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Author Topic: Soulmate??
snupy
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Icon 5 posted March 23, 2003 09:07      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This question is for those of you who believe you have found, or will find, your soulmate:

It occurred to me that-assuming you find this cosmic connection, this person who is an extension of yourself, who completely gets you and makes you feel like you've known them forever, or with whom everything just feels natural and right-there are so many other factors that have to fall into place that the odds are astronomical.

So, you find this person. Are they
a)unattached?
b)at the right place and time in their lives to embrace it?
c)burdened with a manageable amount of baggage?
d)of similar enough belief about the whole soulmate theory that they are willing to make the effort in the face of obstacles?

It must be a matter of pure luck. There must be a lot of "soulmates" out there who, for whatever reason, simply cannot make it work, or those who never even find each other and are left wondering what's missing in their lives.

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 14:12      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, you find this person. Are they
a)unattached?

She was when we discovered the other as a romantic possibility.

b)at the right place and time in their lives to embrace it?
All though there are some rough times ahead (in revealing to our families that we are in an odd relationship), indeed, in the right time and place in our lives to embrace it.

c)burdened with a manageable amount of baggage?
Indeed. I never agreed with the term baggage, as without our pasts we wouldn't be who we are now...

d)of similar enough belief about the whole soulmate theory that they are willing to make the effort in the face of obstacles?
I don't think that they need to believe in the whole soulmate theory at all... In fact I don't know what thoughts Sky has on soulmates. The issue is isn't about there belief in soulmates, but their love and stick-to-ness.. That is weather or not they they feel the benifits of love out weigh the pains of the obstacles. Me and Sky take a great risk of a huge amount of pain, and do have to deal with the already present pain of being so far away. It is difficult some times, but my sky-kitty is worth it.

It must be a matter of pure luck. There must be a lot of "soulmates" out there who, for whatever reason, simply cannot make it work, or those who never even find each other and are left wondering what's missing in their lives.
Luck? a little tiny bit is luck... Our fates, dear snuptress lies not in a coin but in ourselves... It is destiny or luck, it is the ability to make choices from the heart and head. My problem is that my heart is often too large, and leap before I look. In the case of Sky, because of the way the posts were,it was slow enough that my head had to be in it, and neither my head or heart looked back.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 17:14      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
It must be a matter of pure luck.

I find that people who believe in soulmates generally believe in some sort of fate or destiny that brought them together. So anyone who thinks they have found their soulmate probably doesn't consider it luck.
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neo
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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 17:15      Profile for neo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i wonder if my soulmate is real. but the strange thing is that i think i know who is it but, the person dosen't seem to exist. confusing isn't it? tell me about it?

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~What lies do you believe?~

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neo
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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 17:19      Profile for neo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
It must be a matter of pure luck.

I find that people who believe in soulmates generally believe in some sort of fate or destiny that brought them together. So anyone who thinks they have found their soulmate probably doesn't consider it luck.
that's resonable

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~What lies do you believe?~

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 17:26      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
[QUOTE]Originally posted by snupy:
[qb] This question is for those of you who believe you have found, or will find, your soulmate:

Just read the next post.

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 17:28      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Colonel Panic:
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
This question is for those of you who believe you have found, or will find, your soulmate:

It occurred to me that-assuming you find this cosmic connection, this person who is an extension of yourself, who completely gets you and makes you feel like you've known them forever, or with whom everything just feels natural and right-there are so many other factors that have to fall into place that the odds are astronomical.

So, you find this person. Are they
a)unattached?

You're a dreamer. Just because one piece of the puzzle fits, doesn't mean the others will.

In my case yes and no.

I mean, do we ever unattach?

quote:
b)at the right place and time in their lives to embrace it?
OK, just because two pieces of the puzzle fit, doesn't mean the others will. What about being at a crossroads? Isn't there drama in the decision in how somebody faces a classic decision? Love or Honor? Love or Duty? Love or Money? The Lady or the Tiger?

quote:
c)burdened with a manageable amount of baggage?
Baggage? Even 14 year olds come with a backpack anymore.

And most have unresolved issues.If that's what you mean, whose job is it to manage those issues?

quote:
d)of similar enough belief about the whole soulmate theory that they are willing to make the effort in the face of obstacles?
We carry a lot of beliefs, I think the question becomes, which belief is stronger.

quote:
It must be a matter of pure luck. There must be a lot of "soulmates" out there who, for whatever reason, simply cannot make it work, or those who never even find each other and are left wondering what's missing in their lives.
Martin Mull sang, "You think they would have met. But they did not. Because he worked the day shift and she worked the night."

I think there are soulmates. I think I met one. But it was not to be. There are tragedies, and they exist because there is not one truth, but many competing truths.

I'm not so sure that there are others who can't be a soulmate, as well. The cosmos is a large and dynamic thing, the possibilities for new and exciting combinations are created constantly. Take a look at chemistry -- carbon is a whore, but she's happy.

I think it is sad to believe there is only one person who can touch and share your soul. It would make the world a lonelier place.

I think the biggest tragedy is to find a soulmate, lose them and give up.

Colonel Panic



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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 19:07      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I guess I'll be the first to say that I don't think there is any such thing as a soul mate. I do believe that people do, once in a while, encounter someone who's personality meshes exceptionally well with their own, but that has nothing to do with fate or souls 'meant' to be with each other. If you're lucky, you'll both be available and able to start a relationship when it happens.
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ZorroTheFox
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Icon 1 posted March 23, 2003 20:07      Profile for ZorroTheFox   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I could never find a soulmate, that would first require that I had a soul........Z
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csm

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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 04:03      Profile for csm   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Soul mates can't be found. You can't just put in an article in the paper: "Wanted: Soul Mate. Must be willing to ...". Now, if you put in an ad in the paper and find someone whom you can call a soul mate, then that's fine, but you can't just save the trouble and advertise for "the one". Soul mates can't be searched for, and you'll lead a lonely existance trying to find them. Just relax, take a deep breath, and let your defenses down long enough to find them.

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 04:37      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No, don't misunderstand-I'm not looking for it. I was just thinking about the concept in general, and how, like so many other things, it all boils down to luck, chance-whatever you want to call it.

It is a wonderful thing to believe in, but in reality, you can't fool yourself by thinking it is the be-all and end-all.

I would guess it's something like inheriting a large boat. It's wonderful and exciting, but where are you gonna put it? How are you going to maintain it? How are you going to afford the upkeep?

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 05:41      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Soul mate hmmm...a tricky bundle of ideas you have wrapped up there S. I'm not sure that they all belong together, but this is my story for what its worth.

In 1981, I was 31 years old, and I had pretty much accepted that I would almost certainly stay pretty much single all my life. Any relationships I had seldom lasted longer than 6 months. I had had one very intense and passionate relationship that for a while left me with a broken heart, and from that time on I tried to ensure that any subsequent ones emphasised fun rather than passion. Then I made the acquaintance of a wonderful slightly wild girl with rather more lovers than strictly necessary, and beautiful blue sparkling eyes. I frankly considered her to be out of my league, and so did not pay it much mind, but about a year later I was invited to a party of hers and ... bang! my life turned upside down in an instant. I remember going into a bar the next day and telling a stranger that I had just met the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I just knew that I had to do whatever I could for her. It took me a little time to persuade her I was serious, but I did. Last year we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I doubt that 20 years ago I would have called us soul mates, but over the intervening years we have shared much joy especially our lovely children, and some quite hard times such as a miscarriage, and the discovery that she has MS and the recent deaths of both our fathers. But more importantly she has put up with me, and I have been far from an ideal husband. I have not been that good at bringing the money in, and am prone to periodic bouts of depression and apathy. She can be fairly tricky at times too. But that I quite like, as any girl that is at all worthwhile, is always going to be a bit of a handful. We are probably averagely dysfunctional, we do our fair share of fussing and fighting, and do not have an ideal relationship either with each other or with our children. However we always seem to be able to make each other laugh, and I am never ever bored in her company even for an instant. At bottom my feelings about her have never changed. She's the best. I adore her. So maybe its true, though whether this was there from the beginning, or born from our experience and the consequent loyalty we feel I do not know. Soul mates is as soul mates does.

If there is any moral to this story, its to believe that things will come right. Because you can only give of your best to someone you consider to be the best. And Life will surprise you if you let it.

So keep the faith Snoops, you sound like a really wonderful girl. All you need is for a good man to open his eyes and see this.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 08:04      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
again, I'm not looking for it, but thank you for the compliment. [Smile]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 08:06      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have always been of the belief that a good and permanent relationship can exist between any two people provided each of the follwing are true:
  • they are both willing to change
  • they will both forgive faults in the other
  • they both realize that they have the power to be happy with each other, or not
  • they both agree that, while homicide may be an option, leaving is not

So I guess I don't believe in soul mates, I believe in making your soul fit.

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óMiss Piggy

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greycat

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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 08:53      Profile for greycat   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
a good and permanent relationship can exist between any two people
You mean, I could be Rush Limbaugh's soul mate?!?

quote:
provided each of the follwing are true:

* they are both willing to change

Stop right there! Nobody should change him- or herself to "fit" into a relationship. That's a recipe for disaster!

You should find someone with whom a relationship will be possible in your current states, and then hope that as you both change (because everyone changes), you'll remain compatible.

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 09:48      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think there is a big difference in the healthiness of changing because you love someone and changing to get them to love you. And in an ideal relationship you shouldn't change much, though like you said, everyone changes over the years.

Of course, if you and Rush Limbaugh decided to become life partners I bet a lot of changing would be needed on both sides. [Wink] Seriously, this is probably something we'll just have to disagree on.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 14:08      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
I think there is a big difference in the healthiness of changing because you love someone and changing to get them to love you. And in an ideal relationship you shouldn't change much, though like you said, everyone changes over the years.

My former wife tried to change me so often I thought my personality needed diapers.

"You need to put on weight, go to the gym."
"Why are you spending so much time in the gym? I need my bookshelves built!"
"Why are you spending so much time in the woodshop? You're ignoring me!"
"I'd appreciate your attention a lot more if you could afford to take me to a nice restaurant, and buy me nice clothes."
"You spend too much time at work. Why are you working so hard for that raise anyway?"

And on, and on and on it goes.

BTW, gentlemen, the correct answer to the last question is, "I no longer have any f*****g clue."

Colonel Panic

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 14:16      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ahem
  • they should both be willing to change themselves not each other

Don't worry. I'm done now.

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óMiss Piggy

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erp
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Icon 2 posted March 24, 2003 15:28      Profile for erp   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Fate & luck can only get you so far...

Fate may bring two people together. Luck may be involved in the process of establishment of the relationship. But there's always an element of hard work involved.

It's in the differences between two 'mates that the work comes in. You have to work to coexist peacefully in a world that does everything in its power to polarize people for the most inane reasons.

Though on some levels (spiritual, emotional, etc.) two people may be perfect for each other, there's alawys some level of difference. And I think it's when two people embrace and celebrate their differences that success is found.

So besides belief, and faith, one must always be willing to put all the dreams aside from time to time, and hash it out.

Despite the cosmic goodness that exists, sometimes that one love, is right over the next hill. So keep hiking everyone. The more hills you traverse, the greater the love can be.

[Smile]

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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 16:37      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
I have always been of the belief that a good and permanent relationship can exist between any two people provided each of the follwing are true:
  • they are both willing to change
  • etc.

So I guess I don't believe in soul mates, I believe in making your soul fit.

I wish this was true as it would make life much easier, and would also fit in with my belief that everyone has something unique and of great value, but my experience prior to meeting my wife was that even with goodwill on both sides, most of the relationships I had seemed to run into the sands after a comparatively short time. I certainly do not believe she is the only one I could have cared for in this way, but it is unfortunately not a large number.

But there seems to be something about the idea of a soul mate as expounded by the Snupe that implies a slightly self sufficient hermetically sealed and rather inward looking relationship that I definitely dislike. I prefer a messy, more rackety and unpredictable life.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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snupy
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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 16:53      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You've gotta be kidding??? [Razz]


Give me tidy and predictable any day. That's why I don't ride the rollercoasters. [ohwell]

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Mister Boo

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Icon 1 posted March 24, 2003 17:00      Profile for Mister Boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
This question is for those of you who believe you have found, or will find, your soulmate:

<clipped>

So, you find this person. Are they
a)unattached?

Yep, She was unattached, so was I.

b)at the right place and time in their lives to embrace it?

I was about to the point where I was resigning myself to being single, and I think she was also. We like to say we were waiting for each other.

c)burdened with a manageable amount of baggage?

Neither of us really had any baggage. We do have a few annoyances with each other's habits on occasion. But variety is the spice of life [Wink]

d)of similar enough belief about the whole soulmate theory that they are willing to make the effort in the face of obstacles?

I truly think there is a great deal of luck involved in finding the right one. But I also agree with PB that you have to be willing to TRY to change sometimes, and many people give up too early, or never get out of the "all about me" stage.

It must be a matter of pure luck. There must be a lot of "soulmates" out there who, for whatever reason, simply cannot make it work, or those who never even find each other and are left wondering what's missing in their lives.

Nah, the only thing that has to exist is you opening yourself up to possibilities. And learning to look at the person, not the body. Too many people are very fussy about potential partners' appearances, and get upset if they are judged on THEIR appearance in the least. You reap what you sow [Wink]


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gallimaufry
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Icon 12 posted March 24, 2003 22:36      Profile for gallimaufry   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hmm. I don't think I have a soulmate, or one person that is MEANT just for me. I do think that there are people who can work at becomming your "soulmate." Its a never-ending process. Once someone becomes that bonded with you, the connection may fluxuate, but I suppose if they really love you and you love them then you can just go on vacation and have sex a lot and then everything will be better. Yay.

Ok I wasn't being totally serious, but I think I may be onto something here...

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Allan
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Icon 10 posted March 25, 2003 02:19      Profile for Allan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's strange to see the split in opinion on this one, for me I think that my life would be so much poorer if I didn't honestly believe that there's someone out there whom I can cherish, love and adore and they in turn reciprocate.

Whether it's fate, God or whoever that decides this I really don't care, but it will happen.

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Callipygous
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Icon 1 posted March 25, 2003 02:50      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
You've gotta be kidding??? [Razz]


Give me tidy and predictable any day. That's why I don't ride the rollercoasters. [ohwell]

This sweet Snoops is why you and I would never in one zillion years be compatible! Perhaps the most important areas where you need to be similar is tidiness. Neatniks and slobs should ideally be segregated on different planets if possible. More of my relationships foundered over dirty dishes in the sink than I care to admit to....

Otherwise I am not attracted to people with the same outlook or character as myself. So I was never looking for someone who was an extension of myself or completely understood me. When it works best you are complimentary to each other, like earth and fire, intellect and instinct. At other times you do just scrap! So you may have to accept that your partner will not understand the geeky side of your personality, just as aspects of their personality are mysterious to you.

What I do remember most about the time I met my wife was, in addition to that initial infatuation when you think that the other person is just the most wonderful being to walk this earth, was the strongest instinct that come what may, I would never be bored in her company. How I knew this I do not know, but I did.

As far as the business of changing yourself goes, the transforming power of love is very real but not predictable or controllable. In a great short story by Frank O'Connor called "Expectation of Life" he says something along these lines. You cannot change someone by loving them into the person you want them to be, but by accepting that person as a whole, you give him (or her) the power to change those things in him or herself that he/she dislikes.

PS If you haven't, read Frank O'Connor's short stories. They are marvellous.

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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

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