homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums


  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums   » The Archives   » The Big Archives   » Nebraska considers war against Iowa!!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Nebraska considers war against Iowa!!
-ct-
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 209

Icon 11 posted May 29, 2003 16:11      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
whaaa?
huhhuhuhuh?!?!

A Nebraska lawmaker is so fed up with constituents crossing the state border to gamble that she proposed going to war with neighboring Iowa

more:
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0529Nebraska-Iowa-ON.html

--------------------
Things are always darkest... just before you pull your head out of your butt, void where prohibited, keep away from flame, surcharge(s) may apply.

www.harddriveHELL.com and demoniclemon.com

Posts: 1906 | From: nowhere, man | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

Member # 1734

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 16:20      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Wow, I would have thought something like that would be in Weekly World News, or at least The Onion.
Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 16:21      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Maybe Iowa has Weapons of Mass Destruction.......NUKE 'EM!!!!

--------------------
(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

Member # 1734

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 16:41      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Maybe Iowa has Weapons of Mass Destruction.......NUKE 'EM!!!!

But wait, aren't nukes weapons of mass destruction? [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 16:54      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh.......yeah.....how 'bout Cukes then?

--------------------
(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tut-an-Geek

SuperFan!
Member # 1234

Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 17:34      Profile for Tut-an-Geek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ahh... And then all of the corn would go flying! MUAHAH! [Smile]
Posts: 3764 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Matt Mayers
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 19:36            Edit/Delete Post 
this reminds me of my plan to create a Hoosier malitia and invade Ohio.... i know that it will work... mwahahaha!!!! [evil]
IP: Logged
Slurpy
Highlie
Member # 2050

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 29, 2003 23:26      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That wouldn't work, Indiana doesn't have enough working automobiles, and tractors are just too slow to avoid bullets. [Big Grin]

And come to think of it, no white man ever manages to live all the way through downtown Cincinnati anyway. . . [shake head]

--------------------
I must first reveal my personal bias in this discussion, since I worship at the 'First Church of PDF Really Sucks.'
-Bruce Tognazzini
http://thegeekgroup.org
Geek ID# 1162

Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
LordGilman
Newbie Larva
Member # 2213

Rate Member
Icon 13 posted May 30, 2003 10:24      Profile for LordGilman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am a resident of the great state of Nebraska, and I understand some Nebraskan's frustration with the problem of gambling in Iowa.

Aside from robbing Omaha's businesses and city and state governments from revenue, it is also hurting the local charities. People are using their expendable income to gamble instead of charitable donations.

BTW, are there any other nebraska geeks here? I don't know if any OMUG dudes or dudettes hang out on the forums here.

--------------------
sign up for gil's link of the day... its always random and always interesting!

Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
rw

Member # 590

Icon 1 posted May 31, 2003 09:10      Profile for rw   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Slurpy:
That wouldn't work, Indiana doesn't have enough working automobiles

You're not counting all those "Hoosier motorcycles". (That's a pickup truck with a busted headlight.)

When I lived in Kentucky, our plan was to flood Indiana so we could have a beach.

Posts: 429 | From: Kirkland, Wash. (US of A) | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged
addiew
Uber Geek
Member # 2140

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted May 31, 2003 12:58      Profile for addiew   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
muah ha ha; that flooding isnt such a bad idea
Posts: 823 | From: Oregon | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
NefariousAnthony
Geek
Member # 1720

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 31, 2003 14:39      Profile for NefariousAnthony   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
LordGilman: I don't think that those who are most likely to be held up by the one-armed-bandit are also the ones who give charitable donations.
Posts: 201 | From: The Deep South, y'all | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Slurpy
Highlie
Member # 2050

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted May 31, 2003 15:01      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by rw:
quote:
Originally posted by Slurpy:
That wouldn't work, Indiana doesn't have enough working automobiles

You're not counting all those "Hoosier motorcycles". (That's a pickup truck with a busted headlight.)

When I lived in Kentucky, our plan was to flood Indiana so we could have a beach.

Ha!

Are you really sure you'd want a body of water full of floating trailers, though? [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
I must first reveal my personal bias in this discussion, since I worship at the 'First Church of PDF Really Sucks.'
-Bruce Tognazzini
http://thegeekgroup.org
Geek ID# 1162

Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted May 31, 2003 18:15      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I didn't know they had the internet in Nebraska???

--------------------
(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 2 posted May 31, 2003 21:05      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
Colonel Panic reporting from the front.

(Ft. Okoboji, Iowa) News of hostilities came as no surprise to Iowans who are naturally suspicious of Nebraskans, since Nebraska's state capitol is in Lincoln and everyone in Iowa knows Lincoln is from east of here, in Illinois.

