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Author Topic: SATANIC LEMON!! :run: :noes:
-ct-
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 209

Icon 11 posted April 20, 2006 17:31      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm going to take over the world! BWAAAHAHHAHAHAAA!


quote:

Demon Lemon


My buddy, Dan, has a lemon tree. This tree has produced a few odd lemons in its time, but we are now convinced it was probably planted over a portal to Hell.

The other day Dan walked outside to find this satanic yellow beast hanging from the tree, plotting its world-wide reign of citrus terror.

 -

This is no tiny lemon. It is approximately 5" long, has a 14" circumference and weighs just over 1 pound!! It's a lemon to be reckoned with.

It almost appears as if a normal lemon is in the grips of a monstrous taloned fist. Or that it's trying to give us the finger. We were going to cut it open but were afraid blood might come out. So, now it's on http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9508334956

(or was, i bought it [thumbsup] )

Since this is ultimately a perishable item, I'm also throwing in a non-perishable and extremely rare SNEEZE MUG. Very few of these exist. (Because no one ever buys them from The Sneeze store.)

 -

In addition, <b>we will donate all profits from this auction to a charity of the winner's choosing.

Won't you bid on a freakish piece of demonic fruit history today?

(you can't! i already won! )

To see more pix check out the auction right here.

By Steven | [url=http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000507.php">Permalink[/url]



now i need ideas for what to do with it

of course, it needs it's own website to start
ideas for names? lol

[evil]

--------------------
Things are always darkest... just before you pull your head out of your butt, void where prohibited, keep away from flame, surcharge(s) may apply.

www.harddriveHELL.com and demoniclemon.com

Posts: 1906 | From: nowhere, man | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 17:40      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Unfortunately, bidding ended already. [Frown]

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 17:44      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If I'm correctly reading the UBB tags between the lines, -ct- bought that freakish lemon.

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3849 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 17:45      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Doh! I just skimmed through that part since I saw the entry at the Sneeze already. [crazy]

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
óMiss Piggy

Posts: 4010 | From: my couch | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
-ct-
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 209

Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 18:21      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TMBWITW,PB:
Unfortunately, bidding ended already. [Frown]

yes, i won [thumbsup] [Big Grin]

--------------------
Things are always darkest... just before you pull your head out of your butt, void where prohibited, keep away from flame, surcharge(s) may apply.

www.harddriveHELL.com and demoniclemon.com

Posts: 1906 | From: nowhere, man | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 21:20      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wash. Fill with hot bevarage. Enjoy.
Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Flashfire
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2006 22:33      Profile for Flashfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
When I first read the topic title, I thought this was going to be a rant about a really awful car. [Big Grin]

Instead, that's quite the piece of citrus you've got there, -ct-. My first thought would be to make DEMON LEMONADE and put that up for auction.

Other than that...yeah, I got nothin'.

--------------------
"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
-------------------------------
My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 01:16      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wow, a Cthulemon !

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 07:06      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ha! That's awesome. I read the sneeze all the time. I'm afraid of that lemon though.

And I'm not sure it was worth $51, but have fun with it anyway. [Wink]

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Black Widow
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 07:36      Profile for Black Widow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I wonder if there's some way you can preserve it so that it never rots/molds/dries out and shrivels away?

Aside from that, sell it to Golden Palace (or whatever that online casino? is that buys all the weird stuff).

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canadiangeek
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 09:56      Profile for canadiangeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Speaking of mugs...... my girlfriend's going to Mexico soon, and she was in search of a decent mug to keep her liquor cold..... that's when I found it..... The BUBBA KEG

 -

.... 52 ounces (1.5L for you metric folks) of booze holding goodness.......

Granted, it's no Big Tim (for those of you not lucky enough to be farmiliar with Tim Hortons, it's a 59oz gargantuan mug-shaped coffee holding wonder, and each refil comes with a bag of cream and sugar, and a stack of coffee cups).

 -

--------------------
-whenever you build something that's idiotproof, someone comes out with a better idiot-

Posts: 161 | From: Nova Scotia | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 10:09      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For real about the Lemon...
I think you should cut it in half and scrape out all of the insides. Then put it back together with some kind of preservative.

Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Bibo
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 10:27      Profile for Bibo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Or put it back on ebay and see if Golden Palace will pay $$$$ for it!
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Flashfire
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 14:43      Profile for Flashfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Widow:
I wonder if there's some way you can preserve it so that it never rots/molds/dries out and shrivels away?

I'm not an expert in fruit preservation, but you could try coating it with varnish or shellac. I'm not sure exactly what to use, but anything that blocks out oxygen should work, like a clear acrylic sealer. Since citrus fruit is naturally acidic, you shouldn't have to worry about scraping out the insides, but you may want to just to be on the safe side.

--------------------
"No silicon heaven? That's absurd!
Where would all the calculators go?"
--Kryten, Red Dwarf
-------------------------------
My Web Comic: NSTA: Semper Vigilantis

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Thorned0Fortress
Geek
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 17:42      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Or freeze-dry it, like they do to organs for med students.
Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
SpazGirl
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2006 20:05      Profile for SpazGirl   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nope, they plastinate the organs, they feel like someone dipped them in rubber cement and let them dry.

--------------------
Things, and things.

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Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2006 13:14      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Then what is ? Oh yeah when I went to the OMNI THEATER a long time ago they were showing us animal parts. I think there was a freeze dried sheep something .....
Posts: 235 | From: texas | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
-ct-
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 209

Icon 11 posted April 22, 2006 21:52      Profile for -ct-   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Demon Lemon Mystery SOLVED

Congratulations to Greg (that's ME, btw [Cool] ) in Deerfield Beach, Florida for winning the satanic lemon auction.
Several people wrote in suggesting that the freakish lemon may have actually been a weird mutation of a Buddha's Hand Citron.

While this was an admirable guess, it is completely WRONG and precisely what Satan would have you believe.
After much research, we have determined the only plausible cause of the Demon Lemon...

Oogie Boogie from "Nightmare Before Christmas" had sex with the tree.
 -
Case closed!


permalink:
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000511.php


if i was you, i'd run! run! run! far away, fast

as of now, however, the "lemon" is wrapped in 2 layers of foil, inside a bubblewrap bag, and 3 more layers of foil, in my freezer

one can only hope the cold will slow it down [evil]

--------------------
Things are always darkest... just before you pull your head out of your butt, void where prohibited, keep away from flame, surcharge(s) may apply.

www.harddriveHELL.com and demoniclemon.com

Posts: 1906 | From: nowhere, man | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
maximile

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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2006 00:18      Profile for maximile   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I fear the cold will be insufficient to stop that monster... [Wink]

Thanks for pointing out a great website, ct - I haven't come across that one before.

Posts: 1085 | From: London, UK (Powys, UK in hols) | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Thorned0Fortress
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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2006 00:23      Profile for Thorned0Fortress   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have the nightmare b4 christmas soundtrack.
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Jace Raven

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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2006 03:11      Profile for Jace Raven         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have a dog.
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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted April 23, 2006 11:59      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by maximile:
I fear the cold will be insufficient to stop that monster... [Wink]

Thanks for pointing out a great website, ct - I haven't come across that one before.

Go read the "Steve Don't Eat It" -- you'll laugh your ass off.
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djbrez
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Icon 1 posted April 25, 2006 09:56      Profile for djbrez     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
the Q & A on the auction are pretty funny too!

well done!

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ARJ
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Icon 1 posted April 25, 2006 19:30      Profile for ARJ   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You need to get a hold of Neil Gaiman's satanic tomato and cook a dish with the two together over a brimstone fire. [devil wand]

--------------------
Katie West: Well done steak? Really?

Warren Ellis: Yes. Because MAN COOK MEAT WITH FIRE UNTIL IT NO CRY ANY MORE THEN EAT IT DEAD

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SilverBlade
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Icon 1 posted April 26, 2006 05:36      Profile for SilverBlade   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by drunkennewfiemidget:
quote:
Originally posted by maximile:
I fear the cold will be insufficient to stop that monster... [Wink]

Thanks for pointing out a great website, ct - I haven't come across that one before.

Go read the "Steve Don't Eat It" -- you'll laugh your ass off.
My gosh, that was GROSS! Breast milk? Pickled pork rinds? *gag*

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http://www.silver-blade.net

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