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Author Topic: Something in the water . . . maybe?
TouchStone
Mini Geek
Member # 1453

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5
Icon 8 posted June 20, 2003 20:37      Profile for TouchStone     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Maybe it is something in the water. My condolences, Coffee. And this is in no way to steal your thunder. But my recent relationship of almost seven months just ended also. Right in time for finals!! [Frown] It's been a tough couple of weeks. Since I have not talked to you guys about the relationship, I won't go into details. It's a whole story. [Roll Eyes]

The thing that bugs me is this pattern I seem to have fallen in. I date a girl and six months later its over. [Confused]

This one was different though, because it was the first relationship that had moved to the "moving in level." She's coming by tomorrow to pick up the rest of her stuff from the house. It's difficult to say the least. My problem (as I was trying to get to before) is the pattern I seem to be in. I just can't find the problem. The girls I've dated are nothing alike. I have no idea what my "type" is. I can't seem to find out what is going wrong.

I suppose you could always look at the obvious. They just weren't the "right one." So what am I doing wrong. Ok, obviously this is a rhetorial thread. [ohwell]

If any of you checked out the soulmate calc thread, did you actually poke around the site??!!?!?! That shite is scary!! Is it really a good "tactic" to change yourself to attract your "soulmate." (Is there such a thing? Note to self: possible thread topics.)

Anyway. Like I said something in the air or the water. I know how you feel, Coffee. I've been there and back. Definatly don't want to make that trip again. I guess we all have.

Ok. Time to conclude in some form or another. I'm really not quite sure how to go about this whole thing. Maybe some quality time with a new Asimov novel (one I haven't read yet), some select music (maybe some Issak), a good funny movie, some time alone (!!) and I'll be refreshed to tackle this quandry called love.

In conclusion, [Confused] [weep] [Embarrassed] [cry baby] .

Posts: 81 | From: Behind a coffee cup | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 736

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted June 21, 2003 00:29      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Um, if you have to change to land her, she's not your soulmate.

Otherwise, I can't say much. For one thing, I don't know you well at all, and for another, I have limited experience in such matters. Maybe you have some annoying habit?

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
TouchStone
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Icon 1 posted June 21, 2003 00:40      Profile for TouchStone     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Gee. That's making me feel better. [Wink]

quote:
if you have to change to land her, she's not your soulmate.

That was my whole point. (well, one of them anyway. I think I kinda rambled.) Changing yourself to make yourself more attractive or appealing is . . . well, living a lie. To use a cliché. Any relationship that is built on that will inevitably fail. Our relationship was not built on some false pretense. I was only making an observation about that Solve Dating site.

quote:
Maybe you have some annoying habit?
I didn't say I was the dumpee.
Posts: 81 | From: Behind a coffee cup | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

Member # 1734

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted June 21, 2003 01:23      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TouchStone:
quote:
Maybe you have some annoying habit?
I didn't say I was the dumpee.
How the rest of that conversation usually goes:

"Well were you?"

"Yes, but I didn't say I was. How can you assume that?"

Anyway, I'm sorry I can't really help. Break ups are always hard, there's no way to change that. Relationships are hard, there's no way to change that. But someday you will find one that maybe isn't as hard as the others were and you are willing to work even harder to keep. That will be a good one.

Good luck. And remember if you ever need to rant at anybody we are here for you.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Slurpy
Highlie
Member # 2050

Member Rated:
3
Icon 1 posted June 21, 2003 02:34      Profile for Slurpy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
quote:
I didn't say I was the dumpee.
How the rest of that conversation usually goes:

"Well were you?"

"Yes, but I didn't say I was. How can you assume that?"

[Big Grin]

Anyway, Touchstone, something in the water right now is the college schedule. HS seniors are moving away, and old flings are coming back into town for summer break. One of my best friends just got dumped tonight (she called him on his cell while we were watching the premier of our latest amateur film effort). I'm not sure how old you are, so I can't say that this is the certain cause, but it definitely is affecting some relationships. . .

