homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » Love!   » All about Love!   » Numb (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!  
This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3 
 
Author Topic: Numb
csk

Member # 1941

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 14:00      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's not just a Linkin Park song anymore.

Well, what I feared happening has now come to pass. Myself and Mrs csk have decided to go our separate ways. Both of us have hurt each other a lot in the relationship, but it was an incredibly stupid mistake on my part that sealed the doom of the marriage. And I know in my heart of hearts that there's no going back.

How do I feel? Numb, guilty, confused, hurt, etc. I've hardly got to bond with our ~5 month old daughter, which helps in some ways, but I don't know about the future. I don't know how the money stuff and division of possessions is going to pan out (I do know that she went behind my back into our home and removed a whole lot of stuff, while I was supposed to be visiting her at her mothers house seven hours drive away. While I was waiting five hours on her doorstep wondering where on earth everyone was, she was on her way back from cleaning out the house. Including almost all my financial records, etc).

So, things are tough. I've got good support in my parents, and church people (so far, anyway), but the worst is far from over. Sorry to dump this on everyone, but having seen what support people have given other people facing tough times in the past, I thought it was appropriate. Thanks for listening.

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 14:28      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm sorry to hear that csk. I hope all works out as best it can... Life manages to always work itself out in the end, but in your case, it sounds like the end is a long way off. [Frown]

You and your situation will be in my thoughts...

--------------------
My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 15:17      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm deeply sorry to hear your bad news.

It's difficult to offer advice on love at the best of times, but I will put this 2 cents worth in...

There is no limit to the irrational, spitefull, and just plain evil behaviour a woman under the influence of PND is capable of. Don't assume the events of the past few months are final. When (if?) her hormones settle down, there may be a second chance for you both.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 15:56      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Tough break csk....I think you need to maintain contact with your daughter as much as you can though and don't fall into the trap many couple do when splitting up. Using the kids as leverage to hurt each other. You and your ex don't have to be friends (although that would be nice) you just have to be friendly. Don't walk away from your daughter now as that will rear its ugly head a decade from now causing endless heartache for you and your daughter.

Keep yer chin up, bro.

--------------------
(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
GMx

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1523

Member Rated:
4
Icon 9 posted March 07, 2004 16:10      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Frown]
Posts: 5848 | From: S-4, Area 51 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

SuperFan!
Member # 780

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 16:46      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
csk - I'm really sorry to hear that this happened. Alas, from the sounds of your posts leading up to this, I was afraid this was to come, and I'm really sorry to hear that it did. Perhaps you will stand a chance for things to work out sometime in the future, but at the very least, if they don't, be sure to heed Cap'n Vic's advice, and work to build a good relationship with your child. This is something you should not be deprived of/deprive your child of :-/. You have my warmest regards...take care of yourself [Smile] .

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

Posts: 9332 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Just_Jess_B

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 2161

Icon 2 posted March 07, 2004 19:09      Profile for Just_Jess_B   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[rant]

I think the saddest thing is that your child will suffer the greatest.

I wish you would have thought of that before you did whatever you did. If it's words, they can be healed. If you broke your vows, there's nothing that can be done unless you go to her upon your knees and earn her trust back day after day, forsaking everything that might give her cause to worry and becoming a model husband.

As for TFD's comment on how evil women are in Post-Partum Depression, that comment is so sickening, so misogynistic, so pigheaded, so rude, thoughtless, and callous. You have no idea what it's like going from an object of sexual desire to a mother. Sleepless nights, delirium, exhaustion, changes in body and chemistry, social and physical demands, and the fear that you're not a good mother... you'd be weeping like a girl if you had to do what most women have to. In the middle of feeding your baby from the breasts that you used to consider as sexual objects, you are entreated to become sexual again? Your breasts are sagging, your nerves are frayed, your hormones are roiling, and you can't get a shower in most days. You feel the un-sexiest you ever will wondering if the baby's passage through your vagina will have changed so much that your husband won't find sex good any more. And your life is protecting, feeding, nurturing, and caring for the child your husband and you created out of love and desire for one another. You want to be the minx your husband once lusted, but you ache, you hurt, and you're constantly exhausted. You want to be sexy again, and when you touch your loose stomach and stretch marks before you shower, you want to cry. You are the servant to a baby who needs you, whose even smallest wail sends shooting pain up your back to your brain, heart, and into your gut -- making your breasts hurt as they let down milk. You aren't his Playboy playmate any more. You're every mother who ever was.

And sometimes you sob and sob and then you get angry because you're irrationally afraid he's going to go for the girl with the tennis ball boobs because that's what you think he wants because that's what's leaning on the cars he likes, the motorcycle he covets, and (possibly) in the magazine he masturbates to.

The one thing worse than your attitude would be not having talked about it and him going off to screw someone with a tighter butt and tits. That would be the ultimate in betrayal.

Yes, I was temperamental. My son from my first marriage is seriously damaged because he was abandoned and I was full of vitriol. WinterSolstice held through. He knew that despite whatever was happening with me, he knew that it had to hold together for our son. He was propositioned a lot when we were first married, and he ignored them ALL.

