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Author Topic: Attention span of a goldfish
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 27, 2006 23:19      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Two months ago, the company I work for published their "Five Year Plan" full of bold initiatives and ambitious profit targets. The business unit I work for was identified as having particularly strong growth potential, and was tipped to grow from around 5% of group revenue to 20% in 5 years.

They just announced they're abolishing it. (the business unit I work for)

Two months into the 5 year plan.

While I'm not directly affected (I had already decided to move on for my own reasons) there are a lot of good people who will be "seeking other opportunities" including 2 new starters who've left perfectly good jobs elsewhere less than a month ago.

I look forward to reading the annual report, to see how much of a "performance bonus" the morons on the board award themselves this year.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
Geek
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Icon 13 posted April 28, 2006 09:51      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Awww..... I thought it was going to be about fish ! [Frown]
I could have gone into a whole conversation over Dory from Finding Nemo.
Yes, I realize that she was NOT a goldfish.

Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2006 09:56      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It genuinely makes me wonder how some bosses get to be bosses in the first place, when they have stupid, braindead ideas that don't work -- how do they get money? How do they get promoted? Do they have sore knees? Sore knees or not, how long would you let a manager ruin your business before you go, 'wait, youre an idiot.' and fire them?

I'll never understand PHB syndrome.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2006 10:42      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
I look forward to reading the annual report, to see how much of a "performance bonus" the morons on the board award themselves this year.

I lay odds the real kicker is how much they probably spent paying one or more consultants to help develop that 5-year plan.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Spiderman

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2006 11:11      Profile for Spiderman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sounds all too familiar.

I work for a smallish broadband ISP, and as we grow, we've inevitably run into network scaling issues requiring continued evolution of our infrastructure.

Recently, my coworker and I presented our recommendation for our latest expansion plans. This included additional routers at key edge locations and the implementation of OSPF through our various backhaul links for fault tolerance and failover.

The owner of the company, who makes all final decisions, was unsure that this was the right course of action, and decided to hire a consulting company to give their recommendation.

They came back with: "you need to install additional routers at key edge locations and implement OSPF through your various backhaul links for fault tolerance and failover."

Ha Ha. So, the boss was happy now, "let's start planning this out"...

Fast forward about three weeks.

Boss says: "I'm not so sure we want to do things this way, I think we need to do XYZ instead..." Where XYZ is some useless plan that really won't help anything.

Aside from the fact that a rather large amount of money was spent getting this third-party "consultation", I can't tell you how aggravating that type of crazy plan-shifting is...

Just another project, working at this wonderful company. It happens all the time. [Roll Eyes] [shake head]

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Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Posts: 846 | From: Chicago | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2006 12:29      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Consultants are heavily overused these days. I believe that there are some good consultants out there who are valuable in certain situations, but I believe a large portion of them are like actors in white coats in TV commercials. Those types look really authoritative for the management, but, at best, tell them something they really already know, or, at worst, give bad advice based on generic industry knowledge which might not apply to the company's specific situation.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
YaYawoman

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Icon 1 posted April 28, 2006 23:34      Profile for YaYawoman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
It genuinely makes me wonder how some bosses get to be bosses in the first place, when they have stupid, braindead ideas that don't work -- how do they get money? How do they get promoted? Do they have sore knees? Sore knees or not, how long would you let a manager ruin your business before you go, 'wait, youre an idiot.' and fire them?

I'll never understand PHB syndrome.

Nyah, not sore knees. The plush carpeting under the desks stop that. It is stiff lips and a dulled gag reflex that helps them move up. [Big Grin]
Posts: 765 | From: virginia | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 29, 2006 01:13      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A few other snippets of "management genius" from my current (until Monday) employer...

- A few weeks ago I sat through a 2 hour meeting, where the main topic being discussed was ... <drum roll> ... The process you go through to get approval to go through the process to get approval to do some work !

- a week after that, it was announced that one of the much heralded re-organisations had been delayed because - you guessed it - they had to wait until the previous re-organisation was finalised first.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ashitaka

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Icon 1 posted April 29, 2006 11:45      Profile for Ashitaka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Me: How did we come up with these growth objectives we are trying to meet? (It's a seven year plan)

My Boss: We had to set the objectives high (objectives = how much revenue we will generate) in order to get the funding I wanted. If I don't tell my boss we are going to generate X amount of new revenue sources, we get less money.

Me: can we meet the goals set?

My Boss: No, they're set way to high.

Me: Isn't is going to look really bad on your record if you don't me the goals you set yourself?

My Boss: I intend to get transfered to a different project that set better goals before that happens.

ps. At least my boss is always really honest with me.

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"If they're not gonna make a distinction between Muslims and violent extremists, then why should I take the time to distinguish between decent, fearful white people and racists?"

-Assif Mandvi

Posts: 3089 | From: Switzerland | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Erbo
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted April 29, 2006 15:56            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
TFD: Your office is in serious need of an anti-Dilbert-ization committee. [Smile]
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ARJ
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Icon 1 posted April 30, 2006 18:33      Profile for ARJ   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm... we just watched Office Space last night (WeirdArms had never seen it before). Colour me extra cynical now. 99% of all companies are completely retarded and the other 1% aren't hiring. The older I get, the more I ponder self-employment.

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Katie West: Well done steak? Really?

Warren Ellis: Yes. Because MAN COOK MEAT WITH FIRE UNTIL IT NO CRY ANY MORE THEN EAT IT DEAD

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csk

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Icon 1 posted April 30, 2006 18:58      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ARJ:
Hmm... we just watched Office Space last night (WeirdArms had never seen it before). Colour me extra cynical now. 99% of all companies are completely retarded and the other 1% aren't hiring. The older I get, the more I ponder self-employment.

I hear you. My firm hasn't given any pay rises since I've been there (about 3 years), and for a while before. Now there's a push to do quarterly performance reviews .. and you guessed it, no perfomance bonuses or anything, just for the "feedback". Good grief, what a waste of time and effort..

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6 weeks to go!

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maybe.logic
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Icon 1 posted May 03, 2006 10:47      Profile for maybe.logic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Famous Druid:
Two months ago, the company I work for published their "Five Year Plan"

Hmmmm, The name Stalin is ringing bells in my head... - hehe.
Posts: 345 | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged
fs

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Icon 1 posted May 03, 2006 12:18      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sxeptomaniac:
Consultants are heavily overused these days. I believe that there are some good consultants out there who are valuable in certain situations, but I believe a large portion of them are like actors in white coats in TV commercials. Those types look really authoritative for the management, but, at best, tell them something they really already know, or, at worst, give bad advice based on generic industry knowledge which might not apply to the company's specific situation.

Consultants are like business thereapists, I think. Even if you have the knowledge internally, it's trendy to have a consultant. The real use for consultants is smaller companies where hiring specialists for support functions doesn't make sense. (Like, do you really need to have your very own router guy for an insurance firm consisting of 20 people?)

The question people like the owner of Spiderman's company should be asking their managers is "Why do we need consultants? Why aren't you hiring people with this knowledge?" because either they are hiring the wrong people or they are pissing away money for no reason.

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I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted May 03, 2006 13:39      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by FireSnake:
The question people like the owner of Spiderman's company should be asking their managers is "Why do we need consultants? Why aren't you hiring people with this knowledge?"

Re-read Spideys story, and you'll find that the key points are...

1. The existing staff were already telling the boss The Right Thing.

2. The boss didn't believe The Right Thing so he hired a consultant.

3. Becasue the consultant didn't tell the boss What He Wanted To Hear, the consultants advice ended up not being followed.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10680 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged


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