homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » All about Love!   » Age to get girlfriend? (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!  
This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3 
 
Author Topic: Age to get girlfriend?
Aphex
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 2699

Rate Member
Icon 9 posted May 07, 2004 23:16      Profile for Aphex     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi everyone... I've been reading this forum for quite a while, and I've gained some tips along the way! Huzzah!

Here is my plight: I am nearly 18 (bday is end of july) and I have never had a girlfriend... I've never even kissed a girl (not counting relatives, obviously). [cry baby]
Yeah, I know all about the "don't follow the standards that society imposes on you" thing, but I *want* a girlfriend. I'm not like most high school guys... I don't want a girlfriend simply for status or acceptance, I'm not picky about appearance (to a reasonable extent), and I'm not in it for the potential sex... I just want someone who is interesting to talk to, be with, and someone that can understand me. Sometimes I think that I'm the only one among my peers who thinks that way.
It seems that everyone around me has a girlfriend, and I constantly have to listen to people talk about how happy they are with their bf/gf and how awesome it is to have someone, ad nauseum.. I do realize that some of the relationships I see are either shallow, or a total facade, but some must be for real.
I'd have to say I'm not bad looking at all (girls have told me this), but it seems that whenever I try to start a relationship, I end up with the dreaded LJBF syndrome, or the girl tells me she "doesn't like me in that way"...
Granted, I am a major computer geek, but I do have social skills to some extent (e.g. I don't try to impress girls by starting a conversation on the merits of protected memory space for programs, and other stuff like that [Roll Eyes] ). I do have a couple of girls that are my friends, but that's basically it. I've thought about it, and even asked other people, and they don't seem to see anything wrong with me (personality or appearance-wise).

In short, my question is "What is wrong with me?"


PS- Sorry for the huge post!

--------------------
Naked Man Fears No Pickpocket

Posts: 1 | From: The Very Depths of Hell | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 07, 2004 23:33      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Go to college. Problem solved.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
MacManKrisK

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 955

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 00:37      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Dude, I'm 22, and as of yesterday (May 7th), I celebrated my one month annivarsary with my first ever girlfriend. [Big Grin]

The only thing I can say is so cliche that it's just sick, but I understand it better now. Worrying about it will get you nowhere, it'll happen when it happens. It'll also probably happen when you least expect it and when you're least looking for it.

Waiting anxiously will only make you more nervous about any potential relationship you might have, causing you to second guess yourself (and the substance of the relationship) all the time. Second gussing is bad! Just let it happen when it does.

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alan!
Geek
Member # 1261

Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 03:19      Profile for Alan!     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Congrats krisk.

I have no recommendations.

--------------------
Alan!

Two rabbis, a priest, and an awkward silence after there's no intelligible punch line to this joke, walk into a bar.

Posts: 219 | From: Perth, Western Australia | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 03:31      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Aphex:
I am nearly 18 (bday is end of july) and I have never had a girlfriend... I've never even kissed a girl (not counting relatives, obviously).

So, you're from the Deep South then?

(sorry, couldn't resist)

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Inexile
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 2700

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 04:52      Profile for Inexile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
In short, my question is "What is wrong with me?"
Nothing. You're just doing a couple of things wrong.

Ok, I've never posted here before but I'm a geek through and through, always have been and have, over the years, been successful in getting girls. Sometimes MUCH more successful than others, with admitted year long dry spells here and there, but I do know what I was doing that got girls at various ages and what I was doing when I didn't.

Basically, get confident. And if you can't, learn to fake it. If you have a shy guy routine, drop it. Girls do not respect guys who they think of as "nice". They respect guys who they think of as interesting, confident etc. If you're nice on top of that, even better, but if it's your defining character trait, you're screwed.

Relax about girls, start thinking about something else and you'll find someone. I've met girls by playing pickup soccer, friends of my friends girlfriends, or just being a little agressive. Don't fear rejection and you'll succeed.

Also, my last EX runs a web magazine that published this article and I have to tell you - after 15 years of dating, this is solid gold.