Every time I see these things happening, I remind Winter of how I appreciate how much he's done for me. I'm about to go now to tell him. This falls on deaf ears.

[/rant]

Jess

--------------------
Opinion is not Truth; that is why each has its own definition. Illiteracy sucks.

Posts: 1370 | From: Whaddya mean, Arizona? | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Brother_Maya
Geek Larva
Member # 2282

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 19:12      Profile for Brother_Maya     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I also second Cap'n Vic's advice. In my own case, my dad was rarely around. After roughly three maybe four years of no contact he calls inquiring when High School graduation is. Afterwords it is mentioned "oh by the way I got married last month" and so forth. (Your guess is as good as mine as to why I was not even invited.)

As you might expect, I haven't seen since.

Best of luck to you.

--------------------
How often do you say to yourself, "I didn't do it; so of course, it didn't get done?"

Posts: 26 | From: Minneapolis Minnesota | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1211

Member Rated:
5
Icon 9 posted March 07, 2004 19:14      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm so sorry, csk...I haven't been around much lately and had no idea you were even having problems-just happened to see this tonight.

When my marriage(8 years) broke up just over 2 years ago, I didn't know how I was going to recover. Some days it was hard to get out of bed in the morning, let alone making it through the day. But you know what? I joined this wonderful little community of geeks(maybe you've heard of it?) shortly afterwards and got tons of support, saw that other people were hurting, too, and most of all, realized that you go on. No matter what, you go on. Every day will get just a little better, and in time you will heal.


We'll be here for you.


-vicki

--------------------
"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1211

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 19:23      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
>>I wish you would have thought of that before you did whatever you did


How DARE you, Just_Jess. I had to read that 3 times to make sure I really read what I thought I did. Way to kick a man when he's down. Have you NEVER made a mistake? If we all were able to clearly think about the consequences of our actions, no one would ever make mistakes, and the world would be perfect.

You say TFD's comments are "sickening"? Well, I think yours are too.

I understand this is a sore subject for you, and I think you are taking out your pain and your anger toward TFD on csk. I wish you had "thought of that" before you added to his pain and torture.


Shame on you. This is not what this place is about.

--------------------
"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jessycat

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1171

Member Rated:
5
Icon 9 posted March 07, 2004 19:29      Profile for Jessycat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
csk, I'm so sorry to hear about your rough time. Please know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you all the best. [Frown]
Posts: 491 | From: NYC | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jessycat

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1171

Member Rated:
5
Icon 8 posted March 07, 2004 19:31      Profile for Jessycat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:

There is no limit to the irrational, spitefull, and just plain evil behaviour a woman under the influence of PND is capable of.

I agree with your statement, TFD, but it's too specific. As evidenced by Just_Jess's rant, a person doesn't have to be suffering from PND in order to exhibit irrational, spiteful behavior. [shake head]
Posts: 491 | From: NYC | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

Member # 1941

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 20:02      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, lets not fight about this. Jess had some valid points in there, and I'm not disputing that what I did was what caused the break up. And yes, I am ashamed of what I did, and fully repentant. Unfortunately, that doesn't always make a difference. She's forgiven me, but not willing to stay together, and I can understand and accept that.

Unfortunately, in terms of hurt it hasn't been one way traffic. I'm not the one who decided to go and live with her mother for almost four months (with a new baby), and not even tell her husband when she was thinking about coming back. I'm not the one who at one stage reminded her husband on an almost daily basis that he would never be what she wanted as a husband, and that she wished she'd never married him. I'm not the one that demanded total allegiance over work to the point of contributing to a husband's nervous breakdown. I'm not the one who complained when her husband worked an hour over time, but was quite happy to spend 4 or 5 hours every Sunday morning travelling to an activity with the added bonus of seeing someone she had a crush on.

Of course I was expecting everything to change when we had the baby, Jess. But when you described the "before" picture of yourself in another post, you reminded me very strongly of my wife. With the added fact that she knew that she was wildly moody and depressed, and was unwilling to attempt change.

I know I screwed up, and screwed up badly. But things are not always as they appear on the surface.

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 20:12      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok, I've obviously hit a raw nerve here, and for that I apologise.

But let's have a look at what I said.
quote:

There is no limit to the irrational, spitefull, and just plain evil behaviour a woman under the influence of PND is capable of. Don't assume the events of the past few months are final. When (if?) her hormones settle down, there may be a second chance for you both.

This was meant to be a "she cant help herself right now, but in time she will get better, don't give up hope" statement.
It was meant to be comforting.

I really don't see anything that qualifies as sickening, so misogynistic, so pigheaded, so rude, thoughtless, and callous.

JJ - if you want to continue this further, please do it via PM, this is not the appropriate place for spleen-venting.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1211

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 20:16      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
We're not fighting.

Just pointing out that this is not the time to judge or condemn you, but just to be supportive.

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1211

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 20:19      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think most of us understood what you meant, TFD.
Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 22:19      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
csk, my warning flags went up when you posted those Linkin Park songs a while back. Especially the one titled "Numb". I hoped to be wrong. I am sorry.

