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Author Topic: Dates From Hell
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 14, 2005 22:35      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
I think you should hook up wif Rhonnie....even if it were only in a internet pen pal kind of dealie.

VIC, I love you in my heart and I love you in the Lord, but DO NOT GO THERE! For csk and for myself, please! [weep]

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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pawn
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Icon 9 posted February 14, 2005 23:35      Profile for pawn     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't really have a date from hell story, as I never managed to get that far. But, The first time I ever asked a girl out was just after graduating from high school. I called her up and asked her if she would like to go out sometime, and her response was somewhat less than thrilling to hear.

She said (and I quote) "WHY DON'T YOU F*CK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

Nice huh? I never figured out what brought on that response, because even though I liked her it was always from a distance as I was very shy.

Needless to say it put a damper on my romancing for a while.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 07:11      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ewomack:
I was once "set up" with a woman who claimed she could leave her body and look down at herself from great heights. She described this to me while standing on one leg and gesturing with her hands to demonstrate the angles at which she could view herself from above. I feel terrible about it today, but I couldn't help laughing at her. It was incredibly funny. I just couldn't control it. After becoming visibly angry with me she said she liked me by saying "I have a little torch" and asking me for a hug. I gave her a hug, that's the least I could do after laughing in her face. But I never saw her again. I think we're both better off.

You're better than I, sir. For I'd have probably laughed at her, and then ridiculed her too.

[Razz]

quote:
Originally posted by pawn:
I don't really have a date from hell story, as I never managed to get that far. But, The first time I ever asked a girl out was just after graduating from high school. I called her up and asked her if she would like to go out sometime, and her response was somewhat less than thrilling to hear.

She said (and I quote) "WHY DON'T YOU F*CK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

Nice huh? I never figured out what brought on that response, because even though I liked her it was always from a distance as I was very shy.

Needless to say it put a damper on my romancing for a while.

[Eek!] ... that's awful. I can imagine why it would.

I've never had a date from hell really. I've had girlfriends from hell. Does that count?

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supaboy
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 07:42      Profile for supaboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A friend of mine once set me up with a girl he knew from work, named Barbie. I took her to dinner (I forget what we had) and then went for a walk in a nearby park. We didn't have anything in common, and she was scared of walking in the park because she was worried about getting mugged. It was an excruciating couple of hours, but at the end we lied to each other and said we'd had a nice time and maybe we could do it again. Then we parted ways and never saw or spoke to each other again.

Now, I am also clueless and hint-proof. I have shared a chaise lounge at a pool with a very attractive woman, sitting between her legs, discussed my lack of a girlfriend to "take care of me" (her words!), and not realized until much, much later how frelling horny she must have been. So, I can quite easily see how me being my introverted, laconic self would be suboptimal first-date material. The ones that get to know me enjoy my company, though. [Wink]

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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 10:39      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What if I showed up nekkid? With beer? Would you get it then?
Posts: 931 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 10:43      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
What if I showed up nekkid? With beer? Would you get it then?

I have never seen that not work.

*edit: The only time it wouldn't work for me if is was Celine 'ferrit face' Dion showing up nekkid wif beer.

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 10:57      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
What if I showed up nekkid? With beer? Would you get it then?

I have never seen that not work.

*edit: The only time it wouldn't work for me if is was Celine 'ferrit face' Dion showing up nekkid wif beer.

I can think of a few other people I wouldn't like to see naked with beer...

 -

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Too Cool To Quit
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 11:25      Profile for Too Cool To Quit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, my only date from hell story would have to be the time me and Couka went to this concert at this church for this band called Decyfer [sic] and when it was over Couka was walking to the cafeteria area and as she was going through the door this guy put his arm around her and started walking with her. Her sister and her sister's boyfriend got my attention and pointed their way, so not knowing what was going on either way, I just went over there, walked behind them, tapped on the guys shoulder and as he turned around I hit him in the jaw. I was told that I was not welcome in that church anymore.

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Alright now, that's the last straw, I'm calling the ass taxidermist to tell him to stop making hats in your size RIGHT NOW.

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 11:30      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
What if I showed up nekkid? With beer? Would you get it then?

I have never seen that not work.

*edit: The only time it wouldn't work for me if is was Celine 'ferrit face' Dion showing up nekkid wif beer.

I can think of a few other people I wouldn't like to see naked with beer...

 -

Better be a 15 pack

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 11:56      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think she'd down the beers, then eat the bottles. [Eek!]
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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 13:39      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well I have a story but i am ashamed to admit to it. I was home from the service about two months and my Mother tells me that she knows a nice single girl. She then proceeded to give me a phone num. where this young lady worked. So I get in touch with her, she sounds ok and arrangements are made, I go to her parents house and I think that I have entered Porky Pigs residence, three fat little urchans run through, there is a large over stuffed chair and a woman sitting in it (unsure as to what was more over stuffed). I am told that Marji is upstairs getting ready I really want to leave when from behind me comes an angelic voice saying you must be (TheMoMan). I turn around to gaze at a belly button that would put Cher's to shame. We went to dinner and a movie "MASH" this woman was flat out gorgous but not a clue as to world events, she could not hold a conversation about any topic and really quite dull (is my lip stick smudged)?

Well about a year later I hear from a friend that her talents are unspoken and that all I would have had to do is run my finger down her belly, and she would have been mine for the taking, I do not regret my actions and empty sex is just that empty.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 14:41      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TheMoMan:
Well I have a story but i am ashamed to admit to it. I was home from the service about two months and my Mother tells me that she knows a nice single girl. She then proceeded to give me a phone num. where this young lady worked. So I get in touch with her, she sounds ok and arrangements are made, I go to her parents house and I think that I have entered Porky Pigs residence, three fat little urchans run through, there is a large over stuffed chair and a woman sitting in it (unsure as to what was more over stuffed). I am told that Marji is upstairs getting ready I really want to leave when from behind me comes an angelic voice saying you must be (TheMoMan). I turn around to gaze at a belly button that would put Cher's to shame. We went to dinner and a movie "MASH" this woman was flat out gorgous but not a clue as to world events, she could not hold a conversation about any topic and really quite dull (is my lip stick smudged)?

Well about a year later I hear from a friend that her talents are unspoken and that all I would have had to do is run my finger down her belly, and she would have been mine for the taking, I do not regret my actions and empty sex is just that empty.

AND FUN! [Wink]
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Serenak

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 16:47      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sorry I can't add any "dates from hell" tales as I never really had any dates...

Have had 3 relationships in my life:

1st love - met her when I was a 20 year old biker "Dole Boy" (think 80s, recession, Thacherism/Reaganismn, if you are old enough to remember it) and she was a 16 year old Catholic schoolgirl (sounds like a con but it's true...). She was 5'3 and a size 8/10 (UK sizes + very petite). It lasted nearly 5 years but in the end at the age of 20 she dumped me for student life... should have known it would happen really but I was so happy for those years you wouldn't beleive it. Crashed and burned big time when she ended it spent a year with drink, drugs and depression as my only real companions..

Towards the end of that period got invited to a party where I met my ex. Never really "dated" as such.. couple of nights out and several nights in and we were an item... Left home and moved in together... That lasted nearly 10 years, with a touch and go patch in the middle. But in the end I think we just grew apart (but being a guy I never noticed until it was too late... In my defence she never voiced any discontent until the final "I don't love you anymore and want out speech" Crash and burn again for me...

Spent a few months back in the black hole -a serious "big up" to my friend Andy who was there to keep me from diving further down than I could handle... He let me go down as far as he thought was safe to let me go to get over it and then gently encouraged me to think about starting my journey back up...

He probably doesn't even remember the night we stayed up until 5am looking at cheapo gas station pr0n mags...

But I remember the point at which we had the following conversation like it was yesterday...:
S: "Andy, I can't do this much longer..."
A: "What exactly..."
S: "Carry on living my life like this..."
A: "Like what?"
S: "Totally f*cked up like I am now"
A: "So what're you gonna do to fix it?"
S: "Well, I guess I'm just going to have to grab my own bootlaces and pull up real hard....
A: "Do you think that'll work?"
S: "Well it's gotta be better than the fsck*p my life has become right now, present company excepted - obviously"
A: "Good for you mate, just go do it... I think that can only be a 'Good Thing(tm)' and you'll feel more positive if you do..."
S: "Yeah, well, we'll see..."

Made an effort to break out of the DDD (drink, drugs, depression) fuge and in no time at all met Jackie...

Now we have 2 lovely daughters - Danielle 4yrs and Ruth 5months... OK, life isn't perfect... When is it ever?

But I am happy... we're getting married 30 July and YES Andy is the "Best Man" (poor bast*rd....)

Ooer, is this a threadjack...???

Sorry!!!

Once I started writing that I felt the need to just get the whole lot "out in the open".

I don't normally talk about it much... Jackie knows the whole story but I don't really wanna discuss that old stuff with her. Knowing someone's past and digging in it are different deals.. I know her history too, but I don't really mant to know the nitty gritty details either...

[ohwell]

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 16:47      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
DNM_______Self gratification here in Michigan is usually expressed as going out with Miss Michigan or Mother thumb and her four daughters, they never turn you down and you don't have to spend a lot of money on them.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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magefile
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 18:19      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For those who are confused by that, keep in mind that Michigan is shaped like a mitten. Thus, it's not uncomment for a Michigander to, when asked where they live, hold up their hand and use it as a map. IANAMBISTITS (I am not a Michigander but I sail there in the summer).

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 20:32      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magefile:
For those who are confused by that, keep in mind that Michigan is shaped like a mitten. Thus, it's not uncomment for a Michigander to, when asked where they live, hold up their hand and use it as a map. IANAMBISTITS (I am not a Michigander but I sail there in the summer).

I didn't know that, and that makes themoman's story that much funnier!
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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 21:12      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
At the risk of continuing this threadjack....

Pennsylvanians can use their hands as maps, too. With the four fingers of the left hand together and the thumb laying alongside, a left palm looks pretty close to PA. [thumbsup]

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 15, 2005 21:58      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oops, nothing to see here.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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supaboy
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 05:57      Profile for supaboy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
What if I showed up nekkid? With beer? Would you get it then?

Well, first I would think, "LOL! Cap'n Vic reference!"

Then I would think, "Perhaps it is rather warm outside..."

Then I might get it. [Big Grin]

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disgruntled goat
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 13:57      Profile for disgruntled goat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have a bad date story for you, i used to work behind a bar and so had access to plenty of drunken ladies. One night i had been serving this girl drinks all night (pints of guinness) and towards the end of the night she plucked up the courage to ask me out, i said yes and a date was arranged. When the big night arrived i set out to meet this young lady not really sure what she looked like but i was sure i would remember. She turned up wearing cow print shoes, a cow print skirt, a black top, a cow print jacket finished off with a cow print handbag!! The only thing she was missing was a set of udders. Surfice to say our date lasted two drinks then i made my excuses and left. I never heard from her again, i think she moved herd or something. I have a load more date related horror stories but i do not wish to incriminate myself so i will stop.
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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 14:02      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I would have at least milked her once [evil]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 19:47      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by disgruntled goat:
I have a bad date story for you, i used to work behind a bar and so had access to plenty of drunken ladies. One night i had been serving this girl drinks all night (pints of guinness) and towards the end of the night she plucked up the courage to ask me out, i said yes and a date was arranged. When the big night arrived i set out to meet this young lady not really sure what she looked like but i was sure i would remember. She turned up wearing cow print shoes, a cow print skirt, a black top, a cow print jacket finished off with a cow print handbag!! The only thing she was missing was a set of udders. Surfice to say our date lasted two drinks then i made my excuses and left. I never heard from her again, i think she moved herd or something. I have a load more date related horror stories but i do not wish to incriminate myself so i will stop.

Oh, so goats and cows can't mate then? [Wink]

Albeit, this board does have its fair share of inter-species play. [Big Grin]

But man, that date is udderly disturbing. Good to see you put her out to pasture.

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 22:12      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Don't start newf, even I can't resist a punfest. [Wink]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Too Cool To Quit
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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 23:12      Profile for Too Cool To Quit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, there is no better punster udder than ewe.

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Alright now, that's the last straw, I'm calling the ass taxidermist to tell him to stop making hats in your size RIGHT NOW.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 16, 2005 23:16      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by disgruntled goat:
I have a bad date story for you, i used to work behind a bar and so had access to plenty of drunken ladies. One night i had been serving this girl drinks all night (pints of guinness) and towards the end of the night she plucked up the courage to ask me out, i said yes and a date was arranged. When the big night arrived i set out to meet this young lady not really sure what she looked like but i was sure i would remember. She turned up wearing cow print shoes, a cow print skirt, a black top, a cow print jacket finished off with a cow print handbag!! The only thing she was missing was a set of udders. Surfice to say our date lasted two drinks then i made my excuses and left. I never heard from her again, i think she moved herd or something. I have a load more date related horror stories but i do not wish to incriminate myself so i will stop.

Oh, so goats and cows can't mate then? [Wink]

Albeit, this board does have its fair share of inter-species play. [Big Grin]

But man, that date is udderly disturbing. Good to see you put her out to pasture.

An outfit like that can't be very warm, she must have been fresian in the winter.
You should have offered her your jersey.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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