of those of us that like to combine class A drugs with floor polish and bestial necrophilia.
spungo, what are you doing with Calli's id?

I thought everyone knew already that 90% of the board is all the same person... remember?

--------------------
My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
zesovietrussian
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 1177

Icon 1 posted January 15, 2006 22:54      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
Hi, Eg. A couple of thoughts for you.

1)Are there more than two genders (male & female)? Your post seems to imply other possibilities. (Just messin' with ya dude, don't worry. [Big Grin] )


Actually, yes. Sex refers t the whole X/Y chromosome thing, but gender is a social construct. Someone who is genetically male, but prefers to be recognized as female could be considered a different gender. IIRC from my anthropology class there are something like 8 different genders recognized in the world.
Eight? We all know the first three, care to name the other five?
Posts: 1094 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

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Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 00:26      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Aside from gender, their is also chimerism, where a person litterally has 2 seperate distinct DNA patterns. Each cell can only have one, but there are cases where paternal twins merge early in the womb (before cells begin specializing). The result is one person with 2 sets of DNA, where the right hand may have differney DNA then the left, or one organ is different DNA than the rest of the body...

In this case, they can have DNA from both sexes, but biologically one sex. There was a show on TLC about just that very thing... The first case, there was a woman who had some test run (due to some medical complaint the woman had) and they thought they mixed the samples up in the lab, so they ran the test again, and again... Finally they took different samples and compared the DNA, and found the woman was a chimara.

In the second case on the show, the mother of three children was tested because they were on welfare, and the government thought it was a scam... They ordered her to have tests to prove the children were hers... She failed the test. She was pregnet at the time, and the judge said they should wait till the new child is born, and run the same test. Well, the new born child was also testing as not hers, but they delivered the kid so it had to be hers... The court ruled they were kids, and she was diagnosed as a Chimra. Later, they tested different areas of body, and all of her reproductive organs have one set of DNA, and all the others they tested are another. All the DNA being female.

I realize I'm ranting and on a tangent, but I think it's funny how long we've assumed DNA evidence is 99.9% correct, and we didn't consider the posibility that such "weird stuff," is the norm.

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My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Metasquares
Highlie
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Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 05:48      Profile for Metasquares   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by zesovietrussian:
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
Hi, Eg. A couple of thoughts for you.

1)Are there more than two genders (male & female)? Your post seems to imply other possibilities. (Just messin' with ya dude, don't worry. [Big Grin] )


Actually, yes. Sex refers t the whole X/Y chromosome thing, but gender is a social construct. Someone who is genetically male, but prefers to be recognized as female could be considered a different gender. IIRC from my anthropology class there are something like 8 different genders recognized in the world.
Eight? We all know the first three, care to name the other five?
Certain countries recognize genders such as the preference of not having one or of being both male and female. I forget the names they call these.
Posts: 664 | From: Morganville, NJ | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 06:20      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Egonis Similaris:

But what I realized then, thank god, is that what people think doesn't really matter all that much, its the people you care about that matter, and your own self image that matters.

The same applies to dating, my self image was in shambles when I first became interested in girls, and had my first kiss at the ripe old age of 17. The trouble is, whether you are seeking a woman or a man, and are of either of those genders, what you feel or think of yourself directly impacts who is attracted to you.

[Applause] [Applause] [Applause]

And welcome.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 17:58      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can come up with 12 gender possibilities from the four possible categories (male, female, both, neither... each choosing to be one of the four categories). It would be 16, but I believe that a fetus can't survive without at least a y chromosome, so neuter is probably not a valid genetic designation.

On a totally disturbing tangent: Have you ever noticed that there doesn't seem to be any real conjoined twin pornography? Just a few sites with badly photoshopped pictures.

Why are you all looking at me like that?

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Mander
Geek-in-Training
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Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 18:10      Profile for Mander     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
Have you ever noticed that there doesn't seem to be any real conjoined twin pornography? Just a few sites with badly photoshopped pictures.

Why are you all looking at me like that?

Sounds like a niche market ready for exploitation.

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Roses are #ff0000, violets are #0000ff; all my base are belong to you.

Posts: 34 | From: Upstate New York | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
Uber Geek
Member # 3773

Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 19:14      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
I can come up with 12 gender possibilities from the four possible categories (male, female, both, neither... each choosing to be one of the four categories). It would be 16, but I believe that a fetus can't survive without at least a y chromosome, so neuter is probably not a valid genetic designation.

On a totally disturbing tangent: Have you ever noticed that there doesn't seem to be any real conjoined twin pornography? Just a few sites with badly photoshopped pictures.

Why are you all looking at me like that?

Yeah... we should fix that. Anybody here female and have a living twin?

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"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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Geordie

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Icon 1 posted January 16, 2006 20:07      Profile for Geordie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Metasquares:
Certain countries recognize genders such as the preference of not having one or of being both male and female. I forget the names they call these.

The American Indian Berdache would be one. And if we want to talk about the Asian Indian Hijra would be another. Most societies seem to have them.

Then of course at the biological level it is hard to decide what XXY and other individuals with more than two sex chromosomes should be labeled.

--------------------
Geordie

Posts: 322 | From: Fairfax Station, VA, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged


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