I've never been married, nor have I had children, but I was your side of a bad relationship, caught in the undertow to borrow from the song, so I feel a small piece of your pain. In my case it also went both ways - I said and did some things I perhaps should not have, but so did he. You may have said or done something unforgiveable, but it takes two to play this game, and you held on harder and longer than many. You may have hurt her, but you did something she hasn't done - you apologized, and asked to be forgiven. You do not bear all the blame in this.

People who are depressed for any reason do harsh and cruel things, and have a tendency to drag those that care the most down with them. They don't necessarily have the right to do this, but what is right and what is real are often very different things. My ex drove me almost to suicide with his demands, criticisms, and abuse. I have forgiven him for that, but I hurt for a long time before I did.

I wish you luck, my friend, both in resolving the current disaster and in healing. It will take time, but it will happen. Do try to keep some sort of contact with your daughter. Even though she's been held from you, she's still half yours, and she deserves you.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
csk

Member # 1941

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 22:45      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
csk, my warning flags went up when you posted those Linkin Park songs a while back. Especially the one titled "Numb". I hoped to be wrong. I am sorry.

Yeah, it's sort of a cross between Numb and In the End right at the moment. The "Too much love will kill you" in the love song threads was a dead giveaway too.

Actually, if I was to describe where I'm at in terms of songs, I'm swinging between "Aint no sunshine when she's gone" and "I will survive". Damn oscillating emotions. Why can't the brain be like a real computer, and be predictable and all that stuff. Or maybe Microsoft got the contract for the brain software [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 23:02      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oddly enough, "In the end" was one of my own break-up songs...that and Rufus Wainwright's "Hallelujah" cover. This did not make my ex happy, but to expect to be able to treat me the way he did without causing me any sort of pain just shows how out of touch with reality he was.

Focus on the "I will survive" and hang in there dude.

If brains were predictable things like computers wouldn't exist. [Wink]

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

SuperFan!
Member # 780

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 07, 2004 23:36      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
If brains were predictable things like computers wouldn't exist. [Wink]

Hmm?
Well, computers serve a useful purpose - whether humans are predictable or not, I doubt many of us could do complicated computations as quickly as a computer can.

OTOH, can you imagine how boring things would be if everything (i.e. brains) were as straightforward as computers?

Trying to bridge the gap between man and machine, we try to build AI to let computers try to apply human logic to things...and that's some pretty complicated stuff. Which reminds me - I have a pretty cool idea about AI...are there any programmers in the New York area that I can lock in a closet with a computer, chalkboard, and some stale bread who woule help me flesh this idea out?

Kidding!

Maybe I should do some more dabbling in AI again, though my main interests are in networking & HCI, I do find AI pretty interesting. I would also like to research this idea of mine...and I won't say what that idea is until it's published with my name on it [Wink] .

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

Posts: 9332 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lumina Manson
Assimilated
Member # 1868

Member Rated:
3
Icon 9 posted March 08, 2004 00:10      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm not a fan of divorce, but when it happens, it happens. I'm sorry to hear about your break-up and now I understand why you have a knack for knowing when things are influenced by Linkin Park. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I do mean that.

--..., C.P.

--------------------
ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2071

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 01:50      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well csk, what truly horrible news, and how very very sad. I hope that you will try not to get too involved hurtful blame games over this, (though it seems even we are having some trouble avoiding it), and try instead to focus on making the best for everyone of this awful business. I hope you have some good friends to talk to, and as it would appear that there is an almost total breakdown of trust between you and Mrs csk, I hope you can find some mutually trusted third party or parties to help resolve some of the many outstanding practical and emotional issues that this crisis has brought to a head.

And be gentle with yourself, try not to torture yourself too much. Good luck.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
Grey_girl

Member # 2172

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 07:24      Profile for Grey_girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
csk, hang in there. I wish I could say something smart and helpful and all that, but it's been said already.

What I can add is this - insist on maintaining a relationship with your daughter. I don't know what the law is in Australia, but there has to be safeguards in place that insure you are able to see her. My ex-husband didn't have a relationship with our son before we divorced and has even less of one now (put it this way - people at Little League thought I was a widow - a father who didn't attend his 6-year-old son's baseball games because he wasn't interested??? [Confused] And this was while we were married and long before divorce became an issue). VJ's a wonderful kid and has adapted well, but I know he wants more from his Dad.

PM if you need to, okay?

Posts: 764 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Mister Boo

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1419

Member Rated:
5
Icon 14 posted March 08, 2004 09:10      Profile for Mister Boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
csk,
My prayers and best wishes are with you. We are all here to listen if you need to rant, and will try to support you as best we can. Hang in there, and try to be in your daughter's life. Even though it may be difficult, she will be better off in the long run.

Peace and Love,
Bill

--------------------
Geekculture's Original Boo

Posts: 314 | From: Naugatuck, CT | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ricegirl
Mini Geek
Member # 2516

Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 12:54      Profile for Ricegirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm sorry to hear the news CSK, God bless you and i pray that you will get through.
My Best wishes. [Smile]

--------------------
Pride can break a man right down from iron, twist him round and tatter up a soul.

Posts: 84 | From: U.K | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time
This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3 
 
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam