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Author Topic: WHAT IS WRONG WITH WOMEN?
MacManKrisK

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Icon 3 posted August 21, 2002 14:53      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I guess I just don't get it! Am I that dense?

I'm at my usual hangout last night and I was sitting at a booth with 3 girls, although they really didn't notice my presence, I was more-or-less merely evesdropping. One of the girls is engaged and she's talking about how he's such an ass and how he's always mean to her and calls her a bitch, and then she said that he hurt her while they were "play fighting and he got pissed and went too far." "But we've been going out for [some number I can't remember] years, I don't want to break up with him now." Then she goes on even further... "I guess I'll just get married to him and if he's still an ass I'll just cheat on him I guess."

WHAT THE FUCK? WHY CAN'T SHE JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM, HE'S A JERK AND SHE KNOWS IT!

Then there's Nina, she's with a guy who's a jerk, calls her a bitch all the time, although he hasn't physically hurt her (yet). She doesn't want to break up with him "because I don't want to hurt his feelings." Well, fuck his feelings, meanwhile she's feeling pretty bad about herself because he's being an ass to her. WHY CAN'T SHE JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM, SHE HAS NO FEELINGS FOR HIM, DAMNIT!

To make things worse, I'm sitting RIGHT THERE, listening to all of this, about how these perfectly wonderful girls are going out with these asshole guys. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, a nice guy, I've never had a date in my life, but these...these....pricks have all the dates they want! WHAT THE FUCK?

WHY DO YOU WOMEN KEEP GOING OUT WITH PRICKS THAT YOU KNOW ARE GOING TO HURT YOU BUT THEN IGNORE THE NICE GUYS THAT ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU????????????????

Do I have to become a prick just to get a date?


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
maxomai
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Icon 1 posted August 21, 2002 15:14      Profile for maxomai   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by MacManKrisK:
I guess I just don't get it! Am I that dense?

<snip>

WHY DO YOU WOMEN KEEP GOING OUT WITH PRICKS THAT YOU KNOW ARE GOING TO HURT YOU BUT THEN IGNORE THE NICE GUYS THAT ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU????????????????

Do I have to become a prick just to get a date?


Have you asked any of these ladies out? This might have something to do with your conundrum.


Posts: 343 | From: Portland, OR | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
TheAnnoyedCockroach
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Icon 1 posted August 21, 2002 19:19      Profile for TheAnnoyedCockroach   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Touche(imagine the accent), Max.

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Swing a little more on the Devil's Dance Floor!


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neotatsu
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Icon 1 posted August 22, 2002 00:48      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
personally I wouldn't ask out any girl who would be willing to stay in a relationship with a prick like that for any reason, it goes against my requirement that anyone I go out with has to be inteligent.
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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted August 22, 2002 09:01      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i think we're all in agreement, they only want to go out with jerks.
so why get het up that they don't fancy you? unless of course you are a jerk!

you gets whats you pays for, birds of a feather, blah cliche blah

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now that's what i call a real piece of cheese


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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted August 22, 2002 10:39      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
anyway, don't worry if you can't get a girlfiend (girlfriend? was that a freudian slip or what!). just remember that chastity is curable, if detected early enough

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does a truckle tickle your fancy?


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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted August 22, 2002 12:55      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My guess would be this is all they've ever knowen. Abusive or degrading relationships with assholes... Personally, if they ignored your presence during their girl talk that means your in the "friend zone"... There is almost nothing you can do to get out of the "friend zone" short of a mircle. Why didn't you put your $.02 USD in when they were talking?

My favorite is "I'd dump him, but I still Love him." What a stupid reason that is to let your self be continually put down or beaten. Perhaps these girls need to re-evaluate the meaning of Love.


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chicgeek
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Icon 1 posted August 22, 2002 14:07      Profile for chicgeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You guys are right. The problem with a lot of these chix is that they're afraid to be alone, so they'll compromise their self-esteems, etc, for the security of a significant other.

Personally, I'd rather be happily unattached than unhappily attached.

Also, if you've ever studied abusive relationships (and abuse isn't just physical -- people just can't see emotional bruises, which makes it easier to sweep non-physical abuse under the rug), you know that women who've been abused in the past tend to be attracted on some level to abusive guys, and also tend to attract that kind.

I strongly recommend to all guys reading this that you see Where the Heart Is. It may help you understand a little more.

As crazy as this may sound, the girls whom you think are overlooking you may actually think you're too good for them.


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annie
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Icon 1 posted August 22, 2002 18:47      Profile for annie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
this works in reverse as well. i know plenty of "nice" guys who go out with some chic who according to them is really "pretty" or "hot" or whatever, and then they let her treat them like shit.
People like that have no self esteem. that's all there is to it.

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trillianastra
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Icon 1 posted August 23, 2002 19:00      Profile for trillianastra     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've met a lot of people who will stay in a relationship with someone that they no longer care about, or who abuses and uses them. I think that this occurs more among women because women traditionally do not take an active role in dating. Women of the more traditional mindset will take their pick from among those men that approach them, thus initiating the modern version of a mating dance. You may have also noted that jerks have the tendency to approach a lot of women. Nice guys do not. Because of this, it is common for a woman to assume that all men are jerks, and that they are left with the options of either being alone, or of being with a jerk. Quite understandable.

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All your sig are belong to us.


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neotatsu
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Icon 1 posted August 23, 2002 22:58      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by trillianastra:
Because of this, it is common for a woman to assume that all men are jerks, and that they are left with the options of either being alone, or of being with a jerk. Quite understandable.

Quite understandable, sad and makes me question the sanity of the human race in general, but understandable.


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chicgeek
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Icon 12 posted August 24, 2002 11:34      Profile for chicgeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Not only that, but it makes many wonder if the only people attracted to them are jerks. If you like someone, and he/she is unattached, find a way to get his/her attention without being rude or demeaning. Just put yourself out there; take a risk. If you have not, it's likely because you ask not.
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weensicka
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Icon 1 posted August 24, 2002 23:01      Profile for weensicka   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

To make things worse, I'm sitting RIGHT THERE, listening to all of this, about how these perfectly wonderful girls are going out with these asshole guys. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, a nice guy, I've never had a date in my life, but these...these....pricks have all the dates they want! WHAT THE FUCK?

WHY DO YOU WOMEN KEEP GOING OUT WITH PRICKS THAT YOU KNOW ARE GOING TO HURT YOU BUT THEN IGNORE THE NICE GUYS THAT ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU????????????????


Whoa, settle down sugar. Breathe in, breathe out...okay?

To help you analyze the situation:
I can't say that this advice is going to make you feel any better or even help you understand these women at all, but I've dealt with a lot of women in similar situations and generally it's a little more complicated than "these girls are dumb."

First off, the love thing is very complicated. I've volunteered for abuse/battery hotlines before (not that I know for sure the particular situations you've described are similar to things I've heard, but I think the mentality of these women might be the same) and many of the women in these abusive relationships are in love with their partners. Most women don't immediately go for guys that treat us like punching bags; that sort of behavior usually happens well into the relationship when the man has established some sort of control over the woman, usually by isolating her from friends and family. And love isn't really a switch you can turn off and on; if you can, I'd say you're not really in love. So maybe these women think that if they wait long enough, their men will change, or worse yet, they believe they can change them. I know it is frustrating and very sad to see. Before I talked with women like this, I used to think they were just idiots. I can understand how staying in such a relationship doesn't make any sense to people that are outside of it and aren't emotionally vested. But emotional attachment will do strange things to you. I went through it myself, though thankfully on a lesser scale. Still, it wasn't easy for me to extricate myself from a difficult relationship because I was in love with my boyfriend and I just wanted things to work themselves out.

Other things are also serious factors in this situation. Self-esteem is a huge issue and I agree with those that have already mentioned it. We women are practically socially conditioned to believe there's something wrong with us if we aren't in a relationship at all times. Look at all the magazines that are geared towards us. They all pretty much tell us the same things: this is how to look pretty to get a man, this is how to act stupid to get a man, this is what to do to keep a man once you've got him. If you are happy with yourself and with who you are, and heaven forbid you are okay with being alone, you are a freak. I'm sorry to say that I fell prey to that kind of thinking and it took me a while to realize that it was complete BS. My personal opinion these days is that you have to be happy with yourself outside of a relationship before you can be truly happy in one.

Another problem could simply be age. I don't know how old these women are you are describing, but if they are young, they might not be mature enough to know what a good relationship is about. What's appealing in your teens is not what you look for in your twenties or even thirties (I think, I'm not there yet). At least for me, what I look for in men now is very, very different from what I wanted when I first started dating.

I'm sorry you are so upset about this. I can only suggest that as much as it angers you, you probably would not want to be with any of these women. If they are in seriously abusive relationships, the first thing they need to do is get help for that and learn to appreciate themselves again. If you were to date someone immediately after she'd been in such a relationship, there's a definite possibility that she'd end up being dependent on you to make her happy. If they have self-esteem issues, the same kind of problems can crop up and it really isn't fun having to make someone feel better about themselves all the time. And lastly, if they aren't mature enough to handle a relationship, they certainly won't appreciate you and what you are offering.

Sorry this turning into such a rambling post, but I hope that you feel a little better. And lastly, not *all* of us are like this. [Smile]

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Is there any tea on this spaceship?

