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Author Topic: Hmmmmmmmm
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 10 posted November 05, 2002 12:27      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(1) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

(2) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

(3) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

(4) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

(5) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

(6) If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

(7) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

(8) Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

(9) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

(10) What do you call male ballerinas?

(11) Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

(12) Why Are Trix only for kids?

(13) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

(14) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

(15) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

(16) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

(17) If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

(18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

(19) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

(20) Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

(21) Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

(22) Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

(23) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Coffee_geek
Assimilated
Member # 1608

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted November 06, 2002 15:35      Profile for Coffee_geek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Woah, dude, those BLOW MY MIND! Ok, maybe not. But still. Interesting...

Seeming and Dreaming,
Coffee

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We got, ten minutes to get there
We got, ten minutes to go
Throw this one in for the money
Cause the next one's for the next show

Posts: 464 | From: Varies | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Frost
Geek
Member # 1267

Member Rated:
5
Icon 6 posted November 06, 2002 20:30      Profile for Frost     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
(1) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
probably the guy who wondered why the calf was sucking on them.

(2) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
to turn mouldy bread into charcoal

(3) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
fridge light is a cold light, but nobody has invented a frozen light.

(4) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
who cares?

(5) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
yes.

(6) If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
in the first or second episode he did with a glue that giligan discovered guess the result.

(7) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
wrist one thing everone does, crotch can be confused with several other bodly functions.

(8) Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
he's afraid you'll expect a tip.

(9) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
goofy has evolved, why do you think he can talk.

(10) What do you call male ballerinas?
primadonnas.

(11) Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
the blind can speak for themselves on this one.

(12) Why Are Trix only for kids?
because only kids are hyper-active enough to burn off the empty calories.

(13) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
obsessive compulsive disorder, his OCD prvented him from thinking of that.

(14) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
he's the one you pay to make other people go broke.

(15) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
testy.

(16) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
baby whale oil was deemed too long and was shorted.

(17) If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
9 out of 10 women say yes, the tenth was unavlable for comment.

(18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
i don't know as i have always taken both statments at face value.

(19) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
no it comes from moratrons.

(20) Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
no, there is Disneyland, Euro Disney,
and Disney Tokio.

(21) Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
they were writen by the same unimagintive tunesmith.

(22) Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
no.

(23) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
maybe you should try a stronger mouthwash.

well my job here is done [Big Grin]

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Success requires no explanations, Failure permits no alibis.

Posts: 217 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Colonel Panic
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1200

Icon 1 posted November 07, 2002 10:01      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
[QB]


(4) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

I appreciate your humor, even though some of it is a bit long in the tooth.

The Jimmy question presents an opportunity to share an odd bit of trivia, which being a geek and attending many folk festivals I learned in one of those long preambles which are required by law to be 11 times longer than the actual length of the song. Here is the explanation as I recall it

"Jimmy" is short for "Jimmy-John" which is colloquialization of the French term demijohn, describing a large bottle with a short neck usually containing wine. These bottles are seen often in pop culture illustrations in the hands of hillbillies who are drinking moonshine. Moonshine is made from "cracked corn."

On "Rocky Top" the soil is too rocky by far, that's why the folks up on Rocky Top gets their corn from a jar.

There was a time in this nation's history when it was far more profitable to ship corn liquor in barrells than raw corn on barges.

Eventually, some of this shipped corn liquor stayed in oak casks for longer than intended and acquired a brown color. People discovered this liquor was smoother, and they began aging the liquor on purpose.

So to get back to your question, the singer has gotten potted on a demijohn of moonshine while the boss was away. Many folks tend to sing, drink, engage in office chair races, throw kneaded erasers at each other, and well as engage in other, fun, irresponsible behavior when the boss has gone away. I presume, like many of us, that is why he is singing.

And while he "don't care" his boss certainly would if he ever came back and found out.

Colonel Panic

Posts: 1809 | From: Glacier Melt, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2002 10:04      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I heard it different, CP. Something to do with a plantation boss getting drunk on corn liquor and falling down dead or something. The song is being sung by a slave - his intimating his lack of grief over the event being somewhat contraversial when the song came out.

...but I may be incorrect... for once. [Wink]

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Zwilnik

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 615

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Icon 12 posted November 07, 2002 10:20      Profile for Zwilnik   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Frost:
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:


(21) Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
they were writen by the same unimagintive tunesmith.


well my job here is done [Big Grin]
actually, the melody (and words I think) to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star was written by Amadeus Mozart when he was 5. Definitely not an unimaginative tunesmith. The lyrics for the Alphabet song were done later. probably by some lazy songwriter on the Sesame Street team.
Posts: 1040 | From: West Sussex, UK | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged
Alien Investor
Highlie
Member # 242

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2002 11:27      Profile for Alien Investor     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know two etymologies for "broker". One is that the word "broker" comes from the practice of taking large lots of something and breaking it into smaller lots for individual sale. This makes sense for stock brokers, but does not make sense for real estate brokers and pawn brokers.