--------------------
I must first reveal my personal bias in this discussion, since I worship at the 'First Church of PDF Really Sucks.'
-Bruce Tognazzini
http://thegeekgroup.org
Geek ID# 1162

Posts: 692 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted June 21, 2003 18:58            Edit/Delete Post 
TouchStone:
Someone here linked to a site with relationship/sex advice for geeks - one page was all about how to get into a relationship, and the quantity of advice which involved doing carrying out aspects of your way of life differently to how you are really annoyed me – I want to proceed as I am as a person, and not some rebuilt version of myself (under the guise that I am unacceptable as a person to opposite sex). Then again, I do have to wonder about the viability of that option, which is under notable suspicion as it isn't working.

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defiant
Geek
Member # 2225

Icon 1 posted June 22, 2003 10:12      Profile for defiant     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
And remember if you ever need to rant at anybody we are here for you.

This is exactly the kind of post which makes my staying worthwhile.

[crazy]

Posts: 190 | From: Switzerland | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2071

Member Rated:
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Icon 1 posted June 22, 2003 15:08      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The only thing that ever seemed to make me more attractive was when I felt reasonably confident and content about my own life, because then you have stuff you can share and you are fun to be with and amusing. Likewise nothing makes you more unnattractive than an overwhelming aching need to be loved. Sorry about that!

So don't try to be someone you are not. However love does change people, though not in a predictable way. In one of his stories called (I think) Expectation of Life, Frank O'Connor said something along these lines. You cannot mould the person you love, but being loved can often give them the power to change things that they dislike about themselves.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1211

Member Rated:
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Icon 1 posted June 22, 2003 15:47      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Reminds me of that line in "As Good As it Gets" where Jack tells Helen, "You make me want to be a better person." I didn't understand that until very recently, but the right person can make you feel that way.

--------------------
"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
TouchStone
Mini Geek
Member # 1453

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted June 22, 2003 16:00      Profile for TouchStone     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by uilleann:
TouchStone:
Someone here linked to a site with relationship/sex advice for geeks - one page was all about how to get into a relationship, and the quantity of advice which involved doing carrying out aspects of your way of life differently to how you are really annoyed me – I want to proceed as I am as a person, and not some rebuilt version of myself (under the guise that I am unacceptable as a person to opposite sex). Then again, I do have to wonder about the viability of that option, which is under notable suspicion as it isn't working.

I agree. The idea of altering yourself to make the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever) more appealing just rubs me the wrong way. I am not a product to market. Now, if you are debugging your self for personal reasons. That is different. There is absolutly nothing wrong with that. But changing things because you belieive it will impress the hottie you are currently infactuated with . . . well I guess that is paritially being of the "stupid fe/male category." But come on! I quote from that Date site:

  • Become rich and powerful through inheritance, education, business, investments, or crime.
  • Spend money to improve physical appearance and wardrobe.
  • Do not pick your nose or pimples in public. (Ok, that one I agree with on basic iky principles.)
  • Do not talk too much.
  • Resort to plastic surgery. Get yourself a nose job or new breasts (for women only).
  • Become rich and buy a full-page ad in a newspaper.

(I realize I'm taking some things out of context here. Come on, I'm ranting.)

Slurpy:
We are both 27, so College and HS stuff are kinda behind us.

PB:
Thanks a lot. I really felt the need to rant. I've been of course talking with friends and family about this stuff. But I kinda wanted like-minded folks who don't know about the situation to get a different perspective.

quote:
The only thing that ever seemed to make me more attractive was when I felt reasonably confident and content about my own life, because then you have stuff you can share and you are fun to be with and amusing. Likewise nothing makes you more unnattractive than an overwhelming aching need to be loved. Sorry about that!

If any of you have seen Rent, "You can't love someone else, til you learn to love yourself." That pretty much sums up what you're saying (I believe). I completely agree. Again paraphrasing from something, can't remember where this quote came from: You need to have a life of your own. Find out who you are. Have something to share before you can share it someone else. Diving into a relationship and allowing it to completely comsume you and become you is not healthy.

Ah, the delicate balance of individuality vs coupleism.

Posts: 81 | From: Behind a coffee cup | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged


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