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Author Topic: A guy who doesn't want love???
nemesis
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Icon 1 posted December 05, 2004 09:23      Profile for nemesis     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I always hear people say it's easy when a girl goes for a guy instead of the other way, but I don't feel so. I've known this guy for a long time. Back in college, he went to bars almost every weekend, even more often when he's stressed out. I thought he's probably the kind who flirts with girls all the time. But after we became close friends, I know his life isn't as complicated as I thought. He goes to work, to the gym, hangs out with buddies at bars, and watches sports like other guys. As far as I know, he never flirted with anyone, and he admitted he liked no one and no one's after him. He doesn't seem to know how to get girls, like he drove me home late at night, not waiting for me to get in, and left immediately. Things like that are not tricks, just basic ideas of treating a female. He doesn't care about setting a good image in front of girls. It seems to me that making money and watching sports are his life. He knows I have feelings for him, but since we're long distant now, he wants us to stay in touch and see how it goes. It's been almost a year and he seldom replies my mails. When I told him maybe we'd just stay friends forever, he started telling me how he's so busy at work and so on. I don't know. Is there a guy who doesn't care for love? Or it's just not something important to a 25 years old? Oh, I'm very sure he's not gay. He lives home now. I think he wants to save money and he seems to care about his mom.
Posts: 33 | From: Santa Monica, CA USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted December 05, 2004 10:13      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
/me steps up to the plate

Okay, a couple of possible scenereos here....

Perhaps he's never been in love before, perhaps it's not important to him. Sometimes we guys get our priorities all mixed up and lose ourselves in our work, hobbies, and other things. Oft times this is a side-effect of being strictly logical, for love, by it's very nature, completely defies logic. Sometimes there's just too much Mr. Spock in us for our own good. If he's a strictly logical creature, then unless he falls in love, he will never understand the joy that love can bring, and until that point will see no reason to persue it.

Perhaps he's been in love before, but perhaps it was a horrible break-up, or in some other way he was hurt by a love once lost. Entering a romatic relationship is a terrible risk and he may not be ready, willing, or able to take those risks. In time he may become more ready, or perhaps not; it's a decision he needs to make.

Thirdly, perhaps he's just not interested in you in that way. This might be hard for you to handle, but if you're friends he may be quite happy just keeping it that way.

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Serenak

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Icon 4 posted December 05, 2004 16:14      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Listen to the word of the old fart that I am

Some have no burning desire to search for the unknowable called love until unwanted it smites them down,

Some have the desire to look but no knowledge of how to approach this complex problem

Some seek and yet in their seeking lose the very purpose of the search, lost to the endless seeking for perfection

Some have experienced the white hot furnace of emotions that love can be - only to be scorched and scarred by the experience, leaving them grieving for their loss and yet frightened to step into the furnace again

Make space for human frailty in your heart and mind... Love is the ultimate mystery - to common man, king, fool and geek alike... It may strike at any time and may last forever or for only a short time... we may love wisely or immoderately and no-one can tell how, why, where, when, who, or how long...

When it happens it is the perfect madness and when it fails or dies it feels like the death of the soul...

I have flown to heaven and crashed to the pits of the abyss because of love but would not give away one second of that experience (well, OK, maybe perhaps a few of the bad bits...)

Tread carefully because you tread on my dreams/heart/soul/self-respect/fill in as applicable

If you care for this person let it show (but be warned you may get rebuffed), but don't throw your life at them (that can be *real* scary)

"Everyone hurts sometimes"... Be open and up front about where you are and also be the same with yourself... if it isn't going to happen/work out then feel the pain, assimilate it and move on.

It will happen in the end, well usually... [Smile]

(Sorry for the kinda poetic thing - just how it seemed best from an old fart... [Smile] )

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

Posts: 1936 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted December 05, 2004 16:48      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There have been some good thoughts above, but I'll add one thing. Maybe I'm biased, but the fact he's moved back in with his parent(s) long term is a big red flag for me.

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 05, 2004 17:06      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm not sure moving back with the parents is a bad thing. I moved back to my parents for about 6 months last year when I wasn't sure where I was going or if I was leaving the city -- I didn't want to be locked into a lease or have to deal with 2 months' notice, so I went back to my parents place for a short while where I figured things out, and then promptly left again. Money can be an issue too. You get in over your head, and run back to the parents for help.

As far as reasoning goes, it sounds like one of two scenarios to me. Either a) he doesn't really know how you feel about him. If you haven't been entirely blatant about it, then he might not know. Don't give us guys *ANY* credit. We're daft bastards. (Well, at least I am.) I've had girls outright tell me they have a crush on me, and I responded with, "really? I honestly had no clue." and they got mad because of all the "signs" they gave me.

The other possibility, as was said by someone else before, is that he's genuinely not interested. Don't take it personally, some people aren't interested in others -- it has nothing to do with you. It happens.

Best of luck.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
nemesis
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Icon 1 posted December 05, 2004 17:10      Profile for nemesis     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I thought about the same reasoning before, simply he's not interested. But I don't konw, he keeps his promise of staying in touch with me. When I felt like I can't expect anything from him and wanted to call it off, he didn't seem to agree with that. Sometimes I feel men can be complicated too.
Posts: 33 | From: Santa Monica, CA USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Swiss Mercenary

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Icon 1 posted December 05, 2004 18:37      Profile for Swiss Mercenary     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
He might be in the situation where he wants to be financially secure before getting into a relationship.

I have a friend here who knew that a girl was interested in him, we all told him that he should go out with the girl but he was not interested.
This was because he wants to have job and financial security before starting a relationship.

We all told him he was a fool. [ohwell] [shake head]

--------------------
Evil AI at work.
I am Swiss of Borg. Holes are irrelevant, cheese will be assimilated!

Posts: 2275 | From: All the way from the land of Chocolate, Cheese and Cuckoo Clocks. | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 08:16      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Swiss Mercenary:
He might be in the situation where he wants to be financially secure before getting into a relationship.

I have a friend here who knew that a girl was interested in him, we all told him that he should go out with the girl but he was not interested.
This was because he wants to have job and financial security before starting a relationship.

We all told him he was a fool. [ohwell] [shake head]

I don't think he is particularly a fool -- he just has his own ways. *shrug*
Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 14:07      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Swiss Mercenary:
He might be in the situation where he wants to be financially secure before getting into a relationship.

I have a friend here who knew that a girl was interested in him, we all told him that he should go out with the girl but he was not interested.
This was because he wants to have job and financial security before starting a relationship.

Um, your friend does realize that there's a big difference between being in a relationship and being married with children, right?
Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 14:21      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You need to read "he's just not that into you". (And yes, the title is all in lower case like that.) Best book I've ever read about men and how they express their feelings and what they truly mean.

Move on, and find another guy who will love you and treat you how you deserve to be treated. Don't EVER chase after a guy trying to get him, it will never work in the end. I speak from experience.

Posts: 931 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
zushiba
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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 17:15      Profile for zushiba   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am 24 years old, I get up early in the morning and go to work, then I go to class(I'm currently working on my AA), after that I go home and do one of two things. Get on the computer or go to sleep and do it again the next day. I do not hang out with people I do not bother with activly seeking anyone. I have made some friends that I see every once in a while, all guys mind you. I don't even know any females that arn't related to me at the moment. I have zero drive to change that fact either. Not because I'm not interested in girl far from it I like females as much as the next guy. I just don't seem to be able to find people that I consider "In my class" so to speak.
I'm not going to get any of the really hot girls from the school any time soon theres nothing any of them could possibly see in me.

It's kind of like the old saying "Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink"

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I do no believe in Mathmatics.

Posts: 9 | From: California | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 18:20      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Um, your friend does realize that there's a big difference between being in a relationship and being married with children, right?

Yes, being married with children is much more fun [Smile]

/me didn't enjoy the single life at all.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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Chesty
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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 20:37      Profile for Chesty         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
y'know, when i was 25 i had so much goin' on i never thought about having a relationship - i dated plenty of chicks but never tried to hard. there were so many around. i worked hard, played hard and had tons of chicks that were friends and sometimes a little more, but no desire for more. just hadn't found the right one.

when, at 34 i met my wife i knew thta the bar-hoppin was over and bingo - faily life is much more fulfilling than all the "fun" of bachelor life.

he may just be waiting for that one chick to rock his world.

Posts: 416 | From: The Beach | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted December 06, 2004 21:06      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
TFD: Apropos of nothing you've said in this thread...
quote:
Experiment report: The spam has started to arrive at [email protected]
The trickle has turned into a steady flow....

Man...I can't get over the fact that I have given *one* person (and she'd better not be giving that addr. out) one of my Gmail addresses, and I have received 8 pieces of spam (haven't checked it in over a month, so perhaps there was more). Stupid dictionary attacks =/.

Spammers should be strung up by unpleasant regions with piano wire.

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 00:19      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
TFD: Apropos of nothing you've said in this thread...
quote:
Experiment report: The spam has started to arrive at [email protected]
The trickle has turned into a steady flow....

Man...I can't get over the fact that I have given *one* person (and she'd better not be giving that addr. out) one of my Gmail addresses, and I have received 8 pieces of spam (haven't checked it in over a month, so perhaps there was more). Stupid dictionary attacks =/.

Spammers should be strung up by unpleasant regions with piano wire.

I've claimed gmail addresses for both of my daughters, I haven't given those addresses out to anyone. I dropped in there a while back (gmail accounts expire if inactive for too long) and both had 10 or so spams, while InstituteOfTeledildonics has none, so I think your theory about dictionary attacks is correct.

The [email protected] account has had far more than that, so I think the web harvesters have been busy. The good news is that almost all of them were correctly identified as spam and sent to the spam-bin automagically.

I particularly liked this one I got a few weeks ago
quote:

Hi,

I visited http://www.geekculture.com, and noticed that you're not listed on some search engines! I would like to introduce to you an affordable service where we can help enhance your online presence globally...

Their 'bot thinks I'm Nitrozac and Snaggy ! [Wink]

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 05:25      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Um, your friend does realize that there's a big difference between being in a relationship and being married with children, right?

But to do either can be financially taxing. And it can also be a matter of pride.

When I was doing my worst financially and emotionally I would mess around but never date. The old southerner in me, I guess. Just like my refusal to be unemployed now that I am married. I have made sure that since my marriage I have never been without a job. My pride won't allow me to go unemployed.

<sexist line>Goddammit I am the man of this house</sexist line>

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2463 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Swiss Mercenary

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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 06:44      Profile for Swiss Mercenary     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Um, your friend does realize that there's a big difference between being in a relationship and being married with children, right?

I should hope he does, but you never know. [Eek!] [Roll Eyes] [Razz]

--------------------
Evil AI at work.
I am Swiss of Borg. Holes are irrelevant, cheese will be assimilated!

Posts: 2275 | From: All the way from the land of Chocolate, Cheese and Cuckoo Clocks. | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 08:36      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Um, your friend does realize that there's a big difference between being in a relationship and being married with children, right?

But to do either can be financially taxing. And it can also be a matter of pride.

When I was doing my worst financially and emotionally I would mess around but never date. The old southerner in me, I guess. Just like my refusal to be unemployed now that I am married. I have made sure that since my marriage I have never been without a job. My pride won't allow me to go unemployed.

<sexist line>Goddammit I am the man of this house</sexist line>

Could be worse. I've heard of some husbands who, because of their pride, refuse to take any job they consider beneath them.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 09:28      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Could be worse. I've heard of some husbands who, because of their pride, refuse to take any job they consider beneath them.

I consider that being more self absorbed. I am a very proud individual, my family comes first. And certain self misery can/should be endured for the family. Ooh, does that sound martyr-ish?

Again, it may be from the Southern/Korean raising I had. I am a husband and father. If my pride causes grief to my family, then I cannot call myself a man. That is the action of a child.

I am not saying that I don't want or strive for more. I just refuse to do things that I know will jeopodize the welfare of my family.

And I don't consider it to just be a trait for a male. I think that a woman should feel as strongly about that as I do. When you become involved in any way seriously it means that you are assuming a sort of responsibility. If you have a spouse and children your resposibility should be first to them, and second yourself.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2463 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
R0x0r_G0dd3ss
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 09:38      Profile for R0x0r_G0dd3ss     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hehe....I just feel like going all Care Bear on everyone right now.
"A world without caring?"
...that's all.
[Big Grin]

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Ph33r my l337 n3kk1d skillz!!!

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Aditu
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 13:43      Profile for Aditu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Has he ever gone out with women or just not now? Maybe he's just not interested in women.
Posts: 1355 | From: Osten Ard | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2004 13:49      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Does he dress well?
Does he like show tunes?

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10669 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged


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