The American Heritage dictionary says that "broker" comes from the Anglo-Norman brocour, Spanish alboroque, and Arabic al-barka, which translates as "divine blessing" (I suppose that would be the commission on the deal -- all brokers collect commission). That is unrelated to the etymology of "break".

http://www.bartleby.com/61/80/B0498000.html

As to why the refrigerator has a light and the freezer doesn't: I suppose that it's because when I go to the kitchen in the middle of the night and get some food without turning on the light, I get stuff from the refrigerator, but I never get stuff from the freezer.

A male ballet dancer is a "male ballet dancer". In French, one can say "danseur" and "danseuse".

http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmalebal.html

On the ob-gyn question: yes, the patient is in maximum nakedness when the doctor returns. However, at that point, the first derivative (d-nakedness / d-time) has declined to zero. While the patient is undressing, nakedness is not at maximum, but the first derivative (d-nakedness / d-time) is much larger than zero. The first derivative is of interest as well as the function.

Posts: 627 | From: New York City | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1211

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Icon 12 posted November 10, 2002 16:30      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
>>(17) If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Yes.

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1429

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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2002 02:27      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Man there's nothing better than being a geek, I mean, what other group of people do you know that would take a list of rhetorical questions meant to make you laugh and answer them with serious facts? I rather like that 'jimmy cracked corn' explanation, I've always wondered... BTW, how many pickled peppers are in a bushel(for that matter how many bushels in a peck, I think I remember correctly, but it's been a long time...)? And how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Here's a question for ya's, why do so many people think it's not possible to love someone you've never met physically, yet know everything about them down to the smallest personal detail?

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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!

Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
technosquirrel 101
Geek
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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2002 08:57      Profile for technosquirrel 101     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by neotatsu:
And how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

depends on few variables:
- the time given for this task
- experience/agility of the woodchuck
- accessibility of wood in its current situation
- condition of the wood (dry/wet? type: e.g. oak, pine, hazelnut tree...? rotten/fresh?)

quote:
Originally posted by neotatsu:
Here's a question for ya's, why do so many people think it's not possible to love someone you've never met physically, yet know everything about them down to the smallest personal detail?

'cause it's them whom's talked 'bout.

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...this post was brought to you by technosquirrel 101. - "who said i had a plan?"

Posts: 142 | From: the "XMS Memory", cabin 934, C-Deck | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
DoctorWho

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 392

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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2002 16:50      Profile for DoctorWho     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I figured I'd take a stab at answering the questions not already answered.

{Edit: Sorry Frost when I first went through your post I didn't realize you answered them. I certainly would not classify you as nobody [Smile] }

(1) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

Either someone was extremely thirsty, or they did it on a dare.

(2) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

two words "frozen waffles"

(3) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

You have a cheap freezer, mine has a light.

(5) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

No, cars don't drive, but the person who is driving the hearse can.

(6) If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because he was all book smarts with little practical knowledge.
[Edit: for a really funny and philisophical take on Gilligan's Island click here.]

(7) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Because if they had to go because of the other reason, they would have to face away from the person they are talking to and that is rude.

(9) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Goofy is a dog that talks like a human, but Pluto is a dog that barks like a dog.

(11) Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

Yes as long as they were not born blind. Blind people who are born blind dream too, they just don't "see" their dream. I know when I dream it seems that all my senses are active.

(12) Why Are Trix only for kids?

Because they don't have the right nutrition to raise healthy rabbits.

(13) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Because he is not a genius. Don't get me wrong, he is smart for a coyote, but if he really was a genius, he'd call for a pizza or chinese and forget about that scrawny roadrunner.

(15) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Painful if you don't study thouroughly for them.

(16) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Some are petroleum based, some are almond based, and some are even wheat germ and apricot based.

(18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

The same people would try to touch the billion stars if they could.

(19) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Only if you believe moral behavior is moronic.

(20) Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

No, there is also Chuck E. Cheese's.

(21) Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

The writers copied from Baa Baa Black Sheep. [Wink]
[Edit: and no, W. A. Mozart didn't write it.]

(22) Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

I don't think so. I try to make words while I eat mine.

(23) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

My dog actually hates to ride in a car. She won't look out the windows at all, but she starts licking me if I blow in her face, go figure.

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Laughter is like changing a baby's diapers. It doesn't solve anything but it sure improves the situation. Leo F. Buscaglia

Posts: 1694 | From: The TARDIS | Registered: Apr 2000  |  IP: Logged


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