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Author Topic: When should they call back if they do call back?
BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 12:27      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So after what I consider 2 dates, I haven't heard from this fellow in 3 days? A write-off? I have emailed once or twice and maybe sent about as many text messages. I haven't sent him anything since the one email last night. His move.

Comments?

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stevenback7
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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 12:36      Profile for stevenback7   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
could be anything, some of my friends have taken over a week to even recognize dates with girls.

I say give the fellow some time to think about if he wants the relationship to go further.

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boo
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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 13:06      Profile for boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Boobookitty, to me, three days is right on the line. I don't think it's cause for concern yet, but if it went a week, that might signal something. (Of course, it could just signal that he has no clue what waiting like that does to women.) [Big Grin]

But if he's ignored your text messages and emails, then I think that would be more meaningful. If you like him, I hope it works out. [Smile]

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 13:19      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There's always the potential that he developed a contagious disease and is quarantined in a hospital room for a few days. [ohwell]

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Grummash

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 13:31      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
BooBooKitty

If it was simply three days with no word from the guy, I wouldn't see that as cause for concern. However, as you have sent a couple of emails and a couple of texts, I see four possibilities:

1) Some sort of crisis or emergency has come up, in which case he will be in touch again eventually. This option will work itself out in time.

2) He isn't avoiding you per se, but he is extremely discourteous. This option does not bode well for the future.

3) He wants to see more of you, but he is having a little panic because he does not know to handle things without screwing up. Ironically, he is doing exactly what he wants to avoid doing. This option can work out fine in the end but may require decisive action on your part to overcome this impasse.

4) Maybe he is avoiding you, in which case he is an ill-mannered coward and you are better off without him.

My conclusion? This is early days and the situation could still be resolved positively or negatively. My counsel would be to give it a few more days and then, if you have not heard from him, maybe you should confront him. You deserve to know where you stand.

I know you only asked for comments and not advice, but that's my two-penn'orth. I hope this works out ok for you.

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 14:20      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for the comments, folks! I think I will wait it out a little longer.

It has happened in the past where I don't hear back from the guy after the first and only date (no explanation). So I guess it's not all that uncommon for some guys to just not make contact if that is the case. I do also think it is discourteous not to give an explanation. You can't teach manners to everyone, could you?

Anyway, there's plenty of fish out there, no? :-)

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garlicguy

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 14:23      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Switch to a better beer to attract better male candidates. [Wink]

[Edit: Not that Heineken is bad.]

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I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 14:40      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by garlicguy:
Switch to a better beer to attract better male candidates. [Wink]

[Edit: Not that Heineken is bad.]

Micro-brew ;-)

http://www.brutopia.net/english/index.html

Good place if you ever visit Montreal!

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GrumpySteen

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Icon 1 posted November 07, 2006 14:49      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
BooBooKitty wrote:
It has happened in the past where I don't hear back from the guy after the first and only date (no explanation).

That's not uncommon

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JulioC
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 07:42      Profile for JulioC     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Its basic guy-procedure...

most experienced daters give a 2-4 day time before calling the girl back, to show theyre not "needy", at the same time they remember the girl.

If he calls you within 4 days, beware. He could just be a guy following the basic "guy date script"

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 16:09      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I concur with the "needy" opinion. Guy can't call before three dates.

The e-mails and texts aren't a good thing for you, it may be signalling to him that you are needy.

You may have scared him off.

CP

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uilleann
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 16:21            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's a good thing I am not trying to date ... I would fall foul of so very many rules, regulations, expectations, conventions and standards that I'd be chewed up, spat out and abandoned. Unless I found (a) girl(s) who actually were either decent enough to not care about social and dating conventions, or equally ignorant of the arbitrary rules that society sets for everyone.
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quantumfluff
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 19:20      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
boobooK. Guys need at least 3 days to even realize they haven't had a date in 3 days. We're freakin' dense. Just don't appear needy, or it scares us away. If he doesn't call you in a year, that means he's really not interested.
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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 04:44      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, in the end, he did finally call yesterday. He gave some excuse about his PC crashing, etc. In any case, by then I had already given it some thought about the whole thing. We both agreed it wasn't going to work out. I didn't ask for his reasons and I didn't tell him what mine were. From my side, there were a few things that bothered me.

So everything is cool. But now it's back to square one.

:-)

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 06:13      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by uilleann:
I would fall foul of so very many rules, regulations, expectations, conventions and standards that I'd be chewed up, spat out and abandoned.

There are rules?! Jeez, I thought it was just about buttering each other up enough to land between the sheets... [Razz]
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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 06:19      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
Jeez, I thought it was just about buttering each other up enough to land between the sheets... [Razz]

You use butter? Now that's a thought. I've heard about massage oil making things fun, but I guess butter could be used in a pinch...


[Roll Eyes]

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quantumfluff
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Icon 14 posted November 09, 2006 06:43      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Of course butter is appropriate. Go out and rent "Last Tango in Paris".
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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 08:34      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Butter??? [Eek!]

What's wrong with crisco?

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Demosthenes
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 08:59      Profile for Demosthenes     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by BooBooKitty:
What's wrong with crisco?

The same thing that's wrong with both butter and massage oils...raging fucking yeast infections.

I meant "buttering up" in the schmoopy, pretending to care about how they feel way, obviously...but I suppose the other sense would work as well. [Razz]

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 09:08      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Demosthenes:
quote:
Originally posted by BooBooKitty:
What's wrong with crisco?

The same thing that's wrong with both butter and massage oils...raging fucking yeast infections.

I meant "buttering up" in the schmoopy, pretending to care about how they feel way, obviously...but I suppose the other sense would work as well. [Razz]

How is it I always read the icky posts while having lunch?? [Razz]
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uilleann
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Icon 1 posted November 10, 2006 00:04            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
lol! It's nice being immune to being repulsed by such delights.

Demosthenes: I don't know, I think you qualify for being one of the exceptions. If everyone was an exception to all the rules it might be wonderful [Smile] (If it were actually even that easy, but it's not.)

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Colonel Panic
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Icon 1 posted November 14, 2006 22:57      Profile for Colonel Panic         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by uilleann:
It's a good thing I am not trying to date ... I would fall foul of so very many rules, regulations, expectations, conventions and standards that I'd be chewed up, spat out and abandoned. Unless I found (a) girl(s) who actually were either decent enough to not care about social and dating conventions, or equally ignorant of the arbitrary rules that society sets for everyone.

U,

This is going back to some old advice. Date. Don't worry about pairing up, in fact, try to work against it. That way if one person decides to move on, you still have others around to go out with.

In my previous life I was married young and was the divorced father of an adult son when I was 36 (College is a great place to raise a child -- flexible hours and student teachers are getting their k-3 hours in at the campus day care. Early fatherhood in Disneyland east was not fun).

Anyway, I got frustrated with the pair up thing, and started dating. That's when I found there was an entire universe of women who did not want the pressure of a commited relationship.

Right now, I have three close girlfriends, and date about a dozen more. And I go out with a few others from time to time. I'm honest about it, and it works.

If I found the right woman again, we'd both know it, and the pressure wouldn't exist.

Date, get out. You're a good guy (just don't try to be a nice guy -- women hate nice guys. Nice guys finished last, which if a woman thought about it should be a good thing -- but usually the nice guys aren't permitted to get that far!

CP

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Free! Free at last!

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uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted November 14, 2006 23:54            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I hope nothing ever gave you the impression that I was a nice guy ... can't show myself up in front of all the ladies here ;)
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Icon 1 posted November 15, 2006 07:15      Profile for business attire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Its not if you're a nice guy.
Its just the guy you are.

I would never date a guy that wasn't a "nice guy." manners are not optional. I certainly expect car doors opened and seats pulled out.
Unfortunately, "nice guys" also seem to think that they can't have a brain in their head and must agree to everything I say, and gosh I hate that. makes for boring dinner conversation.

its this sort of thing that makes me think I'll never find "the one" (if there is such a person). I'd need the right balance of gentleman and rhetor, dominant yet still not so dominant that I rise to the challenge and dominate him (it always happens). bah! it doesn't exist!

I have lots of fun looking though...

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BooBooKitty

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Icon 1 posted November 15, 2006 08:09      Profile for BooBooKitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There's some sort of saying that goes something like "Nice guys finish last". I would like to knoe exactly what the definition of a "nice guy" is. I'm curious.
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