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Author Topic: Jesus has a plan for you
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted July 18, 2008 18:07      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Apparently he plans to stick forks in you and electrocute you until steam comes out both ends and you start glowing.

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 18, 2008 20:57      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The one thing I've learned about Christianity from that video...

quote:
From TFV:

Don't.
Try.
This.
At.
Home.



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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 00:05      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ahh...so I think what Grandpa John is saying is that our boys and girls were just proselytizing in a certain well-publicized prison /over there/. The pesky UN and those damn godless commie liberals just don't understand the importance of the holy glowing spirit that was being instilled in newfound Christians! Also, another thread teaches us that a few more of those boys and girls are comparably godless, and are such wusses that they sued the gov't for this proselytization. For shame...you can't be all that you can be...if you're just a green pickle!

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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Metasquares
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 12:12      Profile for Metasquares   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This is possibly the worst analogy I've ever seen.
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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 12:16      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A friend of mine watched this and her response was, "Jesus supports double penetration!"

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 14:09      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
A friend of mine watched this and her response was, "Jesus supports double penetration!"

Dude: that was a hint.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 18:42      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I remember my science teacher doing that in the seventh grade.

Minus the proselytizing of course.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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Anovadea
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 19:03      Profile for Anovadea     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So... In this Electric Pickle analogy, does this mean that if you're plugged into God, and then disconnect, you're still not the same, and ever so slightly cooked by the whole experience?

Remember, after you unplug, you won't taste the same as other pickles, you'll be less crisp and moist, and while you're plugged in, you'll burn the tongue of anyone who dares taste you. *Treads into dangerous territory* This is why we encourage that a person only eat one pickle in their lives... just so you don't notice the difference.

Aoife - not really a Christian-basher, but that analogy is oh-so-flawed, what with the cooking of the pickles.

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 19:11      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What a fruitcake! I would not like any impressionable children to see that as an introduction to either science or religion. It could leave them scarred for life.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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tweety
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Icon 1 posted July 19, 2008 19:45      Profile for tweety   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
All I got out of that was if you follow Christianity you'll end up in hell as a cucumber first left to soak in brine (no, dill, though, that would be Kosker) and then fried from both ends.

Yeeup, makes me want to run off to the closest church and join up.

EDIT: Kosher, not Kosker. What's Kosker?

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If I were a good man I'd talk to you more often than I do.
American Fairy Tales
IT, A Philosophy

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ASM65816
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Icon 2 posted July 20, 2008 02:36      Profile for ASM65816   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Topic: Jesus has a plan for you
Apparently he plans to stick forks in you and electrocute you until steam comes out both ends and you start glowing.

Hmmm ... "John" must not have been able to get plastic explosives and detonators.

Otherwise, he could have demonstrated EXACTLY how Muslims get closer to "god" (and "are rewarded with the highest place in heaven" -- according to Muslim clerics in Iran and Afghanistan).

Of course, the pickle's violent end would most likely be ruled "suicide" (not martyrdom) ... and John would probably get charged with multiple counts of murder.
 
 

EDIT: RE - about 14 hours in the future ....
quote:
July 20, 2008 16:42
And ASM wait outside. The headmaster will deal with you presently.

Unfortunately, the headmaster won't know ASM left because ASM switched the old man's seating chart, and it will seem that Al Gore will have left the room (to save the world once again).

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Once a proud programmer of Apple II's, he now spends his days and nights in cheap dives fraternizing with exotic dancers....

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2008 03:00      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
<laughing-till-the-end-of-my-'pickle'-glows-mysteriously-and-steam-shoots-out-the-end>

Poor old ASM, monomania must be such a boring mental illness.

How much more exciting it must be to imagine oneself to be Napoleon, or Caesar.

/me has a vivid mental image of ASM in a bicorne hat, one hand stuffed inside his jacket, pushing toy soldiers around on a ping-pong table in his mothers basement, desperately trying to figure out where he went wrong at Waterloo


Please ASM, entertain us some more.

Tell us all about how Queen Buffy IV defeated the Spanish fleet at the battle of Munich in 1812.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2008 04:02      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
I remember my science teacher doing that in the seventh grade.

Minus the proselytizing of course.

Double penetration? [Eek!]
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Anovadea
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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2008 08:04      Profile for Anovadea     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
I remember my science teacher doing that in the seventh grade.

Minus the proselytizing of course.

Double penetration? [Eek!]
Surely it'd have to be more than one teacher if that was the case. [Wink]
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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2008 08:43      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
________________________--- Don't touch me like that you're not my priest!!

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Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted July 20, 2008 16:42      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Class come to order!

Double penetration? Are you all ignorant fools? For that both forks must be in the same end of the pickle, and it also usually involves some lube.

This is clearly a spit roast.

And ASM wait outside. The headmaster will deal with you presently.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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DoctorWho

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Icon 2 posted July 21, 2008 14:32      Profile for DoctorWho     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This has to be the worst analogy for Christianity I have ever seen and boy I have seen some terrible ones. [shake head]

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Laughter is like changing a baby's diapers. It doesn't solve anything but it sure improves the situation. Leo F. Buscaglia

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