Posts: 1 | From: Spain (for now) | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Ivan
Alpha Geek
Member # 2622

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 10:04      Profile for Ivan   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow. That was basically my situation, at least until I met my current girlfriend of 3 months [hearts] . I didn't really want a girlfriend, I was content w/ my friends. But then we became friends somehow and gradually grew on each other until the next thing you know we were dating. I have never gone out of my way to make friends, and people dont go out of their way to make me their friend (that's why i value my current friends so much), and I usually take a cynically apathetic view on anything social. The reasons are like you said, everyone is just trying to impress everyone, etc. But since hardly anyone knows of me and Rhimey, I know we have something special and unique. At least that's what i tell myself [Razz]

I dont suggest anyone follow my example (at least if they want a girlfriend) b/c it's incredibly hard to make friends if youre paranoid and hate people. [evil] [hearts]

Posts: 269 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Jace Raven

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 2444

Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 13:07      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Basically, get confident. And if you can't, learn to fake it. If you have a shy guy routine, drop it. Girls do not respect guys who they think of as "nice". They respect guys who they think of as interesting, confident etc. If you're nice on top of that, even better, but if it's your defining character trait, you're screwed.

Relax about girls, start thinking about something else and you'll find someone. I've met girls by playing pickup soccer, friends of my friends girlfriends, or just being a little agressive. Don't fear rejection and you'll succeed.

This is absolute intelligence. I am a really shy, well make that more timid, guy but I have a lot of confidence in everything that I do. I have had people describe it as being smooth. I consider it more of being confident and a combination of not being afraid of rejection. These two are a great combination. I try to live my life without fear. I do however respect. i.e. When i hit a massive table-top, I hit it with all I have, only I respect the danger in what I am doing, I do not fear it. I live my life as if there is nothing to loose, not because I do not have anything, but because I will not let go of that I love dearly and will fight to the death for it. That and I will try anything, within reason, once.
Posts: 1791 | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
NicoleTheStrange
Newbie Larva
Member # 2625

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 19:53      Profile for NicoleTheStrange   Author's Homepage         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm nearly 19, and I've never been in a relationship with another person.

Not to seem cynical about it, but I do not see what the big deal is. If you have a significant other, that's fine. If you don't, that's fine, too. It'll happen when it happens.

Just think of all the free time you have when you are not tied down to another human being.

(The sarcasm makes up for past experiences with unrequited love.)

--------------------
"The point is, the only real tools we have are our eyes and our heads. It's not the act of seeing with our own eyes alone; it's correctly comprehending what we see." -Transmetropolitan

Posts: 6 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Chesty
Assimilated
Member # 2460

Member Rated:
2
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 22:27      Profile for Chesty         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I spent my high school years without "dating" I went out with tons of chicks but never "went steady" (what do they call it today?)

In college i had a few steadies but that changed every year. I enjoyed the presence of many women but gave myself to none.

I ended up finding the love of my life - the only one i couldn't find anything wrong with - when i was 33 - and have been extremely happy ever since.

I have many friends that were quick to glom on and didn't realize the choices they had. I have many divoerced friends.

The ones I know that have the happiest marriages waited and weeded out the runners-up.

Have fun talk to lots of chicks and learn to relax around them - then start narrowing the field.

Posts: 416 | From: The Beach | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sinn
Mini Geek
Member # 2111

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted May 08, 2004 22:46      Profile for Sinn     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm currently 21, with a steady girlfriend of ~2 months or so.

I'm doing ok now, but when I was in highschool I was in much the same boat as you.

My only advice to you is BE CONFIDANT! Sure, waiting around until a girl falls into your lap (figuratively or literaly) MIGHT work, but chances are it won't. You have to put yourself into the position to meet girls, and have an excuse to start talking to them.

I realize now that while I may not be model material, I'm a reasonably attractive person... I wish I had come to this conclusion while in school, because it would have boosted my confidence greatly.

--------------------
Sin is a dangerous toy in the hands of the virtuous. It should be left to the congenitally sinful, who know when to play with it and when to let it alone.

Posts: 64 | From: Kerhonkson, NY | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
csk

Member # 1941

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 09, 2004 04:32      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Let me add a counterpoint to all of the "be confident" advice. I'd say it's most important to be yourself. That's a good policy, and it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. Plus, if you're comfortable enough to be yourself, you won't be so nervous as to spoil your chances with someone. As MMKK said, relationships tend to come along more easily when you're not looking for them, so chill out, be yourself, and you might be suprised what comes along.