So it should come as no shock, or awe, that most Iowans were well-prepared and stocked-up on plenty of C-rations: corn, canned corn, creamed corn, corn dogs, popped corn, steamed corn, corn fritters, corn bread, corn pudding, corn stew, corn-on-the cob, corn salad, corn gumbo, corn soufflé, and Dr. Scholl's corn pads. After all, we Iowans know an army travels both on its stomach and its feet.

Immediately upon hearing Nebraska's declaration of war, Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack called home Iowa's ambassador of goodwill, the Maytag repairman, who reports he's happy to be back home in Newton after a very lonely stay in Nebraska.

The Iowa Guard has garrisoned the loess hills, from Red Oak, through Council Bluffs and all the way up to Sioux City, with 50 divisions of fat Iowa hogs, and 10 divisions of USDA Prime Iowa corn-fed beef. (None of those crazy, brain-fed Canadian mad cows, either!) And four Iowa Air Guard F-16s.

Nebraskans attempted to garrison their high ground, but after a week of searching, they finally realized they didn't have any. They did however, attempt to build a base in the Sand Hills, but the cranes and the World Wildlife Federation successfully pushed them back.

On the subject of wildlife, a scouting raid successfully captured Marlin Perkins, who had attempted to use his assistant, Jim, as a human shield. Jim was mortally wounded in the skirmish and eventually consumed by an anaconda that had been tracking him for years.

In his letter urging Nebraskans to surrender, Marlin wrote, "The ocelot is a cautious predator who always thinks twice before attacking prey double its size. Like the ocelot, Nebraskans can protect their families by thinking twice about attacking a state that has double its population." Immediately upon receiving the letter, Chief Mutual of Omaha surrendered his entire Wild Kingdom.

Early combat casualties also include soldiers from Warren Buffet's Berkshire-Hathaway units.

Mrs. Rose Cook Lewis of Zebulon County reports the capture of Berkshire-Hathaway's top spy. "The man in the Hathaway Shirt."

Said Rose, "There he was out by the Steiger in his fine starched and pressed shirt and that silly eye patch. I knew something was up because that's just not how you dress for planting a thousand acres. So I called the Iowa Guard."

Asked about a possible execution, Iowa State Attorney General Tom Miller says "it's perfectly legal to shoot spies, and while the Iowa budget is tight and bullets are expensive, the state plans to save money on the execution by using only half a blindfold."

As a last request, the spy asked only if he could "Live a little at Dairy Queen."

In Madison County, Winterset resident Francesca Johnson reported that while visiting one of her favorite bridges, her dog had apparently run down another Berkshire-Hathaway soldier, the GEICO Gecko. "All that's left is a green tail, and Kelsey Grammer's accent."

Despite the feeling that the war is going badly for Nebraskans, intellegence officers in Wahoo Nebraska are still holding out hope that President Bush will declare hog manure a weapon of mass destruction and that the Strategic Air Command out of Offut AFB will intervene on his behalf.

While hog manure fumes are highly toxic in confined spaces Iowans do not appear concerned about this action.

"That's highly unlikely," says Senator Charles Grassley (R-Iowa), "considering the hog lobby owns a good deal of the Republican Party, and President Bush's Secretary of Education is already prepared to declare hog manure a vegetable in school lunch programs."

Even Senator Tom Harkin (D-Iowa), the number two man on the Senate Agricultural committee seems to agree. "It's not going to happen. And if the #2 man tells you that about hog manure, you'd better believe it."

I was poignantly reminded today that war is hell, and the battle field is no field of dreams. Visiting a hospital for POWs, one suffering Nebraska soldier -- apparently delusional from hallucinations -- tugged on my jacket and desperately asked me, "Hey, is this heaven?"

"No," I had to reply, "It's Iowa."

Colonel Panic

--------------------
Free! Free at last!

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
LordGilman
Newbie Larva
Member # 2213

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted June 01, 2003 09:51      Profile for LordGilman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
I didn't know they had the internet in Nebraska???

hell yes! i'm from omaha, and omaha is the 48th largest city in the US in the 1990 census.

Lincoln, our capital, is farther down the list.

--------------------
sign up for gil's link of the day... its always random and always interesting!

Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted June 01, 2003 10:53      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HAHAHA, Colonel.....your the best!

--------------------
(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
quantumfluff
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 450

Member Rated:
5
Icon 14 posted June 02, 2003 07:26      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Colonel, that was excellent. But you missed the old Marlin Perkins bit "The Ocelot protects itself with sharp teeth and claws, while Jim is protected by Mutual of Omaha"
Posts: 2901 | From: 5 to 15 meters above sea level | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged
Matt Mayers
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted June 02, 2003 11:55            Edit/Delete Post 
sadly, i can contradict non of these negative comments towards hoosiers... (sigh) im definately getting out of here as soon as i graduate from high school (June 2004. woohoo!)
IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time  
  New Poll   Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

© 2015 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam