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Author Topic: 2 short months
Mac D
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 09:44      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Lets see where do I begin this? 2 months ago (As of yesterday) I moved out of my wifes place. 3 months ago we decided to seperate. I won't get into that I made a post around that time about it. But what has happened in that 2 months that we have been seperated?

I made a life changing dissision in this time. I decided to join the millitary. It has been something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I have never been able to since I became a single parent at the age of 17. But since I am still leagally married I'm not considered a single parent. My family is more then happy to watch my oldest son when I am gone (There is a long list of soldiers/sailors in my family it's almost like a rite of passage type thing) And my youngest son would stay with his mother, she has already made arrangements for when I am gone. I havn't gotten in yet I will find out more this month.

So why you ask did I post this here in the "Looking for love" forum. Well I am getting to that if you can just keep your pants on for a little bit longer.

In the last 2 months I have gone on dates with several girls. But none that have sparked my intrest. I've been enjoying being single durring this time. It's the first time I have enjoyed it. But I know that won't last. I'm going to be kind of gone but from all the people I know in the millitary they get to use the internet a lot and get to keep in touch with people.

So now I'm getting to the reson for posting this here. What I am looking for is someone to write to when I am away. Not necessarily from here but hey you never know now do you. Not asking for someone to wait for me to get out or anything. But as of right now the only people I am going to be writing home to is my oldest son (The youngest can't read but he will still get letters via my mother) and my mom. I will more then likley go on more dates before basic and might find someone I would like to write home to but why not keep my options open?

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

Posts: 1449 | From: Where I am is very relative to my location at that time. | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
nerdwithnofriends
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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 14:14      Profile for nerdwithnofriends     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Brilliant! So what branch are you going into?

I know that the Navy has lots of options for continuing your education while serving, you may wish to look into them... one of them pays for your whole tuition, so long as the major meets the needs of the Navy.

Good luck! It's nice to see that your family is helping to support your decision.

--------------------
"The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain or in the petals of a flower." - Robert M. Pirsig

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 15:09      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My father just left his second wife two weeks ago, leaving behind two adopted daughters, ages 14 & 15, and a whole lot of broken hearts. Divorce is horrible, but it's even worse the second time, especially when the person doing the leaving says "Now I've figured it out; this person is perfect for me," but ten years later just throws it all away.

I don't remember why you left your wife, but here's something novel: Why not write letters to her while you're away? Start as friends, then progress until you've rekindled your romance. When you married her, you promised to love her and stay faithful to her, no matter what happened. "For better and for worse," and all that jazz. If you're strong enough to be a military man, you're strong enough to do the work necessary to keep your family together like you promised.

And writing letters to your wife, even if she doesn't respond, is such a romantic gesture, she'd be a fool not to fall in love with you again!!

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Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Serenak

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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 16:41      Profile for Serenak     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Whilst I think Rhonwyyn (being all "loved up" as she is) might be over romantising (no pun intended) there is also a lot of sense in what she says...

You must have loved your wife once (and if you got married she most likely reciprocated that) at the very least maintaining contact by letter might help you both come to an amicable understanding - and yes it might be that (if you are lucky and want it) it might rekindle whatever spark you had in the past.

I agree that we all agree to love, honour and cherish, foresaking all others, for better or worse, etc. etc. but sometimes it just doesn't pan out like that.

I had a long term relationship in the past that failed... it broke down after 5 years and with a lot of work and effort we got it back on the rails... for another 5 years - when it went south the second time I really couldn't be fagged to put in the effort to try and ressurect it again. I have no idea what happened to her - I have never seen or spoken to her since the day she gave back the key to the house we shared - I really did love her and truly hope that whatever it was she needed or was searching for that I couldn't give her she has found.

Anyway, I digress - sometimes the grind of daily life overtakes the relationship and makes you lose sight of why you started out on the journey together and a rest can clear heads and remind us why we were are together, and sometimes it just makes you realise how much you have grown apart and the aching space that the failure of the relationship has actually left, especially if you were pretending to yourself that everything was fine (like I was... only meeting Jackie 6 months after my split made me aware how empty and lonely an existance I had been leading for the previous couple of years.

Yeah, I am rambling... point is (I think) give writing to your wife a shot... can't really do any harm and you never know it might make you think again about your relationship - or not...

If I am out of order here just tell me to butt out OK?

Either way good luck with your military career... and as Jace will no doubt say "semper fi" but I prefer "per ardua ad astra" (through difficulties to the stars - RAF)

Cheers and keep in touch as best you can...

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"So if you want my address - it's No. 1 at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing my scars..."

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Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 19:56      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I agree^ you should totally "court" your wife again.
Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Mac D
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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 21:03      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by nerdwithnofriends:
Brilliant! So what branch are you going into?

I know that the Navy has lots of options for continuing your education while serving, you may wish to look into them... one of them pays for your whole tuition, so long as the major meets the needs of the Navy.

Good luck! It's nice to see that your family is helping to support your decision.

Thats funny. It IS the Navy

quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn
When you married her, you promised to love her and stay faithful to her, no matter what happened. "For better and for worse,"

She had a problem with that "Faithful" part

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 21:20      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn
When you married her, you promised to love her and stay faithful to her, no matter what happened. "For better and for worse,"

She had a problem with that "Faithful" part
Oh, ouch! [Frown]

All the more reason to sweep her off her feet with lots of great letters. From the studies and books I've read, it appears that women tend to cheat because they feel a lack of emotional connection. They give sex because they think it will get and keep the emotional connection with the new guy. If that's the case with your wife, then reestablishing the emotional connection--and many women primarily relate through words, oral and written--will be a step in the positive direction.

If that's not the case, there's not much I can recommend, except to be the "steadfast tin soldier." At the very least it will set a positive example for your children.

You may find the book of Hosea somewhat interesting.

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

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Mochan
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Icon 1 posted April 19, 2006 23:17      Profile for Mochan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Mac D
Thats funny. It IS the Navy

Oh God.... now I know why you left your wife. *flashes of the Village People are going through my mind*

<j/k mate hope you don't take it personally... if you got the reference>

Anyway all I can say is try to stick with the wife. Not very good at stuff like this, sorry. Those letters to her would be good.

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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 05:35      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mochan:
quote:
Mac D
Thats funny. It IS the Navy

Oh God.... now I know why you left your wife. *flashes of the Village People are going through my mind*

<j/k mate hope you don't take it personally... if you got the reference>

Anyway all I can say is try to stick with the wife. Not very good at stuff like this, sorry. Those letters to her would be good.

The reson I chose the Navy is because it is #3 for technical training in the U.S. (MIT is 1st and I can't remember#2 it's one of thoes Ivy Leage schools that I couln't afford in a million years) So why not get paid to get or at leaste start my degree? Not to mention the Armed forces look good on a resume.

And as far as it goes with my wife. I won't go back to her. We are still really good friends but as far as a relationship goes it just won't work. We tried marriage councilers and every thing and nothing worked. We are just to incompatible.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 06:30      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn
When you married her, you promised to love her and stay faithful to her, no matter what happened. "For better and for worse,"

She had a problem with that "Faithful" part
Oh, ouch! [Frown]

All the more reason to sweep her off her feet with lots of great letters. From the studies and books I've read, it appears that women tend to cheat because they feel a lack of emotional connection. They give sex because they think it will get and keep the emotional connection with the new guy. If that's the case with your wife, then reestablishing the emotional connection--and many women primarily relate through words, oral and written--will be a step in the positive direction.

What the fuck!? All the more reason to sweep her off her feet? How does that work?

"You had sex with someone else, so I'm going to be a better person!"?

I don't fucking think so. I'm sorry, but give your head a shake.

If she was worthless enough to cheat on you, she's not worth your time, energy, or letters. Be on your way, find someone new, and all the best finding someone worthy of you.

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Mac D
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 07:17      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn
When you married her, you promised to love her and stay faithful to her, no matter what happened. "For better and for worse,"

She had a problem with that "Faithful" part
Oh, ouch! [Frown]

All the more reason to sweep her off her feet with lots of great letters. From the studies and books I've read, it appears that women tend to cheat because they feel a lack of emotional connection. They give sex because they think it will get and keep the emotional connection with the new guy. If that's the case with your wife, then reestablishing the emotional connection--and many women primarily relate through words, oral and written--will be a step in the positive direction.

What the fuck!? All the more reason to sweep her off her feet? How does that work?

"You had sex with someone else, so I'm going to be a better person!"?

I don't fucking think so. I'm sorry, but give your head a shake.

If she was worthless enough to cheat on you, she's not worth your time, energy, or letters. Be on your way, find someone new, and all the best finding someone worthy of you.

Thank you

--------------------
There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 07:24      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Rhon was right about one thing though: women do respond well to oral.

*cough*

</coat>

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zesovietrussian
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 11:18      Profile for zesovietrussian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Mac D:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn
When you married her, you promised to love her and stay faithful to her, no matter what happened. "For better and for worse,"

She had a problem with that "Faithful" part
Oh, ouch! [Frown]

All the more reason to sweep her off her feet with lots of great letters. From the studies and books I've read, it appears that women tend to cheat because they feel a lack of emotional connection. They give sex because they think it will get and keep the emotional connection with the new guy. If that's the case with your wife, then reestablishing the emotional connection--and many women primarily relate through words, oral and written--will be a step in the positive direction.

What the fuck!? All the more reason to sweep her off her feet? How does that work?

"You had sex with someone else, so I'm going to be a better person!"?

I don't fucking think so. I'm sorry, but give your head a shake.

If she was worthless enough to cheat on you, she's not worth your time, energy, or letters. Be on your way, find someone new, and all the best finding someone worthy of you.

Amen to that!
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canadiangeek
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 12:13      Profile for canadiangeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:


.
.
.
.
.
.
What the fuck!? All the more reason to sweep her off her feet? How does that work?

"You had sex with someone else, so I'm going to be a better person!"?

I don't fucking think so. I'm sorry, but give your head a shake.

If she was worthless enough to cheat on you, she's not worth your time, energy, or letters. Be on your way, find someone new, and all the best finding someone worthy of you.

Not to sound like a parrot..... but I agree with NEWF.... I can't speak for others here on GC... but I damn well wouldn't get back together with someone who cheated on me... just isn't an option.

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-whenever you build something that's idiotproof, someone comes out with a better idiot-

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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 12:25      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
While I might get back together with someone who cheated on me (after much counseling, etc) I do think it isn't really a reason to start you wooing all over again. Traitionally it is the offender who has to make it up to the injured party, not the other way around.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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Flashfire
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 14:57      Profile for Flashfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn
Oh, ouch! [Frown]

All the more reason to sweep her off her feet with lots of great letters. From the studies and books I've read, it appears that women tend to cheat because they feel a lack of emotional connection. They give sex because they think it will get and keep the emotional connection with the new guy. If that's the case with your wife, then reestablishing the emotional connection--and many women primarily relate through words, oral and written--will be a step in the positive direction.

What the fuck!? All the more reason to sweep her off her feet? How does that work?

"You had sex with someone else, so I'm going to be a better person!"?

I don't fucking think so. I'm sorry, but give your head a shake.

If she was worthless enough to cheat on you, she's not worth your time, energy, or letters. Be on your way, find someone new, and all the best finding someone worthy of you.

Wow. I've never seen a clearer illustration of the difference in male and female thought processes / socialization...

Regardless. MacD - when you say "write home to", what exactly do you mean? Love letters? Or just weekly / monthly "how I'm doin'" sort of letters? If it's the second, I'm sure you have lots of platonic friends you can write to, who would be thrilled to hear from you. Your mom and your sons are also going love getting your letters.

If it's the first, then I would suggest you rethink it a little bit. It's only been 3 months since you separated from your wife -- do you really want to get into another serious relationship so soon? That, and getting letters from a lover that you know you aren't going to see for a long while does more to heighten loneliness than anything else. (I know this from experience.) Not to mention you probably won't be thinking very romantic thoughts while you're in boot. Or at least none that you'll want to write about.

So, if I were you, I'd write to just family and friends for now.