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Cathy
Geek Apprentice
Member # 2673

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 09, 2004 07:39      Profile for Cathy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi ya,
As a female that doesn't know you, or anyone at this forum for that matter... I'd have to agree with everyone of them. Be confident, but most importantly be yourself.

quote:
Basically, get confident. And if you can't, learn to fake it. If you have a shy guy routine, drop it. Girls do not respect guys who they think of as "nice". They respect guys who they think of as interesting, confident etc. If you're nice on top of that, even better, but if it's your defining character trait, you're screwed.

It's true that females respect interesting people etc, but it's not true they don't respect guys they think of as "nice".

Given the increasing number of absolute *** out there, "nice guys" are more precious than anything to a well matured, understanding female.

As for the guys who are not "nice" and are "over confident", you and I both know girls aren't with them through love but through a whole "status" thing.

You'll find "Miss Right" some day. May be easier said than done, but believe me you will.

It does help when you get out there and have the opportunity to make new friends. Through past experiences, I've learnt to know the person well and not date a complete stranger! It could well be that some of those girls who dont like you in that way just dont know you well enough yet.

On second thoughts, did you ever notice some females are attracted to guys who already have girl friends? It's all the silly social status game.

You might argue I have no idea what I'm talking about...and maybe I don't. Although I felt like replying to your post!

No right way to pick up a girl, but there are a number of ways that are wrong.

Cathy.

Posts: 41 | From: Canberra, Australia | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
sconzey
Assimilated
Member # 2347

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted May 09, 2004 16:20      Profile for sconzey     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
<cent>Dude, chill... When it happens it'll happen. That doesn't mean get apathetic and hope a girlfriend walks into your life, but it does mean you don't have to ask out anything that moves.

Oh, and potential girlfriend material crops up in the strangest places... My current girlfriend thought I was a right nerd and completely took the piss when we first met. (Though thank goodness I was so naive I didn't know it at the time).

The one before that was a big piss-taker too, then that gradually faded out as she got to know me. We're still good friends!
</cent>

<cent>
As to the nice guy thing. If a girl is not looking for a nice guy, or doesn't respect nice guys, she deserves the a$$hat she'll end up with.
</cent>

--------------------
"Violence is the last resort of the incompetent."
--Isaac Asimov

Posts: 490 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
MTB Babe
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 2297

Member Rated:
5
Icon 3 posted May 10, 2004 10:05      Profile for MTB Babe   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Go to college. Problem solved.

Exactly.

--------------------
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ee-ana-jaad. Nayanajaad.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

Posts: 1003 | From: State College, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Orpheus
Highlie
Member # 2397

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 10, 2004 16:23      Profile for Orpheus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MTB Babe:
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Go to college. Problem solved.

Exactly.
so that's why I'm in grad school now...

--------------------
my cats make me crazy

Posts: 554 | From: Galveston, TX | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
Crimson Rider
Geek Larva
Member # 2709

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted May 11, 2004 07:22      Profile for Crimson Rider     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm, the eternal geek guy and girlfriend troubles.

Not to offend you Cathy, but I disagree.

I think there is something very wrong with a lot of woman considering the nice guy thing. They say they want the nice guy, but nine times out of ten they go for the stereotype outlaw biker. He is probably more of an alpha male I guess.

Sure the nice guys are respected and all, but almost never considered as a potential mate.

--------------------
Code, justify, code - Pitr Dubovich

Posts: 20 | From: Netherlands | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Cathy
Geek Apprentice
Member # 2673

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 06:33      Profile for Cathy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:

I think there is something very wrong with a lot of woman considering the nice guy thing. They say they want the nice guy, but nine times out of ten they go for the stereotype outlaw biker. He is probably more of an alpha male I guess.

Sure the nice guys are respected and all, but almost never considered as a potential mate.

Unfortunately, that does happen. No denial there. No offence taken.I think it also depends on what female you're trying to get. The age too. Jerks deserve bitches. Nice girls deserve nice guys, and it takes longer as the nice people have "standards" and don't just go for any random person that walks past.

To be honest, I haven't been in a relationship for 3 years now as only complete idiots ask me out. I don't want a male who will take advantage of me, or will end up working in a fast food store all of his life. A career orientated guy is attractive to me, especially if I ever feel doomed!

My personal problem is I'm quiet and shy to start with, so it takes lots of work to get a date with a person such as myself. I've always been different to others. I was born with a club foot. I sound like a five year old, sometimes I cannot pronounce words that begin with the letter "R". It gets me into bad situations though. I dated a complete idiot for 5 months when I was younger. I learnt from it. I was also forced into that relationship by the guy. As stated before, I am very passive.

Cathy

Posts: 41 | From: Canberra, Australia | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Crimson Rider
Geek Larva
Member # 2709

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 06:46      Profile for Crimson Rider     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Most geek guys are shy and timid as well.

On the avarage I since about 5 years refuse to play the dating game on the simple pretense that while girls are evil, guys are dumb. (Most girls & guys that is)

The exceptions to this rule are the people worth hanging out with, and at some times, have a relation with.

Unfortunatly one of the things that woman seem to like in geek guys, is the amount and level of dedication and loyalty said geeks give. This places a lot of power into one half of the relationship, and power corrupts. The bitches will take advantage of this, and I know quite a few geek guys that are so desperate that they'll take it.

--------------------
Code, justify, code - Pitr Dubovich

Posts: 20 | From: Netherlands | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Cathy
Geek Apprentice
Member # 2673

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 06:59      Profile for Cathy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Unfortunatly one of the things that woman seem to like in geek guys, is the amount and level of dedication and loyalty said geeks give. This places a lot of power into one half of the relationship, and power corrupts. The bitches will take advantage of this, and I know quite a few geek guys that are so desperate that they'll take it.
Unfortunately, I don't think there will ever be 2 people who have the "perfect relationship".

I wouldn't go so far as to class geeks as the same. So long as I find a male who wouldn't cheat, expect sex only, try to gold dig off me (some have tried), date me to get with a friend, or so their friend can get with my friend etc.

The guy I like wears boxer shorts in some IT classes. Needless to say, he doesn't know i like him [Smile] . The irony is I think he likes me, but hey I hide my emotions...and really want him to get a haircut hehehe.

Posts: 41 | From: Canberra, Australia | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1089

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 07:03      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cathy:

The guy I like wears boxer shorts in some IT classes.

Doesn't he get cold?

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Crimson Rider
Geek Larva
Member # 2709

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 07:06      Profile for Crimson Rider     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I suffered the gold dig problem myself, it stings when that happens. So I guess, I've grown a bit bitter.

Anyways, good luck with your boxers wearing IT guy, I hope you guys hook up some how.

--------------------
Code, justify, code - Pitr Dubovich

Posts: 20 | From: Netherlands | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Cathy
Geek Apprentice
Member # 2673

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 07:17      Profile for Cathy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You would think he would get cold for sure. Especially in Canberra, Australia!!

It'll be interesting. I wonder if we ever will hook up. I'll see him tomorrow! I'll keep everyone posted [Smile]

Cathy

--------------------
Cathy Jenkins
IT Support & Web Design
[email protected]
http://www.cathyjenkins.com

Posts: 41 | From: Canberra, Australia | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
csk

Member # 1941

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 09:20      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cathy:
The guy I like wears boxer shorts in some IT classes ... The irony is I think he likes me

If he wears boxer shorts around the place, you should be able to tell [Wink]

Yeah, I've been caught by that one before when wearing tracksuit pants [blush]

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Chesty
Assimilated
Member # 2460

Member Rated:
2
Icon 1 posted May 12, 2004 21:51      Profile for Chesty         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Crimson Rider:
nine times out of ten they go for the stereotype outlaw biker. He is probably more of an alpha male I guess.

Sure the nice guys are respected and all, but almost never considered as a potential mate.

It's true, I see it all the time in my beach shack rentals- She bails out the guy who knocked the crap out of her. And then, upon celebrating his release from jail he gets drunk, knocks the crap out of her again and violin! she's scraping up bail loot again.

I got around that whole nice guy/bad boy thing by cheating. She fell in love with this guy:

 -

And ended up marrying ...


 -

Posts: 416 | From: The Beach | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time
This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3 
 
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam