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Author Topic: Regrets...
snupy
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Icon 5 posted December 07, 2002 23:21      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I just returned from a party with my high school and college friends. We've all remained close through the years, and most of them I speak to all the time. Something about getting together as a group, though, and reminiscing about the old days..

I laughed all night as people reminded me of all the stupid things I did-I was always the outgoing, fun party girl of the group. But on the way home I was filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness. What has happened to that person? It reminds me of a line in The Big Chill when someone says, "I was at my best when I was with you people".

Is being out in the "real world" the only thing that changes us? The responsibilities we face as adults? The disappointments and self-doubt that replace the hope of our youth and the feeling that we can do anything?

Why can I not experience pure joy like I did back then? Why are the days of constant laughter and contentedness only a part of my memory?

Does this happen to everyone, or is it just me?
I'd feel much better knowing that it's impossible to compare the relative ease of college life to the real world, rather than believing that I've changed so much.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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Twinkle Toes
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Icon 1 posted December 07, 2002 23:53      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I won't say much on this (because I can't), but I will say this: when my mom and I moved to VA with my dad, we weren't expecting it to be an isolated, country area where most of the people are still racist. That's why I my mom and I came back to Washington. Sure, we were leaving my dad with no notice(and never coming back), but we had to. Plus, he'd done many things before... it just wasn't worth staying with him (and his redneck family) When we crossed the border from Oregon into WA, I felt complete again. I felt happy and like I was coming back home.

What I learned from the big move you never realized how good you had it and until you lose it.

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Mmmmrreow!

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2002 00:25      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I never looked at it that way, TT. Thanks. I guess I should be grateful for the good times I had.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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balu
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2002 01:47      Profile for balu         Edit/Delete Post 
"Let us not look back to the past with anger, nor towards the future with fear, but look around with awareness." (by James Thurber).

I wasn't a party girl so i cant share this experience ( heck i wasn't even a girl [Razz] ), but looking back and comparing this with your actual life is dangerous. But if you like melancholy......

balu

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GMx

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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2002 06:51      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm very glad that I am not like the person I was in high school. Always worrying how people thought of me, worrying that I didn't belong and feeling that no one liked me. I still have some of those feelings from time to time, but now I realize that none of that really matters. There are times when I would like to go back and change things that I did now having the wisdom of hindsight, but that's not possible. I feel lonely a lot, but I realize that a lot of my friends from the past were not good influences on me and no matter how much fun I had, it's better in the long run to stay away from them.

I think as we get older we get burdened with an attitude that it's not possible to change our lives because we have become comfortable. Whether it's with a good or bad situation, we're scared of change because we feel we're too old to take chances and afraid that the consequences of change would be worse than that comfortable life.

I guess I don't have any real solution to the problem other than saying, "Don't be afraid!"

And Snupy, you still have that sense of joy. You're just not seeing it right now. You bring your sense of humor into these forums everyday. You make me laugh and I'm grateful for the humor you give us. [Happytears] [Smile]

I hope you feel better. [Smile] [Beard of Peter Gabriel!]

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2002 06:54      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, I know it's dangerous. I don't expect it to be the same, I guess I'm just looking to get some of that spirit back, and I don't know how.

While it worries me, I don't expect to be that same person. I just wish I could tap into the part of her that knew how to find happiness in the little things, that embraced life. I don't understand how that part of me is so far away now...

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2002 07:03      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks, GMx, for the kind words.**sniff**

My situation was a little different because my friends weren't bad influences at all-on the contrary, they're the best human beings I know. Maybe I wish they had been around all the time later in life to keep me from making all the stupid choices I did.

And, you're right about fear-that's definitely a part of it. The thing I miss most is the naive view that I could trust anyone, and I don't think I knew what fear was.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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balu
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Icon 1 posted December 08, 2002 07:37      Profile for balu         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:

I think as we get older we get burdened with an attitude that it's not possible to change our lives because we have become comfortable. Whether it's with a good or bad situation, we're scared of change because we feel we're too old to take chances and afraid that the consequences of change would be worse than that comfortable life.

Well said, GMx. Instead of risking a wrong decision we tend to make no decision, which is definitly wrong (now it gets complicated). Sometimes you need a bad time in your life to enjoy the good times, or even to realize your good times.

Snuupy - How about the dreams you had in your college time ? Have you realized them or are you dissappointed that you haven't and its that why you have regrets ? And are you working on fulfilling the dreams you now have ???

Carpe diem

balu

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 07:20      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
Snupy, Snupy, Snupy ...

Reunionitis? You should know you can't go home again.

Our memories try to help us by forgetting pain and unpleasantness in our past. Our memories of what once was, are always more pleasant than the reality. Sometimes that is not a favor, when we begin to believe we had it off better in our youth.

Growing old can be sad, too. Sometimes we look at the years we're given and see we don't have as much left as we had when we were young. We've replaced those years with memories and deeds. And sometimes we don't value them either for the joys they have given us, or the lessons.

You know this already, but I'll remind you.
We control very little of what happens to us in life. But we do control our decisions and our attitudes. You can put away your sadness, and go out looking for happiness as well as anybody else.

You know some folks simply get comfortable with their pain and sadness--they know it, it's familiar and they think they know how to deal with it. Those feelings become like old friends, only they are harmful buddies, like Leopold was for Loeb. If you allow sadness, pain, self-pity to overwhelm your life too much, then you will have no room for the joy. In fact you may fail to seize opportunities that will make you happy.

It's very hard to give up something known for something new and unfamiliar, even sadness and pain.

But it's worth it.

Colonel Panic

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Free! Free at last!

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 07:42      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I just knew I was gonna get a lecture from you, Colonel. And thank you. You're absolutely correct. I've mentioned before about the "comfort" of what we know and the fear of happiness. A lesson I wish everyone would learn.

It's not memories of the times or events I'm sad about. It's loss of the spirit, and maybe the innocence. I have to try and find that again somehow.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 07:45      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
as always, the colonel hits the target.

meeting people unseen for a long time always unlocks doors to old memories. the shock is when you realise that you're on the other side of the door, and you don't recognise the room you're in.

you should realise that you are the same spirited person, and that you haven't forgotten how to be that person. maybe in some hidden way you don't actually want to be that person you were. remember that time blurs the pain. i'm sure there were lots of bad things about that time.

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there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 07:58      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'd argue snupy, that indeed you never did expeirence "pure joy." You worried about things, silly in retrospect, but since they are memories you are looking over, you glaze over the bad (because of how long ago it was) and glorify the happy... Just as you will do to today, if you live long enough to laugh at the worries you have today...

I have no regrets, granted I have made PLENTY of mistakes, but I shall follow my morals and make the choices that I think are the right ones at the moment... knowing that if I was in the same situation (having no foreknowledge of the out come) at the same point in my life again, I'd do the same thing. The only thing I will ever regret is an oppertunity missed.

Carpe Geekium, Snupy....

As fur dat der party girl and reuninonitis... Yeah it is easy to go, "I wish I could be that care free agin" and "I wish I had the guts to... again. Not that I would, just that I'd like to be able to say for certian I could..." Seems sorta like your only half wishing back the old. If you really wanted it back, you would want the "would" also. And there are a lot of things you'd never want to "would" again, at least if your human. The otherday I was thinking about old times (yeah like I am old enough to say that) and thinking about all the things I did in highschool, and I realized that I never completely gave up any of them.... They are still aspects of my life, little details that make up this texture of who we are. You may never be able to go back, but those are now tools for you in the future and the present.

I know, I'm a "kid" and this naivity is just to optimistic for an "oldie" and a cynic like you... So, dismiss me if it doesn't make sence to you.

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My Site

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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 08:06      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
and maybe the innocence.

sorry, have i missed something? what is innocence? is it the lack of knowledge, or is it a way of seeing eveything as for the first time. former: no chance; latter: 20 years of zen meditation
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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 08:44      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:


Carpe Geekium

This just made my day.

BTW,

I went to my 30th reunion this summer. And had a lot of odd feelings, as well.

In H.S. I was the class poster boy for geek. Skinny? Yes. Glasses? Do I have to tell you that? Adhesive tape on them? C'mon, you know it's the truth. Need a geek for Chemistry class in the yearbook? That's me! Chess club? You bet.

Additionally, I probably qualified as "most likely to continue to be more shy than a mouse."

Sure, it was a great time. My regrets were not overcoming shyness long after H.S., not being more popular, not having as much fun.

It was a great time. Visiting with classmates who grew into real people.

All of us would like to get in Mr. Peabody's way-back machine and tinker with our future. It's natural.

And you know, Mr. Peabody bears a striking resemblence to a well-known WW I flying ace with a penchant for root beers.

I had dreams for weeks after the reunion. I think the reunion lasted long enough to bring back the good memories, but they're short enough to keep the unpleasant ones away. So, yes, that is a wonderful world to live in. Only it's not real.

Watch Pleastanville this weekend.

Colonel Panic

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Free! Free at last!

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balu
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 12:55      Profile for balu         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
We control very little of what happens to us in life. But we do control our decisions and our attitudes. You can put away your sadness, and go out looking for happiness as well as anybody else.

Well old chum, i think youre a bit wrong, well at least half wrong [Wink] . With our decisions we control most of our life, we're just not able anymore to make our own decisions. We just wait long enough till somebody makes that decision for us, so we later can share our regrets (sorry snupy).

balu
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I am, i think

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 16:23      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by balu:
quote:
We control very little of what happens to us in life. But we do control our decisions and our attitudes. You can put away your sadness, and go out looking for happiness as well as anybody else.

Well old chum, i think youre a bit wrong, well at least half wrong [Wink] . With our decisions we control most of our life, we're just not able anymore to make our own decisions. We just wait long enough till somebody makes that decision for us, so we later can share our regrets (sorry snupy).

balu
*********
I am, i think

My goodness.

Two world wars, six million dead jews, and a great big wall goes up and comes down, and the Germans STILL think they can control everything.

[Confused]

Colonel Panic

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Free! Free at last!

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 16:45      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
NAw, he's just an existentialist. I used to think my choices controlled everything. Then I saw a few things that made no fscking sense and realized that life is really just a game of poker. With skill you'll do quite well, but it all comes down to luck in the end.

Snupy, I'm a bit too young to really realte to what you're going through. Most of my HS experience is not worth remembering. However, I understand changing, because I have changed a lot in these past four years. I'm more confident, more experienced, and more responsible. I've gained the respect of my peers and my skills now have some marketable value. Sometimes I'm sad because though I am young, and I still enjoy things, I'm not a kid anymore. I don't get excited about stuff the way I used to (then again, I don't get as sad either, so it balances). After reading these posts, especially about the difficulty of getting out of your comfort zone as an adult, I've come to this conclusion. The difference between an adult and a child is the amount they have to lose.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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MacManKrisK

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Icon 3 posted December 09, 2002 19:57      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
The difference between an adult and a child is the amount they have to lose.

What about what they have to gain? Okay, I'm no expert, I'm only 20, but I have some idea of what Snupy is feeling. Mine is kinda' the opposite, though. I feel like I missed out on my high school years. I was such a goody-two-shoes always-follow-the-rules-because-they're-the-rules kinda' guy that I missed out on a lot of the fun. Consequently I now try to incorporate as much reckless abandon into my life as my life will allow, lest I miss more oppourtunitys. I do, however, think that I look back at my high school years and have a tendancy to only remember the good parts and forget about all the bad parts. Even I've said, "oh, if I could only be 5 again, and not have to worry about anything!" Well, logically I'm sure that I still had problems when I was 5, and they seemed just as important then as the current problems that I have now seem right now.

I see a pattern here, and, please correct me if I'm missing something here. Whenever we look back we look at the problems that we had and realize how unimportant they were, but if we think really hard we can remember how important they seemed at the time. Doesn't it make sense then, that if we fast forward 20 years into the future, we will think the same thing about the problems that we are expiriencing right now? Therefore (I love saying "Therefore!" it makes me feel so intellegent). Therefore!, doesn't it stand to reason that the problems we have right now shouldn't be taken so seriously, and furthermore if we learn to take them less seriously perhaps we'll find that they, in fact, ARN'T that serious, and if we take them less seriously maybe we may be even MORE apt to find solutions to them?

Perhaps the road to happyness is simply redefining problems and failures as strength builders and life lessons.

Did that come out of MY head?

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


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NefariousAnthony
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 20:10      Profile for NefariousAnthony   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As appealing as that ism no, thats the rationalizationist's way. I'm suddenly reminded of several jokes from 'The Dilbert Principle'

Dogbert: Why do you continually work here when you are paid meagerly and hate your boss?

Emplyoee: I don't know . . . I must love my work! Thats it, thats the only reason I'd ever work here!

Rationalization is just here to brainwash people into 200% productivity.

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 21:28      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
>>The difference between an adult and a child is the amount they have to lose.

Excellent theory, Xanthine.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted December 09, 2002 21:37      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
>>I was such a goody-two-shoes always-follow-the-rules-because-they're-the-rules kinda' guy that I missed out on a lot of the fun. Consequently I now try to incorporate as much reckless abandon into my life as my life will allow, lest I miss more oppourtunitys.

I hear ya loud and clear. I was a goody-two-shoes as well. (My 3 friends and I were dubbed, "the Quadrabraniacs") I had fun in college, but remained pretty much a "good girl".
Then when I hit 30, I partied, tried drugs, and was pretty irresponsible. I ran into the stoners from my school at a party, and all they wanted to do was get home to their families, while I wanted to know if they had any of the good stuff. Funny how the tables turn.

I've settled down now, but I think it's better to get that stuff out of your system when you're young.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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balu
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Icon 1 posted December 10, 2002 01:56      Profile for balu         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
NAw, he's just an existentialist. I used to think my choices controlled everything. Then I saw a few things that made no fscking sense and realized that life is really just a game of poker. With skill you'll do quite well, but it all comes down to luck in the end.
(offense mode on) What a grumpy pessimistic bunch is that here [Eek!] . So you wake up every morning and all you do is waiting for what happend the day, thats living in passiv mode. There is nothing like a coincidence in life, and as said before you can either wait for someone else to make your decision or you can live your own life. In the end its in your hands what you do with your life. The people in east Germany believed that they had a chance to tear down the wall, they just had to wait for the "critical mass" to make it happen. (offense mode off).

Now back to our flourescent chocolate cake serving former party girl.

quote:
Then when I hit 30, I partied, tried drugs, and was pretty irresponsible. I ran into the stoners from my school at a party, and all they wanted to do was get home to their families, while I wanted to know if they had any of the good stuff. Funny how the tables turn. I've settled down now,.....
So you made a decision at that time to settle down, and it worked, so why the regrets ? Do you think you are to "normal" ?

Have a nice day (its under your "control" [Smile] )

balu
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i think different, therefore i am different

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csm

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Icon 1 posted December 10, 2002 04:28      Profile for csm   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Remember, you're still the same person you were in high school. you might not act the same way, or want the same things, but you're you, no matter what changes go on in your life. There are times when I miss college and high school, but quite honestly I'm glad I'm not back in high school at least. Sure, it was fun at times, but the awkwardness of high school was just too much to handle. I don't think I'll ever go to a high school reunion. It didn't fit me, and reminiscing on how I didn't fit would just bring all of that back to the forefront.

So, after that short detour into melencholy ( [Smile] ) just remember the good times you had in school, and keep your inner kid alive through whatever means necessary. (even if he was the kid standing on the outside, looking in [Smile] )

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csm

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Icon 1 posted December 10, 2002 04:39      Profile for csm   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
In addendum, I think the reason college and high school are so much fun is because you're discovering how the world works with other people who don't have a clue either. Once you get out, you tend to lose that sense of discovery and wonder. Work and responsibility take over the care-free existance you once had. Growing up sucks, but everyone has to do it eventually. The real key, though is to do it as slowly as possible, and give in to some of your childish urges from time to time. The real problem with some adults is they transform from children into adults so quickly, their inner child barely has time to look around before he or she is squelched out of existance. Take some time today and do something you normally would do because you're too "adult" to do it. [Smile]

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Objects in signature are funnier than they appear.

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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 10, 2002 05:27      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Balu, you took that to the extreme. That's not what I meant. I believe you have a good deal of control, and that that control should be exerted as much as possible. No one who knows me would accuse me of being passive with my life - everything that's happened to me so far I've worked for. I also lept on some unique oppurtunities that passed my way. However, all the plans and drive in the world will not rule out pure shitty luck. You know, those horrible bad things that happen to good people and can't be prevented. Only dealt with. I've seen too many tragedies to believe we can will everything. KIddie leukemia comes to mind. Or try this one on for size: a male in his thirties with no history of smoking or drug use, gets sick with a virus that attacks the hearts of small children. He now has congestive heart failure and a couple weird arrythmias. Yes, he had some other medical history that I'm omitting for confidentiality reasons, but nothing pertinent to the predicament we found him in. What choice governed that?

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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