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Author Topic: The one who got away...
Lumina Manson
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Member # 1868

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3
Icon 1 posted March 30, 2004 04:13      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I had this really great boyfriend and I really miss him. He was everything to me, even though we dated for only about two months in the summer. I loved him with all my heart and I messed things up with him. This was three years ago and I still think about him. I didn't think it was that bad, but then last night I had a dream about him and all the good times flooded back. It kills me inside that I don't have a relationship with him anymore. Even though we occasionally talk on the phone (which is a blessing considering all I put him through) I still wonder sometimes, what if? I know that we would have eventually broken up because he moved away and everything, but I would have liked to have broken up with him under better (much better) circumstances. He was the best boyfriend I ever had, he made me things, spent time with me, was thoughtful and loving. He was so sweet. When we re-united in high school, I had a pool party and he and I just talked and talked and when it was time for him to leave, he didn't want to. He told his step-brother that night that he was in love with me. He cared about me so much and gave me his heart and soul and I gave him mine. He didn't care about what other people said about me or if I put on a few pounds or if I put on make up or anything like that. He was beautiful in so many ways and so creative and artistic. He was perfect. He stood by me as I tried to sever the ties with a long-term ex, even when I went to the metal hospital. He was there for me and loved me so much. He even lost his virginity to me, he loved me so much.
I guess I'm spilling my guts about it now because of the dream I had, and I still feel guilty about everything that happend. I'm wondering, Will I ever find someone as wonderful as he was? He was perfect and I wasn't, but he still loved me so much. He made me feel so safe and beautiful. I just wish that I hadn't ruined it...

-- [Frown] , C.P.

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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
csk

Member # 1941

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Icon 1 posted March 30, 2004 05:48      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm, that sounds tough. My advice would be not to get caught up too much in the "what if game". Being in a somewhat similar position myself, I'm finding that I have to deal with reality as it presents itself, rather than think about what could have been. If I spend too long on the what could have been, I suspect I'll end up very depressed and self obsessed.

My other piece of advice is don't be over zealous in pursuit of that special someone. I know what it's like to be without someone, but being with someone who isn't good for you is even worse than not having someone at all, despite appearances to the contrary. If I were ever to be in the courting stages again, I wouldn't date someone who I wouldn't consider a marriage candidate. Sounds heavy, but when you think of dating as a trial run to prepare for marriage (as I do), then it makes sense.

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6 weeks to go!

Posts: 4455 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
angryjungman

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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Icon 1 posted March 30, 2004 06:02      Profile for angryjungman   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I know exactly what you're experiencing. I have dreams about certain of my exes and wake up and regret all the bad things that ever happened.

But I wholeheartedly agree with csk on the "whatif" thing. I've had three really good girls that I've lost because I screwed up. After playing the "whatif" game for a number of years, I've recently realised the futility of it all.

Remember: If dreams were pigs, wishes would have wings. Or something like that. [Wink]

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Meh.

Posts: 633 | From: princeton, nj | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
eDJ
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Member # 1950

Icon 12 posted March 30, 2004 18:21      Profile for eDJ     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well Lumina, I think you've been given some good
advice here. Yours sounds similar to the path I've traveled in live. I used to feel so alone in it, but having lurked on so many blogg boards and moderated a few it seems a recurring story.

One of the central elements being that it isn't so much the other person and how great that person leaves you thinking they are....but how he or she brigns out those qualities and feelings inside you which awaken you to your own qualities of greatness. Yes, there will most likely be more like him in the near future. Consider them the gifts of youth and be wise with the opportunities they offer.

One of the ironies I've noticed was some of the girls absession with a book titled, "Diary of a teenage girl" by MiMi Goetz. Not all the girls posting were fortunate to have come of age with a prince charming....some had a much less wonderful first experience. It was interesting reading as the girls discussed the book among themselves on the board. If you read it you will understand what I mean.

And yes.....I too have known the affections of some wonderful girls/women who I give much credit to for what I've learned. How I would
enjoy talking to them again but....... [ohwell]
Then who knows what the future holds?

eDJ

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I don't give a shit...I don't take any shit. I'm not in the shit business.