--------------------
"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
-------------------------------
My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 16:51      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Flashfire:
Wow. I've never seen a clearer illustration of the difference in male and female thought processes / socialization...

I have to ask how?

Let's say it was a solitary indescretion. I would be willing to say, try and see if you can work things out. There may be a reason why this happened. Not all cheating is because of the person that cheated.

But that said. I have a feeling that MacD may have been given the short end of the stick more than once in that particular matter. Then it is an unforgivable tresspass. Male or female. And if a woman said the same thing, I have no doubt that the Newf would have the same answer.

edit:

MacD, I think that after 2 months I would advise that you stick with the kids and family.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 17:11      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have to ask. How is dnf's comments such an example of the difference between men and women?

Speaking as a woman I agree 100 percent with him.
Give them your pity, but dont give them anymore of your time, effort or love. They have proved that you mean as much to them as the dirt under their feet.

All people make mistakes all people make awful decisions at times. When someone you love and trust makes a mistake like that hope that they learn from it and behave properly with the NEXT person in their life.

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supergoo

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 18:25      Profile for supergoo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I agree with YaYa and newf here...relationships can't always be rekindled, there is just too much baggage to forget it all and say "let's fall in love again!"

Love tends to bring out the worst in all of us.

(but what do I know?)

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Y los sueños, sueños son.

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YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 20:04      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ah supergoo you are right love does bring out the worst.

It also brings out the very best in us too. Otherwise none of us would ever jump back into the pool after the first bellyflop. [Wink]

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Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 21:30      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think that more people should read their Private Messages.
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Flashfire
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 22:17      Profile for Flashfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by YaYawoman:
I have to ask. How is dnf's comments such an example of the difference between men and women?

Speaking as a woman I agree 100 percent with him.
Give them your pity, but dont give them anymore of your time, effort or love. They have proved that you mean as much to them as the dirt under their feet.

I'm not saying that Newf is wrong by any stretch; in fact I mostly agree with him. I'm just saying that his and Rhonwynn's reactions to the same information (someone being cheated on) illustrate the difference in the way men and women approach this situation.

More often than not, it seems that women respond to being cheated on by thinking, "What's wrong with me? How can I fix it?" Before you start yelling at me for saying this, I realize that it's a generalization and not all women react that way. Just in my experience, that's how it appears to go. I've even caught myself thinking that way after being cheated on.

Men just don't seem to think like that. I'm not a guy, so I can't be absolutely certain exactly what they think after something like that happens, but I don't think the knee-jerk reaction is "What did I do wrong?" If that's not true, I'm sorry. Maybe you guys do think that. But I have a feeling the gut reaction is something more akin to Newf's post.

That's what I was saying, not that anyone was wrong in their opinions.

--------------------
"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
-------------------------------
My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis

Posts: 368 | From: State of Denial | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Mac D
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 03:48      Profile for Mac D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I will never get back together with my wife in that way. She has broken any trust I could ever have in her. I won't get into the details or anything but I will say that we are still really good friends and still hang out. We just went to the Rob Zombie concert last Friday.

Also I'm not looking at jumping into a relationship. For the most part more of a pen pal and if I gain a friend from it then awsome. If something more thats good too.

I copied and pasted this in a couple different places trying to decide what forum here at GC to put this into. I just thought this was the most appropriate.

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There's nothing wrong with me, This is how I'm supposed to be.

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ChildeRoland
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 04:20      Profile for ChildeRoland     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:

There may be a reason why this happened. Not all cheating is because of the person that cheated.

The cheater always has a choice. They can either sleep around, or not. How is it not their fault if they chose the former?

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=====================
Childe Roland

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CommanderShroom
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 04:42      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ChildeRoland:
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:

There may be a reason why this happened. Not all cheating is because of the person that cheated.

The cheater always has a choice. They can either sleep around, or not. How is it not their fault if they chose the former?
Roland,

Hrmm. I think that once in a while I should pull out a big ol clue stick when I post. List all variables and possibilities, and then have a lawyer proofread before I click 'Add Reply'. But not without first adding a quick disclaimer.

I never said that a person that cheats is not at fault. What I am saying is that sometimes deeper issues will manifest themselves in different ways.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

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