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Author Topic: On-line Infatuation....
OwenRW
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Icon 9 posted July 14, 2004 16:02      Profile for OwenRW     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi all,

I guess this has been probably been asked before, but I would like an opinion or two...

Recently I have become infatuated with a girl I know only online.

I have never met her, so I don't really know what she's like, (afterall, she may be someone completely different in real life), though i think its unlikely...

Anyway, having given this some thought, I have reached the conclusion that I need to do one of the following:
1. Get over it and meet a real person.
2. Ask to meet her, see what she's like in reality, see how we get on and go from there.
3. Tell her how I think I feel (and probably watch as she freaks out :-/ )

Number 1 is probably the best course of action, however I would obviously prefer not to do this.

As for asking to meet her, I really don't know how I would go about doing this, because I now feel incredibly self-concious and pushy about doing it, in a way I don't feel about asking my other on-line friends to meet me.

Assuming I decided to tell her, how would I go about doing it, as IM isn't exactly very personal.

Also, (and i'm fairly certain this is the paranoia talking), how can I ensure I don't come over as being stalkery in general?

When i talk to her on IM, i don't constantly hit on her, (in fact i don't ever hit on her), and i don't talk non-stop, or bring up suggestive subjects.
I don't talk to her as much as some of my other contacts, but i still worry.

Being a nice geek, i have a tendency to not to offend anyone, which makes it harder for me to say anything which she might not like.

I also naturally see the good things in people, so I seem to give out a lot of compliments when i'm chatting, which i sometimes worry comes across like i'm making a half-baked attempt to 'try it on'.

There isn't really anyone I know who I can ask for advice about this, so I thought maybe some strangers could give me some advice. *hint* [Wink]

I've never felt like this about someone on-line before, so its kind of a new area for me.

Some advice would be grately appreciated...

Owen

Posts: 6 | From: UK, Scotland | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 16:16      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Do you have a cell phone? Offering your cell phone number and talking in real time will probably give you a chance to get to know her better. And giving your cell phone number instead of a land line still gives you a measure of privacy and protection.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 17:34      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
PB's got the right idea. One of my male friends seems to chat to a lot of ladies on ICQ, and the next stage of communication is to talk to them on the phone. I think he's met some of them IRL, but it doesn't happen that often since we're in .au, and a lot of the ladies are in the US. They just send him naked photos, instead (I don't understand this one, noone ever sends me naked photos [cry baby] [Wink] I'm presuming (perhaps wrongly) that he isn't soliciting them, so what on earth would be possessing people to send them to a complete stranger).

Edit: Perhaps it mightn't be a bad idea to make the first IRL meetup a "hang out", non date, non threatening sort of thing. How you accomplish that is up to you, I guess (invite her along to something along with your friends?)

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6 weeks to go!

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 17:41      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I agree with PB...you need to either make an effort to talk more on I/M. or try asking her if she'd like to talk on the phone.

How far does she live, btw?

Oh, and if she's American, she'll love you. [Wink]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 18:00      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Oh, and if she's American, she'll love you. [Wink]

OK, this one lost me.

Edit: /me checks Owen's profile, and gets the in-joke now...

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6 weeks to go!

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 18:01      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
I think he's met some of them IRL, but it doesn't happen that often since we're in .au, and a lot of the ladies are in the US. They just send him naked photos, instead

quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Oh, and if she's American, she'll love you. [Wink]

Interesting, an aussie friend of mine is married to an american he met online. Dunno if there were naked photos involved.

Now when I were a lad, we did things differently, I met Mrs Druid by putting an ad in the paper .....

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 18:05      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
Interesting, an aussie friend of mine is married to an american he met online. Dunno if there were naked photos involved.

I'd just like to say at this point that I haven't seen any of these photos, in case you ladies think that the guy you send them to will share them with his buddies. I, for one, welcome our naked-photo-sending overlords [Wink]

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6 weeks to go!

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 18:40      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My girlfriend whom I'm living with now I met via IRC of all places. As I'm sure I've said in another post on this board before, I didn't intend on meeting her that way -- it just happened. As a matter of fact, I'm the first person to make fun of someone on the Internet specifically looking for love... Karma I guess.

I think the best thing to do would be to suggest meeting up for coffee at a social place with lots of people, since, as has already been said before, meeting in a public place is generally better since the fear of the 'weirdo' or 'what will he do' or 'what if he's a total freak' thing happens.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 18:44      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm sure she's very nice, go for it !

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 19:01      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
I'm sure she's very nice, go for it !

Ahh, those crazy Aussies [Wink]

Actually, thinking about it, I know of two "meeting via the Internet" stories. One ended with the two getting married, and the other was an Aussie guy trying to take advantage of a Japanese lady who was desparate to get PR in Australia (she realised in time, fortunately). So there are risks and rewards (just like any other relationships), so just be careful and wary, and you should be OK.

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6 weeks to go!

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 20:40      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Oh, and if she's American, she'll love you. [Wink]

OK, this one lost me.

Edit: /me checks Owen's profile, and gets the in-joke now...

American women, in general, are suckers for accents-especially English, Aussie, Irish, French, and Italian, I would say(judging by my friends and the women in my office!)

I'll never forget the day this tall, dark, beautiful man with a gorgeous Irish brogue came into my office for an emergency eye exam. He literally left a trail of blithering idiots as he worked his way through the office staff. Myself, the receptionist, the 18 year-old file clerk, 70 year-old secretary, and even the female doctor who worked on him were all swooning! I was literally speechless when he was checking out-I just asked him to talk for me!

But you don't have to be that attractive, even-to me an accent is sexy as all hell. [hearts]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 20:49      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
I'm sure she's very nice, go for it !

I don't get it. *shrugs*

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 21:37      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
I'm sure she's very nice, go for it !

I don't get it. *shrugs*
You're in the Northern Hemisphere, you need to set the coriolis-force correction factor in your browser (Options -> Display -> Hemisphere -> Southern)

or you could try the printer friendly version

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 22:16      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
American women, in general, are suckers for accents-especially English, Aussie, Irish, French, and Italian, I would say(judging by my friends and the women in my office!)

I'll never forget the day this tall, dark, beautiful man with a gorgeous Irish brogue came into my office for an emergency eye exam. He literally left a trail of blithering idiots as he worked his way through the office staff. Myself, the receptionist, the 18 year-old file clerk, 70 year-old secretary, and even the female doctor who worked on him were all swooning! I was literally speechless when he was checking out-I just asked him to talk for me!

That's it, I'm doing some travelling in America, I've always wanted a trail of blithering idiots [thumbsup] [Wink]

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6 weeks to go!

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 22:43      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
That's it, I'm doing some travelling in America, I've always wanted a trail of blithering idiots [thumbsup] [Wink]

<bigot>
Well, no better place than America then
</bigot>
[Smile] [Big Grin] [Wink] [Razz] [evil]

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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neotatsu
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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 22:48      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm.. My current relationship started on the internet... on these forums, to be more precise [Razz] . (speaking of which, the 2 year anniversary of our first time meeting in RL was this last Monday..) I'd say you should probably do some talkin on the phone before suggesting meeting in person, or suggesting some time/place very public. Also, I'm curious to know how long you've been conversing with this particular female.

If you really believe that #1 is the best option for you, you may as well try asking to meet her in person.. if she freaks out and dosn't want to talk to you again or somesuch, well, you were going to just "Get over it" anyway [Razz]

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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 22:50      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
That's it, I'm doing some travelling in America, I've always wanted a trail of blithering idiots [thumbsup] [Wink]

<bigot>
Well, no better place than America then
</bigot>
[Smile] [Big Grin] [Wink] [Razz] [evil]

Why do you hate America so much? [Wink]

/me adds TFD to the "Axis of Evil"

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6 weeks to go!

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fanboy_uk

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Icon 1 posted July 14, 2004 23:38      Profile for fanboy_uk   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I too met my girlfriend online. This was an actual online dating service tho.

We have been together for 18 months today RL and just a bit longer IVL.
After several weeks of chatting, we moved to phones and from phones we moved to meeting proper.

We have been together since, so it can work.
It was third time lucky for me and second attempt for her so it doesn't always work, but when it does!!! [Big Grin]

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A woman walked into a cocktail bar, took one look at the drinks menu and asked the barman for a Double Entendré.
So he gave her one


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Orpheus
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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 00:15      Profile for Orpheus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah ask her out, maybe to a group thing with other friends or to a more open public place that would be comfortable. If you don't you'll never know what could have been and that could eat you up inside, if you'll have the chance that it could owrk out well. [Smile] Good luck with it!

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my cats make me crazy

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OwenRW
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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 02:17      Profile for OwenRW     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for your advice and opinions, you've all been really supportive.

To answer a couple of questions...

No, she isn't American [Smile]

I've been talking to her for around 4 months, but i didn't start with the intention of liking her as more than a friend, it 'just happened'.

She lives around 300 miles away, which although may seem a little way, i think there is a direct train which takes about 3-4 hours (connects major city in the north, where i am, to major city in the south, where she is)

As for asking to meet her, like was noted, if i met her i don't think i would want it to be full-on date.

This is where I have the problem...
I would like to give her my mobile phone number, but i don't really know how to ask her to call me.

I would also like to ask her to meet me, but again i don't know how anymore.

Before, as with some of my other online friends, i've just said things to the effect of 'heres my mobile number, call me'. or 'it would be cool to meet, how about here?'.
but now i feel like I'm pushing it because i actually care about what her reaction might be [Frown]

if i can push for a little advice on how to approach the above it really would be cool. [Smile]

Owen

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csk

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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 02:29      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Umm, this is where it gets tricky. You see, there's only so much speculating you can do before you have to actually do something. Look at it from a risk/reward perspective. The most devastating outcome you have is that she'll totally flip out, and not want to ever speak to you again. The chances of that are pretty slim, by the sounds of it. In that case, you're left with the infamous "Lets Just Be Friends", or "Yep, sounds good". Working out which is more likely between those two is pretty tricky, especially over the 'net. Hence the suggestion for a non-date like meet up as the first thing. That way you set the scene for a real-life friendship first, which may or may not proceed further. And if it doesn't, well, you can never have too many friends, female or otherwise.

You could even merge the non date meetup with the phone call business eg "I'm thinking on planning a butterfly catching field trip with a few like minded friends, would you be interested in coming along? Can I call you about it closer to the time?"

Then again, I wouldn't listen to me [Wink] , since I've only asked a girl out once, and that was after her brother encouraged me to (knowing she was keen on me).

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 03:35      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Bite the bullet, Owen. Give her your mobile number - you can always get a new phone if she turns into a sex-crazed psycho-stalker from Hell (in which case you can always give her my mobile number! ) [Smile]

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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dunjamon
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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 05:19      Profile for dunjamon   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I met my ex girlfriend online via a messageboard about music in my hometown. We exchanged mobile numbers and after talking for a few weeks decided to go to concert and meet up there (Public place, common interests) and took it from there. We split up and are still amazing friends, just weren't too great in a relationship. (This was my fault)
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OwenRW
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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 05:23      Profile for OwenRW     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
you can always get a new phone if she turns into a sex-crazed psycho-stalker from Hell (in which case you can always give her my mobile number! )

hehe [Big Grin]

But, yes, you're all probably right, i should just give it too her, (i'm just scared i think!)

(I must say though, i'm pleasently surprised at the positive reactions and encouraging posts from people, i wasn't expecting it [Smile] )

Owen

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted July 15, 2004 05:38      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by OwenRW:
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
you can always get a new phone if she turns into a sex-crazed psycho-stalker from Hell (in which case you can always give her my mobile number! )

I must say though, i'm pleasently surprised at the positive reactions and encouraging posts from people, i wasn't expecting it [Smile] )

This place has been responsible for quite a few RL geek meets.* Most of them survived.

( * Check the 'Gaggle of Geeks' part of the photo section.)

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged


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