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Topic: I don't know what to do
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Serenak
Member # 2950
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posted December 22, 2004 15:20
Neo
glad to see you post
I know you are not "defending yourself" and I can see where you are coming from...
I am not going to take any sides in this as I have been through breakups with a couple of SOs and have lost people to bi-polar too...
Try to keep as even a keel as you can, although obviously that isn't easy... Being aware of your condition is half the battle - most of those I've known and lost (suicide or OD usually) wouldn't admit to their condition, a costly mistake it would seem!
To Ronwhyyn, Twink and GreyGirl - I agree with your comments and believe you are all (like most of us on GC) trying to offer the best advice we can...
Neo has his own issues and I can also relate to that, it doesn't excuse hurtful behaviour... but I think maybe we should all just step back a pace and take a deep breath.
In my experience it can be amazing how the two different sides of the "same story" can be worlds apart (esp in relationship failure). That doesn't diminish either side... Simply indicates that when we think we know what is going on we are often way way off base...
Neo, if you need to talk (or just let off steam) you can PM me and I'll be here for you... I won't lecture or preach but I may pass a comment or two... No pressure (open the box! take the money!)
Hey ho, life is a beach but the tide always comes in at some time....
"been down one time, been down two times, never going back again..." Fleetwood Mac
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."
Posts: 1918 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004
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csk
Member # 1941
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posted December 22, 2004 15:40
neo, I truly hope that you continue onwards and upwards in your life. It's not going to be an easy road, but you've been through a lot already, and you can keep going.
I would, however, be having a serious think about your pot use. I personally know two guys who have pretty serious mental problems (schizoaffective disorder IIRC). Both of them used pot in the past, and both now believe that the pot was part of the decline.
In any case, stick with it. I know it sounds cliched and trite, but if you get through this, you'll have grown so much as a person you won't believe it. Best of luck, neo.
Edit: Feel free to PM me if you like. That goes for TwinkleToes, too. In fact, that goes for all of you ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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6 weeks to go!
Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003
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Serenak
Member # 2950
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posted December 22, 2004 15:48
Like CSK I will accept PM from anyone involved
Or just anyone
I'm so sad
Just mail me
I need to feel loved....
Joking aside - anyone feels that venting off to me or that I might have some grain of wisdom to add PM is fine....
Only trying to help...
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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."
Posts: 1918 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004
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neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 22, 2004 17:56
Thx all for the consideration...
I was put on Lithium for a week, gave me tremors, and made me pee like a race horse, but nothin else, so I was taken off it. When I left the hospital the doc had started me on Tegretol the night before, but didn't prescribe it. Just the anti-depressants. Been having an even harder time living with my parents the last few days, constantly being driven up and down... It's hard not to lose control, up or down.
Anyone ever been over the deep end? I have a few times.. Can be fun, or scary, but *always* ends up being something very terrible indeed.. Something to be feared..
I've only been on the antidepressants a few weeks, and they say it can take a while before they truly have the intended effect... I almost hope they don't achieve that effect, because it could potentially drive me over the edge up... and I can't get an appointment to see my prescriber untill the 11th... *sigh* The medical system in this country is just lovely ![[crazy]](graemlins/crazy.gif) ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) ![[ohwell]](graemlins/ohwell.gif) ![[tired]](graemlins/tired.gif)
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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!
Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002
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Twinkle Toes
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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posted December 23, 2004 01:40
Sorry I won't be able to say as much tonight as I'd like, my mother took the power cord (she got mad at me for taking my shower before her ).
The main point I'd like to make is that it's very hard to trust Scott's responses. Relating his posts here to our last phone call, there are a few key things that are contradicted, specifically his feelings for the girl. I have two things to say about this:
1. I understand that contradictions should be expected from someone in his state, and that's the thing I'm having trouble with.
2. A lot of you might think that I'm perhaps jealous of this new girl. I have no reason to be, and that is not how I feel towards her. I just want to make Scott realize how succeptable a person can be to pain after a breakup, adding to that the miserable state he's in. He has a strong attachment to this girl, and I just don't want to see him get hurt again. The reason he's so attached has much to do with her being bi-polar, and I know that it's nice sharing similarities, but it's different with something as emotional as this. I know there's nothing I can do to change the situation. The only thing I can do in my power is offer my perspective, and that's what I've done.
Also, about his love for me: besides a bit of the physical part of it, the love is in friendship. His issues with depression have to do with him stressing on how much he thinks he's hurt me. He has done so in our relationship, but he needs to let go of it. Just as I need to stop trying to 'take care of him', he needs to realize that he has no control over how I react. I gave him this example: say he were to complement me on my attire, and then - somehow - I took it the wrong way and starting slamming myself into the wall. Is it reasonable for him to start apologizing for what he said and blaming himself for my self-abuse? Of course not.
Anyway, I've got to go... Hopefully I'll be back later on today with more time to spare.
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Rhonwyyn
Solid Gold SuperFan!
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posted December 23, 2004 11:20
I think I understand what you're getting at, Twink. While a resident assistant at my alma mater, I met a guy who lived in another building. He was bi-polar, schizophrenic, and had some other issues. Really intelligent guy, great musician, but because of his illness related more to the drug culture and "anti-culture" than he did to his studious, "normal" peers. Things got so bad that he checked himself into the Meadows, a psychiatric/rehab facility. While there, he met a girl about his age with similar problems. She was homeless and pregnant (or had recently had a baby; I forget). When he checked out of the facility, he came back to his residence hall, sold all of his sound equipment (more than $10,000 worth of stuff) and quit school. The last I heard of him, he planned to live with the girl and take care of her and the baby.
A lot of this happened while he was on a manic high; he was so happy to find someone like him and someone who needed him. He was flying high and ready to take on the world.
My late uncle was like that. The one time he admitted himself to a treatment facility, he lay in bed laughing for over an hour, goading everyone who came to his room to ask him how to take over the world. He would laugh, "Do you know how to take over the world? I know how to bring the world to a halt. Want to know how to take over the world?" He'd speak really quickly and just laugh. Mom finally got him to give an answer: "Just cut the power!" This was back about six years ago. Funny, but it actually happened in the East Coast, proving him right. My uncle was a brilliant man, but crippled because of his various illnesses (both mental and physical).
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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!
Posts: 3821 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Twinkle Toes
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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posted December 23, 2004 17:45
Rhonwyyn: I hope your friend is doing alright and has found happiness, even if it might not be in the more 'glamorous' lifestyle you'd like to think he could've had. By letting go of Scott (at least quit trying to "save him" if not completely cutting ties) I know that it'll be easier for him to pull himself together and, from that accomplishment, have more pride in himself for doing it on his own.
quote:
Originally posted by Stereo:
I beg to disagree. Twinkle needed advice, and got some. Of course Neotatsu could have taken it wrong (but fortunately didn't), it doesn't change the initial fact. I don't think help for someone should be whitheld to protect the ego of another.
Actually, I can see an upside to this: they'll be able to talk more calmly than over the phone. The whole "take time to re-read before posting" can help a lot.
Thanks for clearing that up for me, Stereo. The upside you mentioned is spot-on. I didn't know Scott was still lurking here, however I did direct him to this thread. I wanted him to have a voice of his own and give him a chance to express himself a bit more easily than he's able to when talking to me. I didn't tell him not to argue with me or say anything that would jeopardize me or my message, so I applaud him for that [though I really didn't think he would].
I think those here who dislike the fact that I'm putting this out in the open know that they have the choice of ignoring the thread. I don't think anyone has reason to be bothered by what anyone else had said thus far, and I already stated that I do not condone aggression here and expect others to respect that. There's no need to worry.
On a happier note, *I'm* happy to see that many of you are offering your advice to Scott (and myself). It is great to see how much involvement there is in this dilemma, and I was really surprised to see how many GC-ers can directly relate to it. I know that we've all had the opportunity to PM eachother for some time now, but I'm not so sure many of us have taken advantage of it... I haven't at least . Thanks all for opening the door.
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Mmmmrreow!
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neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 24, 2004 11:55
*sigh* *shrug*
Not that it matters, but the fact that there are contradictions is merely because of a difference of almost two months in some respects, and because you take things to mean something other than what I intended. Happens often with alot of people when I talk to them... though usually that's because I wanted them to get a different meaning than I intended (not so with you.)
I really don't want anything more than a friendship with the girl I know. Yes, I think she's *incredibly* attractive, though she dosn't think so. But, I can't even begin to think of her in a sexual way.
I'd be more than willing to go out with her if I still lived in Washington, and there would be no consequences to her other friendships, but I respect her too much to even attempt to pursue anything.
The only thing I want to change about my relationship with her is that she talk a bit more... She's putting herself on a very very bad path, but she just won't acknowledge it. She's too busy filling her schedule with ten times as many things as most people would do, so she never has time to stop and think or feel.. I did that for a while, and I know she's headed for a brick wall eventually. And when that happens, it's going to be very very bad.
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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!
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CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 24, 2004 12:43
neotatsu,
Hang in there. I feel for you. And I do understand the horrors of depression and its medication(from both sides). Take it a little bit at a time. A day, an hour, or a minute, if need be. Just keep on moving.
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Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest
Posts: 2418 | From: Somewhere between the gutter... and probably another gutter | Registered: Mar 2003
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Serenak
Member # 2950
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posted December 24, 2004 16:34
Hey everyone, it is Christmas...
No, not a dis, I am reading this thread and it has ticked over to passed midnight (intentional use of passed)... which means by local time (GMT) "ITS CHRISTMAAAAAAAAASSSSS" to quote Mr Holder of Slade...
Regarding the thread, looks like everyone involved is hurting in some way... That's pretty usual in these situations.
Neo has has his own issues (let's say bi-polar, as I have to take that as true...) Others have theirs... relationship breakdown hurts bad enough, add issues and it gets nasty (c.f. DNM and his threads.....)
I have geniune "feeling" for anyone with problems, issues, or just having a sh*tty time... Mostly because at 41years old I have seen and experinced much of it before..
As the old UK (military) saying goes "no names, no pack drill"
Regardless of Xmas let's try to be "cool" about all of it.
Remember: you've come this far, so actually in many ways you are over the worst..
Never stayed in contact with any ex of mine (not by my own choice but that has always seemed to work out for me... Didn't always feel like it at the time mind you...)
HAPPY (non denominational) HOLIDAYS TO ONE AND ALL
![[Happytears]](graemlins/happytears.gif)
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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."
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neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 24, 2004 17:44
Hehe, merry christmas ![[Razz]](tongue.gif) . Sounds like you debate whether or not me being bi-polar is truth, or myth... I just spent a week in a mental hospital two weeks ago... While there I went through both extremes, and irritated or scared the hell out of most of the people there... Hmm... Guess I do defend myself too much *shrug* ... I am, after all,
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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!
Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002
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Serenak
Member # 2950
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posted December 24, 2004 18:01
Neo
No intention of disbeleiving your position, perhaps I put it badly,
The discussion here has ranged back and forth... I am merely an observer... The term bi-polar has been bandied about (particularly regards yourself). I am not involved directly, I am not a doctor, I am certainly not a psychiatrist, and most of all I am not your doctor/shrink/social worker or whatever... Therefore my comment was meant not to disbelieve you but to indicate that as an outsider I have to take all information on these threads as either:
A) Gospel truth
or
B) As the personal input of an individual as they see the situation right now...
I tend to take view B
i.e. not everything said is the truth, whole truth, and nothing but... But few (if any) are out and out lying either...
Two sides to all stories, etc... etc.. Been through a nasty beakup (as I've said before) and it's funny how the two sides of the "same story" rarely mesh exactly....
On offence implied man, OK?
Have the best holiday you can...
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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."
Posts: 1918 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004
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neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 25, 2004 15:20
None taken.. I'm just too defensive about some things I guess... I just wanted to clarify that we're not just going on conjecture, but actual clinical diagnosis. They are testing me for add next week because I seem to be having the "paradoxical effect" with some of my medications.
Hope everyone is enjoying their holidays the way I have never been able to. In respect of where I now live, I wish to say to you all, Feliz Navidad ![[thumbsup]](graemlins/thumbsup.gif)
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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!
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Serenak
Member # 2950
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posted December 25, 2004 16:49
I'm having a really good one
hope you are having as good a one as you can...
Hang on in there man... I know bi-polar is not fun, as I've said I've lost a few to the effects... and still know a couple fighting the manic/depressive cycle...
Glad to hear that that you have never considered harming yourself... Far too many in your position do...
Let's all hope 2005 brings us all something nice
Cheers all
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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."
Posts: 1918 | From: Suffolk England | Registered: Sep 2004
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neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 25, 2004 17:49
I have considered it... Many times. I've many self inflicted scars, actually...
I was committed voluntarily, but for a good reason, heh.
Actually, if I'd told them the truth of how I felt when I left, and indeed, still feel, then they might have transfered me to a long term facility, heh... But, then, I'm usually ok if I'm kept so busy I can't think...
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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!
Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002
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Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 26, 2004 18:11
Reading this thread feels like watching Jerry Springer. Cheap voyeuristic entertainment, and just about as informative too. I completely agree with Captain Vic that it is in very poor taste to conduct a dissection of your ex in a public forum. PMs IRC etc are OK, but threads like this IMHO are not.
Twink seems to want reinforcement more than advice anyway, as she has smoothly glided over the Black Widow's suggestion that she examine her own motives in this, which to me do not appear to be straightforward.
The only other thing I would add is about staying friends with your ex. It's a great trick if you can pull it off, but sometimes, particularly if the relationship was passionate, continuing contact only serves to pick at the scabs on your emotional wounds. It can be painful to do every day superficial small talk, with someone who used to be a part of you, but is not now.
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"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton
Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003
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neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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posted December 26, 2004 22:39
Yes, precisely that.. That last bit there.. That's the reason I havn't been talking to her as much as she seems to feel is her due.
*shrug* I can't help how she feels about it. I've alot of problems. Whether or not she wants to be involved is up to her...
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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!
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Twinkle Toes
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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posted December 27, 2004 03:25
Let the moderators have it their way then. You all can request that the thread be removed, or I'll just let it die.
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