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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted August 26, 2002 02:58      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i was in a relationship for a while with a woman who "went in for" abusive relationships. every boyfriend she'd ever had had treated her badly. this went back to her family, where her dad used to hit her mum etc...

i'm not like that at all, but i did find it difficult not to treat her badly, because she seemed to expect it, and even engineer situations where it would just happen naturally, or manoeuvre herself into positions where she was in a totally submissive position.

i guess that it is often learnt behaviour, and that also it is a two-way thing; if you act confident then people will treat you as compentant; if you act like a victim then people will trample over you.

i wasn't strong enough to help her and so i ended the relationship. she ended up in therapy, and from what i hear she is doing very well now.

so i agree with weensicka that it is very complicated

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there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

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snupy
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Icon 12 posted August 26, 2002 12:19      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey, Cheeseman, 3 guesses as to what spungo's gonna use for his avatar???? hint: drool.....

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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reinedescoeurs
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Icon 1 posted August 26, 2002 23:45      Profile for reinedescoeurs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As I've said before, "nice guys" can and will break one's heart. So going out with an asshole, there are no illusions.

There is no such thing as a "nice guy." You just have to find the guy who won't rip your heart out.

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"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"You ask a glass of water."

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted August 27, 2002 04:00      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
Hey, Cheeseman, 3 guesses as to what spungo's gonna use for his avatar???? hint: drool.....

Sheesh! Am I that predictable???
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snupy
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Icon 12 posted August 27, 2002 04:54      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes. [Wink] So was my hx correct?????
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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted August 27, 2002 04:59      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hey spungo, how did you vote for yourself?
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SilveRain
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Icon 13 posted August 27, 2002 08:45      Profile for SilveRain     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I didn't read that big long post but I'm sure it made sense. when I was 17 I was dating an abusive guy who was 28 or something. And he was my first boyfriend (very excititing when you're 17). But because he kept telling me what an idiot I was and putting me down, I was convinced I couldnt do any better and should be grateful that at least he wanted me. Luckily I didn't really get into some cycle where I've only dated other abusive guys...but I could see how maybe someone who was a bit weaker, or MORE abused, wouldn't be able to leave the pattern. It's hard to leave someone when they've convinced you you're worthless and couldn't do any better (in relationships, or just in the world in general). And leaving him was a BIG hassle too. I had to change phone numbers and whatnot. He didn't really hurt me physically, but I could imagine what someone like THAT would do if you tried to break up with them. I stayed with him for a while because I didn't think it was worth the hassle or effort it would take to get him out of my life for good. He still tries to contact me sometimes and it's been 4 years.
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LifetimeTrekker
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Icon 1 posted August 27, 2002 17:53      Profile for LifetimeTrekker     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Mac, I think you started off with the wrong question. The question isn't what's wrong with women, it's what's with Geeks' perception of women and inability to accept them.

Sure we male geeks, for the most part, have learned to back off from women from experience.

Somewhere in the thread above there's a reference to a guy who won't rip your heart out. It's not just guys who do that. Some of us guys are the rippies; we've had our hearts ripped out so many times there's not much left.

I think the answer is to decide what we geekguys want. Do we want to be alone or with someone? If the latter, are we willing to risk opening up to a female and give her the chance to wound us again?

It's a matter of choices. [Roll Eyes]

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kygeek
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Icon 1 posted August 27, 2002 18:17      Profile for kygeek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Some people will not get along. Some people fake who they really are and it delays the point of the couple finding out they dont get along. IMO yet I dont get dates too often. [Roll Eyes]

Just be true and yourself.

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-Paul
Dsl and Cable internet, some call me a broadband junkie, some call my apt a datacenter.

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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted September 04, 2002 09:35      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i think that everyone should just stop whingeing, and go pay for a prostitute like everyone else

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there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

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kygeek
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Icon 1 posted September 04, 2002 09:58      Profile for kygeek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by cheezi git:
i think that everyone should just stop whingeing, and go pay for a prostitute like everyone else

na just stay home and hope one day she will find you....... thats what i have been doing so far it hasnt worked (well one time a nice looking lady knocked on my door but when i answered she had the wrong town home doh!)

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-Paul
Dsl and Cable internet, some call me a broadband junkie, some call my apt a datacenter.

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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted September 04, 2002 10:01      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by kygeek:
... (well one time a nice looking lady knocked on my door but when i answered she had the wrong town home doh!)

that happened to me as well. she said she was selling perfume, and that she was an avon lady. i don't know, the things girls tell you to "let you down gently"

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there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

Posts: 1929 | From: the left nostril of my cat | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged


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