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Author Topic: Lightbulb Jokes
Slurpy
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2003 03:37      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've got two, for now:

Q: How many software engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, it's a hardware problem.


Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to pain the room green, and the other to fill the bathtub with screwdrivers [Big Grin] .

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I must first reveal my personal bias in this discussion, since I worship at the 'First Church of PDF Really Sucks.'
-Bruce Tognazzini
http://thegeekgroup.org
Geek ID# 1162

Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
neo
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2003 05:28      Profile for neo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hee hee

why did bill gates have to screw so many lightbulbs out?
he didn't had any!

right...

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~What lies do you believe?~

Posts: 187 | From: freedom land | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged
TomtheMacMan
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2003 13:33      Profile for TomtheMacMan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many Micro$oft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They redefine darkness as the "industry standard"

[Wink]

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-Tom

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2003 14:31      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many computer programers does it take to change a light bulb?
Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2, but how they got in there is the real question.

How many goverment officials does it take to change a light bulb?
A number very close to infinity... One for the proposal, a subcommity to prosose other solutions, an enivormental study to make sure no plant or animials are harmed, a vote in house, a president to veto it ........ A suppreme court to question the constitutionality of light bulbs....

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My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
SpikeSpiegel
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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2003 14:53      Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer 1

5 one to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder


Answer 2

blondes dont screw in light bulbs they screw in cars silly [Razz]

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its been a while

Posts: 3090 | From: Boston | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 12, 2003 15:22      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. "Don't mind me, I'll just sit here in the dark"

How many Englishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
What? Change? Why should I change it? It's a perfectly good lightbulb. My Grandfather used that lightbulb. That lightbulb got us through The Blitz. That lightbulb is classified by The National Trust......

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Unknown. German lightbulbs never need changing.


How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1,374 to manufacture the Cruise Missile.
17 to crew the plane that delivers it to the launch area.
5 to launch it.
17 media flacks to find new euphemisms for 'dead children'
all of the above again, to launch a second Cruise Missile when it turns out the first hit the wrong country.
317 aid workers to hand out food parcels that look remarkably like cluster bombs.
14,926 reconstruction workers to rebuild the electricity infrastructure to allow the new lightbulb to work.
and 97,217 reporters to extensively document the entire process.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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ZorroTheFox
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Icon 1 posted April 13, 2003 18:42      Profile for ZorroTheFox   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many Lead Singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, they need only hold the bulb in the socket and the world will revolve around them until it screws itself in.

how many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, bitch can do dishes in the dark. [Big Grin] .......Z

Posts: 3046 | From: Tacoma, WA, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Coffee_geek
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Icon 1 posted April 13, 2003 19:44      Profile for Coffee_geek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many Zen Bhuddists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to NOT change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb.

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness

And the Coffee's Family Generic Lighbulb Joke:

How many [noun]'s does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight! Because they're SO STUPID!

Hilarity ensues.

Seeming and Dreaming,
Coffee

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We got, ten minutes to get there
We got, ten minutes to go
Throw this one in for the money
Cause the next one's for the next show

Posts: 464 | From: Varies | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Slurpy
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Icon 1 posted April 13, 2003 20:27      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by ZorroTheFox:
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the bitch can do the dishes in the dark. [Big Grin] .......Z

And I get in trouble for Mac-bashing?!?

I still laugh everytime I hear that, though [Big Grin] .

Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
snupy
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Icon 1 posted April 13, 2003 22:00      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

-One, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

How many kind, sensitive, emotionally mature men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

-Both of them. [Big Grin]


Edit: Anyone notice I totally screwed that 1st one up before I edited it? I'm slipping. [Frown]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 7 posted April 13, 2003 22:05      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many premenstrual women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

15.

Why?

It just DOES, OK!!!

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Slurpy
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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 00:50      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
[Big Grin]

--------------------
I must first reveal my personal bias in this discussion, since I worship at the 'First Church of PDF Really Sucks.'
-Bruce Tognazzini
http://thegeekgroup.org
Geek ID# 1162

Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
QuiGonValjean
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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 09:58      Profile for QuiGonValjean   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
1."One, two, three, one, two, three..."
2."Hey man, I just do sound."
3.One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape,
changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from
where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

--------------------
"I hope that by having this open dialogue we can learn to live in harmony. Or failing in that, I'll live in harmony by myself." - Dogbert

Posts: 143 | From: the land of everlasting Dr. Pepper, Snickers, and Turkey Hill Iced Tea | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 12 posted April 14, 2003 10:29      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Two, but they have to find a way inside first

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Worst. Celibate. Ever.

Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Oz, the Wizard of
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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 13:11      Profile for Oz, the Wizard of   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but it takes five sessions.

How many Fundamentalist Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The Bible makes no mention of lightbulbs.

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None -- they don't want to be enlightened!

Posts: 707 | From: The Emerald City | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Limac333
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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 14:12      Profile for Limac333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: That's not funny!!

Posts: 48 | From: Cary | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
ZorroTheFox
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Icon 12 posted April 14, 2003 16:51      Profile for ZorroTheFox   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Slurpy:
quote:
Originally posted by ZorroTheFox:
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the bitch can do the dishes in the dark. [Big Grin] .......Z

And I get in trouble for Mac-bashing?!?

I still laugh everytime I hear that, though [Big Grin] .

most of the girls here let it slide when typed by My hand, they know I don't really HATE women........Z
Posts: 3046 | From: Tacoma, WA, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
ZorroTheFox
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 16:57      Profile for ZorroTheFox   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
how many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!!........Z

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Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four. If that is granted, all else follows.~~Winston Smith

Posts: 3046 | From: Tacoma, WA, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 3 posted April 14, 2003 18:06      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
[this is a joke]
[Roll Eyes]
Come on, bring it!

Sorry, I just can't resist, I've seen too much nonsense thse last few days...

P.S. If this makes no sense, all the better [Smile] .

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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GMx

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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 20:05      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
[Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]
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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted April 14, 2003 20:42      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by ZorroTheFox:
how many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!!........Z

HAHAHA [Big Grin]
Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
neo
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Icon 10 posted April 14, 2003 22:45      Profile for neo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How many lightbulbs can you shuff in bill's butt at one go?

infinity. [Wink]

Posts: 187 | From: freedom land | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged
Slurpy
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Icon 1 posted April 15, 2003 01:53      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Wow. Just. . . wow.
Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
spungo
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Icon 1 posted April 15, 2003 02:37      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to find a way inside first

Nice one!

neo - in case you hadn't noticed, this thread is for jokes, not meaningless, lame-ass shit. The point of a joke is to make someone else laugh, not yourself.

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted April 15, 2003 10:44      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to find a way inside first

Nice one!

neo - in case you hadn't noticed, this thread is for jokes, not meaningless, lame-ass shit. The point of a joke is to make someone else laugh, not yourself.

hoo, some wasp got up your ass today, for sure!

chill spungski, chill

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there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

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