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Author Topic: Specific issues I know I have to overcome
AntonTakk
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Icon 1 posted November 25, 2005 23:26      Profile for AntonTakk   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ok, I am brand-spanking-new here, so i'll start right off with a few questions.

so the goal is to find someone to love and all that sappy stuff. Unfortunately, Quake 3 just isn't a skill the average girl looks for in a guy. which limits me to the real world, and these real obstacles:

1.) I'm shy, _VERY_ shy, according to a friend of my brother's who works with victims of abuse, I am "the most socially-awkward person" she has ever met.

2.) I don't tend to genuinely like people I don't know

other than a noticable weight issue, which I know how to handle, that's about it, and suggestions on overcoming the above problems?

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`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!' - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Posts: 83 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Wick
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Icon 1 posted November 26, 2005 07:26      Profile for Wick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by AntonTakk:


1.) I'm shy, _VERY_ shy, according to a friend of my brother's who works with victims of abuse, I am "the most socially-awkward person" she has ever met.


<crazy bearded man>
I can relate. I have been called socially awkward in many different ways. I do not match the traditional person. I refuse to be like the traditional person...it is all like they are stuck in a box. I like the theory of looking outside the box.

After a recent divorce I am looking for someone who would consider skills in Quake 3 a good thing. My best advice to you would be to go where groups of people that are like you are...card shops, lan parties, book stores etc (hopefully more options than what I have in my area.) It is much easier to talk to people who have the same interest...the more people you meet the more you meet through them and the cycle grows. Another thing that I have realized that you may not want to hear is you can make love an illusion. Example - You meet a girl that is cute (adorable cute...the kind that stings) and have a small conversation...natually you can't get her out of your mind...so you start thinking how great it would be to have a realation ship with this girl....you start making up fantasies in your mind of everything working out well and you and her being happy forever. That makes you "fall in love" so you think...yet you hardly know her. Don't get fooled by fantasies that love is great and perfect like movies. Just sit back and wait until it happens, if you search to much you will go crazy. There is no such thing as someone who can not find another. I will quit my rant...sorry just things I was thinking while working the other night. Hope its not too confusing. </crazy bearded man>

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-= "There comes a time in a man's life when he must roll the dice and except the outcome" =-

Posts: 80 | From: OH | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted November 26, 2005 10:35      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hello. Welcome to GC. Have fun posting.

If you do begin to post here often, you will come to understand that waving this topic at me is like waving a porterhouse in front of a starving pitbull.

Keep making contact whether you think you like a person or not. It is good practice. Use the people you come into contact with in your daily life. Cashiers, bank tellers,waiters etc. Eye contact, small talk, smile. Keep trying and trying. It gets easier the more you do it.

Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
ewomack
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Icon 1 posted November 26, 2005 15:18      Profile for ewomack   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There's a great exercise you can try. It's called "say hi to everyone for 2 days". It's simple: you say hello to everyone who walks by you for two entire days - within reason (of course you should go to public places when you do this; playing Quake 3 for 2 days and saying "well! I didn't see anyone!" won't prove fruitful). Not only is it good social skills practice, but it emphasizes the fact that socialness has a random quality to it that's simply beyond your control. Some people will react, others won't. And what's the difference if they don't? At least you tried. In the end, it should reinforce the fact that you have nothing to be afraid of (but don't go saying hello to fellows in ski masks carrying uzis - be comfortable).

I have a rule I try to live by: There is never any reason to be rude to someone that I don't know. They haven't done anything to me, so why be rude to them?

Social skills take pratice. That's all. So does playing Quake 3 - and I'll bet you're great at Quake 3.

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Ed Womack
Get Milked

Posts: 735 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted November 26, 2005 21:27      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
AntonTakk wrote:
1.) I'm shy, _VERY_ shy, according to a friend of my brother's who works with victims of abuse, I am "the most socially-awkward person" she has ever met.

As stated, talk to people, but understand that this is like learning any new skill. You don't enter a triathalon in order to learn to run, bike and swim. You don't ask for dates to learn to talk to people comfortably. Talk to people you aren't thinking of dating. Once you're comfortable with that, then start talking to the ones you do find interesting.

