homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » All about Love!   » needing an opinion.. (Page 2)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!  
This topic comprises 5 pages: 1  2  3  4  5 
 
Author Topic: needing an opinion..
HalfVast

Member # 3187

Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 18:47      Profile for HalfVast     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Xanth, would your sig be considered a 'non-verbal clue'?
Posts: 795 | From: In the mitten around the abductor pollicis brevis. | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Jace Raven

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 2444

Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 18:57      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can be a virgin if you want me to be.
Posts: 1791 | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
alfrin
Uber Geek
Member # 3836

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 19:33      Profile for alfrin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by nerdwithnofriends:
I think one major question is, how do you define 'virgin'? Do you define it as someone who has absolutely no sexual experience whatsoever, or do you define as actual physical copulation? I think the variation of definitions has much to do with people's attitude towards marriage and remaining 'pure'.

I'd like to go by Bill Clintons definition of "sex".


Jace, you've officially been in the service too long. [Wink]

--------------------
Art is Resistance / Resistance is Art

Posts: 813 | From: Nevada, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
ewomack
Highlie
Member # 3225

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 19:43      Profile for ewomack   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The "virgin thing" shouldn't matter at all. What should matter is how well you both get along and communicate. Also, it's probably best to err on the side of caution because once that virginity disappears it's gone forever (and, good or bad, you'll always remember the person you lost your virginity to).

Most guys would never admit to virginity. There's some bizarre cultural bias against virgin males. It doesn't make sense. But I agree that if you're going to do it, it's good if one person knows what's going on. I've heard enough amusing stories of sloppy teen "almosts" to realize that knowledge is power in that arena as well.

--------------------
Ed Womack
Get Milked

Posts: 735 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 19:56      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by HalfVast:
Xanth, would your sig be considered a 'non-verbal clue'?

Depends on how hard I'm squeezing. [Razz]

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Fusengammu
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 4496

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 06:04      Profile for Fusengammu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:

But, I know that I've waited this long (I'm 25) and I can keep waiting until I can enjoy sex in the safety, security and selfless love of marriage. (And yes! That kind of marriage exists; many of my friends and relatives have that kind of marriage.)

Hi, I sometimes come here to read the Joy of Tech, and today found the forums. Anyway, I'm just procrastinating at the lab, so I just want to add my 2 yen worth:

Love ain't safe or secure. The ones that are secure are ones where
a) one (or both) of them is a good liar
b) both involved are so socially retarded that they're with each other because no one else wants to be.

That being said, an element of danger is good. It keeps both parties trying hard to remain attractive to the other - working out, reading books, staying well groomed. I know I work extra hard on my graduation work because my GF respects accomplishment, just as I expect the same from her. If either she or I let ourselves go, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

And what's the point of a pure life? Why is having had multiple partners "unpure"? When I'm with my GF, our feelings for each other are not diminished because both she and I have had experiences before?

I like what Callipygous said: I loved her then and still do now for the life in her, not for some ideal of purity. Beautifully put.

Posts: 1 | From: Japan | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
zboy
Mini Geek
Member # 2969

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 07:13      Profile for zboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I waited until I got married and to tell you the truth I was so happy about that decision.
Posts: 72 | From: A galaxy far, far, away ... | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
skylar
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1422

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 08:46      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
I will say this. If you're with a guy who's had experience, and it's your first time with him, and he's not taking a pace you're comfortable with or asking for some kind of feedback, he's an ass and not worth your time. Even if he's a virgin and he isn't taking the time to make sure you're having fun too, he's an ass and not worth your time. And the same goes for you.

Amen. I also agree with what Rhonnie was saying earlier in the thread - that getting to know what will make a person happy is key.

Personally, I lost my virginity to a guy who had a string of women in the past - they just seemed to flock to him. Now I know why they were all casual encounters that didn't last... he was the most selfish, unattentive lover ever. I knew WAY more about good sex at the time than he ever will, because I like to care about the people I'm having sex with. I regret what happened with him, but I also wouldn't take it back, because it taught me a lesson about emotional intimacy being FAR more important than physical intimacy, which I don't think I could have learnt so fully in any other way.

Sooo... it's not always the case that just because someone has more experience, that they will be better at something. It's usually the person who has given the issue more thought, and approached it in the most generous, understanding and sensitive way who really knows what they're doing.

--------------------
"arm, aber geeky"

Posts: 1994 | From: Deutschland | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 17:27      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wouldn't bother me one way or another, dear. And it shouldn't bother you either.

It's not the public's business what you do -- unless, of course, you're doing it on the public square. And if the later is the case, I recommend you be well practiced.

CP

--------------------
Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
gladiator
Geek Larva
Member # 4387

Member Rated:
5
Icon 6 posted October 19, 2005 20:11      Profile for gladiator     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Skylar, I couldn't agree with you more!!! The one who has given it some thought.. I also want to echo the response about communication being important.

--------------------
Gladiator:(noun)Celebrity and entertainer for the Roman masses.... without the paparazzi

Posts: 28 | From: St. Louis | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 15:16      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The woman I'm marrying (obviously) wasn't a virgin when I met her, she has a son.

I'm not even close to one either, as I've had my fair share in the past.

That doesn't bother either of us, we love eachother, and I can unequivocally and truthfully say she is by *FAR* the best. And I realise that a large part of her being the best is because of my feelings for her -- when there's true feelings there, the sex automatically becomes several orders of magnitude better.

I'm kind of happy I had a history before her, as creepy as that sounds -- I have something to compare to, I've learned what (generally) works and what doesn't, what the hell I'm doing, what I like, etc.

I respect and admire anyone who sticks to their guns, no matter what that may be, but I certainly don't regret not having waited, either.

Also, someone said that no matter how careful you are, you always remember your first. That's not true. All I remember about my first is her name. She turned out to be a dirty, rotten, evil piece of crap, but I was a horny 15 year old and she dated me and had sex with me for 2 months, so I went along.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
SaSa
Mini Geek
Member # 4494

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 20:34      Profile for SaSa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've coined the term "semi-virgin" for those of us who've fooled around but not gone all the way yet, sorta like the whole "Bill Clinton definition" thing...wait a sec, that might've given you guys alittl bit too much information about myself...sorry...

--------------------
Lalala!

Posts: 62 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
fs

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1181

Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 03:33      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Personally, I'm in the whole "you wouldn't buy a car without driving it, would you?" camp. I've had some very definitely dissappointing experiences. (Not due to lack of experience on their part, I should add.) On the other hand, I guess if someone doesn't have experience, they don't know what they are missing either. It can be a real bummer in a relationship when you've had casual sex that was better than your fiance. As csk says: YMMV.

[Cool]

--------------------
I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 07:24      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Originally posted by FireSnake:
Personally, I'm in the whole "you wouldn't buy a car without driving it, would you?" camp.
Yes, but you don't buy a car for the seat warmer -- you buy it because it gets you from point A to point B... You buy it for how long it run, not for the hubcaps. Alright, awful analogy aside... If you really loved someone, and they wanted to wait untill after the wedding, what would you do?


I've had some very definitely dissappointing experiences. (Not due to lack of experience on their part, I should add.) On the other hand, I guess if someone doesn't have experience, they don't know what they are missing either.
Experince and inexpereince aren't half as important as actually talking about it. I mean, how hard is it tell someone "It drives me crazy when you do XYZ -- but that look I get on my face when you do ZYX isn't because I'm enjoying it." Sex, like everything in love, is about communication. If your not telling your partner what you like and don't like, you have no place to complain; if your telling them and their not listening beat them upside the head with a clue stick; and if your communicating and it's still not perfect, practice practice practice.

It can be a real bummer in a relationship when you've had casual sex that was better than your fiance. As csk says: YMMV.
Especially because love is all about sex.... [Roll Eyes] [devil wand]

--------------------
My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
angryjungman

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 2434

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 08:43      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think "no sex until marriage" is just yet another mechanism the Man uses to control us. Personally, I see nothing wrong with casual sex between friends. Of all the women I've slept with, only two have been girlfriends. The rest were girls that I was friends with. And tbh, the sex was usually better with the latter.

--------------------
Meh.

Posts: 633 | From: princeton, nj | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
fs

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1181

Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 10:39      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
Alright, awful analogy aside... If you really loved someone, and they wanted to wait untill after the wedding, what would you do?

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who wanted to "wait until after the wedding" since obviously there are conflicting morals at work. I don't date people who are "saving themselves." Period. If I was attracted to someone and found out that they felt that way, we could be friends, of course, but as far as getting in a relationship? Nope.


quote:
Also posted by GameMaster:
if your telling them and their not listening beat them upside the head with a clue stick;

Actually, just dump them. If they don't care whether or not you are enjoying the sex and it's a completely one sided pursuit of their own pleasure, you are going to see this behavior in other areas as well. This is another reason to try before you buy.

quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
Especially because love is all about sex.... [Roll Eyes] [devil wand]

Nope. It's not. But sexual compatibility is an important part of a long term monogamous relationship whether you marry someone or not. For instance, I don't date people that are into BDSM stuff because I'm not and that would lead to an unsatisfactory sex life for both people. I can love people and not want to have a relationship or sex with them. I cannot, however, be in a relationship with someone that I don't want to have sex with.

--------------------
I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

Member # 3698

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 10:59      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by FireSnake:

quote:
Also posted by GameMaster:
if your telling them and their not listening beat them upside the head with a clue stick;

Actually, just dump them. If they don't care whether or not you are enjoying the sex and it's a completely one sided pursuit of their own pleasure, you are going to see this behavior in other areas as well. This is another reason to try before you buy.
Is it? You pointed out that this problem will show up in other areas, so sex is not necessary to be aware of that character flaw.

quote:
Originally posted by FireSnake:

quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:
Especially because love is all about sex.... [Roll Eyes] [devil wand]

Nope. It's not. But sexual compatibility is an important part of a long term monogamous relationship whether you marry someone or not.
But is sexual compatibility separate from other aspects of a relationship, or does it, as others have suggested, depend more on having a good relationship to begin with?

If sexual compatibility is so important, why does living together beforehand make marriages more likely to fail?

--------------------
Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
fs

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1181

Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 14:13      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sxeptomaniac:
If sexual compatibility is so important, why does living together beforehand make marriages more likely to fail?

Where are the statistics/studies on that?

--------------------
I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

Solid Gold SuperFan!
Member # 2854

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 14:55      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
On my way to find the reports (which IIRC, are published by Barna and one of the NYC universities), I found these pertinent articles:

Why not take her for a test drive?

The Best Sex cites at least one study by Columbia University and a bunch of others.

Ahh! Here it is. Check the footnotes for the research studies. (First citation points to Rutgers. That's Jersey, isn't it? [Razz] )
Myths About Living Together

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

Member # 3698

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 15:21      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by FireSnake:
quote:
Originally posted by Sxeptomaniac:
If sexual compatibility is so important, why does living together beforehand make marriages more likely to fail?

Where are the statistics/studies on that?
Rhonwyyn already got the data, I see.

Sorry I didn't add links to any statistical data on that. I've seen several studies referenced so often I generally treat that data as common knowledge.

--------------------
Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2071

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 16:30      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Obviously sex is not the bricks of a relationship, but it certainly can be (and usually is) the mortar that helps hold those bricks together.

While not wanting to argue statistics, or discourage those of you with religious convictions, I empathise strongly with what Firesnake said. I had a lovely girlfriend once, she was bright amusing and very creative, and above all a really good and generous soul. She was also pretty easy on the eye which doesn't hurt. However once we went to bed the sex was just ... dull. In the memorable (if slightly disgusting) words of a friend of mine "it was like sleeping with a ham sandwich". No spark there, and I have no idea why, as I don't believe either of us was selfish in or out of bed, or inhibited. So the relationship over the course of a number of weeks slowly just died too. Neither of us could explain it, and we both left the relationship slightly saddened, but with quite fond feelings for each other.

This was perhaps the most extreme example from my past, but this was present in many of my other relationships to a greater or lesser degree. There are of course, as Xan and others have pointed out, a few things you learn over time that make sex good, but in my experience there is also sexual chemistry, and you cannot tell if that is there until you get between the sheets.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
fs

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1181

Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 16:44      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mostly what I can find is an assortment of articles from publications with religious affiliations citing "a study" or "recent studies." As there aren't links to many of the studies cited, I'll have to do some looking for the actual studies themselves.

While the Rutgers site seems to be about the least biased, I'm not putting much faith in any of these sources not having an agenda either way. Even the Rutgers project states:
"The Project’s mission is to provide research and analysis on the state of marriage in America and to educate the public on the social, economic and cultural conditions affecting marital success and wellbeing. The National Marriage Project has five goals: (1) annually publish The State of Our Unions, an index of the health of marriage and marital relationships in America; (2) investigate and report on younger adults’ attitudes toward marriage; (3) examine the popular media’s portrait of marriage; (4) serve as a clearinghouse resource of research and expertise on marriage; and (5) bring together marriage and family experts to develop strategies for revitalizing marriage."

So to that end, it is specifically marriage oriented and looking for ways to promote marriage. I'm still looking for links to studies by groups that are interested in human relationships that don't have a bias to begin with or a position or agenda to support.

--------------------
I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
angryjungman

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 2434

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 17:06      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Having an intimate knowledge of Rutgers, it's students, and faculty, I would hardly take seriously any study that they've done.

--------------------
Meh.

Posts: 633 | From: princeton, nj | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

Solid Gold SuperFan!
Member # 2854

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 17:24      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Callipygous:
Obviously sex is not the bricks of a relationship, but it certainly can be (and usually is) the mortar that helps hold those bricks together.

So what happens if you can't have sex, whether it be due to recovering from surgery, long-term illness, paralysis, old age... do you end the relationship because you can't have sex? There has to be more to a relationship than just sex or what's stopping all of us from becoming gigolos and prostitutes and forsaking "relationships"?

quote:
Originally posted by FireSnake:
I'm still looking for links to studies by groups that are interested in human relationships that don't have a bias to begin with or a position or agenda to support.

Good luck with that. Research without bias is extremely difficult to find. Bias is inherent whenever human beings are involved.

Has anyone else read "Sex in America," that huge research study examining one of the largest population samples ever? It was published in the mid-90s (IIRC) and asked all sorts of intimate questions about sex and marriage and co-habitation and preference, etc. Some of its findings included higher sexual satisfaction (and overall general satisfaction) from married women than from co-habiting or dating women. Men also showed similar results.

I wish I remembered the authors of the study. It was something I read while at Penn State. Quite eye-opening, that's for sure! [Smile]

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
angryjungman

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 2434

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 17:26      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
There has to be more to a relationship than just sex or what's stopping all of us from becoming gigolos and prostitutes and forsaking "relationships"?

An almost innate fear of being alone for the rest of our lives. And the Puritanical beliefs that our country was founded on.

--------------------
Meh.

Posts: 633 | From: princeton, nj | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time
This topic comprises 5 pages: 1  2  3  4  5 
 
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

© 2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam