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Author Topic: I don't know what to do
Twinkle Toes
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 9 posted December 21, 2004 04:27      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So, I used to date a GC member named neotatsu (Scott) that frequented these boards in the past. We broke up a few months ago after dating for about 2 1/2 years. It was a very good break-up, actually, and after a day I continued with my normal way of things (not to mask the emotions; it's the way I am). We had decided that we were going to go back to being friends, which I was very excited about considering that I felt much more comfortable talking to him in that relationship.

Before he moved to southern California he lived in Puyallup, which is around 60 mi./96 km. away from me. I understood why he had stopped visiting me but had a harder time figuring out why he rarely called. I knew he wasn't as obligated to call me, and not as frequently, but in order to keep the friendship I expected him to call me on the days he said he would. The few phone conversations we did have ended in anger and, at least on my part, resentment.

A month ago he reluctantly admitted to me that he was, indeed, bipolar (I told him that he acted like it). Just this past Sunday he moved to California. Because of all of the arguments we've had over the phone and the break-up, there were already feelings of distance growing between us, and the move didn't help.

He called me a little while ago, and we started chatting about his outlook on life. The guy I used to know, or thought I knew, has disappeared. He basically has no moral standards, thinks nothing of the future, and doesn't care about having a long-term, meaningful relationship of if he wakes up tomorrow dead or alive. Even the way he talks about women now irritates me. I don't want to go into details about that, but I'll just say that he used to respect a woman's body more than he does now... or maybe that was just the impression I was under.

This isn't simply a gripe about a friend's differences. I can't fully express all of the changes he's gone through and the pain I feel for him right now. He was my best friend, and one that I would've never suspected would turn into this kind of person. I feel like I've already lost him. I'm so afraid for what he might become... I don't want him to throw his life away. He takes pills for his disorders (he's bipolar, has ADD, and is troubled with severe episodes of mania), but he tells me they only make things worse. He says that he'd do anything for me, but I don't believe it. If it were true, he wouldn't be okay with doing drugs or getting drunk or just dying tomorrow... I mean, I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to yet because I have hopes for what I can accomplish in the future - Scott doesn't have any hope.

Anyway... I just really needed to get this out. I feel very alone at night. I don't have anyone to talk to... no one who will understand or be comfortable with me expressing myself. I wish I had someone to call at any time of the night and just converse with... that's all I want. Hearing someone's voice on the other end of the line is really comforting, you know?

Thanks for reading.

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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2004 06:16      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You made the decision to end your romantic relationship with this man, and continue the friendly relationship only. However, it sounds to me as if you are still seeking some of the "perks" of a romantic relationship (i.e., calling you on time, talking to you when you feel lonely).

This man is not your responsibility; he is not your child, your parent, or any person under your guardianship. If the medications he is on are not working for him, then he needs to seek out further medical care and get on some that do work. But you doing that for him is not your responsibility. He is an adult and needs to take care of himself. I can tell you care about him, so encourage him to get help for himself, but you should not waste your time concerning yourself with things that you have no control over, like his life and actions.

I would also say pray for him, but I do not know if you are the praying type. Take that bit of advice however you like.

For yourself, get involved in the community. I know that has helped me immensely. I sing, I go to coffee, I'm in a ladies social group. Don't just look for people in your cohort either, a lot of the women I socialize with are old enough to be my mother or grandmother. They have wonderful advice to offer and are a pleasure to be around (especially since they have none of the drama of younger peer groups).

Just my $0.02.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2004 09:20      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Check your PM after I'm done posting here.

I kinda disagree with Black Widow. After 2.5 years, you have a lot invested in your relationship with Scott and a lot invested in him as a person. Likewise, he is probably rather vulnerable to you, especially since you're the one who broke off the relationship. Something as significant as that can tend to through a person with bi-polar into a depressive cycle. If you have the chance, urge him to keep taking his meds. From experience with family members who have been diagnosed as bi-polar, the meds aren't a quick-fix, but they do help to slow down the roller coaster quite a lot. He needs to take them consistently for them to work at all.

I know where you're coming from when you say that even though you're not dating him anymore, you're still concerned. You've invested a lot in him and it hurts you to see him throwing it all away/giving up, etc. I'm currently in a similar position, but my guy won't acknowledge that he has issues, so things are at a stand-still. On one hand, I want him to address the issues and then we can be better friends (he has problems with over-control and non-attachment), but I also want him to make changes for himself, not me. At this point I'd choose a healthy man I never talk with again than a man who's hurting but won't let anyone close enough to start addressing the hurt.

Not to be trite or preachy, but it really sounds like Scott's looking for God right now. He's reached the end of his rope and he's looking for a reason to live/hope. Becoming a Christian--it can be as simple as saying "Here I am God; You want me? You can have me"--may not fix the health issues, but it will help him deal/cope and give him a reason for living.

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Allan
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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2004 10:56      Profile for Allan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
I kinda disagree with Black Widow...

Which is a shame because her $0.02 worth is good advice, except maybe the praying...

quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Not to be trite or preachy, but it really sounds like Scott's looking for God right now.

Well yes, of course he is, lets face it a life without him upstairs is such a waste after all...
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Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2004 10:58      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Twink, I speak from a bitter experience. I had a boyfriend who started sliding into depression while we were together. He said it was my fault. I believed him. I rtied to help him, but because I wasn't willing to give up my entire life for him he decided that dumping me would fix his problems. Well, it didn't fix anything for him, but it did fix a fedw things for me, so I turned him down when he came crawling back. To be honest, some of the red flags I should have seen in my relationship with that guy I have since seen in your relationship with Scott, and I've been very afraid for you. That man I was with almost drove me to suicicde. When I woke up and realized I wasn't the horrible person he wanted me to think I was, I still didn't leave because he "needed me"...as a dumping ground. I made the mistake of staying friends. He turned stalker. Then he went on medication and I told him to kiss off. Then he went off medication, told me he was suicidal, and his best friend and I had to have him committed... I try to avoid dealing with him now. I owe him nothing. I've saved his life after he tried to destroy mine. I've forgiven him but I will not forget. To forget would cost me the lessons I learned, and then I'd have to relearn them. It was a bitter road. A dark road. I don't want to walk it again. Be careful about men with issues ladies. They can take you down with them.

You guys have broken up. He's a thousand miles away. He's also an adult. You care for him which is important, but you've also got to let him go. You can be supportive, but you can't make him better. You can't make him do anything. His choices are his to make, and if you get yourself wrapped up in his choices, you're going to see the void yourself. We are each responsible for our own actions.

But, if you're that worried, contact his family. Lay aside an antipathies or cultural constraints and just do it. They probably know something is wrong already.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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csk

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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2004 16:32      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Twink, I know what it's like to be in that situation. Significant other with mental issues and refuses treatment for them is a very bad combination. In fact I'd generalise Xanthine's advice, an SO with issues can drag you down, male or female. Apart from which both alchohol and certain drugs help to feed the depression.

The other thing is that relationship break ups will change things, and change people. Well, they are forced to respond to the break up in a certain way, which tends to change them. Some grow and move onward and upward, and some spiral downwards.

So, where to go from here? Think carefully about the level of friendship you want to have with him. He may well want to be less close friends than you do (using my own situation as an example, I'd like to be either back together or distant friends, but nothing in between). As others have said, he's responsible for sorting his life out, so don't let that concern for him turn into a sense of responsibility. Finally, it's a good thing to make sure you have friends you can talk to, or spend time with. Online is good, offline is good too.

I hope it all ends well for each of you, as I suspect neotatsu may well be lurking on here still.

--------------------
6 weeks to go!

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TheMoMan
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Icon 1 posted December 21, 2004 18:57      Profile for TheMoMan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Twink__ It took me many years of group therapy to get the message that "You can not rescue some one that does not want to be rescued" all you do is tick them off because then they don't have thier favorite excuse.. You can only rescue some one that wants to be rescued.

--------------------
Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.


Benjamin Franklin,

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Twinkle Toes
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Icon 14 posted December 22, 2004 03:27      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was thinking earlier today about the ramifications of my two relationships with Scott (friendly and 'girl-friendly') and how much responsibility I have in this whole mess. I'm beginning to sort things out, but all of your responses have contributed to the clarity, so thank you for taking the time to reply and relate.

quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
However, it sounds to me as if you are still seeking some of the "perks" of a romantic relationship (i.e., calling you on time, talking to you when you feel lonely).