2.) I don't tend to genuinely like people I don't know

That's sort of redundant. You can't genuinely like someone until you know something about them to like. You can make assumptions about whether you might like someone based on appearance, but that's shallow and only works in the most general sense (i.e. if you're allergic to cigarette smoke, perhaps the woman chain smoking at the entrance to the restaurant while complaining loudly about non-smoking policies isn't the best match for you)

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Uberism
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Icon 1 posted November 28, 2005 15:53      Profile for Uberism         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The only thing you can really do is just try to get out there-- I hate small talk so try to think topics of conversation other than the weather to start off with--do this and you will find that most people are not all that interesting but you may find a few that are and really that's all you need.

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I make stuff up...sometimes

Posts: 18 | From: Rhode Island | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
shane_the_god_of_my_room
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Icon 1 posted December 02, 2005 19:48      Profile for shane_the_god_of_my_room   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I used to be a extremely shy person up until I was about 20
so I started to read up alot about psychology
I wanted to understand what shynness was
and how I could got out of being like that all the time

then I read about how you can fake confidence
so that people reflect it back at you
after several months of this I started to feel more confident when talking to people I didnt know
and started to use this in everyday life
and I still do to this day

I also thinK getting in to heavy punk at the time helped me over come it
I realised that back when I was all shy
I would sit at home not going out feeling sorry for myself
but now if I ever start to feel like that I think to myself
SCREW THIS SHIT IM NOT GOING TO SIT AROUND FEEL SORRY AND UPSET
BOLLOCKS NO
IM GOING TO GO OUT/TALK BOLLOCKS TO PEOPLE AND HAVE SOME FUN [evil]

when ever you start to feel sorry for your self
say hell no Im not going to feel like this

I found getting a little angry about it
your more likely to get out there and do something about it
rather then just feeling upset and sorry about it

dont wait for other people to help you
help your self
your the one that has to make the change
not them

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Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Posts: 33 | From: Wakefield UK | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted December 03, 2005 00:40      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.
Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
ChildeRoland
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Icon 1 posted December 03, 2005 21:45      Profile for ChildeRoland     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.

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Childe Roland

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alfrin
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Icon 1 posted December 03, 2005 21:50      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.

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Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

Posts: 813 | From: Nevada, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 03, 2005 21:51      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
ChildeRoland
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Icon 1 posted December 03, 2005 22:22      Profile for ChildeRoland     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.
Novella.

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=====================
Childe Roland

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Maggs
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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2005 18:50      Profile for Maggs     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Verb
Posts: 193 | From: NYC | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Metasquares
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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2005 19:16      Profile for Metasquares   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.
Novella.
Integrals are fun!

Anthology.

Posts: 664 | From: Morganville, NJ | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2005 19:33      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Metasquares:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.
Novella.
Integrals are fun!

Anthology.

Boxed set. [Wink]

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2005 20:10      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Metasquares:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.
Novella.
Integrals are fun!

Anthology.

Boxed set. [Wink]
Library

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
shane_the_god_of_my_room
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2005 09:58      Profile for shane_the_god_of_my_room   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Metasquares:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.
Novella.
Integrals are fun!

Anthology.

Boxed set. [Wink]
Library
Internet [crazy]

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Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Posts: 33 | From: Wakefield UK | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2005 12:31      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by shane_the_god_of_my_room:
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Metasquares:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by alfrin:
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
Amen shane. Couldn't say it better.

word.
Sentence.
Paragraph.
Novella.
Integrals are fun!

Anthology.

Boxed set. [Wink]
Library
Internet [crazy]
Al Gore
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
yolospat
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2005 21:27      Profile for yolospat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by AntonTakk:
1.) I'm shy, _VERY_ shy, according to a friend of my brother's who works with victims of abuse, I am "the most socially-awkward person" she has ever met.

ME TOO, well, sort of. I met my boyfriend via www.livejournal.com from a random post from a guy that just happen to friend us both. We used to live over 2200 miles away from eachother, but now we live together, and things are bliss. Don't give up.
Posts: 9 | From: Florida | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2005 22:31      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
*blinks*

**Points at post in dupe #2.

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

Posts: 9332 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged


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