Posts: 131 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Lumina Manson
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Member # 1868

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Icon 4 posted March 31, 2004 01:29      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for the advice, and I already knew about the whatif game, and not to play it, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. [Razz]
I'm seriously thinking about calling him, but at the same time I don't want to because all we ever do it talk about the same things. I really want to see him again, and I know he wouldn't mind seeing me. I don't know. [ohwell]
I'm not currently seeking anyone around me right now, because I've had some really bad experiences with meeting people over the internet, and the people in real life arn't much help either. If someone wants to persue me, they have that choice, but I'm not approaching anyone right now. Usually I've had wonderful luck with other people persuing me and that works for me. (That's how I met my ex in the first place)
I'll feel better once I've got my whip in one hand and a guy the right place. [Wink]

--Hmm..., C.P.

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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
weensicka
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Icon 1 posted March 31, 2004 21:09      Profile for weensicka   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Lumina, wow...there isn't much that I can say that hasn't already been said. But it's okay to feel the way you do; we've all been there and we will all be there again. But remember too, as much as you are thinking about this guy, that no one is perfect. People make mistakes and people have flaws. I'm not trying to say something foolish, like "Oh, well, if you'd known him longer you would have found something wrong with him," but you don't necessarily have to idolize him as "the one that got away."

It took a long time and two bad relationships to teach me that, it's really easy to love someone when they seem perfect, when you are in that stage of a relationship where no one has screwed up yet. But I don't think that's really love. It's love when you can honestly look at someone, who's imperfect and messed up and even ugly, and say, "I still love you and I want to stick around." That's not romantic. That's not Hollywood. But I think *that's* real. And you will find that someday, I know it.

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Is there any tea on this spaceship?

Posts: 182 | From: oh, just somewhere random | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 00:35      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh, for the love of all that is geeky, would you all get a clue??!!! [crazy]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 06:25      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sheesh - somebody's snippy lately. What happened - was the Candle Barn closed this morning, or something? [Razz]

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Allan
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 06:32      Profile for Allan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Awww Snupy, raging PMT?
Posts: 1280 | From: Edinburgh, Scotland / Frankfurt, Germany | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 06:46      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Allan:
Awww Snupy, raging PMT?

Been nice knowing ya, mate. [Wink]

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
snupy
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Icon 8 posted April 01, 2004 07:24      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Allan:
Awww Snupy, raging PMT?

Did you mean PMS, by any chance???


I didn't think so.


By the way, did you ever wonder why our boyfriends trust you alone with us? Is it some big brother or showtune-liking vibe that you give out? [Razz] [Wink]

My bf still refers to you as "the guy she slept with in New York". [Big Grin]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
snupy
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 07:25      Profile for snupy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[QUOTE]Originally posted by spungo:
[QB] Sheesh - somebody's snippy lately. What happened - was the Candle Barn closed this


No.


But they did stop stocking my favorite fragrance. [cry baby]

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"I just ordered an extra-long straw to avoid accidentally doing a sit-up"-Jay, Modern Family

Posts: 4269 | From: UK, via Chicago | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 08:22      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
But they did stop stocking my favorite fragrance. [cry baby]

What was that - 'Eau de Lasagne, et Pommes Frites'? [Razz]

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Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jessycat

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Icon 6 posted April 01, 2004 12:09      Profile for Jessycat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
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Posts: 490 | From: NYC | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Allan
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Icon 1 posted April 01, 2004 14:01      Profile for Allan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snupy:
quote:
Originally posted by Allan:
Awww Snupy, raging PMT?

Did you mean PMS, by any chance???


I didn't think so.


By the way, did you ever wonder why our boyfriends trust you alone with us? Is it some big brother or showtune-liking vibe that you give out? [Razz] [Wink]

My bf still refers to you as "the guy she slept with in New York". [Big Grin]

ooooh errr, get her. [Wink]
Posts: 1280 | From: Edinburgh, Scotland / Frankfurt, Germany | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
SupportGoddess

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Icon 1 posted April 02, 2004 09:05      Profile for SupportGoddess   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
We interrupt the current thread hijacking for an unscheduled on-topic post:

Audrie/Lumina/Merci/Kutin/whatever else you call yourself:

My sympathy for your plights is about all used up. Assuming that your boyfriend ever existed outside your own screwy little mind, you dumping him would be the best thing that ever happened to him. It's no fun dating a loony compulsive liar.

This concludes our on-topic posting, we now return you to the digression already in progress.

Posts: 1148 | From: The Digital Temple | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted April 02, 2004 11:21      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
quote:
Originally posted by Allan:
Awww Snupy, raging PMT?

Been nice knowing ya, mate. [Wink]
/me takes out her viola and plays a sad song

I agree with spungo. You were a great guy Allan.

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And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

Posts: 7670 | From: the lab | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged


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