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Author Topic: The origin of the angel on top of the tree
GrumpySteen

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Icon 10 posted December 21, 2001 16:31      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It was supposed to be a happy time, but wasn't. Santa was really pissed. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus burned all the Christmas cookies. The Elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners.

Santa was beside himself with anger. "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world just a few hours from now and all my reindeer are drunk and my elves are on strike. I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night dragging a Christmas Tree. He said: "So, Santa, where do you want me to stick the Christmas tree this year?"


Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Raptorgirl
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Icon 1 posted December 23, 2001 12:46            Edit/Delete Post 
That reminds me of a mock epic poem I wrote in the 10th grade called "Christmas Massacre." The elves go on strike because of unfair labor conditions. Santa sees the picket line, flips out, and starts mowing them down with an Uzi. The reindeer and Mrs. Claus wrestle Santa into submission, deliver the Christmas presents themselves, and eat the dead elves for Christmas dinner. Meanwhile, the reindeer steal Santa's credit cards and leave him in a mental ward.

I gave that poem to a couple of my teachers as a Christmas gift. My Spanish teacher found it amusing and called it "a sign of the times." Of course, in these paranoid post-Columbine days, I probably would've gotten suspended for writing such twisted social satire.

Incidentally, my other teachers got "Rudolph the Psycho Reindeer," a song parody I wrote in the 6th grade in which an inebriated Rudolph drinks a quart of gasoline, sets himself on fire, and burns down the North Pole at a demented Santa's request.

I was a weird child.


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pawn
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Icon 10 posted December 23, 2001 19:21      Profile for pawn     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
To me it just isn't christmas unless you have an angel being sodimized with a dead tree.
Posts: 413 | From: somewhere over the rainbow | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted December 24, 2001 17:47      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Raptorgirl wrote:
Of course, in these paranoid post-Columbine days, I probably would've gotten suspended for writing such twisted social satire.

Hehe... I was sent to repeated sessions with the guidance counselor in middle school when a teacher found a parody I wrote titled Jack the Ripper's Christmas which started with the line "Deck the halls with bowels of Holly" and just got worse from there.


Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
theJacob
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Icon 1 posted December 27, 2001 19:16      Profile for theJacob     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Raptorgirl:
That reminds me of a mock epic poem I wrote in the 10th grade called "Christmas Massacre." The elves go on strike because of unfair labor conditions. Santa sees the picket line, flips out, and starts mowing them down with an Uzi. The reindeer and Mrs. Claus wrestle Santa into submission, deliver the Christmas presents themselves, and eat the dead elves for Christmas dinner. Meanwhile, the reindeer steal Santa's credit cards and leave him in a mental ward.

Hmmm... I recall a Weird Al song freakishly similar to that...you don't have any alternate identites, do you Raptorgirl?

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Intellegnce+Laziness=Efficency


Posts: 141 | From: Colorado | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Angry Rooster
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Icon 12 posted December 28, 2001 02:12      Profile for Angry Rooster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Steen:
which started with the line "Deck the halls with bowels of Holly" and just got worse from there.

After listening to the same damned cliché holiday songs for 6 hours straight at work, I started coming up with alternate lyrics, that was one of them.

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--Angry Rooster
"Eagles may soar, but roosters don't get sucked into jet engines."


Posts: 376 | From: Coeur d'Alene, ID, USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
LifetimeTrekker
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Icon 1 posted December 28, 2001 02:47      Profile for LifetimeTrekker     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
At www.twistedchristmas.com, there's a tune "Who Put the Stump" which matches this joke.
Posts: 669 | From: Albuquerque, NM, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
trowelblister
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Icon 10 posted December 28, 2001 07:45      Profile for trowelblister   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My dad once broke one of toys trying to knock the angel of the tree. The toy was a styrofoam and cardboard plane that was fired off a springloaded gun. He tried to hit to shoot the angel off the top, missed, and broke the wing off the plane. Which was different in a way, because he usually broke our toys on Christmas Eve, while trying to assemble them. We'd frequently find that "Santa" had to superglue some our stuff together. Traumatic, eh? And I never had Big Wheel either,,,,,,
Posts: 242 | From: lansdale, pa, usa | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged


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