One of the worst things a person can do to me is go back on their word. I understand that things don't always go as planned: you're late to work because of traffic, you can't attend class because a family member died. However, if someone makes the same mistake over and over again, then I have a problem. It rather annoyed me that the excuses I was given from Scott were "I was too tired" or "I forgot." In addition to this, I thought my reaction was a reasonable one taking into consideration that he is a former boyfriend and might be trying to ignore me.

Oh, and I've always had feelings of loneliness at nighttime. It stems from my mother working the nightshift. I'd always slept in king-sized beds with her as a kid, and on weekdays at around 10 pm. she would wake up and leave for work. It was really scary waking up in the dark (yes, I'm afraid of the dark too), trying to fall asleep in that big bed all alone. I developed a habit of sleeping with several stuffed animals but shook it off after several years and now look to insomnia and quirky sleeping patterns for comfort.

Actually I'm not seeking involvement in a boyfriend-girlfriend thing right now... I'd really just like to concentrate on my studies. The breakup was really very interesting for me to analyze (I do that a lot, one of the things Scott dislikes about me and also a reason why we argue so much). I was amazed at how many things [and people] I'd ignored for those 2 1/2 years. But the thing about love is that it's an attention hog - the minute you stop looking, it finds you. So the matter of me only trying to focus on schoolwork is neither here nor there, as far as it is concerned. [Roll Eyes]

quote:
This man is not your responsibility; he is not your child, your parent, or any person under your guardianship. If the medications he is on are not working for him, then he needs to seek out further medical care and get on some that do work. But you doing that for him is not your responsibility. He is an adult and needs to take care of himself. I can tell you care about him, so encourage him to get help for himself, but you should not waste your time concerning yourself with things that you have no control over, like his life and actions.

Thank you, I really needed that. I know in the past he's felt like I've tried to do things for him... I can't help it, I'm an Aries [Razz] . If no one's going to take the initiative, then I will. But I know that I have to subside that; I know that I'm not doing Scott or myself a favour in doing so. *Deep breathe* I'll get over it. Thank you again.

quote:
I would also say pray for him, but I do not know if you are the praying type. Take that bit of advice however you like.

Gosh, you have no idea how much I wish I could... I wish I could believe in a higher being. I'd love to have that feeling that religious people claim to experience, when they "just know." Unfortunately it's not a simple transition from my perspective. There's hope for the future though.

quote:
For yourself, get involved in the community... Don't just look for people in your cohort either

I was involved in clubs and sports at my high school, and I think I'll continue some type of activity at the community college (I'm doing Running Start), particularly along the lines of what I did in Grean Club (recycling, clean-up, Adopt-A-Highway). There's a specific class for people who wish to write for the college newspaper, but I wonder if they might let me at least edit or help with the layout. I'll have to ask more about that.

Because I'm attending CC, socializing with students older than myself will be a daily occurance. There is such a difference in the atmosphere at the college - everyone is so friendly and nondiscriminatory and studious... I'm lovin' it [Smile] .

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Twinkle Toes
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 05:10      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
Check your PM after I'm done posting here.

[Smile] Hopefully you've received the reply before you've signed on. (I'm not a very efficient poster, so this takes me a while)

quote:
I kinda disagree with Black Widow. After 2.5 years, you have a lot invested in your relationship with Scott and a lot invested in him as a person. Likewise, he is probably rather vulnerable to you, especially since you're the one who broke off the relationship.
Heh, that's funny... it was actually Scott who called it off, officially. I was in denial and, like Xanthine said, felt like he needed me. It was a hard thing for him to do, but I appreciate it. The biggest reason I felt like we had a 'good breakup' was because we both wanted it to end. It wasn't brutal like Newfie's. Gosh, what a nut.

quote:
Something as significant as that can tend to through a person with bi-polar into a depressive cycle.
Well, when we were going out he told me how depressed he was before he met me, that he had been on the brink of suicide. Right now he's reverting back to that mindset but, yes, he is worse. However I'm not sure if it's because of our breakup or because of a new girl he's interested in. She is also bi-polar, and I fear that he's trying to support his bi-polar state because of her. It might sound strange, but when you're interested in someone you try to get close to them in any way you can.

quote:
At this point I'd choose a healthy man I never talk with again than a man who's hurting but won't let anyone close enough to start addressing the hurt.
Scott is neither [ohwell] . He's not healthy, and whether that improves or not I'm afraid I might have to cut him off. He's hurting and knows it but doesn't know how to solve it. He's obviously allowing others to get close, as evidenced by his new love interest.

quote:
Not to be trite or preachy, but it really sounds like Scott's looking for God right now. He's reached the end of his rope and he's looking for a reason to live/hope.

Well I understand that for you God = purpose, so I can agree with that.

quote:
Becoming a Christian--it can be as simple as saying "Here I am God; You want me? You can have me"--may not fix the health issues, but it will help him deal/cope and give him a reason for living.

Scott and I both used to be religious people: he was Christian, and I was Catholic. My reason for denouncing religion is in my reply to your PM, but so you - as well as possible outside readers - can read on, I had never questioned my religion and later began to do so. Scott, on the other hand, had practiced his religion as a true, faithful Christian and had a greater understanding of the purpose of believing in God. But his hopes were soured by unanswered prayers and an bad batch of Christians who set a poor example for him. As far as I know he's still Agnostic, as am I. I can't impose the belief in God upon him as a reason for living since I have relatively the same perspective on it as he does. The only thing I can do is keep telling him there is a purpose for his existence and that he just needs to explore the world more. But he always tells me that he's not interested in doing anything [as far as occupations go] or going anywhere. I guess I'll have to let him be...
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Twinkle Toes
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 06:37      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Allan:
Which is a shame because her $0.02 worth is good advice, except maybe the praying...

No sympathy, eh?

quote:
Well yes, of course he is, lets face it a life without him upstairs is such a waste after all...
Now I'm confused. Are you a religious person or no?

I'm not so sure he's looking for God. Actually I don't even think he's looking for purpose in his life. He's just given up. Lame-o [thumbsdown] .

quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
To be honest, some of the red flags I should have seen in my relationship with that guy I have since seen in your relationship with Scott, and I've been very afraid for you.

Xan! Why didn't you tell me [Frown] ?

quote:
That man I was with almost drove me to suicicde. When I woke up and realized I wasn't the horrible person he wanted me to think I was, I still didn't leave because he "needed me"...as a dumping ground. I made the mistake of staying friends. He turned stalker.
Don't worry, I don't think I could ever become suicidal. I can't fathom ever wanting to hurt myself.

Scott didn't make me feel bad about myself, but there were so many times that he made me feel just plain bad that I wanted to break up. I didn't expect myself to be such a woosie in relationships, but it was a first-timer.

quote:
You guys have broken up. He's a thousand miles away. He's also an adult. You care for him which is important, but you've also got to let him go. You can be supportive, but you can't make him better. You can't make him do anything. His choices are his to make, and if you get yourself wrapped up in his choices, you're going to see the void yourself. We are each responsible for our own actions.
I know... I know you're right. I just have to keep repeating this to myself to finally be able to deal with its extent.

I wonder if there are any former couples that were involved in a long-term relationship and stayed friends after their breakup. Is it possible?

quote:
But, if you're that worried, contact his family. Lay aside an antipathies or cultural constraints and just do it. They probably know something is wrong already.

I'm not that worried... Or, rather, I should say that I don't have to be that worried. And anyway, I know anything his parents could do wouldn't help.
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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 06:49      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes:


I wonder if there are any former couples that were involved in a long-term relationship and stayed friends after their breakup. Is it possible?


Yes. I normally do. The last psycho is a new thing for me.
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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 07:20      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes:
I wonder if there are any former couples that were involved in a long-term relationship and stayed friends after their breakup. Is it possible?

Yes. I am best friends with an ex. He now talks to me about the current love of his life. Ours was a friendly breakup, fortunately, and we agreed that we are better friends than lovers.
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Grey_girl

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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 07:46      Profile for Grey_girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes:

I wonder if there are any former couples that were involved in a long-term relationship and stayed friends after their breakup. Is it possible?

Twinkle, I believe it's possible to remain friends after a breakup. As odd as it sounds, my closest male friends (with one or two exceptions) are all ex-boyfriends. Two of those relationships almost ended in marriage.

There is a big qualifier to staying friends - not only were the breakups amicable, there weren't any big looming problems like clinical depression hanging over them. When problems like that did pop up in one of the relationships, it was after we had broken up and the guy was involved with someone else. His stability issues nearly caused the end of the friendship. In retrospect, although our prior relationship contributed to our difficulties (because of the psycho be-otch he had taken up with), the problems would have happened anyway, regardless if we had been previously romantically involved or not.

I'm not saying it's easy because staying friends takes a lot of work. A LOT. However, I was close friends with each of these guys before I became involved with them, so as was said earlier, I had an investment in them and them in me. I also knew them to be good, honorable and decent people. I wasn't looking to continue the perks of a romance - only to keep valuable people in my life. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is whether you would be sticking around for this person had you not had a romantic relationship. There were times I almost threw (and perhaps should have thrown) in the towel and given up. But in the end, our relationships are stronger because we've shared so much and I'm glad each of them are still in my life. I know they'd each do anything for me, I have just but to ask.

Just remember though - you don't have to make someone else's problems your own. This is important when you're in a relationship where the person has emotional issues. That goes for an ex-boyfriend, friend, whoever. If the relationship starts to get too heavy to bear, you have every right to bail, even if for a little while. It is not failing a friend if you have to take steps to protect yourself. You are honoring yourself and that person as well, because if they were well, they wouldn't treat you that way. You're being the friend to yourself that they would be if they were able. You're helping yourself, but in a small way, helping them also.

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Twinkle Toes
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 08:00      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
In fact I'd generalise Xanthine's advice, an SO with issues can drag you down, male or female. Apart from which both alchohol and certain drugs help to feed the depression.

I agree. But just a sidenote: there is no safety from those kinds of people. When you become involved with someone you are unaware of their problems/flaws, and the clarity doesn't improve when you fall in love with them. Plus it's not like they're going to tell you.

Scott was telling me yesterday about how he was thinking about getting "liqoured up" one day when his 'associates' had alcohol available. I don't know anything about the type of medication he's taking but I'm pretty sure his doctors would tell him they don't mix well together. That probably goes for drugs as well, which he seems to hold at par with pot and crack.

quote:
So, where to go from here? Think carefully about the level of friendship you want to have with him. He may well want to be less close friends than you do (using my own situation as an example, I'd like to be either back together or distant friends, but nothing in between).
As a matter of fact I hadn't thought of this possibility, but I read all of the topic posts before drawing up my first response, so I incorporated your input into my other messages. Jeez...

I guess part of my sorrow over losing him is also due to having lost so many other friends during high school. He really was my best friend and then to have him change so drastically... I was astonished.

quote:
Finally, it's a good thing to make sure you have friends you can talk to, or spend time with. Online is good, offline is good too.
I have two friends I can talk to, but a) only offline and b) on few occasions because of this Running Start thing. The only people I talk to online are of the GC community (not seperately; through my posts). Man, this really makes me miss my pre-school and kindergarten years, when no one cared what clothes you wore or how articulate you were. If you wanted to play tag you were in. *partly wants to return to Never Land*

quote:
I hope it all ends well for each of you, as I suspect neotatsu may well be lurking on here still.
Hmm... Well even if he is, I don't think he'd try anything here. Even if he did I wouldn't allow our argument to continue past his reply post.

quote:
Originally posted by TheMoMan:
Twink__ It took me many years of group therapy to get the message that "You can not rescue some one that does not want to be rescued" all you do is tick them off because then they don't have thier favorite excuse.. You can only rescue some one that wants to be rescued.

Gosh, you are so right. When I said that I had been thinking about the ramifications of my relationships with Scott, having to join group therapy was mainly what came to mind. I don't regret many things at all, and I don't want this to be one of them. Thanks, MoMan.

I feel a lot better now, you guys. I still need to figure out exactly how I'm going to approach Scott with all these new-found simplifications. I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

((BTW, sorry about the posts. I preferred this over one really long one))

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MacManKrisK

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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 09:07      Profile for MacManKrisK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Twinkle Toes:
That probably goes for drugs as well, which he seems to hold at par with pot and crack.

[Eek!] Crack?!!!!!!! No... you need to get out of this... NOW. Just cut it off and go. There is nothing you can do to help.

Crack is the worst drug, IMHO. A normal, healthy person, who is well-balanced and whatnot, can have their entire life ripped to shreds by crack. I've seen it happen. I've had friends who've sold everything they own for one more high.

If Scott is bi-polar, the LAST LAST ABOSLUTE LAST thing in the ENTIRE WORLD he needs to be doing is crack/coke. Crack is like pure manic-depression in drug form. Any underlying psychological issues need not apply, if he's using coke (or derivitives thereof) that IS his primary psychological issue; and I'd dare say that it's far beyond you to get him to stop using it.

Xanthine is right, this is one of those times when the best thing you can do for him, as hard as it may be, is to inform his family of the situation.

My word, no wonder his drugs "arn't working."

</rant>

--------------------
"Buy low, sell high
get rich and you still die"


Posts: 2331 | From: Southwest Michigan, USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Twinkle Toes
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 09:39      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Grey_girl:
There is a big qualifier to staying friends - not only were the breakups amicable, there weren't any big looming problems like clinical depression hanging over them... His stability issues nearly caused the end of the friendship.

So no evidence of hope for me yet [Razz] . I have always had the belief that people can still "make it work" after they've broken up (not all the time; that it's possible). I suppose I posed the question to you all because I've still got the memories of 'the old Scott' imprinted in my mind and was treating the failure of the relationship as one that involved a more emotionally stable partner.

I know it would take a lot of work trying to become really good friends again with him. The distance thing is what would really make it difficult at this point. The only thing I'm hoping for now is ending on a good note.

quote:
You are honoring yourself and that person as well, because if they were well, they wouldn't treat you that way. You're being the friend to yourself that they would be if they were able. You're helping yourself, but in a small way, helping them also.
I like the way you put that. I'll be keeping this in mind.
Posts: 1617 | From: a membrane near you! | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Twinkle Toes
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 10:38      Profile for Twinkle Toes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MacManKrisK:

[Eek!] Crack?!!!!!!! No... you need to get out of this... NOW. Just cut it off and go. There is nothing you can do to help.

Mkay, calm down... I didn't say that he's doing drugs. After getting a feel for his 'new personality' I told him that now the type of atmosphere I picture him in is a smoked-filled room sitting in a circle with complete strangers, sharing a bong and doing other substances. He then admitted that he would be absolutely fine with doing such things since he's popping pills everyday that [he believes] have the same effect. Pot and crack were used as examples in my statement, but he seems to think they're fine. I don't think he's going to go out looking for drugs to inhale or smoke but once he tries it I reckon he'll be hooked anyway.

quote:
My word, no wonder his drugs "arn't working."
Hahahah!
Posts: 1617 | From: a membrane near you! | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 10:40      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'd like to state at this point, that I have never in my life done any recreational drugs. And I wouldn't, even now, consider doing anything beyond pot. Even then I'd have to be having a particularly bad day.

As for alcohol, I havn't had any since the last time I had some with Wendy.

I just don't particularly care about that kind of stuff anymore, like I used to. I'm sick of trying to live with hope for a future I can't have. I don't know if any of you really know anything about Bi-Polar disorder, but, odds are there won't be any real big changes with medication, and, right now, and for the next few weeks, I'm on just antiddepressants, which are causing me to cycle extra fast, and I'm swinging very high as they don't have me on a mood stabilizer.

*sigh* As for the Christianity factor... I suppose I'd say I'm still a believer... But I still don't have any desire to live. At all.

I should also note that my "new love interest" Is merely a good friend to me. She always will be just a friend. I have no intentions to make our relationship more, nor any desire to. Only thing I wish would change is that she would have more free time, but, from experience, I know she just can't do that. She bogs herself down with so much to do so she dosn't have time to stop and think or feel... It helps a bit, but after a while you just burn out. Some people manage longer than others... I managed almost 4 years before I burnt out, and wound up in the hospital.

No one deserves to be treated the way I'll inevitably wind up treating them on my rollercoaster ride of emotions, thoughts, and feelings, which I can't control... I couldn't stand to put somone I love through that again anyway.

Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 10:47      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It is true that if I were well I would not treat her that way... I despise myself whenever I hear of how I've hurt her.

As for the way the phone calls we downhill in frequency.. The last couple months I've been having some very serious issues with my own mind... Had my first experience with a severe mania, and stopped caring what I might do to other people because of it, I even have no recolection of some of those days...

When not in that mania, I was having an incredibly difficult time staying awake more than an hour at a time, and severely depressed.

I'm sorry I've been such a terrible boyfried to her, and an even worse friend.. But I do still love her incredibly....

I hope some day she's happier...

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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!

Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 10:49      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Twink: I'm not so sure airing dirty laundry you share with another GC'er is very cool at all. Now you are forcing him to defend himself infront of all of us [shake head]

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 10:58      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm not defending myself for anyone's sake. I just wanted to make sure people knew the whole truth. I still lurk here now and then.

Oh, and by the way Twinkie, Xanthine told you several times she saw a terrible future for our relationship because of who I am.. You just always flew off the handle, because you were blinded by love. Snupy was the same, except she has the same kinda temper you do, and flew off the handle as well.

I don't actually care who knows about me problems, or anything.. Actually, I'm quite curious where this thread will go... Probably will die now that I've posted.. I tend to do that to threads unfortunately [shake head] [Frown]

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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!

Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Stereo

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 11:33      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cap'n Vic:
Twink: I'm not so sure airing dirty laundry you share with another GC'er is very cool at all. Now you are forcing him to defend himself infront of all of us [shake head]

I beg to disagree. Twinkle needed advice, and got some. Of course Neotatsu could have taken it wrong (but fortunately didn't), it doesn't change the initial fact. I don't think help for someone should be whitheld to protect the ego of another.

Actually, I can see an upside to this: they'll be able to talk more calmly than over the phone. The whole "take time to re-read before posting" can help a lot.

Neo, I'm pleased to find you're not faring as badly as TwinkleToe feared. You say you see no future; it's not up to me to tell you what so many people probably already said. Yet, and although I have no qualification nor experience to really help you, I'll offer you a bit of obvious: when you can't see the end of the road, you can either stop and end up nowhere, or just aim for the next milestone and maybe find your way back. I really hope you'll choose the latter.

You seem to be able of coherent thinking, and are still connected to reality, so I'd say all hope is not lost.

So I wish to both of you to find your own way to happiness, no matter how long it takes.

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Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

Posts: 2289 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
skylar
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 13:05      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yet another request for you to check your pms, Twink [Smile]

*does the 'sky is on vacation, hence will be reading and posting much more often' dance*

*decides to stop subjecting her fellow GC-ers to the torture of having to watch this rather embarassing dance, bows and exits thread*

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"arm, aber geeky"

Posts: 1994 | From: Deutschland | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
neotatsu
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 14:09      Profile for neotatsu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm coherant now, but not always, heh.

Don't get me wrong... I don't see a future, but I'm not giving up on life. All I'm doing is giving up on living for the future... I plan to live for the present for a while.. have some fun for the first time in my life.

*shrug* Who knows where I'll wind up.

Curiosity is a terrible vice though, you pm'ers got me *extremely* curious what you're talkin aboot, heh... [Geek]

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I'm curious... About what, you ask? EVERYTHING!

Posts: 2239 | From: Western WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted December 22, 2004 15:05      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey Scott,

What you're saying about your meds kinda worries me. How long have you been taking anti-depressants? If you're taking them as prescribed for over a month, your moods should be calming down. You should go back to your doctor and ask for a re-evaluation of your meds.

Like I said earlier, my uncle and a great-aunt both have bi-polar disorder (and maybe a second uncle, but with his Down's Syndrome it can't really be definitively diagnosed). Both of them found some relief by taking Lithium. Please ask your doctor to consider it for you. The Lithium worked to slow their cycles, giving them even-keeled lives. Before my uncle died (related to Hodgkin's disease), his episodes had slowed almost to a halt. He was happy, working hard, married, and really enjoying life.

No one knows if tomorrow will actually come, so enjoy today instead of wasting it on worrying and despair. Easier said than done, but y'know, even if God didn't answer your requests the way you wanted Him to, He is still with you, helping you take life one step at a time. (For me, it's a constant request for Him to walk with me. I've had some awful weeks/months with my depression, that if not for God, GC, and friends, I wouldn't be alive today and as emotionally healthy as I am becoming.)

Hang in there, Scott. As Red says, "Keep your stick on the ice. We're pulling for you."

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged


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